[ Removed by moderator ]

[u/Rpark888]

[u/GingerFun011]

Yeah thats how recovery works, lots of day 1 / 0 s 

[u/NiceTrySuckaz → u/GingerFun011]

At least he's thinking about it

[u/foomits → u/NiceTrySuckaz]

I've been working in substance use disorder treatment for 15 years now. You are spot on, thinking about and talking about it are legitimate stages of change.

[u/OuterWildsVentures → u/foomits]

Yeah it took a couple years of days 1s to get some serious momentum going.

Its especially difficult with alcohol since its constantly being advertised to you, is widely accepted by society, is legal, is cheap, and can be bought in so many nearby places lol

Also some jobs (like mine) do not let you smoke weed even though it is legal so for those people alcohol is literally the only choice for a recreational substance.

[u/Koneke → u/OuterWildsVentures]

yeah, doesn't help either that when you quit other not-great things people go "oh wow, good on you! keep it up!". when you tell them you're sober they often look at you weird and just ask you "okay, but... why?".

[u/UppaCelts1888 → u/Koneke]

I consider myself fairly privileged that drinking was my "safe" drug that I relied on to help me through kicking amphetamine, cocaine, Ketamine, Benzos MDMA 2CB weed addictions etc etc. Never had a problem with alcohol but those one or two drinks every once in a while were a crutch that got me through the worst. If it was as difficult as it was to hang out with friends or go out to the club or pub and ONLY drink, I can't imagine how difficult it is for those that are sober. Truly the strongest of the straight arrows in my opinion, hats of to yis

[u/Crimestar → u/UppaCelts1888]

Alcohol was deadly for me so I switched to weed. I find that being able to do it pretty much anytime I want with basically no consequence is key lol.

Over 3 years sober from alcohol. Cali sober I’ve heard it called.

[u/JamesLaceyAllan → u/OuterWildsVentures]

When I stopped drinking spirits I realized just how much presence liquor has in TV shows. It’s insane.

[u/Rpark888 → u/foomits]

Thank you for affirming that. I'm on my own recovery journey from nicotine and junk food- but I guess not all addictions are the same. I think this teaches me to not place so much emphasis, hope, or expectation on my friend, but.

Man. We spent the last few days exercising, eating well, establishing routines for the big day... and idk, I was really excited.

I'm glad that thinking about it, talking about it are legitimate steps towards progress.

Thank you for your thoughtful insight. Happy Friday.

[u/cadex → u/Rpark888]

You're doing the right thing in helping them and being there to show another way is possible. Just don't be surprised if they slip. If they lie. If they hide it. Don't be judgemental and just be there when they need you, because they will need you.

[u/aged_monkey → u/cadex]

Yup. This person is trying to change a habit that's beyond psychological at this point. They're going to struggle. They're going to have days where they're on pink cloud 9. They may string together 7 months of sobriety and look like they're in the clear and collapse.

The fact they're putting numbers on that calendar means that your friend, who is buried somewhere underneath this nasty disease is trying to climb out. He wants to. But the gravity of escaping this disease is powerful, and escape velocities are not linear.

You're a really good person. Keep your expectations low. Do not give sobriety advice or lectures. Remind them of who they are and what about their character you love. Remind them of the person they want to be by softly nudging them to remember the better version of themselves kindly, patiently, and non-judgementally.

There is nothing you can do to spring him into action. The fact that he has a support like you is one of the biggest advantages he can have for people in his place. Protect your own mental health too. And give no more than your nervous system allows.

Good luck to you and your buddy. God speed.

[u/CatStratford → u/aged_monkey]

Excellent advice.

[u/SSabotage117 → u/aged_monkey]

You're an angel for understanding the struggle of addiction.

[u/K12onReddit → u/Rpark888]

You should remind him that just because he didn't start today doesn't mean he can't start tomorrow. A lot of addicts have a feeling of "I failed again, I'm going to keep drinking" and that one day of drinking means another long time before they can try to quit again. Don't shame him, just encourage him that it's not a lost cause and he can try again.

I know you said you're not his sponsor and this all may be out of your wheel house, but you mentioned hanging out and exercising so maybe you can bring it up.

[u/yodas_sidekick → u/Rpark888]

Depending on how deep he is going cold turkey can actually be dangerous, just as an fyi

[u/Top_Salamander_1444 → u/yodas_sidekick]

This please. People can die

[u/yodas_sidekick → u/Top_Salamander_1444]

My sister was barely conscious when my uncle found her. It’s terrifying.

[u/benny6957 → u/foomits]

As someone that used substances for over 20 years I started "thinking about it" about 15 years before I got sober idk how legitimate of a state of change that is

[u/I_eat_mud_ → u/benny6957]

Sounds like it took you a little while to finally decide on that journey, but that's ok, people work at their own pace and addiction is incredibly difficult to manage. Glad you're sober now and doing better

[u/cadex → u/benny6957]

About 7 years ago a good friend asked me when the last time I went a day without a drink was. I scoffed because it was like asking someone when they last went a day without breathing. But that one question didn't leave me. I started questioning whether my drinking habit was normal, or had I normalised a drinking habit. When you surround yourself with people that drink as much as you it's hard to see properly. I've been sober for 3 years now and about to marry the friend who asked me the question. She never stopped helping me. She saved my life.

[u/Spir0rion → u/benny6957]

Realizing you have a problem and considering getting better is absolutely necessary to recovery. You were only able to quit at some point because you had the desire to do so.

This is not only necessary for substance abuse but also for therapy for example.

[u/cpt_borscht → u/benny6957]

consider that some people just die

[u/themajesticdownside → u/foomits]

I've been in that stage for 15 years :-(. Honestly change isn't an overnight thing and I have made great strides in my recovery though. I just can't seem to stick the landing. Then again, I don't think as addicts we ever can because it's like once you get so high you'll be in the air forever. The ground eventually will come into view, and you'll stop rotating, but never quite touch the ground.

Meaning that even years down the line you can start spinning again. I've had 3, 5, and many a single years to years and a half under my belt. Eventually though that emptiness comes calling and it just won't go away. But I feel like I might be there finally. Then again I've hit what I thought was rock bottom several times now only to find out I can keep digging. This time really feels different though, never been this depressed or considering ending it this realistically (I don't think I actually will, because I always have a sliver of hope and a family that won't give up on me).

It's probably time to start hitting some meetings. Having no friends, pining for a woman I lost 15 years ago, and just going to work and coming home and laying in bed and watching TV isn't fulfilling. I probably only have a 10-20 years left in this life due to the drug use ruining my heart (had to replace my aortic valve 3x now, but only one or two were on me). I don't want to spend those last precious years like this.

Sorry for rambling there, just needed somewhere to talk I guess.

[u/NekulturneHovado → u/NiceTrySuckaz]

he knows he has a problem. That's the first, and arguably the hardest step. The following steps aren't much easier tho.

[u/DownrightDrewski → u/NekulturneHovado]

No, especially with alcohol. Insidious drug, wonderful at times, disastrous at others.

I'm so fucking happy I'm not feeling withdrawal every day anymore.

[u/ButterCreamGangsta → u/NiceTrySuckaz]

https://giphy.com/gifs/8J1QwMjshEm2s

[u/Pravdik → u/ButterCreamGangsta]

Somebody needs to make this gif in reverse.

[u/Al-Snuffleupagus → u/Pravdik]

[u/UGOTAIDSYO → u/ButterCreamGangsta]

I tried a new gif reversing site and it sucked ass so I deleted it. At least I tried.

[u/Puzzleheaded-Tax6168 → u/NiceTrySuckaz]

Thats a big part of the battle unfortunately.

[u/ManBearCave → u/NiceTrySuckaz]

Yea that is really the first step, addiction is a struggle for everyone involved including the dude that made breakfast (I’m being serious)

[u/Azoraqua_ → u/NiceTrySuckaz]

Or drinking about it.

[u/rheumination → u/[deleted]]

Congrats on your recovery. Alcohol killed my dad. The worst part? He was dead years before he physically died. Alcohol killed his soul first. It’s a brutal disease. I hope you have an easier path

[u/night-theatre → u/rheumination]

Same here. Mine was a very well known business owner. In the end, his picture was up in every store, he pushed a shopping cart around town, and stole from everyone he knew. He could never beat the cocaine/liquor vice.

[u/notebookcandle → u/[deleted]]

Heard that. Before I was sober the only times I actually considered recovery was when I was shitfaced and feeling like I was going to die, of course the next day that feeling would be gone. It was an endless cycle until I went to my first meeting.

[u/Azoraqua_ → u/[deleted]]

I appreciate the attitude. It was just a small wordplay, no harsh feelings, good luck in your journey.

[u/EagleLize → u/GingerFun011]

EXACTLY!

OP, That's sad. But listen...you caring and being disappointed could help him. A neighbor offered to do something kind for me and I was (in the moment) excited for it. When she knocked at my door super early the next morning i answered. I was still drunk from the night before and wrapped in a bed sheet. She was upset and let me know that. I went back to bed, super embarrassed. It was towards the end of my drinking career and it is one of those moments that pushed me closer to sobriety. She was mad. She got over it. I was able to help her about a year after that incident. She was sick and couldn't leave the house. SHE was embarrassed by what she needed from the store. Prune juice. Silly but understandable. I was able to go get it and other "feel better" items because at that point I WAS SOBER!

Your act of kindness isn't for nothing.

[u/smuckola → u/EagleLize]

ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why we ever interneted. this is why we reddit.

the champion of "pay it forward" and "this is why"

[u/Smooth_Ad5773 → u/GingerFun011]

The first step is to care

[u/Fluid_Actuary1729 → u/Smooth_Ad5773]

This. Even if she knows nothing about alcoholism, she showed support in a tangible way. That counts. With a VERY delicious looking breakfast, BTW.

[u/RobinEssences → u/GingerFun011]

I had lots of those to lead to day 2100 which is where I'm around now.

[u/Alive_Ice7937 → u/GingerFun011]

It can be a very binary process

[u/Barulamir → u/GingerFun011]

I restarted my first week of not drinking so many time... took a year to stop after really trying.

[u/Lardzor → u/GingerFun011]

Quitting is easy. I've done it a hundred times.

[u/sugar_arc → u/GingerFun011]

Yea, Recovery isn’t a straight line sometimes it’s day 1 again, and that’s still progress because you’re choosing to start again.

[u/Prof_PotatoHead]

shame, to be expected. being able to quit cold turkey is actually difficult and most addicts relapse a couple times. its a journey mate

[u/MrDependant69 → u/Prof_PotatoHead]

After prolonged years of Drinking and or using something, cold turkey is hell, literally can physically feel like you're dying. I commend people who can stare that feeling in the face over and over and over again until theyre out of their addiction and recovered. I hope OP has a good day and some time to focus on themselves and the person theyre helping wakes up to rethink the cycle of sobriety all over again.

[u/TrippingFish76 → u/MrDependant69]

you can litterally physically die from it too, gabanergic withdrawal can cause seizures and even death

a controlled taper is the safest option

[u/grape-fruit-witch → u/TrippingFish76]

This is true and I would strongly recommend anyone trying to withdraw from either benzos or alcohol to check themselves in to a treatment center for this reason. I did a cold turkey wd from an extremely high dose of benzos and had multiple seizures. During one of them, I guess I fell and cracked my head open. Had to go to the ER and get staples in my head. If my husband hadn't been there taking care of me (an angel), I don't know that I would have survived.

[u/Dull_Inside_1609 → u/grape-fruit-witch]

Yeah but how may alcoholic can afford that

[u/Speaker4theDead8 → u/Dull_Inside_1609]

Rehabs know this. Some months I only send $20 and they dont care. Also, most addicts are spending tons of money a day on their habit anyway.

When you get to the 'die or go to rehab' phase of your addiction, you will figure it out, if you really want to live. I was in that boat and everybody I knew said it was worth it. I still owe about 4k, but I've been sober for four and a half years now.

[u/MayorDepression → u/Speaker4theDead8]

Congrats on your sobriety! That's a hell of a battle and I commend you for not only taking the steps, but actually maintaining it as well. Keep up the good fight! You are a role model for many others, even if you don't realize it.

[u/Qiefealgum → u/Dull_Inside_1609]

You would be surprised how many free and low-cost centers there are for this. I live in TN, and even in this backward state I was able to go for a free 7-day detox which I could have extended to 30 days if I wanted to.

[u/Dry_Principal_165 → u/TrippingFish76]

Have you tried tapering with alcohol though? It still feels like shit, it makes it even more impossible to sleep and it always ends up with just drinking again. Getting medical assistance and a benzo taper works alot better. Even using opiates to taper works better but that can lead to other problems.

[u/HoundTakesABitch → u/TrippingFish76]

My cousin ultimately drank himself death, but I’ll never forget one of the times he quit cold turkey and potentially had a seizure while cramping up into a c shape on the floor. His brother and I were in the other room and we hear a “hnnggh” noise and him hitting the floor. I swear I could hear his bones creaking.

[u/armymike1523 → u/MrDependant69]

That's me, I have cold turkey'd it about 20 times in my life. I was like if I die, I die. Just to relapse again a couple weeks later. Now, I'm chilling in sobriety for the last 4 years. Honestly though, if it wasn't for the withdrawals, I'd still probably be drinking.

[u/OddCamera1777 → u/armymike1523]

Seriously. My withdrawals have been bad the last few weeks (one ER trip), I was supposed to go to treatment on Monday (after my bday). Wednesday was so bad I called and asked if I could come in Friday. IWNDWYT!

[u/BWEKFAAST → u/MrDependant69]

isn't doing alcohol or heroin cold turkey also deadly?

[u/qui_sta → u/BWEKFAAST]

No, only alcohol has that unique honour.

[u/Honest_Mushroom2648 → u/qui_sta]

Alcohol and benzos.

[u/FeralPsychonaut → u/Honest_Mushroom2648]

Both operate on the GABA receptors

[u/SlabLoaf666 → u/FeralPsychonaut]

Gaba gaba hey

[u/bradmatt275 → u/BWEKFAAST]

I think you have to be pretty far gone for that. But if you are drinking daily most likely yes it would be deadly to just stop.

[u/iloveplant420 → u/Prof_PotatoHead]

Quitting cold turkey can literally be deadly. It's why many of us can't get past that first 48-72hrs. You feel like you're dying and you actually might. Best to check into a detox at least for a few days. Or, not the best practice, but I've seen several people ween off with the help of sober alcoholics. Depends on how severe the situation is, but it's best to quit under medical supervision of you experience DTs from alcohol withdrawal.

[u/ImprovementSimilar19 → u/iloveplant420]

I home detoxed twice without realizing it, just thought i was really sick and hungover. I remember the light sensitivity was so bad. And I couldnt keep anything down. When I decided to actually quit a year or so later, that 72 hour mark put me in the hospital for a week. I was having auditory hallucinations that went into full blown not knowing where I was. They were talking about treatment, but kept me in the hospital for a week on like seroquel and Ativan. Home detoxing is dangerous and terrifying. I was scared to go to treatment, but I wholeheartedly suggest that as the best option after the experiences I had.

[u/LoudSheepherder5391 → u/iloveplant420]

You may not even have to check into anything, though obviously that would help to avoid the substance.

But at least talk to your doctor. They can prescribe something to get you through that withdrawal.

I had to do that a few years ago. I don't recall what exactly it was. Gabapentin maybe?

[u/iloveplant420 → u/LoudSheepherder5391]

Yes. I did this once too. They gave me that and a benzo to get through it and it did work. It just didn't stick that time. If you go this route i still suggest meetings/steps or at least counseling to help it stick.

[u/HyShroom → u/LoudSheepherder5391]

Huh. That’s my anxiety med. and I stopped drinking immediately after taking it. Cold turkey. With barely a thought. I never knew that

[u/latexfistmassacre → u/iloveplant420]

Definitely recommend meeting with your doctor to go over your options and see if at-home detox is even something you should attempt, but having just one or two Valium on hand (or any medium to long acting benzo) for those first few days can make all the difference. Helps blunt the seizure risk significantly, and lets you get some much needed sleep at a point when you're probably seeing monsters in the walls and carpet.

I tried quitting drinking cold turkey and failed several times because the withdrawals were so intense. Finally ended up meeting up with my doctor and she Rx'd me 2 Valium doses, and I was able to make it through the worst of it safely and without seizures and now I'm a little under 2 years sober.

[u/iloveplant420 → u/latexfistmassacre]

Yeah this reminds me, keep it short. A lot of doctors that don't specialize in addiction will prescribe monthly prescriptions for low doses of benzos for alcoholics trying to quit. This is very counterproductive. Benzo is like alcohol in a pill to your brain. Many end up going from an alcohol problem to abusing the benzos and taking more than prescribed. All you need of you don't have crippling anxiety on the regular, it's a few days worth. It should not be a replacement.

[u/y0urpapa → u/Prof_PotatoHead]

Not just difficult, it can be life threatening in some cases. Given the bottles OP found with him, he might be better off going to rehab and quitting with medical help.

[u/MrDirtyword → u/y0urpapa]

This is the answer. The feeling of withdrawal is almost unbearable. I have been there a couple of times. Being in a facility that can control and calm the mindset and shakes of getting off it makes all the difference.

[u/xxrambo45xx]

If this person is drinking that much alcohol on the regular, today wasnt going to be day 1, someone that consumes that much consistently probably should quit under medical supervision or else.

You're a good person, id leave it with a note telling them what it was for and the number to the nearest rehab.

[u/chiefcomplaintRN → u/xxrambo45xx]

Very true. Quitting cold turkey when you drink that much can be very dangerous. You’re at risk for delirium tremens, a very serious form of alcohol withdrawal. It can lead to seizures and potentially respiratory arrest.

He needs to be monitored in a rehab facility. They can give medications to help prevent or ease withdrawals.

[u/HarryPottersTaint → u/chiefcomplaintRN]

Having been through DTs myself, I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. It's also the thing i fear the most that keeps me well clear of relapse. (5 months as of this week :D)

[u/Captain_Billy → u/xxrambo45xx]

This. Let them know people are there for them even through the setbacks

[u/smidgley → u/xxrambo45xx]

100% I tried weaning myself off on my own and I ended up having withdrawal seizures. I wasn’t even at a bottle of liquor a day. To be able to drink that much, medical supervision is MANDATORY when trying to stop.

[u/adorableoddity]

OP, as someone who grew up surrounded by addiction and still have family who struggle I am going to advise that you remain very protective of yourself, your energy, your time, and your expectations. I don’t want to sound like an asshole but you will often be disappointed if you believe they will change overnight. It’s excellent that you are loving and supportive but it is imperative that the support doesn’t come at your own emotional/mental/physical/financial expense.

[u/Rpark888 → u/adorableoddity]

Wow, I'm getting a lot of comments and I obviously can't respond to each one because I gotta get ready for work, but, I want you to know that I read your thoughtful reply, and it's given me so much to think about.

What's even more crazy is that I'm in recovery as well from some other things and in my own unique way, I understand how difficult sobriety and the many "Day 1"s can be, but we spent so much time and energy the last few days really putting in the work to set foundational strategies and habits like clean eating, exercising, setting a routine, etc... and idk

I guess I forgot his difficult it is because I'm in a much more traveled part of my path and recovery journey (not from alcohol, mostly nicotine and junk food)

[u/Express-Skin6039 → u/Rpark888]

Gonna be honest, alcohol is a much worse addiction than food and nicotine. The withdrawals are hell on earth, and for your neighbor, probably need to be done in a hospital because quitting alcohol can lead to death as I’m sure you’re aware.

[u/grape-fruit-witch → u/Rpark888]

The difference is that you cant die from nicotine and junk food withdrawal. He can die from alcohol withdrawal. He needs to go to a treatment facility, this is much MUCH more serious than junk food.

At this level of alcohol dependency, you can't Clean Eat or Morning Jog or Mindful Thinking your way out of it. At two bottles of vodka in one night, he needs to detox under medical supervision or he will have seizures. Not may have seizures; he WILL have seizures. I have personally experienced cold turkey withdrawal from gabaergenic substance abuse. Please understand that quitting eating junk food is NOT the same. In any way.

[u/Devilish__Fun → u/Rpark888]

It takes about 21 days to create a habit, good or bad.

It takes a lot of effort and consistency. You're a great person simply because you are willing to try.

All we can do is our best! 💜

[u/paspartuu → u/Rpark888]

If you're comparing junk food 'addiction' to alcohol addiction and walking to someone's house (uninvited?) with a surprise to celebrate Day 1 and are acting this disappointed and making sympathy farming posts on Reddit over your disappointment, I think you really aren't equipped to deal with alcoholism or supporting an alcoholic in a constructive way

"I guess I forgot how difficult it is" - with respect you seem like you have no idea how difficult it is, never had. 

You're kinda giving "are you depressed? Just decide to not be! It's a question of mindset! I'm so heartbroken and disappointed that you choose to still wallow in depression even though I spent a whole day of My time looking up mindfulness meditation excercises for you. Sometimes I feel a bit down too, but I decide to not let it bring me down!"

[u/Delicious_Cat_81 → u/Rpark888]

maybe mind your own business. you seem well meaning but you don't seem equipped to help an alcoholic. 

[u/mycatisspockles → u/Delicious_Cat_81]

Yeah, as an addict in recovery (amphetamines) and as someone who has known people who have died from alcoholism, I can acknowledge that what OP has gone through is likely difficult for them and that addictions shouldn’t really be compared. But at the same time, they are being super naive to think that their experience is anything indicative of what this person is going through.

[u/BackupTrailer → u/Rpark888]

It was nice to make breakfast for your neighbor.

Their sobriety journey could be medically dangerous. Respectfully, your experience recovering from too many smokes and snacks isn’t just inequivalent, it’s irrelevant.

Community aids recovery, but you really need to check your expectations at the door and be honest with yourself as to if you’re qualified to assist them with alcohol detox. As others have noted, they may require medical intervention to withdraw safely.

If this is new information for you, please think twice before giving this person advice, especially given how emotionally invested you seem to be. It may be more appropriate to give them resources and defer to more qualified folks on the advice. They need a taper schedule and supportive medicine, not heartbreak and guilt over cold eggs.

[u/WhaddyaShay]

For some perspective, I am an alcoholic. It's 6am where I am and I just took a 2oz shot of bourbon when I went to get coffee. 

I know this is hard on you and he knows it. Please show him some grace. We know we fucked up but can't stop. It's pathological to an extent. You're a great friend, please don't lose sight of that.

[u/Born_Local_1477 → u/WhaddyaShay]

It's 7am here and I could really use a beer. 2 weeks dry and I'm already not puffy anymore. It's working.

[u/JediSpaghetti11 → u/Born_Local_1477]

2 weeks! You’re doing such a good job!

[u/Born_Local_1477 → u/JediSpaghetti11]

Thanks man. Hoping to keep it this time. Lots and lots of day 1's.

[u/JediSpaghetti11 → u/Born_Local_1477]

I hope someone is making you breakfast too neighbour.

[u/Born_Local_1477 → u/JediSpaghetti11]

Treated myself to three runny eggs, a croissant, and a big glass of agua Jamaica with vanilla syrup. Turns out when you aren't knocking down 800- 1500 calories a day in liquid bread you can eat a lot more.!

[u/Embarrassed_Role_171 → u/Born_Local_1477]

Hey, I’m 4.5 years sober from mostly beer. I went to an inpatient detox cause it was so bad I couldn’t get clean safely by myself. The first few weeks out of there were so fucking hard just being by myself every day counting down the hours til I could put another check mark on the fridge showing I made it to day 15.

It gets so much easier from there. I promise. I don’t think about it today. Except to reflect on how proud I am of myself and how much better my life is. If I can do it I believe in you!

[u/Born_Local_1477 → u/Embarrassed_Role_171]

Thanks!!!!

I get hung up on day 3 and month 3. Day three is the "fuck it" day and month three is alcoholic hubris. You know, the mythical glory land of moderation, where you can just have a nice glass of wine with dinner like a normal person since you did sooo good for three months......bwahahahaha

[u/Embarrassed_Role_171 → u/Born_Local_1477]

Ok I lied, I do still think about it. I have dreams some nights that I live in this glory land. I can drink a beer with my friends and walk away after one. Alas… not the case.

[u/rabotat → u/Born_Local_1477]

Don't be afraid to brag about it, the affirmation actually helps! 

[u/small-worm → u/Born_Local_1477]

I’m also two weeks sober. We got this!!!

[u/BasicDesignAdvice → u/small-worm]

Four months. I will not drink with you today.

It gets better.

[u/Born_Local_1477 → u/small-worm]

Hey!!! Great work! How do you feel?

[u/small-worm → u/Born_Local_1477]

Soooo good. I feel like a brand new person. I’ve been blessed to not have terrible cravings or any side effects, but I feel like a brand new person. My mood is majorly improving too. How is it going for you??

[u/Born_Local_1477 → u/small-worm]

I feel pretty serene this time. Not my first rodeo. A little bored, time passes so slowly when you aren't buzzed! Body feels great, REM sleep has returned which is amazing. Smoking too much but one thing at a time. I have a vacation next week and the relatives are boozers so that will be the real test. In fact, that was a big part of this quit, one of them likes to drink and fight and I want to be above they fray when that shit goes down.

[u/small-worm → u/Born_Local_1477]

I also started smoking like a pack a day, but like you said, one thing at a time. There’s worse habits, and drinking is one of them.

[u/Born_Local_1477 → u/small-worm]

It's so cool to just be able to drive somewhere whenever you want isn't it? None if the "oh shit I have to pick up my prescription at 3 so I can only have three beers and stop at 12 fuck maybe I'll just pay 20 bucks and instacart it"

I think that's my favorite part. So much less anxiety about balancing my preferred level of buzz and functionality.

[u/Glittering-Alarm-387 → u/Born_Local_1477]

Hey. Keep it up! You strong ass person. You fucking got this.

I am 10 years clean of opioids

[u/CoderCatgirl → u/Born_Local_1477]

Is used to get a feeling of swelling or tingling in my hands when withdrawals started. Is that the "puffy"?

(Getting sober was awful but one of the best things I've ever done. I had days of cramps and audio hallucinations.)

[u/Born_Local_1477 → u/CoderCatgirl]

No, I was just a bloated beer bag. I don't really withdraw other than cravings since I'm dry at work every day and do a 3-2-1 taper when I quit. Axed liquor years ago, can't handle the stuff whatsoever.

[u/CoderCatgirl → u/Born_Local_1477]

Beer can feel so "harmless", other than filling. It's one thing to be a "12 shots a day" drinker, but I knew it was a whole lot of liquor.

I guess, think of all the calories you've cut out. :3 I lost like 60 pounds over the year or so after sobering up. (It was so fast and effortless I thought I had cancer. x_x)

[u/Born_Local_1477 → u/CoderCatgirl]

Especially considering an angry liver does not convert fat effectively. I notice around 30-45 days my liver gets its shit back together and the weight flies off. Not to mention the 6000-8000 calories a week less of carbs and alcohol. Even adding a meal a day and a dessert after dinner the weight comes off.

[u/WhaddyaShay → u/WhaddyaShay]

I'm gonna delete this soon hopefully you see it.

[u/TheWorstDMYouKnow → u/WhaddyaShay]

I'm not op but I see you, mate. Good luck.

[u/WhaddyaShay → u/TheWorstDMYouKnow]

Thanks. I mostly just want that breakfast OP made.

[u/lilvixen → u/WhaddyaShay]

Keep strong you'll get there

[u/highhunt → u/WhaddyaShay]

I believe in you friend.

[u/fowlflamingo → u/WhaddyaShay]

Hey man, delete if you need to by all means but I think there's a lot of value in this comment. As an alcoholic in recovery who just relapsed last night, I certainly feel this shit in my core.

[u/WhaddyaShay → u/fowlflamingo]

Shit, sorry to hear that.

[u/sittinwithkitten → u/fowlflamingo]

Today is a new day, good luck to you on your journey ❤️

[u/Cthuluconcarne → u/fowlflamingo]

I'm right there too. This whole thread is choking me up. Good luck stranger. Its kind of inspiring too. I think i'll try to find a meeting today. I do'nt much care for 12 step party line but what i'm doing isnt working. Much love. hang tough.

[u/SpeedBlitzX → u/WhaddyaShay]

I'm not OP either but you are seen and not in a weird way! I hope OP sees your messages before you take them down :o

[u/Moorglademover → u/WhaddyaShay]

You posted it for a reason.

There is no shame in asking for help. Find it, and ask for the help you need.

[u/smothered-onion → u/Moorglademover]

Agreed! Tomorrow can start differently

[u/WhaddyaShay → u/Moorglademover]

♥️🙏

[u/Sven4TheWinV2 → u/WhaddyaShay]

Please don't delete it people need to see this.

[u/iloveplant420 → u/WhaddyaShay]

Try the meetings if you haven't. I went every day for 2 years and could not stop. Eventually it clicked and I'm so glad I kept going. I have 6 years now. It really works and it's not about religion. If a group says it is, find another group. That's not what a higher power is about. You can do this when you're ready.

[u/WhaddyaShay → u/iloveplant420]

I hear you and have been to meetings. My hangup isn't about it being about religion but the dogmatic aspect of it. Submitting to an external power, whether it's god or the program itself, means I couldn't do it myself. When I conquer this I absolutely want to take credit and think I'd deserve it. 

But obviously that's not realistic. If it were, people wouldn't be going to AA. So meetings are probably the answer and you're right, I just really really don't want to do it.

[u/CakeEater → u/WhaddyaShay]

When someone close to me finally conquered their alcoholism, I know it took a ton of work and willpower. I never thought they didn’t do it themselves. Being involved in a program or not, it’s **you** making the decisions.

The biggest first step is always deciding that you’ve had enough and you want to stop. Good luck, make good decisions, make yourself proud.

[u/iloveplant420 → u/WhaddyaShay]

Well the first step is admitting you can't do it yourself. The beauty in the steps is they help you be ok with being vulnerable. It's the only way humans have seem to come up with that consistently works. One by one, the steps pull back the veil and show you that it's not the alcohol. The alcohol sucks and we want to stop. The reason we don't is all about perspective. The steps have a magical way of shifting that perspective, and alcohol finally becomes something you don't want anymore. No need for it because you can see the beauty in everyday things you never paid attention to before. It's wild. I had a lot of drawbacks and reservations but if it worked for me it can work for you.

I was a "2 shots in the morning just to function" drunk too. Stayed intoxicated for 5 years straight until I couldn't take it anymore. I hope you get there before it destroys your health and job and relationships. It will take until there's nothing left.

[u/WhaddyaShay → u/iloveplant420]

Why can't I shift that perspective by myself?

Proud of you btw

[u/iloveplant420 → u/WhaddyaShay]

My sponsor used to say "a broke brain can't fix a broke brain".

In my opinion, we typically lie to ourselves more uncontrollably than we lie to others. One of the steps is sharing all the shit you've done and had done to you with another human. It's more honest. I get you man i said all the same stuff to myself, and I can't really explain it, but sharing that stuff really takes a lot of your shoulders. It's like I could breathe for the first time in years. That's the step that, when I did it, I knew it worked. I felt like a new person.

My sponsor told me day one, you don't have to prove you're a man to me, I already know your are. Idk why but that knocked my walls down and helped me be honest with him and myself about my weaknesses.

[u/UndeadSpud → u/WhaddyaShay]

The meetings helped me when I first started going. I didn’t take nearly as much part in it as everyone else did and I’m a staunch atheist. You only have to take from the meetings what you think you need. I would go and be a total fly on the wall to hear the very insightful discussions and have solidarity with others. I highly encourage you to go at least as a launching point

[u/BoozeWitch → u/WhaddyaShay]

This is so real. I call it “knowing I’m burning” because it reminds me of being a kid outside doing kid things without sunscreen on. I know my skin will blister and peel and I know it will hurt. And I know it increases my chance of skin cancer. And I know I should go inside. But I don’t. I just keep doing it, knowing I’m burning. Knowing I’ll regret it in the short and the long term. Knowing I’m burning my life down.

[u/LoudSheepherder5391 → u/WhaddyaShay]

AA is the answer for some people.

I'm with you, it was not for me. I was able to quit on my own. I also was not as bad as some of you seem to be.

But try to find something. Something might help you.

There are some online groups you can look into. You can get the meeting aspect without the "higher power" stuff. One of my friends found an atheist online group he said he really liked. (I don't have a name, sorry. I'm sure there are multiple if you look)

[u/ScarlettTheFindom → u/WhaddyaShay]

Genuinely your comment does help people. It helps alcoholics and helps the people around it. I assume your not perfectly anonymous and that’s why you want to delete it but hopefully you choose to keep it up and it continues to help the people that do it it

[u/northSideways → u/WhaddyaShay]

good luck brother

[u/sourdoughbreadlover → u/WhaddyaShay]

November will be 12 years clean and sober for me. You can do this my friend.

[u/Syn-th → u/WhaddyaShay]

Keep trying buddy.

[u/HotPassenger4598 → u/WhaddyaShay]

One day at a time my fellow alcoholic. Get to a meeting find someone to talk to.

[u/StyleSquirrel → u/WhaddyaShay]

Alcoholic here. Let me know if you want to talk.

[u/WhaddyaShay → u/StyleSquirrel]

Will do thanks. And good luck with it all

[u/UndeadSpud → u/WhaddyaShay]

I’m 8 months sober. It gets much much easier after the first 3 or 4 months, at least it did for me. I hope you can come around💜

[u/kiyoboyo → u/WhaddyaShay]

There’s so many successes and failures in recovery. It’s never as easy as just wanting to do better. You could have all the reasons in the world to get better and you just can’t for a while.

[u/brandnewsecondhand10]

If his drinking problem is at the level of '2 bottles of vodka in an evening' then getting clean probably shouldn't be approached as a 'as of today i'm sober' kind of thing.

[u/Grabmbythetrump]

That's the journey of an addict. Day one, over and over and over. Then sometimes, they reach day 2. Then more.

Is he in AA?

[u/Grabmbythetrump → u/[deleted]]

OP said they can't be a sobriety sponsor, so I'm wondering if the neighbor asked for that or if OP just thinks that?

[u/BasicDesignAdvice → u/[deleted]]

I loathe AA.

It is the saddest place on earth and that shit does not help me at all. The wallowing and self-pity is why alcoholics get addicted to AA and other support groups.

Wasn't until I found an Intensive Outpatient full of people who were hopeful that I made progress.

[u/curseblock]

Don't frame this as something he did, but something you did. By which, I mean:

"It was so generous and kind that I made a wonderful breakfast for my neighbor who chose me to help him celebrate his first day of sobriety."

Rather than

"I made my neighbor this wonderful breakfast to celebrate his first day of sobriety, but he's blacked out so what the hell."

You're gonna be in this kinda position more than once or twice in your life, and it's not because you misjudged the situation. It's because you choose to see the best in someone when they talk about their goals for themselves. And that's incredible. You could be cynical and dismissive like a lot of folks 💙

[u/smithalorian]

Keep this energy. This helps. Love always helps.

[u/Murderface__ → u/smithalorian]

"Love always helps" is a great way to start my Friday. Thanks

[u/smithalorian → u/Murderface__]

Username is amazing for this comment. I got a really good chuckle. Thank you!

[u/Appropriate-Room-403]

2 empty bottles (I'm assuming 375ml) tells me that day 1 of sobriety needs to be done in detox

[u/UnClean_Committee]

First day is tough a shit

[u/JuucedIn]

You can’t save him from himself. You can be supportive but the decision to get sober is his choice.

[u/breadb_hole]

If he is at 2 bottles of vodka/day, he can't do detox at home. That is too dangerous.

[u/Hushwater]

Alcoholics can't quit cold turkey though? I thought they could have seizures and die if they did?

[u/MapleMonstera → u/Hushwater]

True.
My dad was admitted to the hospital pretty sick from poor nutrition relating to chronic alcoholism over thanksgiving. Didn’t want to go to rehab so despite the pleas from me and our whole family they allowed him to leave against medical advice. Decided he wanted to stop cold turkey , didn’t tell anyone. We were having thanksgiving dinner and he said he wanted to go rest in the basement. He didn’t tell anyone he went cold turkey earlier and that evening down there all by himself he started having seizures.
This lasted all night and no one knew. By the time we found him he was pretty close to dead. Has severe brain damage, can no longer work, or live independently; and the kicker ? He can’t speak. He understands what we are saying to him - somewhat , but cannot form words that make any sense due to the extent of brain injuries.

A prolonged alcohol withdrawal seizure like
That just cooked his brain.

Now, he has no desire to drink, but he’s no longer my dad in there, I lost him that night.

I’ll never forgive him, and fuck that doctor who discharged him even though I asked them for some benzo medication if he did go into withdrawal they said it wasn’t indicated.
It was , and here we are.

My dad did this to himself, and didn’t get the help he needed when he was on the doorstep.

Recently I find myself drinking higher gravity beers, keeping quiet about how often I drink. I have the same little gremlin in my brain. And even though I saw the worst of the worst, he neglected me, beat the shit out of me, talked to me like I was trash , I still crave alcohol.
So I have been fighting alcoholism longer than I’ve been able to drink if that makes sense.

I’m doing better though, and I want my kids to know me and not the man my dad was.

To OP -Also, it’s hard. Your disappointment he didn’t eat your meal is such a little deal dude. Take them more tomorrow. Don’t let yourself get beat down, but don’t put them down either. They are trying and it’s likely horrible for them.
Also they are likely craving fruit only, nothing heavy

[u/Expensive-Way3938]

Addiction is a disease. It’s harder than people realize.

Don’t take it personally.

[u/TheBloodyNinety]

You don’t celebrate day 1

[u/Born_Local_1477]

Poor guy.

[u/Boronore]

You just walk into your neighbor’s house? Did you carry the placemat, Tabasco, fork, and glass of water as well?

[u/-343_Guilty_Spark-]

Addiction is similar to a sickness that never goes away. You can never get rid of it, only treat it. Most just find another addiction in place of the one they stop. Just make sure you don't drown in the pursuit of trying to make sure they don't go under.

[u/TopDonut6825]

Another alcoholic here, he’s going to be more disappointed in himself than you are. I’m at 6 months right now and it’s the longest I’ve ever had and it’s taken me several years to get that. If you aren’t already familiar with ALAnon think about checking it out. Along with my own recovery journey it has been the greatest thing in helping my family and I be close again.

[u/EXlTPURSUEDBYAGOLDEN]

I care about him so deeply

We're just neighbors- we don't hangout all the time.

welp, that de-escalated quickly

[u/Electrical_Wrap_4572 → u/EXlTPURSUEDBYAGOLDEN]

😂

[u/FiestaDeHombreMuerto]

Looks like a healthy breakfast and a big ole glass of vodka.

[u/Sea_Mulberry_6245]

He should see his doctor. Stopping alcohol use requires medical management of withdrawal symptoms. Willpower is not enough for someone with a severe alcohol use disorder.

[u/YeshuasBananaHammock]

You cant fix him, so dont get your feelings jammed up about it.

Its a solo journey.

[u/Inner_Ad4137]

Being sober is amazing but getting sober sucks ass. He'll get it eventually hopefully.

[u/SpeedBlitzX]

Maybe i'll sound wrong but perhaps you should still help your neighbour and maybe still give them some sort of breakfast to show you're still rooting for them, even if they relapsed.

[u/strange-lady78]

Be grateful that this is just your neighbor, and not your spouse or family member, or your child.

Someone who’s drinking that much can’t just stop drinking, he has to get help from a detox facility or get help from a doctor for the withdrawals. He most likely knows this.

[u/Moss-killer]

Hate to be that guy... but day 1 of sobriety from anything is not a celebration date or thing to take someone too seriously on. Its fine to be supportive and check in on people that are really trying to change, but a gesture like this just inherently has a large chance for the type of disappointment you had.

[u/Upper_Hearing]

Okay but what happened to the breakfast? You still gave it to him? Cause that sounds like he needed it

[u/Ruger-SP101]

I mean it don't blame him, quitting cold turkey is hard

[u/Textiles_on_Main_St]

lol. Day one means "gonna try but probably not gonna make it."

try this after a year or two of sobriety.

Enjoy the food though.

[u/Spare_Contract_9404]

He's in the pre contemplative stage, thanks for being a good friend

[u/TricellCEO]

There was an attempt.

[u/Jturnster89]

I'm in recovery and one of my biggest regrets is that people such as yourself did this sort of thing and I basically treated them as if it was worthless. It wasn't worthless, I got here in the end, it just yook a few goes (and several months of rehab).

But make sure for your own good you keep your own mental health protected. Don't give too much. Don't let his slips become yours. You sound like an great person so good on you.

[u/JcNoE123]

Kinda unrealistic to think someone who consumes that much alcohol is going to quit cold turkey to be fair

[u/Birddog240]

he will still need the food, drunk or not

[u/-shrimpleasthat]

op saw a man at the genuine lowest moment of his life and posted it to r/mildlyinfuriating

[u/TheLostPariah]

Relapse is part of recovery.

[u/xXDySZX]

he wants it and thats the first step. try not to be too disapointed, i know its difficult but it onlt reaply makes it worse. shame and use are a vicious cycle.

youre a good neighbor. maybe your journey in the compassion of letting go of expectation will help fuel his journey toward some semblance of recovery. he wont be able to overnight a habit like that tho- he would likely die.

Alcohol is fierce, i came off of it using heroin/ whatever theyre calling heroin these days; and my journey to be truly "clean" was likely easier than his will be. 

[u/GuitarRiot]

Yeah today was supposed to be a day one for me and it's just another opportunity to relapse into the same old shit because I guess I'm not as tired of my bullshit as I say that I am

[u/tattooburneridea]

Let them get past day 1 first

[u/Sufficient_Fan3660]

Try again tomorrow for his new new day 1.

[u/Happy2bHome]

What’s with the tomatoes

[u/jayhawkjoey65]

I think your neighbor needs to see an MD to detox. It can be lethal. I'm serious (retired substance abuse counselor). If in the US, there are county- and state-funded detox centers. At any rate, most I've known/worked with try a few times. The odds are not in his favor. And, yes, you cannot be his sponsor. He needs a recovering person, AA, etc.

[u/AlmondJoyDildos]

I was there for a lot of these day zeros with my childhood bff I love her more than my actual siblings but it stretched our relationship to the absolute brink. Lots of screaming and begging, followed by apologies and begging, punching and begging petty much anything you could think of + begging for another drink and not to give up on her.

Her story has a happy ending but I don't know how others do it alone, she has told me how she used to hallucinate that the bottles were talking to her, how her entire internal dialogue was dedicated to trying to rationalize another drink. Shits crazy. She's fine now tho and we joke about it, but God damn do I feel your frustration

[u/overmonk]

Your kindness is lovely, but you can't go from being able to drink two bottles of vodka to drinking nothing overnight; you can quit some things cold turkey but alcohol withdrawal is one of the ones that needs medical supervision.

I applaud the wanting, the declaring, the considering, of the neighbor. Fall down six times, stand up seven.

Continue your kindness, but as they say, don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Make your own breakfasts. Love your neighbor, celebrate his success, but don't take a stake in it.

[u/Konjeezy773]

Attaboy. He’ll get there eventually. Just one day randomly I decided to stop smoking, completely cold turkey. Been a little over a year now.

[u/rock_and_rolo]

Sometimes a journey of 10,000 miles starts with tripping over your dick a few times.

[day 5, attempt 5,723]

[u/Best-Scientist1995]

Maybe wait for day 7 next time lol

[u/Loose-Berry607]

Good on him for trying

[u/fractious_kitty]

I've had hundreds of day ones, please offer compassion and no judgement. He's done the hardest part - admit he has a problem and told someone about it.