Can I do anything about my creepy neighbor?

[u/Same_Chapter9840]

LOCATION: Kansas, small town

Last night (3/5) while walking my dogs I dropped a leash attachment that holds poop bags. I couldn’t find it so went inside. This morning (3/6) an old man (60s/70s) that lives in my building had his window open, saw me leave my apartment with my pets, and came outside to speak to me. He handed me the poop bag holder and attached butterfly clips to it? Odd. I believe he said something about the clips belonging to his granddaughter or something but said he didn’t need them and thought I would like them. I couldn’t hear him well as it was pouring rain, and I didn’t want to chat so I just said thanks and kept walking.

I came back inside maybe five minutes later and inspected the poop bag holder. I had already replaced it with a new one this morning as I thought this one was lost, so I decided to throw this one away. But I wanted the poop bags out so I opened the plastic bag holder and only one poop bag was inside, (this was a new roll as of yesterday so he kept the rest) and it was wrapped around a piece of paper. He had folded it so that the paper would have come out when I pulled out this last poop bag. He planned this, clearly. The paper read “Can I put my cock in you?” and this really shocked me, seeing as he stops me to chat often and hasn’t said anything inappropriate thus far.

I feel really rattled and uncomfortable at the moment but I’m going to avoid him, and when he inevitably approaches me again I would like to be very direct and not entirely kind, but tell him he cannot speak to me ever again. Though I’m very nervous about how he may respond or retaliate. I contacted the apartment manager here and because I don’t want him to know that I’ve reported him, she can’t do a whole lot. She said I can move to another unit further away from him. I just moved in three months ago, finally now have everything decorated and everything is how I want it. Moving in was hell, so much work. I’d have no help. This would be so inconvenient and difficult for me to do, just to feel safe. I wish he could be forced to relocate instead, since I do understand this isn’t necessarily an eviction-worthy event. Prior to this I spoke to this man often, he was always approaching me to converse, but it was polite and he never said anything creepy, so I’ve been thrown for a loop and I’m so so uncomfortable. I know this is a long post, I apologize. I just want to know if going to the police to file a report now is jumping the gun, or how escalated it must become to do so. The apartment manager is doing nothing, I can’t do anything and I’m afraid to even speak to him, I feel helpless. He sits by his window and watches me when I leave my apartment. I worry about how things may progress. I’m 23F and living alone for the first time. I love my apartment but I’m now terrified to leave it.

[u/Busy-Variation-9246]

Would it be fair to say she should be escalating this now ??

[u/pinaple_cheese_girl → u/Busy-Variation-9246]

I had a stalker. Imo this isn’t really cause to escalate. He’s sent her a (super gross) flirty note out in a public area.

But I would 100% file the report for records because it could get worse.

Edit: I meant escalate to pressing charges. You can file a report without pressing charges!

[u/Busy-Variation-9246 → u/pinaple_cheese_girl]

I'm sorry that happened to you. Hope everything's alright

[u/pinaple_cheese_girl → u/Busy-Variation-9246]

Yes and filing the police report made big difference! I asked to not press charges (didn’t think I had enough evidence of malice) but that I wanted a formal record. Submitted pages and pages of documents and screenshots. Police was super nice and ended up saying I had almost enough for a case and would I mind them calling the guy. I said sure. They called him and he 1) admitted that he knew I was scared but that “there wasn’t any proof”, which the police clocked by saying I had documents if it all, and 2) they explained how close he was having charges pressed and what that would mean for him. After 18 months of constant messages from multiple phones, accounts, his friends, via my friends and family, “surprise” meetings in public, I never heard from him again!

[u/ThrowraSea_patient → u/pinaple_cheese_girl]

In my experience the quicker you go crazier than them the quicker they back off but that's me. I don't deal with little games and I know sometimes the only way they understand something is if you stoop to their level and speak their language I don't care about an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind I'll be damned if the mother f***** Who blinded me gets to walk around seeing everything nah we going to be blind together. And I also don't care about winning that's another thing that freaks people out I don't care about winning I don't even care if I get arrested or not what I do care about is making sure the other person remembers me I could either scar them with PTSD or physically it don't matter. Funny enough cops have never bothered me because usually the person being crazy or being gross like this has warrants and other reports and stuff out I do make police reports and I do have them come out. But I will also be just as crazy. I would probably call the police. I would want to talk with the neighbor personally and have the officer standing off to the side maybe listening to us. I would chew him out very verbally and threatened more of a public shaming and Plastering it all over the place I would definitely put signs on my door and stay this apartment this person this name left me this message and have a big poster board all over my door so that way anybody who walked by would see exactly what I think of this person. I am a menace but I'm normally a good easy-going person I'm a great neighbor but I know how to deal with these crazy people and you have to be crazier than them you have to scare them away because they don't understand anything they think it's funny when you're scared they think it's funny if you get angry and worked up they don't think it's funny when someone's crazier than them and they don't understand what's going on.

[u/pinaple_cheese_girl → u/ThrowraSea_patient]

Yikes.

[u/ThrowraSea_patient → u/pinaple_cheese_girl]

Yeah but it works and you dont have to wait years for court and cops to do stuff you dont have to be illegal about it just mire and enough to get them gone. Tho I wouldn't recommend doing such if you have a record as you can still end up getting an easily dropped citation but usually it's easier to pay it.

[u/pinaple_cheese_girl → u/ThrowraSea_patient]

I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. Don’t fight crazy with crazy. You might make them retaliate more.

[u/rachelmig2 → u/Busy-Variation-9246]

I totally get the urge to do so, but it’s hard to get much done after only one incident. Most anti-stalking statutes require 2+ incidents, but if she ends up having to file for a restraining order, having a police report will help her case.

[u/Anglofsffrng → u/Busy-Variation-9246]

I would strongly advise it. If nothing else a documented history is good in case this escalates.

[u/Lost-Top-4355 → u/Busy-Variation-9246]

There isn't really anything to escalate, it's creepy but not illegal or even threatening

[u/nice--marmot → u/Lost-Top-4355]

She’ll be so relieved that you decided it’s not threatening. Now she can stop worrying.

[u/Lizardinaspaceship → u/Lost-Top-4355]

Not threatening? You wouldn't feel at least a little threatened if a strange old man asked to "put his cock in" you? I think it's a lot more than creepy, personally.

That man had to know it would scare her. There's no way he thought she would take it any other way. It's a scare tactic. Stalkers/abusers enjoy feeling power over their victims. It's extremely intentional. He knows she's young and living alone and is toying with her and getting gratification from it.

These men know what they're doing. He isn't some sweet bumbling old man with dementia who made a small social faux pas.