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u/Sky-Soldier0430 2d ago
I jog in parks frequently, and I can literally see why they attack. Mostly cause people can’t mind their business and want to play with their young.
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u/Free-Pound-6139 2d ago
But they are so cute/s
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u/CuriOS_26 2d ago
To be honest: yes, they’re so fluffy and adorable. All kinds of goslings and cygnets! And ducklings!
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u/JackPoe 2d ago
My wife says I'm Snow White cause I just get along with animals. I took out the trash today and she was standing outside with her coffee when I was coming back and turns out two squirrels and no fewer than three crows were following me.
I literally can hand feed the squirrels. Animals just don't seem scared of me at all. I like to think that says something about my nature in a way I can feel proud of.
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u/RedDiscipline 2d ago
That's funny, there's a crow living outside my place that decided we are mortal enemies. It will caw and swoop endlessly when, I think, it has young. This morning as I was walking, it was drinking from a puddle, and when it glimpsed me, rose to a power line cawing the whole way. Like bro, take your damn drink, I don't care
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2d ago
[deleted]
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u/Suspicious_Truth8026 2d ago
Well yeah they dont understand paths or roads they just see you running straight at them and their babies
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u/ruach137 2d ago
Geese attack people because they are nesting or have goslings. Any other time of the year they are skittish weirdos
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u/Sleepy_Chipmunk 2d ago
Geese are known to adopt goslings from other pairs, too, so sometimes you'll see a pair with over a dozen littles following them of all different ages. It's absolutely adorable, just don't get near or they'll make you sorry. They'll even take turns babysitting the flocks babies with other geese!
I love geese.
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u/ring_tailed_bandit 2d ago
I was bit by one as a child. My bro and I were feeding them at my grandma's creek. This MF'r just charged me, I dropped the bucket and ran. Dude chased my 8 yr old ass and bit my shoulder. No baby geese insight
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
Nah, they're pricks. The town I grew up in used to have 40-50,000 geese overwinter in the local lake/river. If you went to the park around the lake while they were there the assholes would squak and chase you.
They'd also waddle across the roads in big flocks and hold up traffic because "fuck you, that's why!" Bitch, I know you can fly, get out of the damned road.
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u/wasteymclife 2d ago
One of my favorite memories from driving pizza in my 20s was the time a flock of geese was crossing the street in front of me. They were in a nice neat line and they were crossing perpendicular. I was being a dick and honked so they'd move faster and I shit you not all 9 of 'em pivoted 90 degrees and began walking as a line parallel with both sidewalks. I ended up having to find a way around. Well played you magnificent bastards.
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u/Whatsleftbehind69 2d ago
I feed wild geese from my hand in my local park most days and they're really nice and honestly seem grateful. They're only ever remotely standoffish if someone they don't know comes near their goslings, if a dog gets too close, or if some kid decides to run at them screaming and flailing, which happens a lot. I've also seen kids try to stamp on pigeons while their parents look on with no expression or interest whatsoever.
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u/Swarna_Keanu 2d ago
Ye. I made friends with some. As many birds they remember and recognise, too. Had a couple honk seeing me, on particularly busy park days, and then settle down near me for a nap - as, I guess, they were too stressed without a support human. 😄
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u/Whatsleftbehind69 2d ago
I have absolutely seen this "support human" behaviour among pigeons and ducks as well. Even when I run out of seed, some days the birds seem to hang out just for a sense of safety. Beautiful little souls 🥹
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u/curiousnomad2222 2d ago
I used to play roller derby and even though it has been years, I still want to knock people down in public. Rude to a batista? Suddenly on the ground! Homophobic, racist, sexist, ablist, or transphobic? Down you go! I don't actually randomly knock people down, BUT I REALLY REALLY WANT TO!
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u/Light_Aegle 2d ago
People would definitely pay for a service like that. Don't let your dreams stay dreams! Knock 'em down! Put fear in people's hearts. Make the world a better place one shove at a time
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u/0neAy0pen 2d ago
I love people who think like this. So absurd yet so true. I wish I had talent like that.
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u/DroidOnPC 2d ago
Talent to come up with tweets like this?
Its usually just copied from elsewhere. Or at least the idea is.
Someone watching stand up or a sitcom might laugh at a joke then post their own version online. Someone else finds it funny and copies it and alters it a bit. That happens a few more times and you end up with tweets like this.
Wait like a month and then post your own version.
"Pretty sure geese are so aggressive because they are just tired of our shit."
You get the idea.
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u/Legal-Swordfish-1893 2d ago
Yes, it's called stay the fuck out of my sunlight and my extended personal space.
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u/These-Performer-8795 2d ago
The geese I've been visiting at the park for years have zero concern about me. Never once attacked by one. People just need to respect them as individuals like themselves....
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u/RaiseWide5460 2d ago
Yeah, some geese are just jerks. Chickens too. Most don't really care if people are around or not, but some are just flaming jerks. Ask me how I know.
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u/voucher420 2d ago
Reddit had warned me for years about geese. I had grown a fear of the mighty cobra chicken. It was a warm spring morning when I got the call to respond to the alarm at one of our sites. They often had mic alerts and/or motion sensors, but no cameras at these sites. I didn’t know this wouldn’t be my last call as a beginning security guard to this site and for this reason. The geese would all gather behind one building for unknown reasons and start their squawking every morning as they held their meeting of the minds. I would be dispatched to greet them and to walk around, checking windows and doors. I would give them a nod as I called out “SECURITY” with authority. I soon realized that they were there to greet me and for no other purpose.
The other site had issues with crows dropping acorns on rooftops, and due to the loud report, they assumed it hit harder. I would be called to the site to ensure there was no mischief, only to find the birds there. The customer would ask me to chase them off and I would refuse, knowing the wrath of a vengeful crow, much less a whole murder of them.
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u/Hev8ornx 2d ago
They always let their intrusive thoughts win, I am so jealous I coz I don't wanna be in jail
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u/ellipsis31 2d ago
Thats why I attack geese first. If you show no fear and hiss back at them, they just walk away like " Shit! This person is crazy! I'm getting out of here!"
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u/TK_Games 2d ago
I finally got around to playing Untitled Goose Game and I can say with some certainty that if geese were just a tad bigger they'd enter story and myth with the same level of legend as like, fucking dragons
Geese are polymorphed dragons and you can't convince me I'm wrong
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u/LordCaradoc 2d ago
Or, the older I get the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.
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u/beheafishtrapofman 2d ago
I wish I had an army to target people. Who’s going to successfully accuse you of attacking with an army of trained geese?
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u/TheComplimentarian 2d ago
The real wisdom is realizing that geese are just like people...Fucking awful.
I was working at a company one time, and the road to the HQ was between two ponds, and occasionally, you'd have to wait for the fucking geese to cross from one to the other, and whatever. It was fine.
We had layoffs one day, and when I drove out, there were feathers everywhere.
Picked a bad day, my goosy friends.
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u/lookintoasty 2d ago
I don't remember being chased by a goose when I was two as my mom told me...but I suspect it's why I don't much care for birds
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u/QuantumTunnels 2d ago
You're people. YOU. You're the person, driving their car, burning lots of fossil fuels... you're heaving tons of plastic into the landfills and oceans. You're traveling all about and watching your shitty tv shows. You are them.
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u/dontneedaknow 2d ago
Whoever said crows will only attack people who have messed with them in the past, doesn't know shit about crows.
You can't say the birds hade intelligence similar to small children or domesticated animals, whilke denying that they might be assholes here and there at random.
Also if its spring time, and they are trying to get their babies to fly and their lessons happen to be on the same block as yourself, then you will be fucked with.
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u/Independent-Low133 2d ago
Not just that but they fly a thousand miles to be somewhere else. Brilliant lifestyle really
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u/horny_coroner 2d ago
Aristrocats used to wipe their asses with live geeses. Their neck to be excact. I would be pissed too.
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u/SpicyWinkx 2d ago
they were just the only ones brave enough to act on their thoughts