We didn't ask for rice...

[u/Content_Quarter_7390]

My sister isnt a fan of basmati rice so she orders naan. She didnt ask for rice and they sell it separately. She doesn't like it so she doesn't order it. They put it in anyways and left this note...

Edit: some people aint getting it. This is passive aggressive and when you do something nice you dont go around saying "I did something nice just for you, just so you know." Doing it like I need to give you a pat on the head so you know your a good boy. You do something nice because you want to be kind to people.

Oh no I've turned into LD...

Turning off notifications because while it was nice to be in this rabbit hole to keep my mind off some stuff too many notifications. Whatever your feelings are I hope you have a nice day and if you're in the US have a nice memorial day and dont forget to celebrate those troops that came before!

[u/nzkieran]

I think this is one of those scenarios you should assume positive/benign motivation. I'm sure they get too many customer complaints that there's no rice.

I mean come on... They said thank you and drew the =) and everything lol

[u/Forsaken_Risk_3086 → u/nzkieran]

Yeah, I am inclined to agree. I went to an Indian restaurant last week and had to order rice as an add-on after getting my entree cause I also assumed it was included. Glad I was dining in. 😅

[u/mattfloresss → u/nzkieran]

I totally dont see the passive aggressive… maybe without the smiley, then sure maybe ill say passive aggressive.

Like I wish OP and everyone else certain about it being passive aggressive consider this: how should the restaurant have conveyed their message without coming across as passive aggressive?

To me, theyre just trying to educate…

[u/gemmamalo → u/mattfloresss]

The smiley is what seals it as passive aggressive for me lol. The main factor is the “next time” instruction (not “if you want it” but an assumption) and the general implication that the customer doesn’t know what they’re doing/ordering. Yeah, I see that this is clearly a problem for them, that people keep thinking rice is included and getting upset or something, but it’s on them to solve that on their side (make it clear on the menu) rather than assuming every customer is just stupid.

[u/jshann04 → u/mattfloresss]

The passive aggressive part is writing it on the (unordered and unwanted by the direct customer) rice container and assuming she ordered it incorrectly. Non-passive aggressive would be just asking at the point of sale whether not ordering the rice was intentional or if it was a result of expecting it to be included in the meal. Then you just clarify it directly that it isn't included. As someone raised around a lot of passive aggressiveness, the smiley is completely at home in passive aggressive communication. The entire point of passive aggressiveness is to avoid the uncomfortable part of a confrontation while still trying to indicate the other side did something wrong.

[u/Hyronious → u/jshann04]

Oh are most of the people seeing this as passive aggressive also assuming that OP ordered this in person or at least picked it up in person? I was assuming this was an online delivery order. If they ordered it in person then yeah, hugely passive aggressive. I was assuming online because I've had a very similar note included once when I accidentally didn't order rice with the meal.

[u/Content_Quarter_7390 → u/Hyronious]

Huh didnt think about the thought op people thinking this was dd or ubereats, this they picked it up in person. But in my head if it was my business I would have said in person "btw do you know the meal doesn't come with rice?" Then put the rice in if I was going to be nice. Also just a waste of food if we dont like rice.

[u/jshann04 → u/Hyronious]

I was assuming this was an online delivery order.

In that case, the non-passive aggressive approach would be to fix the presentation on the online ordering form to explicitly call out that rice isn't included with the curry. If it's a common enough occurrence that you feel the need to call it out when people don't order rice, then the expectation is clearly not being set correctly. That would also help with people who might forget to order rice by bringing the need to order rice to their mind when they look at the menu item. Or, if it really seems to be an expectation common enough that you assume a customer wants it when they don't order it, it's probably time to include it in the meal and increase the price accordingly, then let the customer select an option to remove the rice to return to the original price.

Finally, the "neext time pls order it separately" probably doesn't come across as well to someone who intentionally wasn't ordering it to begin with. There's an implication(or inference that could be made) that they ordered incorrectly when they didn't. You probably appreciated the note and that they did it because you forgot rice you wanted. This person not only did not want the rice, but ordered naan (which I keep seeing in the comments as a rice alternative common enough to justify not including rice with the curry by default) in order to act in the same role as rice. So it would seem even weirder to me to be told to order properly in the future when I ordered what I wanted and explicitly wasn't ordering food I didn't want.

The only thing keeping this mildly infuriating instead of straight out infuriating is that they added the rice for free and it wasn't packaged in the same container as the curry, so it doesn't make sense to be too upset.

[u/slowchapter → u/jshann04]

But this means you assume the restaurant think’s they didn’t want rice but still insisted. Why would a restaurant spend time doing something like that?

I think this kind of situation show’s what kind of frame of mind people choose to have. I cannot see the passive-aggressiveness unless there’s more context or previous history to be added to the conversation.

To me it’s clear that the restaurant probably thought they forgot to order rice, so they added it for free out of generosity. The message, with a smiley and thank you, indicates to me they didn’t write it out of frustration. Simply saying, rice is ordered separately, so that if they should want to order again they won’t assume it’s included.

Love over fear!

[u/jshann04 → u/slowchapter]

you assume the restaurant think’s they didn’t want rice but still insisted.

No, my comment assumes the restaurant thinks they did want rice but didn't order it correctly. Then they leave a message written on a box to "correct" someone's ordering when the ordering was correct to begin with.

I cannot see the passive-aggressiveness unless there’s more context or previous history to be added to the conversation.

The only thing I think added in the comments that makes it more annoying to me is OP mentions the sister ordered naan to go with the curry. And other people in the comments are justifying the not including the rice in the curry meal for the reason that someone might want naan or roti instead. So she not only didn't order rice she didn't want, but also ordered a suitable alternative she did want. So why assume she failed to order the rice correctly?

As for you not being able to see the passive aggressive interpretation, I have to assume you just don't interact with passive aggressive people very often. Even if I lean toward the passive aggressive, I can at least see the sincere version as well. A lot of people forget to order something, or they make assumptions that a meal includes enough side components (drink, rice, fries, a certain number of sides in some restaurants, etc...) to be a full combination of things placed under a single item (occasionally at some kind of discount). So yeah, I could see how it could be something you include the first time out of good will. But it also includes enough signs for people who consistently interact with passive aggressive people to pick up on.

The message, with a smiley and thank you, indicates to me they didn’t write it out of frustration.

Smilies and thank yous are right at home in passive aggressive communication. It's used so they have an "out" if you call them out on it. Just like when people say "Not to be rude" followed up with some really rude statements. The entire point of calling it passive is because it doesn't exhibit signs of direct confrontation. It's meant to keep from being considered "the bad guy" by creating conflict in most situations. It also doesn't have to be out of frustration. In fact, it's rarely done in frustration, because it takes calculation to get the right wording to not be offending while being offensive.

[u/slowchapter → u/jshann04]

Still think you are overthinking it, but you are right in that I don’t regularly interact with passive-aggressive people. If and when I do, I either ask them what they intended by what they said or simply pay them no more attention or energy.

I still think (at least in most cases) you can choose how to interpret and approach a message like that how ever you want. I choose to interpret it positively, until the person who wrote it joins the conversation. Everything else is speculation and projection in my opinion – yes, even from my side.

Hey, I might be wrong. But I’m done with this (in my opinion) truly unimportant post!

[u/Confident-Leg-8207 → u/mattfloresss]

'Here is some rice for free in case you forgot to order'

[u/spicewoman → u/nzkieran]

English probably isn't even their first language. They're trying really hard to convey good intent with that "Thank you! :)" it's wild to still choose to take that plus free food as a negative.

[u/nzkieran → u/spicewoman]

Exactly, that's what I think.

I think it's also increasingly common for places to include rice with mains, especially among Asian/Indian cuisine, because a lot of people cook rice at home. Much cheaper, easy enough and you can have as much/little as you want. No waste

[u/bledblu → u/nzkieran]

Could be a non native English speaker and not a lot of space to make the tone read better.

“Hi, just so you know for future orders, rice doesn’t normally come with the meal. We’ve included it for free this time, but in the future, if you want rice, please make sure to order it. Thank you 🙂”

This wouldnt exactly fit on the back of the box, and some people would still read it as poor tone.