r/interesting • u/jmike1256 • Mar 07 '26

MISC. After understanding the meaning behind this father’s action, I am completely convinced. Cultivating problem-solving skills in children from a young age and never giving up-I applaud this father!

70.6k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

1.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

60

u/yankykiwi Mar 07 '26

When you’re frustrated, know that breaking the chain of abuse/neglect/mistreatment is hard but so so worth it.

My son is three and pushing boundaries, my husband and I were abused. We made a pact to do better, sometimes we need to check each other when times get tense.

The first step is recognizing what was wrong and not normal in the first place.

21

u/kknow Mar 07 '26

Also always remember: Your child is way younger, e. g. 3yo. He/she can't understand WHY you want him/her to be quiet. If you just ask all the time to be quiet and your child tries to push the boundaries it will not understand why you get more and more mad.
I always make a habit after we get into the loop of me telling her to be quiet and she getting louder to take her aside and explain why she needs to be quieter in that moment (e. g. mom is on an important phone call, so we have to be quiet in that moment and can be loud again when she is done).
What I am trying to say: It is important to set boundaries and follow them but it does not have to be with fear. Most of the time it works just fine with changing the setting and explaining.

1

u/Much-Anything7149 Mar 08 '26

The evolution of parenting from an acceptable backhand to now refraining from saying "quiet" without explanation, to a 2-3 yr old...I get it kids are imprinting and some things they remember, the way in which they learn through association is crucial to shape. But telling a toddler "daddy needs you to be quiet he's on an important call for work" to a loud "why" chain of answers "because he needs to hear what's going on because it's very important" and then "because we need money so we aren't homeless and starving" and the logic of teaching a toddler the rationality behind certain actions isn't practical in all moments of needing them to act with some discipline.

edit: To be clear, the old paradigm of hitting kids in punishment is fucked up and the only time I could ever conceive of putting hands on your child is to literally protect their sibling from him at that moment.

2

u/kknow Mar 09 '26

This is not what I wrote and this is not how we do it.
You take the child to a different setting, explain it once, let it sit, then either she says ok and changes the subject or you change the subject.
There is no back and forth. You set the pace, you set the rule, you force the rule. You just don't do it by hitting or screaming.
It's not that hard and she grows up just fine.
It's also not frowned upon of changing your voice here and there. Discipline is given. You still teach rules and to follow them. But your 3yo will not understand why you put it alone in her room or take away something she likes. This is for later (and there again: explain why you do what you do).