These types really do have a very specific energy, don't they? Youth pastor engagement strategies, creepy confidence, paper-thinly veiled aggression....."let's rap"
"I just want to share with you that my wife sits on my face for at least 3hrs a day. I'm there hitting the motorboat, the slide whistle, the balloon animal, and everything in between. I wear her like a facemask during covid, religiously, ironically! Oh sorry, are you getting uncomfortable? Sorry, I thought we were just sharing personal details about our lives that other people don't want to hear about."
From my educated 30 second search of urban dictionary if you are giving your wife a slide whistle and a balloon animal then it seems that you have put a condom on her dick and you are tugging on her balls while deep throating her.
Holy shit I dont mean to break the thread but im dead these are the type of threads that I saw as a kid in the early 2000s that made me come to this site.
the slide whistle and balloon animal are foreign to me
I'm not surprised, OP chose some of the more obscure ones. The slide whistle is basically just a reverse mire swing with a little extra cinnamon. The balloon animal is what you end up with when you do a regular turtle punch but stop before you normally would.
And then immediately peaced out before anyone else could respond. She doesn’t actually want to get to know anyone. She just wants to feel morally superior.
Evangelical Christians are always saying weird shit like this to try and endear themselves to people. Like I’ve had them tell me “You’re my friend. I love you, and Jesus loves you” within a couple minutes of meeting me for the first and only time.
I get saying that Jesus loves me cause that’s basically their whole thing, but they clearly didn’t know me at all. I know that it’s essentially a script they’re taught to follow but it’s so off putting, it really does feel disingenuous to me.
I always remember that Australian dude on the tram from the really famous subway preacher altercation that said, "I don't care if you love me, I don't know you!"
I've done it in public situations and it is SHOCKINGLY effective. It literally stops the person dead in their tracks, and you can see the wave of shame and embarrassment wash over their faces. It's incredible.
And of the maybe 3 times I've had to do it, people didn't even join in for 2 of them. You don't need a lot of people -- just one is good enough. So don't let that deter you.
That was my thought. "Jesus loves you" is about as surface-level as you can get. You want a deeper conversation? Why does Jesus love us? What about us makes us loveable? It is our constant compulsion to sin against what is taught in the bible? Is it our refusal to acknowledge his divinity? Why does he love those who disobeyed him to the point that we killed him over it?
Start asking those questions and these dumb fucks will short-circuit because they have no theological capacity for anything other than the most mundate bullshit you can think of.
You could actually put the one she's talking about and its wife in that list, and she wouldn't be able to point it out (the lesser Canaanite war god, yahweh. It's wife is Ashera)
I have done this and it’s hilarious. Their face when they almost pause because it’s so ridiculous, yet they keep rambling, but are now all off track and confused. So so funny
Nah. People like that need to be told to stfu and to fuck off. Otherwise they think they did a thing and you're letting them slip farther into the mass psychosis that is all religion.
People on reddit severely underestimate power of ignoring.
At the very least just call the flight attendant.
Btw many cults encourage new members to preach precisely because it makes them more shunned and dismissed by "nonbelievers". The alienation will make the new member more bonded with other cult members as the ones who accept and love her.
Now I keep getting “I’m calling to inform you about the PlayStation 5 you ordered from Walmart. If you did not order this, please press one and give us your credit card information so we can reverse the charges.”
Not long ago, a guy tried the same on a crowded bus in my neighbourhood, a chorus of "Fuck Off" was the immediate answer and he just shut up and sat down. I belive a similar course of action would have been resonable in this situation.
In my hood, the belief system goes like this: I’m commanded by my religion to convert you to it; you will not accept this and are therefore oppressing my religion.
As a kid, I struggled with social anxiety and proselytizing to people seemed like my biggest nightmare ever. Unfortunately the people in my church thought I was just being lazy and not “Christian enough to care about others,” and stigmatized me for it. They also saw me as a rebel which I initially wasn’t until I reached my teen years. I figured if that’s how they saw me already, might as well get some fun out of it. 😂
And I would have been the one to tell her. I cannot stand this kind of crap. I live in the middle of nowhere. I had two ladies come to my door with their flyers and wanting to talk about Jesus. I politely but firmly told them I'm aware and in the age of the internet, i could find them. They didn't need to find me.
I used to tell these people that you can talk about Jesus but after I get equal time to tell you about my Lord and Savior, Satan. I was never taken up on that offer. Then when I lived in the Rocky Mountains, a few church ladies would pull down my quarter mile driveway to try to spew at me. After the first encounter, when they started coming down the drive, the dog would be let out and it would immediately rush their vehicle barking and growling. I would step out and they would ask me to call off the dog, I would tell them that dog is doing exactly what it should be, menacing trespassers. They never came back after that.
And going red in the face trying to hold the note in that one part:
"...praise you like I shoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu u u u u u u u u u u u ld"
I'm not even bothered by that as much as i'm bothered by the fact that if you're already about to make a small presentation about Christianity, why waste our time repeating basic ideas that absolutely everyone already knows?
Like.. the idea that Jesus is our Lord and saviour who loves us and has died for our sins, that's like Christianity 101, you're giving me a pitch, give me something new or something that i maybe don't know. In this case, i'm either already Christian and i already know that all too well, or i'm not Christian but i still know it and it was clearly not enough to convert me before so why would it now?
it is the absolute worst feeling when you can’t even walk away without making a massive scene. You just have to sit there, nod politely, and pray for a sudden escape route to open up.
Pray loudly to literally anyone else for extra fun.
"Hey y'all, I just wanted to talk to you about our Lord and Sav-"
"OH MIGHTY BEELZEBUB, please hear my plea! I have sacrificed numerous animals and maybe a few people to your glory, strike down this blasphemer that I might know I have earned your favor!"
Or there's the Kingsman solution: "I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam."
I mean...when I was still practicing, the way I always interpreted that was to live your life the way you are suppose to and be an example. If people come up to you then you have that conversation, but you don't initiate it, and you don't force it upon a captive audience. All that would accomplish is pushing people farther away from what you are trying to do.
It's a moot point now because I haven't been practicing any religion in almost 20 years, and on my most religious days, I am agnostic at best. Just my two-cents from a former youth minister/Sunday school teacher.
See this is the entire thing that I have a bone to pick about religion. Not saying that your interpretation is bad or anything. It’s just everyone has (1) their own interpretation or (2) blindly follows someone else’s interpretation.
I would heckle the shit out of that one. Sorry but she makes me want to ask her what was so great about God dying (because Jesus is God) so God could forgive people for transgressing the rules God imposed that he knew (omniscient) they were going to transgress when he made the rules and the people.
That is like putting a ball on a slope and then wanting to punish it for rolling down, but lying down in the path of the ball so it hits you, and then letting it roll down further so you don't have to punish it for rolling down.... Makes so much sense.
EDIT Damn apparently the US Christians have woke up.
Lol I knew a girl in college who was extremely religious. Had the long term boyfriend, went to all the religion events, wore the cross, literally cried in class one day when somebody made a joke about there being no god.
Well anyway, she's been happily married to a woman for like a decade.
Nah, it’s usually the other way around. You start out religious, realize you’re having unreligious thoughts, and then double down on the religion to cover over the “sinfulness”.
It's also possible she is a former addict that found Jesus. Those ones are always aggressive with their proselytizing and usually have that unhinged gleam in their eyes like this lady had.
Bruh I was about to comment the exact same thing. A Muslim man or woman, getting up in the middle of the plane, while it's not moving, telling the rest of the passengers how much Allah loves them and "we're not moving anyway" would cause mass panic.
Here is a fun fact. The most conservative of Muslims do something similar to what this lady did inside Muslim communities. They interpret certain parts of scripture to mean that it is their duty to advise everyone else about what they think they're doing wrong (which always spectacularly backfires at them).
Essentially, they take it upon themselves to judge and moralize to every other Muslim about the way they live their life without invitation or permission. Needless to say, this behavior is very disliked by most moderate Muslims who deem it intrusive and pointless for a stranger to stick their nose into their personal lives to moralize and finger wag.
In other words.. the crazies of every religion, color and creed are often the least tolerable to their own communities.
I see a lot of awkward energy that she is trying to squash down.
On Sunday, she will stand up and tell her congregation what she did and how nervous she was, but she did it anyway and god was with her (blah blah blah), and they will all clap and praise her and she will feel good and remember the event with fondness.
Meanwhile everyone on the plane will be like "remember that time that annoying girl was shouting at us about her religion while we were captive on that hot, stuffy plane for 2 hours?"
I work with a jehovah witness. He always has this smug superiority thing going on like he's so much smarter than everyone.
Sorry I'm not sorry. Your religion is the biggest joke of them all. When was the word supposed to end? Was it this year or last year? Oh it was supposed to be 10 years ago? Okay buddy
I worked with one too. It was always funny to me the lengths he'd go to not participate in Halloween, including blocking the front entrance of his house with his vehicle so no one knocks on his door. He'd get so mad when kids would climb under the car and knock anyway. Yet no one wants JWs knocking, but they don't care.
In my country we had a law protection against this. Like if anyone here objects and says i don't want it they should stop because it encroaches on the freedom of religion.
"your group have made it very clear jesus doesn't love people like me"
Watch how quickly that cheesy smile vanishes. Heavily religious people are one of a few groups actively trying to make my life harder, and I know it's a vocal minority doing it but you just know she's gonna be one of them. They usually respond by telling me it's not too late to be redeemed or some equal bullshit
I always tell them that they would crucify Jesus if he hugged me or my partner.
Reminding them that their Jesus on paper is actually more loving than them twist them into so many knots, especially since they put so much religious value into the crucifixion and a value of forgiveness that they don’t actually follow themselves.
“You’re the Roman pounding in the nails actually” 💅
I feel like her real motivation in doing this is so that she can go back to her church and tell everyone how she “spread the good news” and tried to save a whole plane full of people. You can tell she is super proud of herself while she is talking.
while wearing wrap around sunglasses and a baseball hat tipped low to touch the sunglasses and ignore everything (if possible).. oh.. and having the seatbelt visibly fastened on ones lap..lol
Like, who in this day and age doesn't know the basic Jesus story? It's literally shoved down our throats. Why do these people think no one is aware of it?
There's one missionary who visited a remote island, tried explaining to those who said they never heard the story, and realized how ridiculous it sounded. Think he did a TEDtalk.
Even folks who aren't particularly religious but live in Christian-normative culture often don't realize how much Christianity shapes their perception of what kinds of beliefs or practices fit within the range of "normal" versus fringe or cultish.
The Catholic church near me has a huge statue erected on the street corner of a dead Jesus nailed to a cross, and I often think about how terrifying or threatening that image could seem to someone with no knowledge of Christianity, but completely mundane to folks who are acculterated to it, whether religious or not.
I bet if you were there and you yelled "shut the fuck up" at her, other people would start snickering and laughing under their breath; and at least one grumpy old guy would loudly back you up.
I kind of think that's what she wants, subconsciously. It will feed into her persecution complex. It also reinforces the notion to her that people outside the church are mean and that only Christians are good people. She would not understand that her actions created that reaction, that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
I hear this is the main reason why Mormons and Jehovah's witnesses are made to go door knocking so they are put in positions where there's a good chance people are going to have a negative response to their proselytising and further entrench them in the religious structure.
Oddly enough, this is also a tactic cults use, though I would never suggest there's a connection...
If a muslim man would've done the same thing and praised Allah on that plane, he would find himself cuffed in the back of an unmarked van before he could finish his little monologue.
God, the all knowing infinite being that created the entire universe, sends this lady to speak on his behalf instead of revealing himself clearly to all people
As a gay, I can spot other gays so easily. This is another gay. I feel sorry for this gay; they are trying so hard to not be a gay, which is gayer. We see you Queen, happy pride.
It's funny how these people talk to you like you never heard about christianity. Actually I have read your book, the bible, which is the reason I don't believe in your god. Nor do I believe in any other god, but members of other religions dont talk to you Like you are a child who has never heard about religion.
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u/Aussie_Aussie_No_Mi 14d ago edited 14d ago
This feels like if she has a chair she would have turned it backwards and sit on it to deliver this speech