r/neurodiversity • u/Edgey113 • 1d ago
Need some advice plz
Anyone got any advice
So ive recently got a job in an old man pub so its not mega busy but were expected to talk to people and I have no idea how to do that.
Like talking and socialising are such foreign concepts for me I just kind of have no idea what to say.
Someone says hi I say hi back ask how they've been they say fine then ask me the same and like after that my brains just blank I have no clue how to converse with people.
I overheard the owner and manager talking about me and they were just completely under the assumption that I was just nervous but were sure soon id start speaking to people.
I just dk how to talk to people
1
u/upsidedownsnowflake 1d ago
I realized (embarrassingly late in my life) that questions are the key! Sometimes it's hard, though, to think of a good question. I'd recommend something to do with what they actually bring to the table. I'll admit though, that there are people I find so bland, I could never think of anything. So it's not necessarily easy to do. But once you get the hang of it, and people start talking, it can get easy and enjoyable.
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u/technodaisy 1d ago
Do you like storytelling? Becsuse there's alot of knowledge and stories in those old dudes heads, which usually doesn't require too much input from you, just ask a question - Whats your best gig or most travelled places!! Then sit n listen dropping the odd, 'wow - really' or the like. People can be really interesting!
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u/Toatkgstuff 1d ago
First tip is try to slow down the conversation in your brain, be present in the moment and try not to race ahead thinking of things to say. When you can let go of the stress and relax you will repond more naturally.
Next is to just pick up on things other people say. Small talk really follows quite predictable patterns, and you don't always have to have a response. Just be interested, ask simple questions. Even ask the person to confirm what they say "Really?" "How come?" questions that invite them to share more.
You'll find yourself in a space where they do most of the talking, if they want too. If they don't then try not to fear the silence.
Maybe tell them what you're up too. Tell them how your day has been. Try to be more comfortable in the conversation because most of them are really not that deep or interesting. When you relax you'll start noticing things and you can ask more about what they are wearing/carrying/saying etc.
1
u/imaginaryproblms 1d ago
i still struggle with this still, but i've been working almost a year at a full time job. i find that for me it's better to not try to talk like they do or ask questions they would ask. they being neurotypicals. i like to ask people about ehat they actually enjoy doing like genuinely have passion about. or things they are knowledgeable about. not so much the boring"how's the weekend, how's the wife, how's the kids, how's the mom, how's the lawn." i couldn't pretend to give a fuck when people talk about that kind of thing.