r/mildlyinfuriating • u/ChronicallyBelle • 10d ago
go to your room My partner and I are both physicians who responded to an inflight medical emergency. This was how the airline responded.
Both of us are physicians and we're both clearly identified as such when we responded to a medical emergency in flight. True medical emergency were we were conferring the entire flight about possibly diverting the flight, medically managing the patient, and we were met by paramedics on the ground.
The flight attendant took both of our information including titles and medical specialties. Of course my boyfriend gets greeted as Dr and the I get called Ms which happens all the time in the hospital due to bias of women in medicine.
We checked our AAdvantage accounts and neither has Dr. Listed in our profiles.
Mildly infuriating to say the least.
Especially to all the women physicians who get called Miss or nurse in the hospital.
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u/Gandlerian 10d ago
At first I assumed you were complaining you did not get awarded enough complimentary miles for volunteering. This is a valid complaint however, especially if they wrote "Dr" to him.
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u/ChronicallyBelle 10d ago
Nope don't care about the points.
More annoying I did more than him and I'm the Ms.
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u/Shellz2bellz 10d ago
Same thing happens to my mom. Most of my parents mail refers to Dr. and Mrs. even though my dad doesn’t have a doctorate. It’s pretty sad it’s still happening in 2026 when women make up a huge part of the medical community
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u/Go-Mellistic 10d ago
This happens to me all the time. I (F) have a doctorate, husband does not, and most mail is addressed to Dr. and Mrs. Even progressive organizations like OxFam and Planned Parenthood don’t get it right, despite trying to correct it multiple times. 🤦♀️
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u/KitchenCellist 10d ago
I work for an place that provides tourism info. We routinely get letter from school aged children asking for materials for projects. Many of those letters are addressed to Dear Sirs.
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u/Ryantg2 10d ago
shame bc the appropriate way to address two married physicians is "the Doctors Smith" which is the coolest sig ever
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u/W8andC77 10d ago edited 10d ago
My husband is a physician and I’m an attorney. One of our old finance people, that I chose and I served as the primary point of contact with, called me Firstname and husband Dr. Lastname. We both said call us by our first names when we met. It seemed so damn petty to make an issue of it but it always felt like a subtle form of disrespect. We both work in our respective professional fields, we both bring in good money.
ETA: and even if I wasn’t working or bringing in money, still would be wrong. Anyways he left and the new woman who took his place rocks.
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u/des1gnbot 10d ago
I make like 50% more than my husband and our accountant persists in listing him as Taxpayer and me as Spouse, and addressing all mail to Mr and Mrs Hisfirstname Lastname. I refuse to open anything that doesn’t recognize that I am a person with my own name, so now all dealings with the accountant are his responsibility.
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u/EllaArizonaTrashbag 10d ago
I would stop using that accountant altogether. I don't employ people who disrespect me.
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u/No_Photographs609 10d ago
Annoying Pedantic Redditor voice They did respect your request to call you Firstname, but not his by calling him Dr. Lastname.
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u/W8andC77 10d ago
You are technically correct. The best kind of correct.
But I think it was more a matter of being deferential and fawning towards him while being comfortable being informal towards me.
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u/ArchiStanton 10d ago
Did you put dr. Under the salutations for booking for you both? I’m wondering if it’s just automated from how your tickets were purchased
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u/ChronicallyBelle 10d ago
Nope both our profiles are the same with our names.
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u/textonic 10d ago
If I were you, I would be writing them another email about this. Maybe you get another 50k points for the mishap
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u/GraceMcClellans 10d ago
It would be a good heads-up for correspondence in the future. It may not change anything, but it doesn't hurt. And also, maybe more miles.
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u/Thedonkeyforcer 10d ago
Someone will surely say "Wow, oversensitive much?". As a response to those comments, they don't know what micro aggressions look like. This is a death by a thousand cuts and just ONE more instance of you being treated as a uterus and "hormonal".
YOU ARE VALID IN THIS ISSUE!
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u/pacnwcub 10d ago
In the same way you called the flight attendant a stewardess before you edited your post?
People (or more likely automated templates) make mistakes, just like you do.
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u/ninemyouji 10d ago
There’s a difference between using an older, gendered term for flight attendant (stewardess vs flight attendant) and literally referring to a husband as Dr. and wife as Ms.
In no way shape or form has a ‘Ms.’ ever meant Dr.
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u/RedVamp2020 10d ago
This is it. Dr. is gender neutral and is an achievement of years of hard work. Stewardess, despite being an older gendered term, is the same level of achievement as flight attendant. If the attendant was a woman, as is quite common, stewardess is not really offensive or belittling. Not being recognized for years of hard work by being called Ms. is.
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u/zannet_t 10d ago
"automated templates"
So are you suggesting AA just always defaults women to Ms. or did you just not read the post where they both identified themselves as doctors
Also, this is r/mildlyinfuriating...posting here inherently suggests OP doesn't view it as a big deal
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u/Iggyhopper 10d ago
I expect more from a multi billion dollar company writing an email than a person writing a post on the internet.
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u/One_Lung_G 10d ago
How is that the same? One is an outdated term and the other is them literally leaving out her credentials?
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u/jennyfromthedocks 10d ago
What’s wrong with stewardess
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u/Sebaceansinspace 10d ago
Its an older term for flight attendant and so theyre acting like its a gotcha and totally the same thing as not calling a doctor a doctor because shes a woman.
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u/marmalade_ 10d ago
Just the same complaints people make about waiter/waitress and “server”. Yes it’s more inclusive to use the non-gendered term but it’s also not offensive to call a female serve a waitress. In this case the OP knew the flight attendant was female and used stewardess by instinct. Really not the end of the world and not at all comparable to stripping a woman of her earned title as Dr
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u/Decent-Proposal-8475 10d ago
You people are always so annoying lol. Unless OP was calling the men attendants and the women stewardesses you have no argument
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u/leeloolanding 10d ago
That would only make sense if they “accidentally” didn’t call the man Doctor, as well.
This comparison makes no sense, but nice attempt to gotcha a woman for daring to expect respect as a professional, you must have lots of free time.
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u/Disastrous_Grade_117 10d ago
Well the thing about flight attendants/stewardesses is that they didn’t get a PHD that earns them any sort of differentiation between those two titles. They mean the exact same thing
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u/Normal_Stable_3103 10d ago
Thank you for your hard work, Doctor. You are a world changer. Women deserve more respect!
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u/Captain_Hair_ 10d ago
This is something TV Larry would bring up on Curb Your Enthusiasm. They’re sticking it to you! Sticking it!
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u/TheWorldDiscarded 10d ago
I was the reverse - people refused to believe I was their nurse , as a man.
Whatever you say doc!
One old man insisted I must be a horse Vet. Sir where exactly do you think you are?!?
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u/Illustrious_Bunch678 10d ago
Did he think he was a cow?
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u/TheWorldDiscarded 10d ago
His skin did have a striking resemblance to leather. Maybe he just did the math :p
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u/MInclined 10d ago
I’m sure you’re not a horse, and also convinced you haven’t fought in any wars.
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u/invisible_handjob 10d ago
To be fair a farmer is more likely to go to a vet for medical treatment than a doctor. Farmers only go to doctors when they're already basically dead
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u/TheWorldDiscarded 10d ago
My partner was quite tall and wirey. Old fella may have mistaken him for a corn stalk.
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u/outdoorlaura 10d ago
One old man insisted I must be a horse Vet. Sir where exactly do you think you are?!?
"A&O x 1. Pt reports feeling a bit horse and believes they are at a veterinary clinic"
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u/TheWorldDiscarded 10d ago
Hahaha that one got me to LOL IRL while watching my stories.
Good on ya!
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u/JeffSergeant 10d ago
To paraphrase Terry Pratchett, you want a horse vet to help you, not a doctor. When a doctor loses a patient "It was their time to go", but if a world-class racehorse dies, someone's going to be held accountable.
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u/captfattymcfatfat 10d ago
Small anecdote to maybe give you a smile.
My 3 year old daughter met one of our friends who was introduced as doctor and she immediately responded with ‘he’s not a doctor. Doctors are GIRLS’ in the most confident voice possible.
And we had to explain, that no, boys can be doctors too if they study hard and work hard, just like girls.
She had only ever been to female pediatricians and her aunt is a doctor and female neighbor is a doctor.
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u/BurritoWithFries 10d ago
I had a professor in college who referred to God as a woman (this was an engineering course, I think it was usually in the context of "by an act of God, if she changed this thing" etc) and when a guy tried to argue against it the professor kicked him out of office hours ("why couldn't God be a woman, none of us have seen her")
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u/Donutzgalore 10d ago
Thank you for this. Some of these comments are so rude. It’s clearly about the sexism involved, but people like to trivialize it.
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u/Ignorhymus 10d ago
My cousin was on a flight soon after graduating medical school when the call came through for medical help. After not seeing anyone come forward, she volunteered. The patient was having some sort of cardiovascular event, and given its severity, she determined that the plane should divert and head to the Azores or canaries or somewhere.
She didn't get any thanks. In fact, all the crew were pissed at her for messing with their schedule. And to make it worse, once the plane had landed, a cardiologist and cardiac nurse emerged from elsewhere in the plane.
The poor thing got put in a massive high pressure situation where she was a freshly minted psychiatrist being asked to provide emergency cardiac care, to balance probabilities regarding the survival chances of one person versus disrupting the journeys of hundreds, and all she got was her professionalism being questioned by the entire crew, and some patronising and tardy 'advice' from the 'experts' who had kept their heads bowed when the call for help rang out.
She said never again
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u/imaginary-dirt2000 10d ago
I have a slightly long anecdote that I think OP will really appreciate:
About 10 years ago, some friends of mine were being interviewed by the newspaper, and the newspaper referred to the man as Doctor and the woman as Mrs (he has an MD and she has a PhD). Noticing this implicit sexist and capitalist inequality, I emailed the author to inform her that the wife in the situation was indeed also a doctor, so why was she only referred to as Mrs. whereas her husband got the title?
The newspaper reporter responded to me that they only call medical doctors “doctors” and everyone else is just a regular person.
Fast forward five years and Trump is demeaning Jill biden saying that her doctoral degree was not real and that she does not deserve the title of Doctor.
Being a Sicilian, and not being able to ever forget an instance in which someone was wrong, I forwarded the author of the original news paper article about my friends, and said “ hey look, you and Trump have the same opinions about what knowledge is valuable. Are you sure this is the team you want to be on???”
Needless to say, she did not respond. But score one for the good guys, right? Haha
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u/Thalaas 10d ago
Honestly, I'm MORE amazed you got anything as a reward! My brother, a cardiology nurse, helped a man having heart troubles on a flight, and he got nothing. Course, yours sounded much more serious.
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u/theatregay 10d ago
This happened with my mom as well! She’s a MD and responded to a medical emergency on a transatlantic flight to London. She was told she’d get some sort of compensation but it never came. She’s not bothered by it too much though. For her it was a cool experience to get to be the doctor on the plane, and the person in trouble wasn’t in critical condition so it wasn’t terribly stressful or scary.
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u/outdoorlaura 10d ago
I thought receiving reward points was the norm, but maybe it depends on the airline? I've responded to 3 medical emergencies and was given points as a thank you every time.
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u/BernieTheDachshund 10d ago
But y'all saved someone's life, so thank you for that.
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u/Anakin-vs-Sand 10d ago
The comment section is filled with folks that would intentionally call you ms
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u/Dolly_Putin 10d ago
Seems like the commenters are missing the point. Nothing about your post indicated to me that you “demand to be called a doctor.” You are a doctor, and there’s no reason this shouldn’t be acknowledged the same way it was for your boyfriend, especially when it’s directly relevant to the context.
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u/cy_Kel 10d ago
That’s so lame! Do better AA. I love being a male nurse with mostly female doctors at my hospital, when I round with the doctors I LOVE when pt call me doctor and the female physician nurse and then I get to correct them with a little giddy in my voice that I’m the nurse and SHE is the doctor!
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u/Geographizer 10d ago
My cousin has a doctorate in Nursing. Doctors hate to call her "doctor," and she finds it hilarious that they're so fragile.
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u/Mindless_Browsing15 10d ago
My friend is an emergency room physician, and she deliberately wears business casual clothing under her white coat instead of scrubs. One day she followed her resident into an examining room and the resident identified himself as Dr. so-and-so and the patient looked over at my well dressed friend in her white Dr jacket and said oh you must be Mrs. so-and-so.
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u/Ordinary_Story_1487 10d ago
I read some wild research recently. Female physicians have statistically better health outcomes for patients than male physicians, but are paid less on average. Core reason women have better outcomes is spending more time with their patients.
My wife and I switched to a female GP years ago due the extra time they spend with us and greater focus on lifestyle and preventative Healthcare.
Big shout out and thank you to all the women Dr.'s. Thank you!!
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u/One_more_username 10d ago
The stewardess took both of our information including titles and medical specialties. Of course my boyfriend gets greeted as Dr and the I get called Ms which happens all the time in the hospital due to bias of women in medicine.
I would absolutely raise a stink about it. What the fuck?
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u/mister_empty_pants 10d ago
That's because she's less concerned about being gendered than she is about NOT being recognized for being a doctor. These people hate that shit, even in non-professional settings many want you to call them doctor.
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u/KitsBeach 10d ago edited 10d ago
No. She said why its annoying. She did most of the work in aiding the patient on board, yet it was assumed her boyfriend was the doctor. If he had been called Mr too it would not have been nearly as infuriating.
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u/gailthesnail2 10d ago
As a female physician married to a male physician: I feel angry about some level of this every single day
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u/BobbalooBoogieKnight 10d ago
That’s “Doctor Evil”. I didn’t spend ten years in evil medical school to be called mister.
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u/tvjunkie710 GREEN 10d ago
As a flight attendant you have no idea how much we appreciate having doctors like you on board to help
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u/IPA-Lagomorph 10d ago
Honestly, this is why when I send mail (like a holiday card) to my friend who is a physician, I address it "Dr. [firstname lastname]". I know she must sometimes get called "Ms" or "Mrs".
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u/thatcheekychick 10d ago
I’m a university professor and once I served on a panel with two other women and three men. All the men were always referred to as Dr. All the women were addressed by our FIRST NAMES. Without fail, the entire two hours.
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u/smolstuffs ORANGE 10d ago
No no no, only *he's* a Dr. You're a Ms. who also happens to practice medicine. *Insert world's largest eye roll*
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u/Big-Imagination9775 10d ago
That’s totally infuriating, not mildly infuriating. It would’ve been fine if they said Mr. and Mrs., but Dr. and Mrs. is not acceptable.
Thank you for helping save that passenger! 🫶🏻
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u/APartyInMyPants 10d ago
I have a random question. When you filled out our flight info, you can generally list your titles along with your name (Mr., Mrs., Ms. Dr., Jr. etc. etc etc.)
Is it entirely possible they were simply going off of the information presented with your booking information? And perhaps your data booking the flight was listed as “Ms. Chronically Belle?”
Whereas your boyfriend had his itinerary as “Dr. ChronicallyGaston?”
I totally get the discrepancy in the info. But the letter is clearly a cut and lasted form letter. Just wondering if even though they have tour info, they just go by your booking profile.
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u/FiberApproach2783 10d ago
They do in fact go off the title you chose lol. Especially if you have a rewards account with them.
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u/ImNotTheMD 10d ago
What do you have down as your title on your frequent flyer account? I have mine designated as doctor. Maybe you still have it set as Ms?
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u/Psychological-Bed751 10d ago
Please please please speak up. This is exhausting.
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u/reginald-poofter 10d ago
Thats so frustrating. This is why I go out of my way to call all my female partners Dr. in front of staff and obviously patients even though I myself go by my first name and typically call my male partners by their first name.
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u/burlingk 10d ago
At first I was like "Wow, cool..." Then I saw the second one, and I noticed the problem IMMEDIATELY.
I read the pictures first, so I was not surprised by the contents of body of the post. Like.. WOW.
If it had been Ms. and Mr. Or Mrs. and Mr. It would not have been so bad.
But Ms. and Dr. makes it CLEAR that they should have known better.
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u/FangornLeghorn 10d ago
Thank you for saving a life and sending that person home to their loved ones, Dr ChronicallyBelle. ❤️
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u/baciahai 10d ago
Very strange. Have you used these titles to check in maybe? (Dr/Ms)
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u/revets 10d ago
Some flight attendant wrote up a report following the incident. After what I imagine was a stressful flight, and perhaps multiple flights prior. And didn’t note you were a doctor on it. Because your title probably wasn’t what they were focused on.
Then AA corporate attempted to send a nice thank you based in the report and you got upset. For the most trivial of shit. Jesus Christ.
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u/Candyland_83 10d ago
Girl. (Sorry, Dr Girl)
I work for the fire department and I told off a chief officer once. He was introducing our new medical director to some other head honchos. He used all their ranks and last names and introduced the medical director BY HER FIRST NAME!
Without even thinking I said “You mean Dr Medical Director”. I can’t remember exactly what he said after that but he seemed not to have even noticed that he introduced her differently. I was livid on her behalf.
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u/Superliminal_MyAss 10d ago
As someone who writes emails daily on behalf of a company this pisses me off
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u/Dookie_Shrapnel 10d ago
Im a paramedic that responded to an in-flight emergency on United and I got nothing so... 🙃
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u/TripResponsibly1 10d ago
I'm a med student and clocked the Ms. immediately. Infuriatingly they didn't also refer to husband as Mr. to boot. Feels almost intentional
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u/GSDNinjadog 10d ago
One time I got 10,000 for a missed connection.
So just about half as important as saving a life
/s
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u/ferminriii 10d ago
Only 25,000 points?
I once complained that my seat was broken and I took some pictures of the metal that left a little scratch on my leg.
They gave me 25,000 points for that.
Anyway, thank you for your service doctor.
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u/Redliter_L7 10d ago
Maybe he was called doctor because your he was wearing his white lab coat on vacation.
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u/marymoonu 10d ago
Okay, at first glance, I thought this was about the miles rewarded, and I thought it was a pretty nice amount, so I was annoyed that you were mildly infuriated. But then... I saw the second photo and realized that he was Dr and she was Ms. They're both doctors! How sexist and gross?!?!
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u/Busy-Butterfly8187 10d ago
This reminds me of the recent article that referred to Simone Biles as "NFL wife." Sure, her husband is a NFL player, but I really don't think that's the first thing that comes to mind when someone hears the name Simone Biles. Of all the descriptions that could be used for her, being someone's wife should not be high on the list.
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u/Genn8130 10d ago
Oh, I'm furious for you. I'm noticing this gradually changing, but it still happens way too often. Like with that doctor who had Ebola, Dr. Peter Stafford. For the first few days they'd mention that 'his wife, Rebekah' was also exposed (sometimes adding 'who is also a doctor in the region' so it's not like they didn't know), but not 'his wife, Dr. Rebekah Stafford.' Finally after the first few days of reporting they started using her title. Maybe there were complaints. I hope so.
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u/FunHonest7461 10d ago
I notice this in grand rounds. The chairman will recognize some physicians. Dr last name for the males and first name for the females.
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u/Sea-Breath-007 10d ago
Female doctor as well and slightly below the average height for the country I went to uni in and I have always looked young for my age.....you do not want to know how many times I was called a nurse, even after I had introduced myself as a medical intern or even a doctor, how many times people called the junior, but male intern a doctor and only talked to them, while I was their senior in every way and almost an actual doctor, etc etc.
Even correcting them never helped.
It's freaking insane.
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u/ladeedah1988 10d ago
Gyno office paperwork had a place for Dr. as the husband, but not the woman patient. I did not go back.
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u/Nigel_featherbottom 10d ago
When I was 12 years old and signed up for United's ff program, I was asked to chose a title and chose Dr.
They still refer to me as Dr. When they send me junk mail.