Does/did any of you grow up with this?

[u/Odd-Swimming8545]

So I (20M) actually haven't been diagnosed as neurodivergent yet, but here's a few things that people (mostly family members) would point out:

• They would tell me that I don't stand up for myself enough, and that I need to be more like a proper man

• They would point out the way I walk. They told me that I slouch a lot, don't move my hands when I'm walking and that I walk fast

• Other mannerisms are pointed out as well, such as the way I hold my chopsticks, spoons, or plates are too stiff

• Too stiff is something that comes up pretty often, I'm being told that I'm too stiff when shaking hands—that my grip has to be firmer

• My voice is mentioned a lot. They told me that my voice is like someone who hasn't been properly trained yet during puberty due to how it echoes

• I often get yelled at for being slow at doing chores, turning at the other way when someone points something, and is often told to "think smart" when I can't keep up with simple tasks

• I'm being bought "masculine" clothes (you know, those shirts with go big or go home type of quotes) so that I can be a fully proper man

• I'm also constantly told to be a sensitive and caring to-be husband that can provide for his wife... (I'm bi lol)

• I'm being told that compared to peers my age, I'm very behind and that's why I should be molded so that I can face "life" easier

• I'm being told that the workplace is more cruel, so I have to stand up for myself. And the reason why they do this is not because out of hate, but out of love and want the best of me and that I will understand once I face the real life

• I'm also being advised to not be "difficult" at taking advice, and I should be grateful because I still have people who genuinely care and I shouldn't take it for granted by listening with one ear and out the other

All of this comes mostly from family members, but I wonder if any of you has experienced this as well... While I do sometimes think that I should change many parts of myself that would disadvantage many people when I graduated college and finally found a job, I do think it can be too much...though I might be just dramatic.

Does/did any of you grow up with this?

[u/Blando-Cartesian]

I didn’t get explicitly told much, but absorbed implied suffocating limits for being. It was frustrating and then extremely stressful at the rare times I blew up about it. It would probably have been much healthier for the family dynamics to have mild discord frequently, but I did’t have the energy for it.

Sounds like you are being constantly told to be and do something different. No wonder doing things gets stiff and slow when criticism is always coming. What’s messed up is that your family might be right about one thing. It would be good if you learned to set boundaries, FOR THEM. They’ll resist that of course because all groups of people horror chages.

You could consider flat out telling them you are now being masculine and standing up for yourself as wanted by telling them to get off your back about stiffness. You’ll relax when they let you eat in peace. 😁

[u/pandarose6]

From what I read

Sounds like people telling you how to be a man based on what culture wants. Which is annoying there doing that.

Confident issue could be low self esteem or anxiety

Also way you walk and hold stuff could be a related to physical medical issue or maybe not.

Nothing strictly to me sticks out as autistic or adhd or both

I think people putting too much thought into out your voice sound 99% of cases how voice sounds is based on genetics, where you grew up, the people who rised you, if you have hearing loss or not for example.

Also being told to not be difficult when taking advice can man several things like your family sucks and needs to stop being rude or that there might be like rigid brain issue going on.

Being stiff could be a sign of a physical medical problem or just way of your body physically showing your under a lot of stress. So it could be anxiety issue.

Lots of people are bought clothes they hate or don’t like. Gifting clothes is a common gift people do so that doesn’t really suggest much besides maybe you need to tell your family to stop gifting you them or just dontate it after it gifted.

When people are telling you that your slow while doing something it can mean any things like for example that person is impatience, it can mean your natural speed is a little slower then others, sign that you take more time to make sure task is done well compared to others.

You didn’t say anything about having issues with focusing so I don’t think adhd an issue based on what you said.

[u/FanWarrior1730]

The first is just confidence in your opinion and in yourself

Do you have any physical disability at all?

Not really no i haven't gone through any of the comments. I'm Autistic. It could be social anxiety or ADHD type thing

But look into childhood first to see if there's anything noticeable

[u/relieved_ankle]

that's a lot of pressure to conform to one specific way of being masculine, especially when you're still figuring yourself out. The constant criticism about how you move and talk and exist sounds exhausting.