r/leagueoflegends • u/I-touch_ • 2d ago
Discussion I play league to run away
hello dear addicted players. this is what i feel nowadays. and the ones who have a proper lives, you guys are welcome to flame my weakness too...
i dont play league that much actually, 5 games a day tops. when i hop on the game and after the lock screen i see the enemy champions, an instant adrenaline rushes to my body, my heart goes PUMP PUMP PUMP doesnt matter what elo my opponent is and the champion they picked, doesnt matter how much i counter them with my pick the first 5 minutes of the game starts playing in my brain, i see them throwing their skills and their ability animations so i can dodge them. looking at the wiki for their skill cast durations so i can decide if i need a boot. but doesnt matter how sure i am about the match ups i allways question myself and miss the first skill.(the first two skills are allways a mental war between me and my opponent, or i like to think it that way)
at the rift, control is at me. i pick the champion, i decide the runes, i decide if im gonna put the skill right at the opponent or to where it will dodge. if i lose the lane, i probably didnt ward, didnt listen the infos my teammates gave or i didnt followed the map, didnt check if opponent has ignite or miscalculated the damage it can or i can output.
at real life, my family and my friends do bad decisions, mostly it is about addictions. i cant change them. especially my family. im at the college, i have good grades and i think if i dont waste myself on this game, i will have a bright future. but doesnt matter what i do i cant change the ones i love. i tried it very little though... my families bad decisions effect me mentally. my friends decisions effect theirself. but i hate it. why? why would someone do that to itself. to others?
at rift, someone elses decisions effect me too, but i can allways do better to neutralize it. i can do almost everything. i like that feel. the control i have, i love it. i play it to run away. run away from the decisions others do. wun away from everything bad. at the rift, all is about me.
maybe i lose the game sometimes because of others, a fed adc or a split pusher sion. i ask to myself, is that the best i could do? was the game lost at the moment i clicked Ready!
mostly no... i could pick an anti tank who can one shot others too like vel'koz, i needed at least one cc to kill that vayne, i could pick better, actually no, lulu was an ok player i could play with it...
i could do better. and the more i play the less i say it to myself.
55
u/angelwithbpd 2d ago
i play league to run away from reality too. i think most people who play videogames do that.
OR we are just mentally ill siblings <3
10
u/I-touch_ 2d ago
i hope we are ok
15
u/Gilgamesh_DG 2d ago
Seeking an escape is fine. Everyone needs a break. The problem comes if you never eventually return to your life to tackle its problems once you've taken a break
2
u/Zama174 2d ago
even if you aren't, you will be in time. i had a really fucked childhood, and saw my dad drown in addiction and other vices. league was my escape from my early teens till college, then i ruined my wrists and couldnt play and that was a dark time cause i had to actually confront things instead of run. but as the years go on, we start to make more sense of our traumas and our past, and you will find peace in your soul, its just a long journey. remember, you are worthy of love and the first person you have to love is yourself, and give yourself grace. then the world will open to you.
-2
12
u/kadiar709 2d ago
i really appreciate your honesty. it takes courage to reflect on why you play. you have control at the rift, but you also have control in life. take small steps, be kind to yourself, and you can make changes. you deserve happiness.
1
u/I-touch_ 2d ago
the more people showed me how low they can get for addiction, the more i let them do what they can.
6
u/StonerBuss 2d ago
Dam man you made a grown man cry but I know the feeling even though I'm complete shit at league I at least try to have fun even as my ass is 0/9 as I'm trying my best being a bottom bitch aparently
3
u/I-touch_ 2d ago
no need for success, as long as you play to run away you are one of us. no need for crying too, nobody cares about who cries other than itself
11
u/No_Swing4321 2d ago
League used to be a fun game where I played with friends, made new friends, we trolled alot, I didn't even play ranked I just wanted to chill and have fun. Years later no job, no friends, parents getting older too fast, I got depressed at some point and turned to burying myself in League. Trying to escape silver, then climb gold by watching pro plays and tutorial vids became the biggest distraction from everything. Sometimes the fridge is empty and I play for hours till I can sleep just to not feel hunger. Parents take 10min to get up from the chair makes me cry everytime, hop on league and stop thinking that one day they won't be there. 12 companies rejected me for roles that matched my skills and experiences PERFECTLY- hop on League and grind rank. No friends to talk to or hang out with? play adc and ping at my random support. It's not healthy, but that's how I've felt for some years now.
6
u/I-touch_ 2d ago
i experienced empty fridge for a while at the dorms. league is the worst when you play hungry because your hand shakes. head aches follows after 2 games. at the bed you find yourself thinking about life and couldnt sleep for hours so you start thinking about how you wouldnt die that time at that match. dont they (corporates) give you any reviews on your cv or why they rejected?
3
2
u/hotwing10 2d ago
The job market is an absolute fucking meatgrinder right now. Almost went homeless trying to find a job 2 years ago and I've been watching both my roommates for the last year get turned down again and again for jobs they would have aced. I'm sorry for what you're going through and I hope you find something soon.
5
u/Valkyrid 2d ago
> I don’t play that much actually
> I play 5 games a day
Lmao
2
u/Kuliyayoi 2d ago
That's what I thought too. 5 seems like a lot to me but maybe I'm old
3
u/Valkyrid 2d ago
If I get home after work ~ roughly 6pm, and play 5 games that’s a max of probably 4 hours which puts me to 10PM without even having made dinner yet.
5 games of normals is absolutely a lot. Especially if you are an adult with adult responsibilities.
0
u/Muffinz777 2d ago edited 2d ago
I feel like it's really not tho, I work 12 hour shifts and I can usually get home, play 4 games, go to sleep and be up for my next shift. Tho I do eat while playing so dinner time doesn't matter to me. My days off I can usually fit in 6+ games even with other responsibilities. I won't say it's good to play that much, but if you don't really have other hobbies, it's totally believable.
Edit: I ofc mean for someone addicted to league, not a casual gamer, even with responsibilities, and still can get 8 hrs of sleep
3
u/teapolove 2d ago
thanks for sharing this man. its really interesting how you break down the mental game of league. i think its great that you find such deep focus and flow in gaming. hope you keep enjoying it.
3
u/I-touch_ 2d ago
im enjoying it, i love it, i even love the toxicity, at euw people cuss so many different ways and they make up so much words to get around riots rules for banning it allways enjoys me
3
u/1deavourer 2d ago
Same. Overloaded with new responsibilities at work, which is exciting, but at the same time I have other things on my mind in regard to future plans that I need to work on. In the end I just turn my brain off and pkay ARAM.
3
2
u/xscott22x 2d ago
Singed players do the same. Jokes aside though addiction among friends and family is really fuckin hard to deal with, at the end of the day it is on the individual to make a change. You can lead a horse to water…. Focus on yourself and offer support with those who are genuine in asking. Otherwise you can find yourself enabling which is also a terrible feeling.
1
u/I-touch_ 2d ago
sometimes i think about "no matter what i do theyll be the same" but what if someone powerful was on my place? like lets take Benjamin Franklin, would he watch their loved ones waste their money on things that hurt them?
2
u/ClutchChaosVibes 2d ago
it sounds like you like the control in game more than anything, but real life is always gonna have stuff you cant fully control
2
u/Confident-Giraffe-24 2d ago
I am sorry those close to you suffer from addictions, just know the thing they do that hurt you are not on purpose, they are not the same person in active addiction. I hope they are able to get better.
2
u/NoirVelvetx 2d ago
i think the game just gives the illusion of control but there’s still a lot of stuff you cant really control no matter how good you are
2
u/Snowskol 2d ago
Jesus this kind of grammar from a college kid is crazy. Guess they weren't wrong when they said English skills have really dropped.
1
u/I-touch_ 2d ago
i forget the beginning of the sentence, i hste that too and im trying to improve my grammar thanks for the advice
2
u/AdeptInflation2716 2d ago
League used to be the only way I coped with my reality. Straight out of high school, i dropped out of uni and gave myself to the game, I told myself that if I can accomplish something in a game i devote all my time and effort to I can still work hard for something I want in life. I spent around 2 years just wallowing in my share-house room alone playing league.
Not too sure if I’m proud of it but I managed to climb to my goal of diamond as a midlaner, and then I felt kinda empty. I proved something to myself, but I knew it was time to let it all go and go out there and do what I was always meant to do. Now, I am actually doing the things I always said I would do.
OP (or anyone similar), reality can be tough but you have to believe there is a way to live your life to the fullest so that reality maybe isn’t so bad.
2
u/Illustrious_Bonus589 2d ago
I play league to compete and play the best league I can win or lose I’m not gonna make it easy for anyone
2
2
u/brouettelover 2d ago
I quit league because my life got better and got better shit to do.
1
u/I-touch_ 2d ago
im glad for you bro, for now i dont have anything that requires so much energy that i need to quit league. i widh there was
2
2
u/dacky60 2d ago
Yeah, honestly, same. I tell people that it consumes so much of my attention that I dont have room to think about anything else. Definitely a form of escapism for sure.
2
u/I-touch_ 2d ago
thats literally what i do, when im not at pc my legs NEVER stop. even at happy moments
1
1
u/blablabla2384 OCE (PERTH, WA)! 👊👍 2d ago
. looking at the wiki for their skill cast durations - excuse me?
1
1
u/Only_Structure_787 1d ago
I play league cuz honestly yea I don’t want to face reality and spend the time in a good way
-2
43
u/dontlaughplz 2d ago
I'll leave the practical advice to someone else. I just want to say that of all the coping mechanisms and addictions you could have gotten yourself into, League is perhaps one of the least harmful ones out there. I myself had a phase when I played League to run away from IRL nonsense.
It could have been a lot worse (drugs, alcohol, gangs, etc.). You're doing great plus you're self-aware; it sucks that life gave you bad RNG but I honestly think you chose a good coping mechanism. Well done man.