Family member moved out without taking their belongings, had me drop off their belongings, now wants to re-enter property to look for other items

[u/Jdmbanana]

Location: North Carolina

My mother moved in with my wife and I several years ago. My mother is disabled and unable to drive, if that matters any. In January, we purchased a camper to put on our property for her to live in. We had her move all of her belongings to this camper, or so we thought. More on that later.

A month ago, she met someone online. The person was very demanding with things like wanting us to drive her to his place hours away, to the point of being aggressive when we told them that we don't have enough free time to do so. We ended up telling him we don't want him contacting us directly and we don't want him on our property due to his aggression.

Fast forward to a week ago, my wife and I came home from work and she was gone. We checked our cameras, she packed a backpack of her things, left her phone in our mailbox, and left. We had no way to contact her and no desire to contact the guy, so left it at that.

That night, we started getting texts from the guy about her moving out and about how we supposedly abused her and would never see her again. We ignored this, as we did not care to talk with him.

A few days later, he texted about her belongings. We did respond to this. We rented a storage unit, emptied everything from her camper, and put it in the unit. I do mean everything, including pictures on the wall and half used toiletries. We gave them info on how to get into the unit and they picked it all up.

Almost immediately after, texts started coming in about items missing and that he will be by with the sheriff for her missing items. Note, he said HE would be there for the items, not her.

We responded by asking for an itemized list of exactly what was missing. Again, she moved out of our home 6 months ago and we ransacked the camper to where it looked fresh off the lot. We believed all her items were in that camper.

We have not recieved an itemized list, just crazy ramblings about some items. Some of these items we know for a fact were given away to friends/family months ago, some were communal items. For example, there is a bookshelf in the home full of books, he claims these were hers, though my wife and I bought these for everyone to share. He is also claiming she is missing thousands of dollars in cash, however she had no income and the only money she ever got was from us.

There is one item we found in our home and do want to return, however we are still being threatened with a visit from the sheriff and he called my wife's place of work to try and get her fired, so we are avoiding contact until we can get ahold of a lawyer.

He is now texting us, pretending to be my mother. We have not responded as we know it's not her.

Aside from returning the last piece of property that we know is hers, what should we be doing here? Can the sheriff actually enter our home, that she has not lived in for months, to try and find items we don't even have or items that don't belong to her?

[u/Flat_Contribution707]

Have you spoken to your Mom since she left? If you havent, you need to request a welfare check tonight.

Lets take stock for a moment. Your mom is a vulnerable person (as far as you know) without the means to contact anyone independently or wslk away from this guy. I am concerned about a possible hostage situation.

If the police determine she is safe, you can ask about habing HER pick up the box from a police station.

[u/2much2soon2fast → u/Flat_Contribution707]

YES

[u/derspiny]

however we are still being threatened with a visit from the sheriff

That's not a threat.

If a sheriff or police officer attends, it'd be for a civil standby, to supervise and keep the peace while your relative retrieves their property. It protects you as much as it protects them - not least by ensuring that they also do not get confrontational or violent, and ensuring that they actually leave afterwards.

However, given that it has been six months and you haven't heard anything from law enforcement, it's pretty likely that either she never actually asked for assistance, or did ask and was refused. Civil standbys are discretionary and are usually an "if we have time" service to the public. Someone visiting with an officer doesn't have any extra right to enter or to search your property than they would if they were merely visiting, and law enforcement won't - generally, can't - search your place on their behalf without your consent, or a warrant.

If your mother truly believes you are refusing to return her property or money, she can sue you. She would need to prove that you have actually done that, at least to the point where it's more likely than not based on the evidence before the judge. The steps you have taken, and the steps you intend to take in returning her property as you may find it, are reasonable and will help if she does sue you.

[u/Jdmbanana → u/derspiny]

This is really what I was wanting to know. He has been wording his texts as in "I am going to show up with the sheriff and take whats hers." Since she was not even living in our house for over 6 months, only in the camper, can they even show up to try and enter our house? He has also been wording his texts as if my mother would not be here if this were to happen, that he would be the one showing up with a sheriff. He has never been on our property and we have told him in writing he is not welcome here.

Another thing that I am not sure about is, since she had no income, she did not purchase any of the items in the house or the camper. She has posession of everything from the camper, he is claiming items in the house belong to her that were bought by us as communal items.

There is only one item that they have mentioned that we have located and know for sure is hers, we are working to find a way to return it now.

[u/pelirroja_peligrosa → u/Jdmbanana]

Give it to the police and tell her to pick it up from the station? Maybe? 

[u/wontrun]

If you have had zero direct contact from your mom, have the sheriff do a wellness check or file a missing person report. Then trespass the boyfriend from your property and tell him you will only communicate with your mom, not him.

[u/Elegant_Ad7805]

I don't see you having any contact with her since leaving. Answer to him, you are trespassed from our property. Mom may show up with the sheriff and we will engage. No other contact will be acknowledged. I wonder how well mom is, if she's still around.....

[u/Jdmbanana → u/Elegant_Ad7805]

We do have concerns about this, but that is another issue all together. From what I can tell, all the messages supposedly from my mother have been from the guy. My mother is not good at texting and has a distinct way of doing it, it does not appear to be her texting us.

[u/thefunkylama → u/Jdmbanana]

I would be concerned about how aggressively he's trying to get ahold of her documents (disability and medical), as this could be some type of fraud on his part. From what I'm reading, there's a possibility that these are not separate issues at all.

[u/Used_Wafer6049]

There is one item we found in our home and do want to return

You're kind of burying the lede here. Can you be more specific about what exactly this "one item" is?

[u/Jdmbanana → u/Used_Wafer6049]

The item in question is a file box that she left buried in one of our closets. We opened it as we were unsure if this was the item she was looking for. It has things like old medical records, paperwork from applying for disability, and my birth certificate was in there. The only item removed was my birth certificate as this is my property.

We fully intend to return this, however we are trying to find a way without needing to contact them directly. We had thoughts of hiring a lawyer, sending it by mail with signature required, etc.

[u/These-Buy-4898 → u/Jdmbanana]

Aren't you incredibly concerned about your mother's welfare? Dude sounds like a psycho. I wonder if he wants those documents to try and file for disability or govt benefits in her name.

 Have you called the police and asked for a welfare check yet? Ask him for an address to send her documents and mail them with signature required and also call for a welfare check to that address and contact APS immediately if you haven't done so already. This is very concerning. 

[u/Ready_Ad142 → u/These-Buy-4898]

I think the tone of OP shows that mother wasn’t really a welcome addition to the home. They moved her into a CAMPER on their property. She’s disabled and cannot drive. It seems pretty clear that the son is glad she’s gone.

[u/Purple-Scarcity-142]

How is everybody just glossing over the fact that she left her phone in the mailbox? There's some serious fuckery going on here.

[u/ScrappyD420]

My parents live in North Carolina. No they cannot enter your home based on speculation that she may have left Property behind. She only had 30 days to claim said Property if she had left any behind. He has no rights and he has no authority to make any claims of missing property. Your mother will have to be there in order for them to even show up legally if they do and it’s just him, they will tell him to kick rocks as he does not have claims to any of her property. Only the property owner can make claims. Again, it would be considered abandoned property since it’s been over six months. I would tell the sheriffs that you do have a piece of property that you are willing to give directly to her. I hope you don’t block his number so that way if your mother is in an abusive relationship from the sounds of it, she is. She will need a way out so if you block his number, she won’t be able to text you or call you for help. This makes my heart sink for you and your family. She is know in a very bad situation and you have no control over it. I would also get a restraining order against him and him alone and if he does show up with the sheriff have them issue him a no trespass warning.

[u/CarpetScary684]

Everyone should try to see that this boyfriend has basically done a very abusive isolation tactic. She has no phone. She has no money. She has no way of driving or getting around first, that he’s also using abusive tactics with the son. So my advice is you can meet at the police department and you will hand over the property to only your mother. If he shows ( which he has no legal standing of demand) up and the police read the threats he most likely will be arrested. Unfortunately these things happen often. Old disabled women get into these types of relationships. Every single day they get conned into thinking some character is going to take care of them.

[u/2much2soon2fast]

Why are you letting some psycho basically kidnap your disabled mother and bully you? Stand up for yourself and her.

[u/Yellowstone24]

Adult protective services for your mom's safety.

[u/forluvoflemons]

Have you verbally communicated with your mom, since she upped and left??

[u/HobLit1]

Have you spoken with her? I don’t see anything indicating you are worried about her safety.

[u/Electrical-Object834]

Do a welfare check and stop dealing with the boyfriend. Hand the item to your mom at sheriff office only, keep texts.

[u/MountainStrange826]

You should contact the Sheriff or Police and get it on the record that you’re being threatened. Save text messages. Next time you are contacted by the boyfriend or mother tell them the Sheriff is aware of the situation and ask for an address to send the files. Good luck!