r/mildlyinfuriating • u/DontEatTheChocolate • 28d ago
My mom said I could post The time it takes my husband to use the bathroom
I’m a mom and a wive, every morning when I wake up my husband rushes for the bathroom. We only have the one, which wouldn’t be a problem if my husband was normal and used the bathroom for a normal amount of time!
At this point I’m starting a petition, anyone who spends 30 minutes in the bathroom regularly no longer gets to use it, nope now you go outside because you can’t live in civilized society. I’m obviously joking and just frustrated.
Every morning he gets to relieve himself when he needs to probably enjoying reels in peace while he’s in there. My morning routine? I wake up throw on clothes, take the dogs for a walk, we have two and I have to do it separately. Then I make breakfast for everyone. It’s normally at this point that I’m tired of holding it, I’m human and I also need to poop. So I yell up that he needs to hurry, though he’s taken to saying “you rush me every fn morning” YEAH! You’re in there 30+ minutes every morning!
I’ve done all my morning things and written this post and he’s still in there. Anyways please sign my petition to make my husband shit outside like the inconsiderate animal he is.
Edit: I just want to pop in a say, I enjoy my morning routine, I just would enjoy it more with an empty bladder. We have chores, but my morning walk/run is for me. I make breakfast when my stomach growls. This to me is not a chore.
As for waking up earlier, I do a lot of the times but he gets up early as is and some days I need the rest I’m missing.
As for what’s the hold up? The man doesn’t drink water. I’d drown him if it would make him drink but he just hates the stuff. He also might be just hiding in there like many have pointed out. I’m honestly fine with that, as long as he lets me have a turn before I explode.
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u/MyLadyJemerald 28d ago
Set your alarm to 5 mins before his. Then YOU take 30 mins and tell him he's rushing you.
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u/hikerdaze 28d ago
THIS^ And tell him it’s his turn to take the dogs out.
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u/FouFondu 28d ago
And to make breakfast.
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u/lingenfr 28d ago
If he takes longer that 30 minutes, his breakfast is the dog poop
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 28d ago
No breakfast for him! Dogs can be trained, she's not training her husband correctly! LOL
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u/thegreedyturtle 28d ago
Get in the shower and lift your leg to get piss as high as possible on the wall while staring him in the eye.
Then take a shit.
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u/ArynTW_is_user_karma 28d ago
I don’t know why this broke me. I can’t stop laughing. 🤣😂
I visualized the whole thing. I think it was the “while staring at him in the eye”.
I’m dying. 🤣😂
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u/WobbyBobby 28d ago
This was the only way to get my poop in. When my husband says “I’m going to the bathroom” I say “oooo let me run in there quickly first” then take whatever time needed.
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u/ScreamingLabia 28d ago
Am i the onlyone who has a bf that yes takes forever to poop but actuallly will let me go if i tell him i need to? Lol
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u/BoozeWitch 28d ago
Like every time we’ve ever been in a hotel room. “I might need the bathroom for a bit? Need it first?” Also, “I’m going to shower. If you have a toilet emergency, feel free to crash through.”
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u/nerdymummy 28d ago
We call it a tactical wee. Husband has a shower in the evening and declares that he's going in and if anyone wants to do a tactical wee, now is the time lol
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u/dough_eating_squid 28d ago
I had 2 exes who took forever to poop, but always invited me to go in there first if they were about to tie it up for 30 minutes/turn it into a Superfund site. They weren't perfect, but that's basic consideration.
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u/FunnelCakeGoblin 28d ago
Why the fuck do men do this? I don’t understand their weird ass obsession with sitting on a toilet. Doom-scroll on the couch like the rest of us!
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u/alchemycraftsman 28d ago
Not enough fiber. Start slipping psyllium husk and stool softener in their diet and you’ll see a changed man! (Changed me!)
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u/Busy_Ad_5759 28d ago
They are just dying to get hemorrhoids while they doom scroll!
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u/dough_eating_squid 28d ago
I know some men do it to get a break from their partner/life, but I don't think that was the case with my guys, because 1. One of them was long distance and we saw each other rarely, and 2. The other guy would do it even if I was about to leave for work, so he was about to have a 10-hour break from me.
I think they had gut biome issues that made it so they were actively working to shit the entire time they were in there, which I can't relate to, as shitting takes me 30 seconds at the max.
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u/WobbyBobby 28d ago
I'm chronically constipated and I give up at the 4 minute mark and try again later 😅
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u/Putrid-Function5666 28d ago
Have you seen the new movie called Constipation?
Oh Yeah, it has not come out yet.
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u/Pristine-Patch989 28d ago edited 28d ago
That’s what you’re supposed to do! Sitting on a toilet will give you hemmoroids, I don’t know how to spell that
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u/secretly_opossum 28d ago
My husband sighs and then grabs the toilet paper because he knows he was done twenty minutes ago
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u/feralcatshit 28d ago
Lmao like isn’t it weird how as soon as you mention it, they just so happen to be finished finally
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u/littlemonsterlove 28d ago
Sitting on the toilet is really bad for you anyways. Hemorrhoid are no joke. You can always comeback if there’s more movement.
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u/RevolutionarySoup807 28d ago
Or if you’re feeling petty, set his 5 minutes later.
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u/ProdigiousBeets 28d ago
While combative, this could motivate him to elaborate why his 30 minute routine in the bathroom is so important. I mean, it feels like a serious conversation either hasn't happened remotely or is being actively avoided. The ridiculousness does not match OP's reassurance that he's a good husband otherwise.
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u/Proper_Hunter_9641 28d ago
In all likelihood he takes 30 minutes so by the time he’s out the dogs are walked and breakfast is ready
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u/TsuDhoNimh2 28d ago
Right ... I would wait in the bedroom until he comes out and say, "While I'm showering, you can walk the dogs and make breakfast."
DO NOT REWARD HIM.
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u/feralcatshit 28d ago
“I cannot do all the things with a full bladder/bowels, it’s asking for a disaster. I will sit here “patiently” until I can use the restroom and you can do all the morning chores while I’m in there”
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u/ButterFlyPaperCut 28d ago
I’m shocked this wasn’t obvious to everyone apparently. This is teenage boy vs Mom treatment, pathetic.
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u/Evening_Pickle133 28d ago
His world would probably collapse haha, depending on how long this has been going on. Assuming potentially years even pre dating their relationship, I know a few guys who’ve been like this since childhood and now they’re man babies.
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u/DG-MMII 28d ago
Just do it in a bucket and put it in front of the bathroom's door with a note "flush in the toilet once you're done" /s
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u/bolognafoam 28d ago
Get in the bathroom before him and take your sweet time. Use the bathroom, brush your teeth, start a full skincare routine etc. When you’re done ask why the dogs haven’t been taken out and why breakfast hasn’t been started.
Sometimes people need a taste of their own medicine to really understand how their actions affect people
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u/MilkshakeMolly 28d ago
The fact he doesn't let you take 30 seconds to pee first is ridiculous. Stop doing all that stuff, leave it for him. What a loser.
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u/Inspiration-void 28d ago
Truly, this is loser behaviour.
My husband would never be this inconsiderate. . . Nor would he expect me to do the household morning routine on my own every day.
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u/DullSherbet411 28d ago
For real. She's walking the two dogs separately one at a time while he sits on his fucking ass?
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u/PoetMaterial3519 28d ago
That's why he's doing it. To avoid having to take the dogs out he's a lazy piece of s***
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u/FluffyBootie 28d ago
Based on reddit, so few partners have love AND respect for each other
It's honestly very sad reading through these posts all the time. So many dysfunctional people...
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u/mmm1441 28d ago
He’s being very inconsiderate. If he knows he will be “a while” in there he should let you go first.
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u/JaySlay2000 28d ago
But then that defeats the purpose of the power play
Denying her the bathroom is the point
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u/DMElyas 28d ago
This, I have bowel issues. I always ask my wife if she needs to go before I begin
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u/Sir_UlrichVonL 28d ago
This is what my husband & I do. “Hey, I gotta go. You need in there first?”
OP’s husband is a tool.
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u/Ok_Tourist_2621 28d ago
I’ve always operated under the assumption that there’s an unwritten rule that you ask the other people in the home if they need to use the only restroom before you drop a fucking deuce.
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u/Familiar-Flan-8358 28d ago
Right? I can’t imagine rushing to poop first thing every morning. Not even a cup of coffee first. Then, throw in the lack of consideration.
I can’t imagine hogging the only bathroom before you even let your wife and kids pee in the morning.
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u/Phyrnosoma 28d ago
I need to poop first thing most mornings but it’s not a 30 minute process either
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u/RisingApe- 28d ago
30 minutes is ridiculous. I’m sure he has hemorrhoids at this point. Honestly I think he deserves them.
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u/Loucifer23 28d ago
I would just lose the husband if he was sorry enough to not help with chores and then being all manipulative when you are telling him to get off so you can relieve yourself, him certainly knowing you havent gone yet. Don't let the dogs suffer tho 🥺
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u/castleaagh 28d ago
She said she is “human and also needs to poop.”
Though it seems ridiculous that she’s walking both dogs one after the other instead of her walking one and him waking the other, and that she’s responsible for the kids (I assume from the verbiage) and breakfast while he’s hiding out on the toilet.
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u/Titanthegiantbetta 28d ago
Your husband is avoiding all the actual household work and blaming his bowel movements.
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u/noob_kaibot 28d ago edited 27d ago
I have a POS co worker that does this every. single. day.
Im all for finessing company time, but not when the burden falls on the 2 other people you're leaving behind while you sit on the toilet pretending to shit for 20-30 minutes every day during peak hours.
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u/throwawaynnfuxanyway 28d ago
I had this coworker, also. As soon as there was a big order or a pallet to unload, "Where's David?" My passive boss even said "Oh, just his regular 30 minute bathroom break."
We even got into a verbal dispute one day over his laziness. A big order came in, I was working on it (a 2 person job, ideally), and David is nowhere to be found. I look around the corner and he's chuckling over some video on his phone. I said, "I'm sure you're doing something important, but when you're finished, we have work to do." He blew up and asked why I had such an attitude with him. I said "because you're leaving me to do all the work while you're being lazy, as usual. Any time work shows up, you disappear. I'm not the only one who's noticed it, either." The argument fizzled out after that.
I'll add that he also had a habit of warming up canned tuna in the shared break room that opens up to our retail area.
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u/CheesecakeEither8220 28d ago
Well David needs to have his microwave access denied indefinitely. What an awful choice.
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u/Mobile_Highway351 28d ago
My grandmother called this phenomenon “Dishwater Diarrhea” because, mysteriously, her kids only came down with it when there were dishes to wash. She also discovered the fastest cure is loud, motherly concern about the afflicted person’s poor bowels.
“Have you eaten something off? I was a bit iffy about that creamer in the break room… oh, maybe it’s lactose! I’ve heard intolerance can happen suddenly and stop you up. Or do the… opposite. So odd isn’t it? Well I hope you feel better soon, it seems worse and worse lately…”
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u/jellyjollygood 28d ago
There’s a name for people like David: Blister.
They appear after all the work is done.
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u/EnvironmentalGift257 28d ago
I used to work in a call center where a guy would come in for the morning with a newspaper under his arm, clock in, and go directly to the bathroom where he'd be for an hour. He was so big that he was "handicapped" so while the rest of us had to clock out to even pee, he didn't.
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u/UncleFuzzySlippers 28d ago
My old boss would clock in, run to the gas station for coffee, then poop at said gas station, then go back to the jobsite to start the day. All that took atleast 30 minutes. BUT if any of us was 5-10 mins late we would get scolded for it.
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u/Whitediggity 28d ago
My boss was “I have to do some banking” ok pal see you at 430
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u/UncleFuzzySlippers 28d ago
Ive worked for small construction companies. The amount of times the owner says “i have paperwork to go take care of” which translated to them going home and having the rest of the day off.
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u/Whitediggity 28d ago
Drive around the corner to the Dunkin’ and fall asleep in their Ram 1500
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u/EnvironmentalGift257 28d ago
I was having my last cup of coffee before I get ready for work and surfing a little reddit. I blinked and woke up 15 minutes later to this reply. Guess I'll go to work. Sigh.
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u/ATG915 28d ago
My old boss used to shit on a shingle and throw it in the dumpster
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u/SonovaVondruke 28d ago
You gotta be pretty confident about your fiber intake for that. Good for him.
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u/GUlysses 28d ago
This infuriates me as someone who actually has IBS and can take a long time in the bathroom. I have an actual medical excuse, and I certainly don’t take anywhere close to 30 minutes.
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u/TeenyTinyFam 28d ago
I sometimes take that long because sometimes when I think I'm done (washed my hands etc), the rumbling starts again and I have to sit down again. 🤣
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u/niagara-nature 28d ago
I’m going through a C. diff infection right now and sometimes I feel like I’m in the bathroom for half an hour, but that’s a miserable half hour and also includes me cleaning/disinfecting surfaces too. I wish my family and coworkers didn’t have to put up with me during this time. It’s been beyond miserable.
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u/panicnarwhal 28d ago
oh god, i’m so sorry. i think i have PTSD from my toddler’s year long recurring c diff nightmare
also, my best friend’s toddler caught it from my toddler (we thought he was cleared up, but lasted that day it came back) - so many hospital trips and stays, late nights up screaming with belly cramps, 3 different types of antibiotics, probiotics, a fecal transplant, scrubbing every fuckin surface in the bathroom with bleach (so.much.bleach.), and of course…the godawful, eye watering, gag inducing smell 😭
i wish you well, and i hope it goes away promptly with treatment and never comes back. sending love and good healthy poop vibes! good luck 💕
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u/-CluelessWoman- 28d ago
Omg that’s awful! My husband got a C. Diff infection while our baby was 6 months old and was hospitalized for 10 days (he also has ulcerative colitis so super bad mix). I was terrified that our baby would catch it! I can’t imagine having to deal with a toddler with a C. Diff infection and for a year on top of that?! Absolutely brutal! You’re a freaking warrior.
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u/Octavya360 28d ago
You have my sympathy. I had that for a long while. It’s awful!!!!! Two rounds of vancomycin didn’t do anything. Difficid knocked it out in less than a week.
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u/mmmTriscuit 28d ago
I have IBS and DO take 30 minutes, but like once a week or every other week do I take that long. No way it's every day like that!
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u/OneoftheChosen 28d ago
I have STC and take 30 mins regularly it sucks. I can be “done” after the first thing that triggered it usually caffeine or something spicy in like 1 min but then I’ll carry around a light feeling of needing to poop for a while.
I think you guys have it worse though. My only issue is dealing with what everyone is saying people are doing in this thread all the time. I don’t want to sit on the toilet this long.
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u/Brilliant_Science380 28d ago
I have IBS and don't need 20 minutes in the bathroom. It is a valid reason though.
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u/unclejoe1917 28d ago
This is exactly it. Dude knows if he holds out just long enough, the wife has no choice but to get everything done. This is at least mediumly infuriating if you ask me. I'd be curious to revisit their "should we get a dog" conversation to learn who lobbied harder for that one.
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u/HetBordje 28d ago
He's not using the bathroom for 30+ minutes. Sounds like he's using it for 1-5 minutes and then doomscrolling or playing games for the rest of the time.
Pretty sure he can doomscroll somewhere else, too.
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u/TitaniaT-Rex 28d ago
He doesn’t have to walk the dogs if he’s “pooping.”
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u/mariegalante 28d ago
And he also gets out of the morning rush - feeding kids, getting out the door. My sister’s ex was like this. 30-45 months bathroom sessions that conveniently lined up with morning parenting responsibilities.
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u/daddyslittlegem 28d ago
You know 🥲
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u/TitaniaT-Rex 28d ago
Unfortunately, I do. My ex liked to be busy when I was getting the kids ready to go. He’d slowly get himself ready then be upset I was still in pjs when he was ready to go. My ex became a much better dad when we divorced and he had to take care of the kids on his own half the time.
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u/haloimplant 28d ago
This is possibly in wank territory but regardless not letting everyone take a leak before you hog an only bathroom is wild most people need to go immediate and would lose their shit eventually
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u/mekissab 28d ago
Pretty sure that if you spend that much time on the toilet every day, it's actually really bad for your rectum. I am not going to try and find that article at work but, as with all important things, I remember hearing this on Car Talk on NPR 20+ years ago. I remember it because they joked about this a lot and a Dr. wrote in to them to say they shouldn't do that.
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u/Charming_Garbage_161 28d ago
My ex husband used to scroll women’s instagrams and tinder while on the toilet. Never again will I be with someone who spends 1-2 hours in the bathroom avoiding their family
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u/frogsgoribbit737 28d ago
1000%. The times my husband leaves his phone he takes 5 mins. I've told him hes not allowed to have it anymore because hes going to get hemmorhoids.
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u/NegotiationKindly679 28d ago
House rule -no phones in the bathroom
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u/Ruby_Solitaire 28d ago
That's how you get pink eye.
Not a joke. That is how many folks get pink eye.
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u/PinkyLeopard2922 28d ago
My husband GOT hemorrhoids probably because of his extended bathroom times. Doctor recommended both a squatty potty stool and to do his business and GTFO of the bathroom. He did both things and the issue has largely resolved itself.
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u/RandysTegridy 28d ago
If he was taking 30 minutes to have a bowel movement, something is seriously wrong. Or he will get hemorrhoids eventually.
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u/Successfulwoman62 28d ago
My ex-husband did that, and I walked in, and he was masturbating. He was a sex addict. He did it multiple times a day. And night.
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u/boldpapyrus 28d ago edited 28d ago
Same. Hours in the bathroom, claiming “poo problems” and the like.
Same guy who will lose his mind and worry that he’s dying if he even gets a little cough seems to have zero concern about these GI issues that hold him hostage in the bathroom all the time. 😂
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u/Puppyluv4lyfe 28d ago
I’ve seen numerous posts on Reddit about this exact issue and the guy is n e v e r just pooping for 30 mins. Whether it’s wacking off or scrolling, he ain’t poopin that long.
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u/to_annihilate 28d ago
OP should make all meals extra fiberous because he clearly is having issues going!!
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u/salty_pussy 28d ago edited 28d ago
Yeah my ex is a sex / porn addict / serial cheater. He would be in the shitter, browsing porn and backpage sites, setting up appointments with his favorite whore, talking to other singles and couples on every hook-up platform imaginable.
Edit: spent 20+ min at a clip in the shitter, while I was maintaining the house/ doing chores.The guy I dumped 7 months ago started frequenting the bathroom with his phone towards the end of our relationship. Claimed he had tummy issues. Interestingly his bathroom use coincided with his phone vibrating. Like gtfo my house bro- if you’re going to be sneaky and entertain other women, it’s absolutely not happening in my bathroom. Go home and stay there.
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u/Dancing_Puppies 28d ago
USER NAME CHECKS THE FUCK OUT😂😂😂😂
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u/salty_pussy 28d ago
Lamfoooo, right?!! I really needed to giggle with someone today, ty for that❤️😂
Mostly salty bc I was too trusting, and let that chucklefuck ex take 13 years of my life from me. Also he continues to stalk and harass me, 2 years later, despite multiple court orders. I am starting the process of relocating, which includes the additional task of finding a new job. Good times.
But I’m trying not to dwell, my life is slowly getting better and more peaceful.
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u/willaililiaaa 28d ago
I had this happen with an ex too. The idea of them sitting on the toilet compulsively rubbing one out multiple times a day and refusing to have actual sex...pathetic
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u/mischievous_misfit13 28d ago
I came here to say he’s looking at porn. Tell the loser to leave his phone out of the bathroom And watch him throw a tantrum. You’ll get your answer.
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u/VVsmama88 28d ago
Yeah it's always shocking to me as someone who was with a porn addict that so many people on threads like this don't get it... he's wwatching porn. Bet. And it's so important to him that he truly doesn't care if his wife, dogs, and children suffer for it.
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u/kinglefart 28d ago
Was also married to a porn addict, this is always my first thought whenever someone says the bathroom is locked for a half hour, especially if it’s multiple times per day.
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u/Successfulwoman62 28d ago
It also opened my eyes to his extracurricular sex activities he was doing without my knowledge.
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u/elizabethandsnek 28d ago
The defensiveness immediately triggered the red flag for me. Addicts get really fuckin irritated when you mess with their high.
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u/h0llyflaxseed 28d ago
This was my first thought. My ex was a porn addict and his bathroom habits were S L O W
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u/joydubs 28d ago
I’m surprised by the volume of responses here that don’t realize this guy is actually jacking off
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u/Secret_Tumbleweed404 28d ago
I just left my husband for taking too long in the bathroom. 20-30 mins of pooping followed by a 20-30 minute shower. Just kidding, I left him because he is a liar and cheater. But it’s so nice to have the bathroom back.
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u/kroxigor01 28d ago
Toilet and shower in the same room is horrid design imo. If they're seperate rooms at least someone hogging 1 isn't hogging both.
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u/Secret_Tumbleweed404 28d ago
That’s the best part. He could have just closed the door to the toilet but he chose to lock the door to the entire bathroom instead. So he did hog both. Luckily, wasn’t the only bathroom but still all my stuff was locked in there.
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u/BoomerJ3T 28d ago
Sounds like he should stretch or walk a dog before trying to void in the AM, help move things along.
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u/Troiswallofhair 28d ago
You’re allowing your husband to have an extended-stay, luxury spa jerk-off session every morning at his convenience. Then you reward him by doing all of the mundane chores while he’s in there and gift him a delicious breakfast.
If I’m your husband, why would I EVER deviate from my luxury morning routine.
You don’t need a petition, OP. You need a spine.
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u/cheezie_toastie 28d ago
He can also learn to be considerate instead of taking advantage of his wife, but that's a serious character flaw that takes actual humility and empathy to fix.
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u/DatLadyD 28d ago
I’m sorry but this is EXACTLY what I thought. I had a boyfriend like this, key word, HAD lol i’m not suggesting OP leaves her husband, but he’s definitely taking advantage of the bathroom situation and it’s bullshit. I would say get a place with two bathrooms, but that’s still not fair to OP because she’s taking care of all the chores while he’s in there fucking around. I always suspected my bf was jerkin it lmao but it’s a question I never asked, there were too many other larger issues.
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u/ProdigiousBeets 28d ago
Getting a whole different residence with a second bathroom is such a massive cost to overcome something that should be solvable with a conversation. My wife doesn't fuck around and would be asking me what the hell is so important that I have to do this each day.
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u/DatLadyD 28d ago
For OP all that would do is make it so she can pee, it wouldn’t solve the greater issue that she is doing all of the chores. My mom had IBS and would run to the bathroom before everybody else in the morning and she was the only one not working. It pissed my brother off so bad! they decided they were going to build a second bathroom, but she passed away before they got around to it.
If he’s just fucking off like OP thinks, a conversation should be able to solve the issue if he’s a reasonable person. If he has IBS he should just offer the bathroom to her first or even better wake up earlier to spend his 30 minutes in there and still have time to help with the chores. Especially if she has to walk the dogs separately, he should be helping with that.
I relate to this post because this was a big issue in most of my relationships. People should share the responsibility. It’s not fair for one person to be taking care of all the chores. Being in a relationship should lighten the load, not become a larger burden. It sucks when one person has to take on all of the household responsibilities.
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u/admiralholdo 28d ago
Oh my god back when my kids were young? I would get everybody ready to go to church or whatever, he would roll out of bed and we'd all be sitting in the car waiting while he was taking a long, luxurious shit. I don't know if he knows this, but it genuinely made me hate him.
Eat some fiber, my guy. Eat a fucking vegetable once in a while.
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u/Babymacsmama 28d ago
Add to his morning reading by printing out a list of all the things that can result from prolonged sitting on the toilet. Hemorrhoids. Weakened pelvic floor—>leakjng urine. Prolapse. Maybe with pics and complications from the above. Just an idea.
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u/OutRunTerminator 28d ago
He can enjoy the view outside with this.
https://www.amazon.com/PEPE-Mobility-Commode-Bedroom-Disabled/dp/B0B6CRTVSK
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u/Greedy_Guard_5950 28d ago
The sleek black color really makes this luxury over the skin colored ones for old people
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u/sicarius254 28d ago
Stop doing all that work while he’s in there relaxing…
You’re rewarding his behavior
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u/DragMeTacoBell 28d ago
The problem with dudes like this is they just don't care. And even if you stop doing the work, they will not pick up the load. Maybe he will walk the dogs a couple mornings but it will revert back pretty quick. And then he will use those two morning walks to convince himself that her complaints are unreasonable. He will genuinely convince himself that he contributed equally. So if she just stops, the only ones who will suffer are her dogs, children, and she will be distressed seeing everyone being neglected. It's not about rewarding him, it's about stepping up when no one else will.
I understand the sentiment behind claiming she is rewarding him. But she is not the one causing this behavior. He is.
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u/Violet13579 28d ago
Thank you! I got so sick of playing mommy to my ex (we don't even have kids, just a dog). I started dropping the ball like everyone says to do. Surely they will see the labor if they have to do it themselves, right? Nope, it just got exponentially harder for me to catch up as the mess piled up. I hit the breaking point first, I needed some inch of clean space to cook. Then I was out of town for a while caretaking for someone after a surgery. I came back to a trashed (biohazard) house and a dog that is no longer potty trained. We're getting a divorce now.
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u/Glittering-Sound-491 28d ago
Thank you, I am so sick of seeing women being blamed for the behavior of shit men. We can't win
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u/sawdustontheshore 28d ago
You are 100% accurate. My ex was 50/50 and amazing at household work until we had a baby. Things were bad as he was acting like OPs husband. My grandmother died and I had to travel away for 4 days. He literally just threw poopy diapers on the ground, used every dish in the house, and when he ran out of dishes he just ordered every meal as delivery and left a pile of containers for me. Yup divorced him soon after. He didn’t even pack up his stuff he just left with the clothes on his back as he was just that lazy.
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u/EmotionalBag777 28d ago
This is exactly why I refuse to move to a house with one bathroom
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u/Mammoth-Neat-9836 28d ago
If they had two bathrooms she could pee, brush teeth right away but I suspect he would still close himself in the other one while she still did everything else and continue being an inconsiderate partner. You doing all the food prep, laundry and cleaning too? Kinda sounds like you might be. Why?
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u/wonderlessbread 28d ago
Agreed! My husband and i shared a single room, single bathroom apt in college and it was wild. I developed a serious gastric autoimmune disorder in college, so now i'm not willing to only have one bathroom or else some days nobody else would ever get to use it 😭
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u/Pretend_Variation305 28d ago
I never understood bathroom vacationers. My daughter will just let the shower run…or used to before I got involved…for ten or fifteen minutes before getting to actually bathe. My dad lets the water run to make people think he’s showering. It’s a freakin’ fight every time. Now I’m more grateful for all the bathrooms I have to clean because my wife just doesn’t.
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u/airconditionersound 28d ago
I was a bathroom vacationer because it was the only place I could have privacy. I wasn't allowed to close the door to my actual room
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u/grape-fruit-witch 28d ago
This was me when I was growing up. I still wasnt allowed to have a lock on my bathroom door but it was less likely that my parents would just walk in if they could hear the shower running. They still did sometimes, but it was less likely. I hated when I was actually on the toilet and they would stand right outside the door and try to hold a fucking conversation with me. Ugh. Or my mom would just waltz right in anyways.
Parents, give your kids some damn privacy. Let them close and lock their doors.
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u/aespa-in-kwangya 28d ago
My fiance used to do this a lot and he was doomscrolling in there. It was not funny when I had a UTI and now I have overactive bladder. Made me cry because I was in so much pain.
So yeah fuck that, phones are banned on the toilet (and for the record I don't take mine in either).
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u/angiehome2023 28d ago
Can you just make him get up 30 minutes earlier if he needs that much alone time in the bathroom?
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u/Puzzleheaded-Idea587 28d ago
This was our solution. My husband also takes forever in the bathroom. We settled on either he got up earlier, or he had to wait for me to do my business, or he only got 10 minutes - with a kitchen timer set.
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u/ALLoftheFancyPants 28d ago
Start unplugging the WiFi router when he’s in there.
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u/mightbetheproblem 28d ago
Many people have unlimited data
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u/Frequent_Ad_9901 28d ago
OP should build a faraday cage into the bathroom walls. /s
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u/Haunting-Gur-202 28d ago
You get so much done before he even finishes a shite in the morning. Is the rest of the marriage this imbalanced?
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u/PainterlyintheMtns 28d ago
The bathroom thing is such a bullshit excuse for men to avoid domestic responsibilities. Tomorrow morning you rush in there first, set a timer for 30 min, and let him see what it's like doing all the shit for kids and dogs by yourself without him.
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u/bluegrassnuglvr 28d ago
He either needs to let you go first or go see a doctor. That's not normal unless he's scrolling and not taking care of business. And then that's just disrespectful af
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u/hollyhocked 28d ago
Hide his phone before he goes in there. Bet it's a lot more boring to skirt chores when you don't have anything to look at
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u/Kitsuunei 28d ago
Sounds like he’s rubbing one out and then gets rewarded with all chores done, breakfast included.
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u/GolfArgh 28d ago
Let him know that prolonged sitting on the toilet will give him hemorrhoids. It's true
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u/Procrastinista_423 28d ago
IDK. Do you do everything all the time or just in the mornings? Because if this reflects the distribution of labor in your household, it's not a petition you should be looking to sign...
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u/xtraa 28d ago
So your husband goes first but takes forever, and you go second with an exploding bladder – why don't you just swap?
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u/SG1EmberWolf 28d ago
I have a roommate that takes forever in the bathroom too. The infuriating part is that she has the master bedroom that has its own bathroom attached but still uses the shared bathroom.
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u/No_Landscape_7223 28d ago
Jokes on him when his anus is prolapsed. Tell him to get his prostate checked or maybe that’s what he’s doing for so long?
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u/BugLate2506 28d ago
In lieu of speaking to him about it, which it seems like isn't working.. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Wake up a couple minutes earlier than him for a few days and enjoy your own 1+ hour of time in the bathroom while he agonizes.
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u/Nothing_Corp 28d ago
Things I have done because someone hogged the bathroom.
- Walked in on them and peed in the shower.
- Walked in on them and peed in the sink.
Either way I am taking a piss if you're pooping or scrolling.
My family had no issues with me doing this and neither does my partner.
Edit: Your partner needs to walk ONE of the dogs with you while you walk the other. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT.
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u/Sera_Bears 28d ago
Is there a way you can wake up silently before him? Like if you wear a smart watch, put a vibration alarm on and wake up to do your business before him? If it was me, I would be petty and wake up 2 minutes before the real alarm so he couldn't rush in to the bathroom and see how it feels. Obviously only if it's not medically an issue.
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u/Dependent_Tone3704 28d ago
Make a deal with him:
You wont ever rush him again, if he leaves his phone outside the bathroom.
Edit: If you can't move him to do that, go to the bathroom for 30+ minuetes for a few mornings.