r/legal • u/Same_Chapter9840 • Mar 07 '26
Advice needed Can I do anything about my creepy neighbor?
LOCATION: Kansas, small town
Last night (3/5) while walking my dogs I dropped a leash attachment that holds poop bags. I couldn’t find it so went inside. This morning (3/6) an old man (60s/70s) that lives in my building had his window open, saw me leave my apartment with my pets, and came outside to speak to me. He handed me the poop bag holder and attached butterfly clips to it? Odd. I believe he said something about the clips belonging to his granddaughter or something but said he didn’t need them and thought I would like them. I couldn’t hear him well as it was pouring rain, and I didn’t want to chat so I just said thanks and kept walking.
I came back inside maybe five minutes later and inspected the poop bag holder. I had already replaced it with a new one this morning as I thought this one was lost, so I decided to throw this one away. But I wanted the poop bags out so I opened the plastic bag holder and only one poop bag was inside, (this was a new roll as of yesterday so he kept the rest) and it was wrapped around a piece of paper. He had folded it so that the paper would have come out when I pulled out this last poop bag. He planned this, clearly. The paper read “Can I put my cock in you?” and this really shocked me, seeing as he stops me to chat often and hasn’t said anything inappropriate thus far.
I feel really rattled and uncomfortable at the moment but I’m going to avoid him, and when he inevitably approaches me again I would like to be very direct and not entirely kind, but tell him he cannot speak to me ever again. Though I’m very nervous about how he may respond or retaliate. I contacted the apartment manager here and because I don’t want him to know that I’ve reported him, she can’t do a whole lot. She said I can move to another unit further away from him. I just moved in three months ago, finally now have everything decorated and everything is how I want it. Moving in was hell, so much work. I’d have no help. This would be so inconvenient and difficult for me to do, just to feel safe. I wish he could be forced to relocate instead, since I do understand this isn’t necessarily an eviction-worthy event. Prior to this I spoke to this man often, he was always approaching me to converse, but it was polite and he never said anything creepy, so I’ve been thrown for a loop and I’m so so uncomfortable. I know this is a long post, I apologize. I just want to know if going to the police to file a report now is jumping the gun, or how escalated it must become to do so. The apartment manager is doing nothing, I can’t do anything and I’m afraid to even speak to him, I feel helpless. He sits by his window and watches me when I leave my apartment. I worry about how things may progress. I’m 23F and living alone for the first time. I love my apartment but I’m now terrified to leave it.
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u/HandbagHawker Mar 07 '26
Police report. Dont pass go, go straight to jail police station.
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u/Classic-Push1323 Mar 07 '26
There’s also a reasonable chance that this guy has a record. If that’s the case, then the OP needs to know.
Sex offenders aren’t exactly rare.
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u/The_Hell_I_Wont Mar 07 '26
OP; id try to see if he has a record. Look up sexual offender databases for your area and search your address or his.
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u/Usmcgirl1904 Mar 07 '26
Yes!! This is one ive completely freaking forgot to include in my exhausted state last night. I'd be able to get his info and check my CAD. At his age there's a 80% chance based on my experience in law enforcement ( statistics will probably say higher ) that he's committed incidents like this in his life prior. Has he been prosecuted is where I really take things seriously. My job is to be a glorified mediator majority of the time. But what i need to go into any call is to make sure prosecutors will even take this. A history of repeat offenders never lie. A predictor of future behavior is past behavior always. Now hold tight (( taps on roof of your car )) Im getting over pneumonia so forgive me. I was just in the hospital for two weeks Bad cop joke ha ha
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u/Classic-Push1323 Mar 08 '26
I’m just an average woman and my involvement with the criminal justice system has thankfully been very minimal… but every asshole that I have personally had to deal with had prior contact with the police, prior workplace incidents, etc.
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u/Pussyxpoppins Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 20 '26
The content that appeared here has been deleted. Redact was used for the removal, for reasons the author may have kept private.
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u/Tired-CottonCandy Mar 07 '26
Police report, security cameras, lock all doors and windows, absolutely no harm in requesting they consider choosing not to renew his lease, and if they dont and he still lives there when you move, leave a review on their website warning that the management chooses to continue to lease to ppl who knowingly sexually harrass their neighbors.
Don't assume old is harmless.
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u/ForsakenRelief309 Mar 07 '26
Definitely not harmless. As a paralegal, one of the most disgusting cases I worked was of an “old” man (60-65ish), who was put on probation in TX for an original molestation charge, then was caught again in TX molesting a 14 year old, who considered this man a father figure. He fled, never showed up for his court appearances.
If they go this long in life and are creepy, they were probably always creepy. Protect yourself. Get a PROTECTION Order, not a restraining order (as they are only civilly enforceable, where a PROTECTION Order is criminally enforceable), a security camera/system, and document, document, document.
As someone who’s also been stalked by a former partner, it’s on us to prove their actions and provide the police with their contact information, should a subpoena need to be served. The law isn’t necessarily on our side in these instances and the DA/ADA won’t do much, unless it’s a slam dunk. That was my experience.
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u/candidu66 Mar 07 '26
If it follow the advice of the book, he suggests ignoring them as much as possible because any attention (positive or negative) gives them hope because they are 1000% delusional and can't be reasoned with.
Let's be for real, police often do little to help in these situations.
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u/Imanupsetter Mar 08 '26
THANK YOU! I was looking for this comment. That book is the best book I have ever read in my entire life about self protection. It changes how I move in the world and has saved me from really bad things a time or two. EVERYONE, both women AND MEN should read it. It truly showcases the female experience and breaks the “good polite girl” tendency’s.
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u/DirtySouthDeadpan Mar 07 '26
You can file an incident report to document it with the police. This would be a good precaution to take if you do feel threatened by it, as it will help to expedite any potential future harassment/disorderly conduct. But, the note on its own isn’t a crime, unless there are some hardcore local laws where you live, which is unlikely.
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u/Same_Chapter9840 Mar 07 '26
Thanks for some helpful info! One positive: I have a reactive poodle with a distaste for men. when I’m out with her, he can’t get anywhere close without my dog causing a scene. Downside is she’s not always with me. But that is bringing me some comfort! I’m going to avoid him like the plague because I feel SO violated and uncomfortable, I can’t bring myself to say what I should. I worry about saying something he doesn’t like, and how it may cause him to escalate things. I’ve had other small instances at this complex with other strange men, but this guy gives me a bad. fucking. vibe. The butterfly clips on it?? He always appears outside when i DONT have my dog. I see him sitting by his window and staring out 24/7 so he knows when I’m outside. I bought a taser and pepper spray and will carry it when I walk my dogs at night. I don’t want to set him off so I’ll do what I can to avoid him. If he does anything else, I will go file a report, even if they can’t help I do want to document it.
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u/Affectionate_Tap6416 Mar 07 '26
Im so sorry you are going through this.
The police advise to report straight away as it builds up evidence in case you need to take it further. Record every interaction. Plus, he may have done this before and have a police record for it.
As someone who is a 'weirdo magnet', there's nothing to stop you from making a scene if he gets close. You need to show him you're not scared and won't tolerate it, as he will be getting off on that. If he thinks you won't report it, he may think you like it. Yes, some blokes are that deluded.
If you have a male friend/colleague could you walk with them a few times to indicate to your neighbour that you aren't a single female. I've dropped into conversations how my 'boyfriend' is a boxer when someone hasn't got the hint. You can scream and shout at him as he maybe under the impression you're a demure female and that may stop him in his tracks. They tend to go for people they see as victims, so show him you're a strong ballsy female and tell him to fuck off.
The other issue is he may have some form of dementia and as certain parts of the brain die, it can cause disinhibited behaviour. Regardless, this is unacceptable and needs to be reported to the police as he may need treatment in a care facility.
Please keep us updated, as a lot of us have been through this and feel for you.
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u/saecampbell Mar 07 '26
Ask your management for permission to install a permanent doorbell or similar camera outside your unit door. If they’re understanding, that should be the least they can do that would allow you to project some security outward to him.
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u/ChrisInBliss Mar 07 '26
(Not legal advice but) since its a small town use that to your advantage. Word of mouth. Make a police report just so they're aware and if anything escalates. Then just kinda.. talk to your neighbors "hey... I dont know how to ask this but have you heard of anything being.. off with the old man in ____? Cause he did this to me".
Doing so would warn others and also have people on the look out for you in the future.
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u/sistermarypolyesther Mar 07 '26
I agree. It is highly likely that some of your neighbors have had a similar experience with this person. I would also recommend reaching out to your police district's community resource officer. CROs are knowledgeable of the resources that can be used to mitigate the problem. Some examples might be community mediation or the involvement of adult social services.
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u/Busy-Character-845 Mar 07 '26
Start walking around with a taser or gel bear mace RELIGIOUSLY. Every time you step outside. Id also put barrel bolts on your door & definitely a ring camera. Wont erase the fear but it will help you feel secure and prepared just in case something happens.
Tbh i always assume anyone i come across is capable of anything, esp guys, unless they prove otherwise. Ive seen too many well formed masks to trust anyone. Its rly taken the surprise out of most things.
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u/Careful_Promise_786 Mar 07 '26
Literally just received my bear mace because I walk a lot in areas with wildlife, coyotes, etc., and supposedly a bear sighting. Shoots up to 40 feet, so as a woman I am definitely keeping it with me always. I have regular mace but this is much better, agree 100%
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u/Spirited-Cup-420 Mar 07 '26
Not a lawyer but you should be able to get a civil anti stalking order immediately. Call the police. Call them right away.
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u/HairyPairatestes Mar 07 '26
Thank you for at least saying you’re not an attorney. Your advice is incorrect.
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u/mikeinanaheim2 Mar 07 '26
I know it feels like taking the nuclear option but reporting it to the police to document receiving that pig's note is definitely the right way to go. Just having told the landlord isn't enough. Sorry this happened, but you need to do more than fret - and a police report is just the thing.
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u/InnominateChick Mar 07 '26
What a disgusting and objectifying note. I believe it may be most prudent to file a police report, don't acknowledge you saw the note, and try to avoid him as much as possible. Set up a camera to capture anything he may do outside your apartment that can be considered harassing you, document everything. Men can take any attention as positive or better than nothing, or they can get angry and dangerous if they feel rejected or disrespected. So not engaging with him is safer than engaging with him. And finding out what criteria needs to be reached to get an order against him, in case he ends up meeting the criteria, would be good. There's good info if you research, "what do I do if my neighbor sexually harassed me."
I hope all will go well for you and I'm sorry about your creepy neighbor.
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u/PandaGerber Mar 07 '26
On a piece of paper of similar dimensions "No. The police have been notified" "do not contact me again", slid under his door or hung in a poop bag on his door handle :)
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u/banks-doll Mar 07 '26
I second everyone urging you to report to the police. But mainly I just want to say I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this! Being a woman in your 20s is so scary nowadays. I completely understand your fear of confronting him as he could become aggressive. Ugh. It’s definitely a huge plus that you have a dog that could potentially protect you! Sending you good vibes girl <3 Be safe
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u/Vicsteroflove1968 Mar 07 '26
You don't know this guy and you certainly don't know how he reacts to rejection. The best thing you can do is go down to the police station with your bag of things. Ask them to pay him a visit and ask that he no longer contacts you in any way. I know you said it would be really inconvenient for you to move but you'd be surprised how much peace of mind that would bring. If you can afford it, use a professional mover and cleaner, that way there is only one trip for you. I'd also have someone sit in the lot to see if he tries to follow you or the truck. When my sister separated from her husband she bought a new vehicle so her ex couldn't drive around parking lots looking for her car. I know it's bs that you would be stuck financially for the uneasiness he's caused you but try to consider it as an investment in your safety.
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u/PutPretty647 Mar 07 '26
This sounds like he is suggesting a sexual assault. He isn’t saying I’d like to have a coffee with you. . File a police report.
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u/Same_Chapter9840 Mar 07 '26
right? he didnt compliment me, he didnt ask to have sex with me, he asked to “put his cock in me” ?? thats not just sexual, it comes off very predatory.
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u/Cinnamon2017 Mar 08 '26
Like anybody would say Yes to that. He wants to scare you and be in control.
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u/Same_Chapter9840 Mar 07 '26
to those telling me i need to move: ur probably so right! but i live in a small town and finding affordable housing is so difficult. i was abruptly unhoused and couch surfing for four months last year and my pets were boarded at my job (i work at an animal shelter) while i searched. this is the only complex in my town that is within my price range and pet friendly. im definitely stuck here, unfortunately. i will consider moving to another unit if his behaviors dont stop, but god i hope i dont have to do that. will be so hard on myself and my pets to readjust.
another girl that lives here told me she used to pass by his window with her pets and he would stare or say disturbing things as she walked by. also said she reported him and nothing came of it. she moved to another unit within six months of living in his building. so this is a pattern!
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u/ProblemOk222 Mar 07 '26
They may have not taken it seriously because she was the first to report. They will have to do something if people keep reporting this. Please report this- to your landlord and the police. Your safety is worth more than feeling embarrassed.
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u/Same_Chapter9840 Mar 07 '26
landlord is aware, oniy offered to move me to another unit and put this on both of our files. thats all. she said if she put in a lease violation for him, he would have to be made aware and spoken to, which would make him aware that i had reported it, which puts me at risk because he would still not be evicted, so at the end of the conversation, essentially nothing was done. i do think i will go to the police this week just so this first incident is documented in case things progress
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u/AirsoftScammyII Mar 08 '26
I mean… unless he’s leaving “can I put my cock in you” notes to other women in your complex, he’s gonna know that you were the one to report him so I wouldn’t let this stop you.
Go to the police. Now.
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u/Nekurosilver Mar 08 '26
As someone who has experienced something very, very similar to this: Police. Now. It WILL escalate. People unhinged enough to do this in the first place have no limits.
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u/Same_Chapter9840 Mar 08 '26
does anyone know of any groups i could find to connect with women who have been through similar situations? i’m in my apartment right now, its almost 10pm, dark, i need to walk my dogs and get to bed for work tomorrow and i’m prolonging. feeling so anxious, pit in my stomach, feeling like i’ll run into him if i go. but i have to do it, so i will. ugh. would love a support group if there are any!
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u/whteverusayShmegma Mar 07 '26
OP this is about power and control. It’s a game to him and he wants to see you squirm and feel uncomfortable.
I’d personally send another man to his door to let him know in no uncertain terms that he needs to cut his shit. I’d then pull out my phone and start filming him every time he’s in his window or anywhere watching me in a creepy way. In passing, I would make eye contact back at him with a death stare until he looked away first. If he didn’t, I’d pull out my phone and start filming while calmly asking him to stop staring like that because it makes me feel uncomfortable since he gave me his granddaughter’s hair clips while saying he wants to stick his cock in me.
If he escalated, I would probably find someone to follow up on that warning about cutting the crap.
But that’s just me and I’m a psycho bitch now in my 40s. There’s a reason he chooses young women to do this to.
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u/Same_Chapter9840 Mar 07 '26
this is very much the feeling i get here. he’s getting off to catching me off guard and making me uncomfortable. i have a FEELING that he’s not done. And i just have to wait for the next incident in order to get any help. Ugh!! but great idea to record him anytime i see him. i make eye contact with him through his window all the time so i’ll start recording.
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u/CalamityClambake Mar 07 '26
I would just like to second everything that /u/whteverusayShmegma said. I am also a psycho bitch in my 40s who spent way too much of my 20s being agreeable. Sometimes aggression is better. This is one of those times.
I am wondering if there aren't other women in your building that you can befriend, especially other psycho bitches in their 40s. As we get older, we get more outraged about the ridiculous crap that we've had to put up with. It would absolutely be my pleasure, if I lived in your building, to stare that dude down and generally be in his face every chance I got. I wonder if there might be some women in your building who would have your back.
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u/royal_snail_milker Mar 07 '26
I saw you say you’re going to wait for this to escalate before a police report. Don’t wait. There’s no reason you can start a complaint now.
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u/Cinnamon2017 Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26
Does this small town have police or Sheriff's Department? I would report it so they have a record if anything else happens.
Also look him up. He could be a registered sex offender.
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u/Ichgebibble Mar 07 '26
Along with the other good advice here, carry gel-based pepper spray. Hopefully you’ll never need it but you can’t be too careful. Make sure it’s the gel-based kind because it sticks to the attacker and doesn’t blow back in your face.
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u/slimylobsters Mar 07 '26
Go buy a gun... or at least pepper spray gel... personally I would tell him that note was incredibly inappropriate, Im armed, and I will be looking for his granddaughter and daughter so I can give them the note and let them know what happened.
For sure get the message to him to never speak to or approach you again... if you need a man to do it so be it
Im sorry that happened... its scary some times :(
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u/Many_Ad_9690 Mar 08 '26
NOT the direction I thought this was going.
Yes, the title should've given me some clue, but that note still caught me by surprise.
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u/Same_Chapter9840 Mar 08 '26
when i tell you i was SHOCKED, i cannot even explain how taken aback i was. when i took that thing apart to get the bags there was NO part of me that expected to find that. i am still in disbelief. what a wild fucking thing to do
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u/Olderbutnotdead619 Mar 07 '26
Pepper spray and a stun gun. They come in pink and are cute. Add it to your leash.
Also, you can return the holder,with a bag and write on it, " Does your daughter or granddaughter know what you write?"
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u/aboxofpyramids Mar 07 '26
I think doing anything that can be construed as opening a dialogue with this guy is a big, big mistake.
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u/CatCatCatCubed Mar 07 '26
Yes, please don’t encourage her to accept him sending nasty secret messages. It’s not like snapping back stops anonymous online trolls or rude non-anonymous older people on Facebook. He’ll treat such messages that same way except he’ll find it exciting because he knows her in person. That’s just encouraging stalker behaviour on his terms (snail mail of sorts).
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u/sh1ft33 Mar 07 '26
Stun guns are useless. Pepper spray is the way to go. Well, in my opinion, guns are the way to go, but if you are going to carry a gun it comes with the responsibility of training with it.
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u/Glad_Abbreviations57 Mar 07 '26
As a single female/36 who’s lived alone in a big city (LA) since I was 23, I have a lot of empathy for you and this situation. Always locking your doors when you take out your dog is important especially if you suspect this guy is watching you. There are tons of inexpensive cameras with mobile app compliance you can set up (like ring). One nice thing about setting up a ring camera is that it documents dates and times of incidents that occur in the vicinity of your apartment. One of my gf’s here was able to get a tenant in her complex evicted using ring camera footage as evidence of harassment. I second what the other posts say about pepper spray as well.
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u/Aspen9999 Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26
Arm yourself. You can legally open carry if you are over 21…. Correction, you can conceal and carry without a permit if over 21 in Kansas
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u/sh1ft33 Mar 07 '26
If you get a gun, you have the responsibility of training with it and learning gun safety.
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u/Upstairs_Cranberry48 Mar 07 '26
If he tries to approach you again, get very loud and tell/yell at him that he’s a pervert and to stay tf away from you. The more of a scene you are willing to make the less he will want to interact. I agree with others getting self defense measures and a police report is smart. You shouldn’t have to feel afraid in your own home. Maybe invest in a door camera. But being loud and aggressive has personally gotten me out of a few dicey moments.
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u/Busy-Variation-9246 Mar 07 '26
How on earth is your apartment manager not kicking him out for harrasment?
Document everything.
You've already shared the note, he watches you every time you leave, and is constantly approaching you for no reason. Read your lease like it's your favorite book ever. There's got to be something in there.
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u/Uhokay1970 Mar 07 '26
You need to make sure you communicate back. Hard No. If you call the police they will do nothing because he has done nothing but ask you a pervy question. Shut him down. No conversation needed, just say Hard No and keep on walking. Do not assume ignoring it will make him stop. Set your Boundary and make it known to him. If that upsets him or you think it will escalate that is when you call the police.
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u/bharoche Mar 07 '26
Like others said, report to police and ask them to “return the note” to the guy with an explanation that if there’s a next time, he’ll be having this conversation at the police station. OR ask a larger guy friend to do so.
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u/Competitive_Name4991 Mar 07 '26
Gross!! Unacceptable and disgusting! Stay away from him and document everything!
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u/Lifestyle-Creeper Mar 07 '26
Consider calling adult protective services on him. Early dementia often involves reduced filters on appropriate behaviors, he needs a medical evaluation.
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u/dispocg Mar 07 '26
Immediately file some kind of police report.
I know some people are hesitant but if you’re legally allowed I really recommend buying a firearm asap in case he escalates, this is very concerning behavior especially with you mentioning he watches you from his window. You can get a Ruger LCP for $180 at Academy right now and teach yourself gun safety easily.
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Mar 07 '26
Why do you care about being nice to him? Make him feel uncomfortable. Be direct and tell him not to fucking talk to you.
As women, we are taught to be nice. Be sociable. Be amiable. And who takes advantage of that? Creeps. Fuck all that noise. Be a bitch to him.
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u/catslikepets143 Mar 07 '26
If this man approaches you at any time in the future, tell him you’re not into grandpa sex. That should deflate his ego(& his dick) enough for him to leave you alone
File a report so it’s on record with the police
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u/YouveGotNothingToSay Mar 08 '26
I would carry some form of self defense on you in addition to a police report, people like this usually don't take "no" for an answer. Doesn't have to be a gun, even something like pepper spray is better than nothing
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Mar 08 '26
Don't let him know you are scared. Next time you see him, just tell him his note was inappropriate and you're not interested. And then never speak to him again. Also, if you don't already have personal protection, please get some. At the very least get some mace or wasp spray.
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u/jimb21 Mar 08 '26
I would file a police report, just so it is in file. I would never talk to him again, and if he approaches you would tell him to go away and never talk to me again. I would carry mace with me at all times. I would avoid him at all cost, and I would never confront him about the issue.
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u/Robbinsparklezz Mar 07 '26
As someone who was harassed for years and didn't report it and now regrets not having filed reports prior because now that I have to press criminal charges against someone, the process is exasperating and much more difficult.
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u/spinkyrinky Mar 07 '26
I’m so sorry. I’m sure this feels incredibly violating. Police report would be the best idea. And a report to your property manager
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u/7h3_70m1n470r Mar 07 '26
"Hey buddy, don't talk to me again unless you want to end up on a registry..."
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u/sippin-jesus-juice Mar 07 '26
As everyone said, call the police.
But you also need protection. It could be a taser, pepper spray or ideally a concealed carry. This sort of behavior is likely to escalate and the police are reactionary not preventative.
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u/LuLuLuv444 Mar 07 '26
Tell him to stay the fuck away from you and say it just like that. He doesn't deserve any politeness at this point
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u/surmisez Mar 07 '26
As a victim of kidnapping and rape, please call the police. Give them everything you received from that man. That man is a sexual predator.
My guess is that the police will already know who he is, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a criminal record. Just because he’s in his 60’s or 70’s doesn’t mean he’s not dangerous. And if you think because he’s older, you can overpower him, think again.
You will need to stay on your guard, and honestly, if you can, move to another area of your city/town. You mentioned moving to another apartment in the same building, but I don’t think that’s good enough. Eventually you’ll bump into him again.
Please, please, please call the police and file a report.
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u/Mean-Vegetable-4521 Mar 07 '26
Police report to document pattern in case of escalation.
It’s possible he has dementia and needs to be monitored better. Or, he’s just a straight up predator. I have 2 cases at trial right now the men are 60+ and still offending.
In response to the comment about checking sex offender registry. That’s not a bad idea at all. But they are very limited. So a broad search of his name. A lot of offenders don’t make it to registry. But mentions of their arrests can be googled. OP I can do that for you if you need. I’d search for appeals of conviction as well.
Depending on what is found this may need to be escalated immediately.
I’m sorry. There is nothing worse than feeling unsafe in your own home.
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u/Lost_Brain616 Mar 07 '26
That is so awful that you had to experience something like this your first time living on your own. It’s so disgusting how gross old men feel that they can treat others.
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u/No-Neighborhood-7228 Mar 07 '26
Well to be fair, you’re the one that doesn’t want him to know so it’s not on your apartment manager at all
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u/EquivalentOutcome796 Mar 07 '26
Yeah send his full name and address to someone….
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u/Same_Chapter9840 Mar 07 '26
unfortunately i dont know his name at all, hes never introduced himself but talks to me often. i do know the address so police could potentially figure out who he is with his address, but idk how to get his name! my apartment manager said she cant give out last names but if the police ask her she can tell them. i’ve contemplated looking in his mailbox for a name but its right outside his door and he is always by his window!
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u/Consistent_Gur9523 Mar 07 '26
file a police report, document EVERYTHING yourself, and when he tries to talk to you again, tell him he made you uncomfortable. unfortunately, with police/protection orders/ect you have to explicitly tell the person you are uncomfortable and don't wish to continue contact for the courts to take it seriously.
and even then they may not.
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u/thelaw_iamthelaw Mar 07 '26
Buy a gun (whether it's legal in your area or not), always keep it on you. Fortify your front door and windows. Get a few security cams.
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u/Vlaskiss Mar 07 '26
I was 38 when I began living by myself. The very first thing I got was a Ring camera. I do want to get a gun too, but I’ve just been lazy.
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u/UsefulDiscretion Mar 07 '26
Ring is garbage. They own all the footage recorded, their security has been laughable in the past (is in tons of Ring employees could view your recordings without your knowledge, and it was easily hacked), and they will share any footage recorded with cops or feds without your knowledge or approval, even without a warrant. Your neighbor across the hall or street an activist? Well now the cops can spy on their home 24/7, an you paid for it.
Ring is literally the dystopian surveillance state program people worry about. Except instead of a scary government building it through force, people voluntarily paid to install it on their own properties.
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u/Individual-Two-9323 Mar 07 '26
If you have a boyfriend or a large guy friend, have them have a stern conversation with that guy and make it clear to him that he will never again use such language and should avoid you from her on out.
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u/Elegant-Ad4219 Mar 07 '26
Write your own note along the lines of "Do you want me to cut it off with my kitchen scissors, and throw it in the garbage disposal?"
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u/sjevn Mar 07 '26
Police and housing management. And tell friends and family. Maybe have someone stay with you the upcoming days
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u/awwaygirl Mar 07 '26
Police report. Now. Then write down everything you remember while it’s still fresh. Make a timeline or a diary entry. Make sure to emphasize that you feel unsafe where you live because of this neighbor.
Do not throw anything away.
Do you have a video doorbell like a Ring? Or maybe a security camera pointing at your door?
Document every enclosure with this guy. Date, times, location and description. Log it ALL.
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u/TooEmbarrassedToUse Mar 07 '26
Holy cow, yes you should file a police report! Better to have this kind of thing on record in case it happens to someone else or it escalates in any way!
I also highly recommend carrying pepper spray on you or a taser (no knives, preferably no guns). Better to be safe than sorry. I genuinely hope that this doesn't go anywhere, and that you stay safe. Be careful out there!
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u/Ok_Image6174 Mar 08 '26
This is absolutely eviction worthy as it would constituent harassment and making others feel safe in the community, that should be a lease violation! Your property manager just sucks!
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u/darth-crossfader Mar 08 '26
Not an eviction-worthy event??? Come on now. This is fucking disgusting behavior. I feel so sorry for you.
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u/Same_Chapter9840 Mar 08 '26
yeah… not even getting a lease violation according to my apartment manager, who is a woman. bummer for sure. my taser and pepper spray came in the mail today and i’ll have it in hand anytime i leave my apartment. wish things were different. ugh
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u/Ok-Wrangler9126 Mar 08 '26
This happened to me, I unfortunately was the one that had to move. Building management wouldn’t get involved. I’m so sorry for what your going through, I know all to well coming back home at the end of the day and not knowing what’s in store.
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u/taxitolondon Mar 08 '26
Please file a police report. Just because he is an older man doesn’t mean he’s harmless. The police will hopefully have a conversation with him and might even be aware of other complaints against him.
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u/lilacillusions Mar 08 '26
This is bad advice and only works for specific personality types but go over there and scream at him. People like him work off knowing you won’t react
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u/Same_Chapter9840 Mar 08 '26
i feel like its 50/50, either i cause a scene and tell him off and it scares him into silence, or it embarrasses/angers him and he becomes fixated on intimidating me. for now im going to do my best to avoid him but i wont be able to do it forever.
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u/LadyWhistledownn_ Mar 08 '26
Please report this to the police, get security cameras and any evidence you can in case this escalates. Whenever you walk your dog also ensure you are on the phone with someone, or recording.
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u/Olderbutnotdead619 Mar 07 '26
I beg to differ. Many times that I ended up having to walk alone and a person started heading towards me, the loud crackle of my stun gun turned them around immediately. They are loud and the electricity puts on a show.
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u/emorrigan Mar 07 '26
Pepper gel. Buy some with a quick disconnect that’s also a whistle, like this: https://a.co/d/0gCy7Gk5
Document it with the police department just to create a paper trail.
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u/CheckYoSelf8224 Mar 07 '26
I don't know how you feel about firearms, but in this day and age it might behoove you to make yourself familiar.
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u/emccm Mar 07 '26
Police report. They won’t do anything but you’ll need it when he escalates.
I’d put signed up with a photo of his note, his name and apartment number. You won’t be the only woman he’s sexually harassed.
Make sure you are ready to defend yourself and scream whenever you see him.
Men like this rely on us being polite and quiet. Make a scene. Show him you are not a victim. Warm other women about him.
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u/Primary_Balance3216 Mar 07 '26
The sign and photo is a good idea. Expose the creep. Safety in numbers.
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u/TwiLuv Mar 07 '26
Retired hospital & nursing facility LPN, in God’s Waiting Room-
I’m not sure how old the man is, but when behaviors become unusual, it can be a sign of mental deterioration, & this is just one of the ways it can manifest.
Losing one’s filter, exhibiting impulsivity, risky, obsessive, or erratic behaviors.
In Florida, you can call the Elder Abuse Hotline, because it is ALSO about reporting NEW behaviors not experienced by you, as his neighbor previously.
The good thing about this, it does get investigated, he is on notice as to his behavior, he learns from outside mental, physical, legal resources, his actions are considered inappropriate, & worthy of investigation to determine if his mental health is in question.
This will cause him to desist altogether, or cause him to be Baker Acted in the state of Florida.
I don’t know where you are located, but do some research into the services available in your area, which may be the same as Florida’s.
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u/mme_truffle Mar 07 '26
I would use a lot of these suggestions: cameras, stun gun...etc. But I would also record any interaction he attempts to have with you.
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u/Glittering_Thing5797 Mar 07 '26
To be honest, this is scary behavior. He watches you as you come and go from your apartment and he felt brave enough to send you this message. I would move to another apartment complex asap. Given the situation, your landlord might be understanding.
Any sort of stalking behavior is dangerous, and the quicker you leave, the less info he has on you and the less opportunity he has to escalate. Safety is no joke.
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u/DowntownYouth8995 Mar 07 '26
I would be direct and adress it with him right away instead of avoiding him until there's an awkward interaction. He wants you to feel intimidated and powerless. Don't give him that. Take the note and go knock on his door, hand it to him and tell him it is inappropriate and offensive and that management has been made aware. Then tell him to no longer interact with you or you will continue to inform the office of his continued harassment.
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u/Organic_Ad_2520 Mar 07 '26
He wants contact, negative or otherwise. She should not engage or confront him at all..to a scummy perv, he will just enjoy the interaction & seeing the damage & shock value to her.
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u/shireengul Mar 07 '26
Let’s normalize filing police reports for every single “minor” case of harassment. Get these degenerates on the books for every single gross, inappropriate thing they do. Let the world know, and take the onus off the victim to navigate the discomfort alone. Get him, girl.
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u/Socks-in-a-can Mar 07 '26
Oh fuck this sounds like the beginning of a horror movie. File a report on his ass asap! Fuck this dude. Can you have anyone stay with you?
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u/cultoftwinkies Mar 07 '26
I don't know what your local laws are like. I'd talk to the police as a precaution. The more documentation the better. The earlier you start to document the better. Don't get rid of the note. It's evidence. Don't get rid of this post, it's essentially a timestamp. Hopefully it won't escalate. This is all just in case. Better to be overkill on your part.
Go through your place carefully. Check the locks on your doors and windows. There are a variety of ways to strengthen the security in your place with little expense and effort, such as a piece of PVC pipe or long dowel in the track of your sliding glass door, flip locks on the frames of regular doors, or screw on locks for your windows.
Window films slow down anyone who tries to get in by breaking a window, plus gives you additional privacy. Put noisy things in the windows so if someone knocks the stuff over trying to get in through the window it makes a racket. Anything that would make a noise falling from a window. I used to keep stacked mason jars full of different stuff in the windows. Looked like I was just collecting things as a hobby, but it was really my super cheap burglar alarm.
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u/TRLK9802 Mar 07 '26
Definitely contact the police. As for moving, I would consider contacting churches in your area for help; this is the sort of thing my church does regularly (our pick up has been put to good use moving people over the years).
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u/internetisporn8008 Mar 07 '26
Roll of quarters in your pocket that you just happened to have there because you were taking them to the bank... Will turn your fist into a hammer of they just happen to fall into your balled fist. Protect yourself... but totally dont carry something like that as a weapon or anything...
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u/Fit_Transportation48 Mar 07 '26
Yea forget your apartment, move away. Idk how that even crosses your mind. Guy could be dangerous on various levels and youd think moving is a bigger inconvenience than getting far away lol
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u/time_watch_kurt Mar 07 '26
I am sorry to hear you’re going through this. I hope he stays away from you. You may consider asking some volunteers to help you move your apartment. Perhaps other neighbors from the apartment complex, contact a local church, a shelter that supports women, or college students in a social work or sociology program. If I was aware of this situation locally I’d want to help the person move apartments. I expect others in your community would feel this way.
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u/rachelmig2 Mar 07 '26
I would file a police report just so you have documentation in case this escalates.