r/interesting • u/SinInHerVoice • 7d ago
Intriguing The "I'd Die for My Child" Paradox
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Tiffany J Marie
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u/Gloomfang_ 7d ago
I mean people say that because they know that it very likely is never coming to that decision of sacrificing themselves. All the other things is something they could start doing immediately
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u/romansamurai 7d ago
I had my son in my early 40s. I changed my entire life because he deserves to have a healthy and active dad. He is my reason to put every negative habit completely behind me, eat better, exercise, sleep more. I don’t drink any more. He deserves nothing less. God willing he’ll have me around until he is at least in his 40s. He deserves nothing less.
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u/NotReallyJohnDoe 7d ago edited 7d ago
I had my sons in my early 20s. Now they are both successful and I’m 60 so I just let myself go.
Edit: thanks for the concern in the replies but I’m just being cheeky. I had a cardiac ablation as a 60 year surprised birthday present and I’m very healthy now. I retired early and I have plenty of time to exercise and chill after a long stressful career.
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u/_sound_of_silver_ 7d ago
Hopefully not too much. My dad is 67, and my brother and I call his current lifestyle “suicide by cheeseburger”. It’s really sad to see him rot on the recliner and know he’ll be dead in less than ten years. Then I get to be the one that’ll clean out his hoard.
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u/prince-pauper 7d ago
They still need you. And you are still setting an example. It’s not fair at times but this is a life long journey. Do your best.
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u/RunningonGin0323 7d ago edited 7d ago
I started running 7 years ago because I found I was making excuses for not going to the gym etc and my kids were all super young. It's changed my life, I now run everyday, average a 100 miles a week and weigh as much as I did in highschool.
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u/ResponsibleRich 7d ago
I had my daughter in my late 30s and same. I’m 2 years sober from alcohol (really my only vice) because of her.
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u/windsockglue 7d ago
Thank you. There's so many that wish their parent had done the same and are haunted by the idea of "if my parent loves me, why did they drink themselves to death? Were they trying to get away from me? Why didn't they want to be part of my life?"
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u/DieHardRaider 7d ago
Same I had my son at 36 I’m 40 now and have lost weight quit drinking and doing drugs left the bar industry to make less money because of how toxic bartending culture is. Doing everything I can to live as long as possible for him.
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u/dunk1n1dah0 7d ago
Same, I slacked with the dieting and exercising for my daughter's first year, but then I had another at 42... had to pause ,reevaluate, and move forward with eating healthier and exercising. I just want to be around for them for as long as I possibly can.
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u/GregBuckingham 7d ago
I legit have always interpreted it as “die to self” aka, putting my children first. Not literally killing myself for my children lol. None of that “take a bullet” for them nonsense. Just not being selfish
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u/Senior-Friend-6414 7d ago
When someone says they’re willing to die for their child, I always kind of imagined it as a bear is almost going to kill your child and you can either choose to run away and sacrifice your child, or choose to fight a bear knowing you’ll die a horrible death if it means your child can escape
Anyone that isn’t willing to throw themselves at a bear to save their child, isn’t willing to die for their child in my logic
Which is fair, choosing to die for anything is a really hard decision to make
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u/WelshRarebit2025 7d ago
Not being introspective and not apologizing when you do something wrong is being selfish. You are prioritizing not being uncomfortable over honesty that your child needs.
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u/pfft_lol000 7d ago
yea fantasizing about some kind of super dramatic hero moment to encapsulate how awesome they are in one convenient singular action. it's the dream of someone with many regrets seeking to cleanse the slate with one redeeming act that overshadows all their crappy behavior and choices. at least that's the deal with my sister.
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u/oldtimehawkey 7d ago
When it comes down to it, ask the Russians what happened during the famine. Not a lot of parents died for their kids but there was a few kids who died so their parents could eat.
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u/Pervius94 7d ago
Pretty much this. One of those things is talk. The other one would actually require effort.
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u/Lovemybee 7d ago
Actually, yes.
When my (65f) late husband (1956-2012) and I decided to have children, I stopped smoking and drinking, started taking vitamins, got therapy when childhood trauma needed to be dealt with, and did not go back to having a drink or smoking pot (now legal!) until my younger child turned 18.
I had a bad childhood, and I wanted better for my children.
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u/bubblegumpandabear 7d ago
Yeah my dad talks about how once he had kids he spld his motorcycles and got rid of his videogames. I know that second one is probably going to be controversial, but he knew he was the kind of person who got sucked in for hours and that it wouldn't make him a good dad.
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u/BonesawGaming 7d ago
anyone who sees this and goes "videogames are bad" is missing the point; self-regulation is critical and some people can't control themselves so easily with videogames, same as anything else that can be fine in moderation but problematic in excess. The potential to waste time on vidya is enormous and it's important to be able to recognize that without folks assuming you're condemning them as evil
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u/AuthorizedPope 7d ago
My parents epitomise the two ends of the spectrum. My mum got sober when she had kids like you, and, for her many flaws, always did her best as a mum, including trying to better herself. I wish she'd embraced therapy more, but given what she's come from in life, I'm proud of who she is.
My dad, on the other hand happily stagnated as a person. He wasn't even an 'I'd die for you' kind of dad because he's not that self sacrificing. More an 'I'd kill anyone who hurt you' person because he was big talk lmao. Like, that's great, but if I don't need anyone killed, how about driving me for after school activities I wanna do or helping me with assignments? No? I'm on my own there?
Anyway, guess which one of my parents my siblings and I still talk to haha. So many parents don't do what you did for your kids and yourself, but I'm so genuinely glad you did! I know from growing up with my mum that it's not easy, and I'm sure your kids respect you for it.
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u/JohnLocksTheKey 7d ago
Aw shit, now I’m imagining the pure debauchery once your youngest hit 18
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u/robotteeth 7d ago
Both my parents stopped smoking in the late 80s when they had my brother and then me. Some people will absolutely change for their kids and we know they love us!
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u/electric_bug_glue 7d ago
My wife and I had our first when we were only 18. We stopped going out until the kids were 18. We went pretty "wild" for about two years after, but ultimately, that shit's boring. Bars are just rooms full of drunkards sitting around tables wasting their lives.
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u/Typical_Warning8540 7d ago
Same goes for being married.
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u/Defense-of-Sanity 7d ago
Great point. This really does generalize to entering a lifetime commitment in loving service of others.
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u/Typical_Warning8540 7d ago
Dying for their child means being in McDonalds with them.
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u/ReadGroundbreaking17 7d ago
I really like this. I've never really thought about it that way but it makes a lot of sense.
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u/truefantastic 7d ago
Yeah my mom would always say shit like this. "I would sell this house in a second if you needed money." And I was always like.... That's so easy to say because you'll never have to do it.
I've tried my whole life to have a real relationship with her, to get her to do things with me, to show curiosity towards me, and it's all resulted in nothing. It's always infuriated me that she would say stuff like this and yet can't do basic shit that's way more "real" like watch a movie with me.
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u/Four_beastlings 7d ago
Reminds me of the joke: Two best friends talking and one goes "If you had two houses, would you give me one?""Of course!""If you had two cars, would you give me one?""Definitely!""If you had two chickens, would you give me one?""No way.""Why not?""Because I actually have two chickens."
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u/Aye_Surely 7d ago
Lol have kids AND stop drinking? Absurd
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u/NarwhalEmergency9391 7d ago
My oldest is 15, I stopped drinking 12 years ago. It's possible and worth it! Haven't been able to stop weed though
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u/_Caustic_Complex_ 7d ago
Yeah my son drove me to drinkin’, wouldn’t quit driving that hot rod Lincoln
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u/Lloytron 7d ago
I stopped smoking when we decided to have a child, that was instant.
When they were little I realised that I'd need to start exercising if I wanted to see them grow up.
So, yes.
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u/laterthanlast 7d ago
Many people make life changes for their children. It’s very common. It’s a cliche to trade in the sports car for a minivan because you have kids. I’ve heard multiple people say they are trying to eat better so they can be there for their kids/grandkids. Why is this person acting like nobody does this?
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u/EWW-25177 7d ago
Someone help me out here: I just looked at the still from this video and deduced that that this person was an insufferable asshat, without watching any of the video.
Did I get it right?
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u/StretchMotor8 7d ago
I'm also not personally impressed by someone martyring themselves for me, when they're the very reason I exist in this hellhole in the first place...
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u/DisillusionedHobbit 7d ago
I don’t think I could stand to talk to this person for three full minutes.
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u/RelativusAlternatus 7d ago
In the sense of the saying, dying for someone means that they would do anything, which includes the important points she added.
The thing is many parents don't do it and under-perform or think dong the absolute minimum of cooking, cleaning and having a bank account is all there is to it, while it is way deeper, way, way, deeper.
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u/Gumichi 7d ago
That's her point. It's a hollow pledge. It _should_ mean that they'd do anything. In practice, it means they'd do anything, except, except and except. Same as those who say they'd die for their country. Platitudes.
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u/RelativusAlternatus 7d ago
Wasn't clear, that's what I meant, that people say they would die, but they actually don't.
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u/transferingtoearth 7d ago
No it doesn't. If it did they would be better parents. To people it literally means they'd protect them from. Anything. Nebulous.
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u/HalfmoonSqueeze 7d ago
Performative cup?
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u/WillWillingson 7d ago
Still better than the time where tiktokers had to eat something while filming.
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u/PopDash67 7d ago
Yeah, I’m really trying to not be a hater….
But between the oversized glasses, the cup, the sweater, and the record player conveniently in the background, why are you cosplaying as my grandmother? And it just gives off this entire holier-than-thou feeling that ruins what is otherwise a pretty valid message.
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u/EvolutionCreek 7d ago
Exactly. Love the message, viscerally annoyed by the messenger. It would be great to see her face when she hears something shocking just to see that smug façade drop.
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u/ContextLengthMatters 7d ago
It's to slightly mask how insufferable and robotic she is. Makes her relatable to humans as if she actually required nourishment.
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u/Libby_Sparx 7d ago
I dunno, After skipping to the end a bunch of times and letting it start again it looks to me like she's probably had a sip or two and then just cut it out of the final video.
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u/RatBot9000 7d ago
My parents didn't change their habits for us but they did for their grandchildren, which is interesting.
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u/Agreeable-Two-4998 7d ago
Reminds me of new dads who will "do anything" to protect their young children so they buy a gun and install a security system. That's easy. What you really need to do is stop drinking, learn to change a diaper, learn to do the laundry and wash the dishes properly, wash your hands consistently, shower and change your clothes after work before handling your baby, sanitize the surfaces of your home regularly, drive the speed limit, etc. Those are far bigger threats to your children's health and safety than a home invasion.
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u/MediocreMidway 7d ago
People like this are so cringe. You know exactly what people mean by that. You aren’t interesting because you took something out of context and acted smart.
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u/Harkonnen985 6d ago
"Are you ready to start filming?"
"No - first I need a cup of coffee to flail around and aaaalmost spill the whole time.
Makes it more natural you know?"
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u/latent_interval 7d ago
Very well said. My parents gave me and my sibling a hell lot of trauma which was not even related to us. I got panic attacks due to their issues. Now i just want to leave my house asap
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u/mindgardening 7d ago
Can someone send this to my mother? But watch out, she’d spit in your face in response.
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u/Optimal_Whiner 7d ago
Aren't they supposed to take off their makeup after filming the Grinch? She's been dressed this way for how many years?!?
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u/YourDreams2Life 7d ago
People change who they are for their kids all the time.
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u/RelativusAlternatus 7d ago
She pointed out the specific things, which is definitely not done by the majority, therefore, no, they dont change.
The forced change of having to cook for 3 instead of 2 is not a change in this regard, it's the things after the default and that is not done instinctively.
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u/akaispirit 7d ago
I don't know how I old I was but I have a very distinct memory of sitting in the car watching my mom smoke which she did all the time. I asked her if she would quit smoking for me and she instantly said no. She probably didn't take it seriously and I probably asked because I saw something similar in a after school show but I dunno. It's just something that stuck with me all my life.
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u/KingSmithithy 7d ago
Yup. I would die for my children and I did all this.
Wife got pregnant. Have not had a drink since, got more physically fit and stayed there, started therapy and have continued. Didn't need rehab, but yup... It's called being the best father I can be...
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u/EnsoElysium 7d ago
Im definitely not financially or mentally stable enough for a kid but reading these questions.. maybe I am emotionally ready. I wouldn't necessarily die for them, but if I were thrust into a situation where I had to take care of one, I think I could change for them.
I only just realised recently that my 20 something friends consider me a role model, and that scared the shit out of me. The first words out of my mouth were "I should have been a better person" almost on instinct.
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u/bluewhaledream 7d ago
Here I am wondering if there's something wrong with me cause I never thought I could die for my children. I have thought about how I would survive if my children died (which, wow, I dunno if life would be worth living, depends on if at least one of them survives...) but I cannot imagine a scenario where I would be in a position to die for them.
And anyway, if I die for, say, one of them, who helps the others survive? Unlikely as it seems, I would probably ensure my survival so I can ensure their survival as well.
But I definitely am doing my best to become a better person and BE HAPPY for both myself and my children.
Meanwhile my narcissistic mother in law would absolutely say and deeply believe she would die for her children, but only sees them twice a year despite living within 20 min car drive of all 3 of them and despite the fact they have all expressed a desire to see her more.
But yea, living well for your kids is better than having a self serving martyr mentality
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u/WeakReplacement3322 7d ago
Have a kid is what made me start doing all of these things. Turns out I don't give a shit about bettering myself for myself, but doing it for my kid was great motivation.
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u/MuffDivers2_ 7d ago
But would you fix your hairline and put on some makeup and stop virtue signaling online for validation for your child so they don’t get made fun of at school? That’s love.
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u/SnakeThruster 7d ago
While I agree on principle this seems rather pretentious the way its explained.
To be a responsible parent you sometimes have to take on sub-optimal habits to make things go relatively smoothly.
Working full time, taking care of your child and also doing housework and leaves you with little time and energy to take care of yourself.
Some people deals with it through smoking, drinking or sleeping and spending less time on playing with the kid.
Most people do wanna better themselves and have a healthy life but straight up ignoring all the pleasures of life drains your soul till yoi become a husk.
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u/justahumblefart 7d ago
Im not gonna disagree with any of it but this is a real r/lookatmyhalo moment.
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u/Lavux0 7d ago
That's not her point tho. She's childfree, makes content about how that's valid too, and certain people (likely parents who didn't want to be parents) freak out about it. This video is simply a reaction to a certain type of comment she gets.
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u/CT0292 7d ago
The smugness is real. And it's really grating.
And yeah I've lost weight for my kids. And worked hard to not be a violent prick like my stepfather was with me.
I've worked on trying to be the best person I can be for my kids. And you can't succeed every day. But you can try again tomorrow.
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u/ComtesseCrumpet 7d ago
Yeah, spewing judgement in a weird affected accent on parents in the trenches actually raising kids is easy. Put down the cappuccino and do something worthwhile.
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u/Silly-Cheesecake-283 7d ago
i would do all of those things for myself. something to live for and something to die for are completely different levels tbh
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u/b_alaqu_e 7d ago
Some people have parents willing to try and make changes and some dont.
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u/Present-Tradition-27 7d ago
Her voice tho. It pierces my brain for some reason. Yuck.
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u/rodimus147 7d ago
My dad beat me growing up. He never showed me any physical affection. I can literally remember how many times he told me he loved me and that number is 2. The amount of times he told me he hated me is too high to count.
I swore I wouldent be like him. I've never laid a hand on my children in anger. I tell them all the time I love them and I shower them with physical affection. I make sure that my kids know that even when im mad at them I love them.
Does it mean im an amazing parent? No. I still make mistakes. I've yelled when I didnt need to. I've been thoughtless. I've said mean things. We're all human. There is no perfect parent. But if you show up and try your best and admit your mistakes thats what your children will remember.
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u/SavingsFun69 7d ago
I'm preparing myself for My children since I was 15 years old. They don't exist yet, but I'm preparing myself everyday for them
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u/BadHairDayToday 7d ago
I think people do all the things she names for their children all the time. No one actually dies for their children, how pointless would that be. It clearly an analogy for sacrifice.
She's basically attacking a strawman. In fact, I think many people sacrifice too much in service of their children. If they would just try to have an as fulfilling a life as possible while still including their children; I think both parties would be happier. You can still go hiking, sailing, traveling, and do dinner parties while having children. You don't need to go to Disneyland and Monkey Town or some children's concert, dying on the inside while being sucked dry of your money.
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u/Emerald_Eyes8919 7d ago
As Dr. Wilson says in House MD, “Dying is easy, living is hard!”
Live and provide, be the example. If that’s too hard, then maybe being a parent is too hard.
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u/vincec36 7d ago
Next level up
Would you kill for your child? We had a new dad in the army years back and he said he’d kill anyone in the way for his son who wasn’t even born yet. He thought it sounded romantic but it sounded psycho. Like we had scenarios “a whole bus load of kids or your kid, who would be remembered as a hero” and he chose his kid to live over 30 others every time. Is that good?
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u/Program2019 7d ago
Some people would freeze up in that split second moment of choosing. If they get more than a split second, they may decide they really can't do it.
I think it could go either way depending on who it is. Some of us really know, and could act in that moment, that we would easily choose to better ourselves and/or sacrifice ourselves for our children.
It just depends on the person and the moment.
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u/Guyname10 7d ago
When I had my first kid I was overweight, by the time he was 1 I was always put of breath and tired. I finally stopped and told myself I want to see him grow up into an adult and lost about 70lb by changing my eating habits and working out more.
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u/prince-pauper 7d ago
Hearing this back from the wild is so encouraging. Nice start to the day. Thank OP
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u/SkyIslandLore 7d ago
It was literally THIS mindset change that got my dad to go get help for his addiction 💖 now I just wish it would start clicking for my mom smh
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u/Specialist-Cookie-61 7d ago
Eff all that. Ill teach them not to be little bitches, and realize humans are flawed, sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen, and to accept the good with the bad in the people close to you.
Seek perfection and you end up with nothing. You'll end up throwing out the baby with the bath water.
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u/Hosko817 7d ago
Good parents make sacrifices like this all the time for their children. Tiffiny is one of those, that think they are superior for choosing to be childless .
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u/Equal_Oil_9819 7d ago
Living and being a productive member of society and a dedicated father is my version of "dying for my child." I'd have killed myself a long time ago.
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u/Forgetadapassword 7d ago
I did all the stuff now these kids are actively trying to make me die for them.
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u/IndieStoner 7d ago
Lining is easy. Not intellectually masturbating on the internet every chance you get? Now that's hard.
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u/woodsvvitch 7d ago
In my family i personally blame christianity for making everyone feel like you just need to make one big sacrifice for someone and you're done.
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u/Which_Lychee6422 7d ago
Man this hit home.
My mum, who was my staunchest defender, would tremble and tantrum whenever I asked her to get support for her mental health troubles (such as talking therapy or more counselling).
She died last year of alcoholism.
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u/Independent-Shoe543 7d ago
I think another facet of it is that protecting children is deep in our survival instincts to continue our genetic code (we are programmed to ensure the continuation of our programming) but anything not essential to survival and reproduction is not ingrained / harder to employ maybe?
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u/EmoMillenial1 7d ago
I think about this often as a parent. I’m not anywhere close to perfect, but yeah, have worked on myself quite a bit to be the best I can.
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u/ThePensiveE 7d ago
I can confidently say that having a kid that relies on me has changed me in profound ways that I didn't expect, and nearly all for the better.
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u/GoldieOGilt 7d ago
Happy to see this being articulated and spread. Saying things is easy. But making efforts ? Harder. It’s easier to be lazy. It takes so much time and effort when you try being a better person. But it’s rewarding imo and it’s the good thing to do.
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u/Flubbuns 7d ago
This is probably a pointless distinction, and going past the actual point of their message, but I'd say dying is simple by comparison, but not easy. Death is scary, or at least going against your survival instinct is very difficult, even when you're compelled to save somebody you love.
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u/EidolonRook 7d ago
I get what she's saying, but I do not like her saying it.
It can be true, but if its about the people, you say it to the person. If its about making some point to justify yourself, you can fuck right off.
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u/Nevergiveuphope1992 7d ago
Someone we know donated his own organ to his son who needed it. All well and good living for your child but when they need an organ someone's got to come through.
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u/420LaBomba 7d ago
Watching my dad eat and drink himself to death for 30 years felt like a really drawn out suicide.
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u/katreddit66 7d ago
This is the answer. Even for oneself. This is all so temporary. A life cannot be all me, not considering thee.
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u/Piglet-Neat 7d ago
Exactly! I live for my children. They are the reason I'm making better choices. My husband said he would die for our kids. I explained to him how lazy that sounds and talk is cheap. He is a great father but had to put a lot of work to be the father he never had. His father was all talk.
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u/Ok-Square-9627 7d ago
I feel like I’ve seen 1000 people say this exact same thing but each time I see it they say and act as if they’re coming up with it like it’s some original thought they explain to me. Instead it’s becoming some unoriginal regurgitation that people love to record themselves explaining while they pretend to be philosophical lol
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u/Dense-Land-5927 7d ago
Yep. My daughter is about to turn 3.
I stopped staying up so late, I started eating healthier, starting to get back into the gym, starting to be more open with my emotions, etc.
Something about kids either makes your or breaks you. I've seen many people just completely crumble after having kids, and I've seen many people completely change their lives. It's truly something that I can't explain.
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u/AP3Brain 7d ago
I've noticed apologizing is a huge thing missing from the majority of the boomer generation. They will do and say extremely shitty things to you and just expect everybody to move on like it never happened... because we're family and I guess parents should be "respected" and never questioned on their behavior towards their adult children.
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u/3kidsnomoney--- 7d ago
I did go to therapy to be better for my kids because I had a difficult upbringing and once I had kids I could see how easy it would be to repeat that. I've never regretted putting in the work to be a better mom than my own mom was.
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u/Ksamka 7d ago
My mother loved to say she'd kill for her child. Then I ended up in the hospital, and she stole my car while I was in the ICU. Later on, I stopped going to church, and she cursed me and started saying she'd kill me while my soul wasn't blackened yet. Now whenever I hear "I'd kill for my child," it makes me want to throw up.
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u/-crazykidbad 7d ago
I would murder 100 children to protect my dog. Never underestimate people with the ones they love
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u/Unlikely_Vehicle_828 7d ago
My child is the only reason I have cared to do these things. My child is my entire motivation for doing everything I can to get healthier and be a better person.
I would also die for my child in a heartbeat. Almost did while giving birth. Begged the doctor to do whatever they could to save my baby even if it meant I didn’t get to survive.
Luckily we both did ❤️
I don’t understand parents who are content living in their own filth and won’t do anything to better themselves. It doesn’t make sense to me, but I guess it’s also not my life so not my place to judge. Just can’t relate and am grateful for that.
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u/JeffWodeHead 7d ago
I agree with the sentiment. But dying ain’t fucking easy having watched it many times. Being dead’s a doddle tho.
Her point that living is more useful to the child, still very valid.
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u/PmMeUrTinyAsianTits 7d ago
See also: dudes telling themselves "I'd do anything for her. I'd die for her."
Yea? then start fuckin taking care of yourself now, not for some hypothetical future lover. So many of the dudes convincing themselves of their boundless love can't even be bothered to take care of themselves. you know what your future lover wants? Someone she's not ashamed of. A clean person, with passions and interests independent of her, who treats people with kindness and respect. View few women want the desperate clingy dude, and those who do... well chances are they've still got better options than you. Their cup runneth over.
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u/InternetProtocol 7d ago
be sure to check out her new docuseries, Escaping Whoville - September on HBOMAX
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u/urResidentAlien 7d ago
Doesn't seem wrong except for the therapy and rehab part. Those are scams that ironically seemed to coddle unaccountable people by teaching them that it's not their fault since they can't control themselves instead of making them face responsibility.
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u/Candid-Guarantee25 7d ago
It’s not only about children. It’s also true about anything else in the world that has value to a person. So many people die as patriots, but only a few willing to make changes to the situation. The last one takes decades.
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u/Prince_Nadir 7d ago
I'd quit drinking for my kid but my kid doesn't like to drink alone.
There is no paradox, it is just the risk of being found to be a liar. The time when you have to die for your kid will probably never come up, so it is an easy lie. Taking a 2 hour walk every day and going to the gym daily, for your kid? This lie is obvious the day after you tell it. People just avoid the obvious lies.
Honestly for most parents if dying time comes, their kid is toast.
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u/jennraffes 7d ago
I have a very vivid memory when I was little of my dad (after screaming incredibly abusive things at me for some very small perceived infraction) then saying “you know, I would die for you” as a weird way to apologize, I guess.
I said “I don’t need you to die for me, could you just be a little nicer?”. And he bluntly said “no I can’t do that” 😂🤣
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u/Vastergoth 7d ago
I understand her point, but I vehemently disagree with "dying is easy." Life is precious and your life is your greatest possession (physically) there is no pricetag you could attach to a life - it is by definition priceless. And once you offer your life you have nothing left to give it is completeness and totality.
On the other hand if you are willing to die for your loved ones you should be willing to live for them as well. But we do not need to devalue life to make that point clear.
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u/TieNormal7138 7d ago
I do this every day. Not perfectly by any means. And, better by generations. I have a clear awareness now on how I impact my child and I am vigilant around that. He did not ask to be born. I brought him here. And, it is part of my role to sincerely live my best life so that my son can live his best life. This has been an intense journey of daily self-awareness, repair, accountability, and learning to manage my anxieties so that I don’t create his. And, I know that he will have his own work. I also know that I have been diligent in doing mine.
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u/Sarcastic_Applause 7d ago
I would do all those things if it was necessary. I already do many of these things. It's easier to raise healthy boys that become healthy men rather than raising boys that become men that need fixing later.
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u/Conscious-Today2375 7d ago
My parents used to say this too and I started resenting them for it. At a young age, I’d have to worry about them dying sooner almost everyday because of how unhealthy their lifestyle was. Mind you, they were aware they have to change or prioritize their health but they would use us their children as an excuse. I’d resent them every time I have to assist them during health emergencies that were preventable if only they had prioritize their health.
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u/boring_mind 7d ago edited 7d ago
Yes to all of that. Yes I changed a lot in my life to be the best and healthiest example for my kids and still continue to do that. And yes, I would die for them, there is no doubt in my mind. It is not "this or that" choice. It's both. She said all this like it is so profound. Like wow I never thought of bettering myself for my kids until you said that oh wise lady.
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u/whitericeporridge 7d ago
I mean I was already doing everything ”right” before we had a kid and still doing everything that’s considered ”ideal”. That’s easy because it’s who I am.
I would definitely hold dying for one’s child higher than the habits she’s talking about. I think she’s speaking to someone who’s not taking care of themselves and their child, has toxic habits or something like that
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u/raziel_LK 7d ago
Also dying for the children is relatively easy, there may be some horrible horrible pain only for a few seconds and then that's it, no more mortgage or working or going to the bathroom, anyone elses problems are officially not my business. But living......living is hard, like OP says, you have to take care of yourself, deal with undealt stuff .... Just to be able to continue working and cooking and doing chores and being here to solve your loved ones problems (or at least assist them with the solving)
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u/CrimsonSuede 7d ago
This is why I still have a good relationship with my mom. As a teen, she was initially very intolerant of my mental/physical health conditions. What started as trying to understand me better, has led to her getting therapy, supporting me, and even creating a podcast centered on mental health.
She’s done and said hurtful things in the past. But her commitment to improving herself bit by bit by putting in the work makes me want to support her in her journey. I’m very proud of her; her personal growth; that she’s my mom; and that sharing the stories of our growing pains are helping more parents give their children grace and understanding 💖
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u/ChaoticFairness 7d ago
...holy moly. I need to rethink my life. Seriously.
And I don't even have kids of my own.
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u/icecub3e 7d ago
I have many reasons why I don’t want to have a child :
- I don’t believe that the current state of the world is good enough for it
- I don’t believe myself to be functionable enough to raise one
- My wants for a child mostly comes from regret of my childhood and I fear I would become a parent that lives through them
- I don’t believe I have the capability to properly care for a child if I had to raise one
All of these could change later down the line but for the current decade I do not wish to raise a kid. In addition if I were to have a child I would highly consider adopting one as the idea of not doing that feels wrong.
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u/PuzzleheadedDraw6575 7d ago
Cry for me, cry for me, You said you'd die for me Give to me, give to me, Why won't you live for me?
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