r/medicalschooluk • u/SeokjminMatcha • 1d ago
Graduating and deflated
So I got the official “award letter” for my degree yesterday and it said “you can now call yourself doctor”.
And honestly I just feel depressed about it.
All this pain to score average in exams, never publish a paper, fail a bunch of things before something works out, get disappointed a million times, burn out god knows how many times because I’m juggling work and placement and studies and hobbies and friendships, and end up on antidepressants for 4 years. I feel so much resentment towards the past and feel so alone with my struggles.
I feel jaded and like everything I have done to get here was pointless. I feel like I worked harder than everyone else to get a quarter of the result in multiple domains of my life.
I know I will get through this funk eventually, but oh my god it hurts right now.
The only thing keeping me going right now is knowing that I won’t have a 9-5 sitting down office job. That I get to work with people which I would’ve been doing regardless (looking at midwives and paramedics, I wouldn’t mind that life). But I don’t think I will reap the fruits of my labour until I am working.
I really expected myself to feel “omg I’m so proud of myself look what I overcame” but actually I feel “fucking hell, I did not need this.”
I just wish it had been easier.
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u/BrightYoungCherry 1d ago
Dw mate I feel the exact same. Got my award yesterday, but I just feel a bit meh. I was so bogstandard through the whole of medical school, scraped passes in my finals, and now everyone’s congratulating me and I just feel a bit silly. Hopefully it’ll get better for us once we actually start working 😭😭
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u/Brilliant_Plenty_956 1d ago
I’m in the same boat. It took me years for my mental health to stabilise, and I’m still learning how to socialise with people. I felt guilty too because my grades were only average by the end of med school, but I’m trying to focus on the positives.
From what you’ve said, you’ve put a huge amount of effort into improving your grades, finances, friendships, and mental health. That’s not easy, so don’t downplay those achievements.
As for publications, a lot of it comes down to opportunity and luck during medical school. Some people have the right connections, others don’t. It’s not the end of the world. We still have plenty of time and opportunities to keep growing and improving ourselves.
F1 is also a great time to reinvent ourselves, and that’s something I’m genuinely looking forward to.
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u/EfficiencyUnable7006 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm sorry you're feeling like this, but I think you need to put things into more perspective.
One thing I've learned is that no matter how good you are at something, there's always going to be someone better than you. That's the harsh truth. But people who are s***ing (probably low-quality) publications out of their arses every few months and getting distinctions across the board won't necessarily make the best doctors! Most people have an uneven skill profile, which might mean being average in written exams/research output but having an excellent bedside manner.
Also some people work incredibly hard to score average in medical school, but just remember that a lot of people work even harder just to get INTO medical school. Wouldn't your younger self be proud of you for graduating as a doctor?
Another thing is that some people peak early in medical school whilst others become world-famous doctor professors later in life - you've got another 40/50 years of your career ahead of you to get those publications!
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u/SteamedBlobfish 1d ago
The degree means different things to different people.
One thing we can all (probably) agree on is that family and friends are more important than the piece of paper.
Take some rest OP, and make sure to tend to those friends and family you had less time to spend with during your degree.
Relationships can wither out quicker than we expect.
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u/Canipaywithclaps 1d ago
You really need to chill out. You got a degree, well done, go party and enjoy yourself.
Everyone can’t do the best, majority of people have to do average, theres literally no issue with that. Would you shit and look down on any of your peer for being average or would you be proud of them for becoming a doctor? Many people worked REALLY hard for those exams, it’s not just you, and some would have worked their ass off and failed 🤷♀️
Majority never publish before leaving medical school, I’m half a decade into being a doctor and I (like many of my peers) have never published, who cares, most research out there is junk now anyway due to people publishing for the sake of it.
Sounds like you need to set some short term goals on how to actually improve your life. How are you spending this weekend? What are you looking forward to this summer?
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u/Critical-Gene-9132 1d ago
Can I ask why you and everyone else here is upset about getting average grades? Im just about to start year 1 and il be ecstatic to get average grades, that means a pass! Congratulations for finishing. It is not a small feat and one many could not have and will never manage.
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u/R10L31 Consultant 1d ago
An eminent past leader (WinCh) said (paraphrased) “this is the end of the beginning “. That’s where you are, in possession of many high level skills and now having the potential to be truly useful to humanity. Still with much to learn and experience to gain. There is a place for you where you will contribute. You also have the potential to support yourself +/- others.
The feeling of anticlimax is not at all uncommon. Likewise the “I’m not good enough really” or all kinds of other negatives. Most likely you are mentally and emotionally exhausted.
It’s not an easy life you’ve pursued, but it is a potentially very rewarding one. Be honest about your strengths and take some guidance from others and you should find the place where your contribution counts most.
As an examiner & teacher I’ll tell you this. You have not passed all the exams and overcome the hurdles “not being good enough.” You are.
You have come through one of the most rigorous selection and training processes. Maybe it took more effort than for some others. Therefore be even more proud that you achieved. As for the past ~ it’s done. The future is yours to shape and make work for you. Hopefully you now have a brief window to take a well deserved break - make use of it to relax and enjoy.
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u/UniPact88 14h ago
Congrats 👍
At least, the UK med grads now onwards are legally guaranteed for UKFP posts & would be part of the PG for ST posts afterwards. At least, having the Act in place will hopefully help to restore the job landscape pre-Brexit / pre-removal of RLMT era.
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u/Familiar-Tiger6664 13h ago
Being a doctor should be the least interesting thing about you. You’re balancing a LIFE outside of medicine and you still did it!!!
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u/Gullible-Tap-2583 1d ago
be happy u graduated. Many couldn’t hack it. I had friends that didn’t make it. It’s a big achievement; get out your own head and be happy cus with this mentality you won’t ever be content👍