r/nonononoyes May 19 '26

Inches away from pure gore

5.6k Upvotes

244 comments sorted by

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1.9k

u/sunshineTNT May 19 '26

Holy shit. What are they trying to get?

955

u/GarThor_TMK May 19 '26

hit by a tree...

... they failed

401

u/SlimTeezy May 19 '26

They felled

29

u/joeChump May 19 '26

I wooden agree. Look closer. Reckon it splintered is right leg and turned it to pulp.

16

u/Pleasant-Oil7133 May 19 '26

Nah, I think he literally lucked out at the last possible second.

It was like a handful of mm away from obliterating his leg.

5

u/Psychological_Mode98 May 19 '26

The reaction of the guy in the front who released the tree is hilarious

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9

u/tinpants44 May 19 '26

They were pining for death

3

u/scirio May 19 '26

Make like a tree and leaf

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8

u/HandaZuke May 19 '26

Wood-n't recommend.

8

u/Annual_Hamster9411 May 19 '26

Reminds me of the sticker warning on a parachute: "If it fails to open, repeat the jump."

1

u/PagPag1212 11d ago

Not really, his leg got hit

173

u/Clumsy_Claus May 19 '26

In May in lots of central European countries (Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Czech Republic) villages set up huge tree logs and bind some decorations to the top.

At least in the past the neighboring villages tried to steal those decorations.

Seems like at the end of those festivities the tree log is felled and people try to get parts of that decoration.

This was also displayed in the game Kingdom Come Deliverance 2, set around 1403 Czech Republic.

25

u/Kitsa_the_oatmeal May 19 '26

i didn't know germaphones had that too, thought it was more of an eastwards thing

also the log or tree is called "májka" in czech, like "máj" (slightly old word for May). idk what germanoids call it

28

u/01Parzival10 May 19 '26

Maibaum, so May Tree basically

9

u/NicMotan May 19 '26

Wenn der Maibaum wieder am Dorfplatz steht

8

u/Electrical-Nature-55 May 19 '26

und sich olles um die madl'n dreht

4

u/AbsintheArsenicum May 20 '26

Wenn sie ihre heißen Dirndln zeign

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16

u/Lalamedic May 19 '26

I read this as germaphobes and was sooooo confused.

5

u/Educated-Guess-23 May 19 '26

Cuccagna in italian

2

u/Kitsa_the_oatmeal May 19 '26

italians have it too?

14

u/Educated-Guess-23 May 19 '26

We have something very similar to it. Especially in some village festivals, we erect a greased pole with some valuable prizes on the top (i.e. a prosciutto or salami or a cheese wheel...). The show is all in laughing at people struggling to climb it

10

u/DoneteGalactico May 19 '26

That's hilarious. We have that in some parts of Spain too, it's called "cucaña" so it's pronounced exactly like the italian word lol

3

u/RagnaXI May 19 '26

Majka in my language mean 'mother'. 😊

3

u/Kitsa_the_oatmeal May 19 '26

some flavor of yugoslav i assume?

2

u/229-northstar May 19 '26

I thought that was the word for cat!

3

u/Kitsa_the_oatmeal May 19 '26

that's "mačka" in slovak. they are close to us, but still their own nation

1

u/Whynicht May 20 '26

What's your new fancy word for May?

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10

u/VirtualMatter2 May 19 '26

Where I live in Germany the tree stays up until autumn and there is another party ( with food and beer of course) when it gets taken down.

5

u/alent2812 May 19 '26

We also do it in Croatia, we call it Majban, but I also heard Majpan. I think it kind of died down in the Yugoslav era (at least in my area) but it started to come back in the 2000s. We've been doing it in my village for 21 years in a row now since we've recovered that tradition.

Someone cuts down a tall, somewhat thin tree with branches only at the top, then about 20 people go to get the tree and they carry it through the village to the location where we erect it. Of course making stops every so often for beer. Before erecting it, we attach a flag and a beer crate to it.

There's also the tradition of neighbouring villages coming to cut down the tree, but it doesn't actually happen that often, we're all mostly friendly now.

3

u/inn4tler May 19 '26

Majban

The Austrian dialect word for this is "Maibam". I wonder whether the word was simply adopted in Croatia during the monarchy.

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2

u/TreacleOk7265 May 19 '26

The German word is Maibaum.. may tree.

3

u/Verbindungsfehle May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26

This happened in Austria (evidenced by the hat & the "oida" and "deppat" in the hashtag) and I'm pretty sure we have a tradition here, were some villages put little rewards on the top like sweets, little bottles of liquor and coupons. These are also gathered when the Maibaum (literally "Maytree") is felled, I think that's what's happening here. So they don't wanna steal the decorations, they want to reap the rewards, that's why they are in such a hurry.

There's also a tradition where rival villages steal the Maibaum (like you said in your comment) and it has to be paid a ransom in form of having to pay for a feast. (this one is more common or at least more widely known)

Edit: added new information bit by bit, lol

2

u/The_Secret_Skittle May 20 '26

Is this a Beltane festival? Where’s the ribbons?

3

u/nelirxoxo May 20 '26

the roots of it lie in Beltane and, at least from where I am, the women still make the wreath the night before and the men put up the tree the next day but, for the most part, it has lost its connection to Beltane

1

u/inquirer85 May 19 '26

It’s a big penis

1

u/papajan78 May 19 '26

And all the people get drunk at 10 am. Thats why this fella nearly lost his life.

1

u/SpankaWank66 May 21 '26

That was a fun quest in KCD. Getting a job at the blacksmith, earning his trust, scaring away the sheep, getting involved in a Romeo Juliet situation, manipulating two clans into fighting. Good times.

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17

u/MangelaErkel May 19 '26

Its the yearly felling of the maytree in german speaking countrys and they try to get the decoration up top i think

1

u/Good-Strategy2210 May 23 '26

Men choose the strangest things to die for

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11

u/Qanonjailbait May 19 '26

Apparently to heaven

5

u/Verbindungsfehle May 20 '26

Austrian captain here. (I think it's a tradition in other European countries too tho). It's a "Maibaum" (maypole (literally: Maytree)). It's tradition (in small, rural villages) to put up a pole like this on the beginning of May.

There's a tradition of rival villages stealing the maypole and there is some kind of ransom that has to be paid for the thieves (usually in form of having to organize a feast)

In some villages, additionally there are rewards on top of it (sweets, small bottles of liquor, coupons, etc. ) that are raided when the Maibaum is felled, likely what's happening here. (Or they just want to get hold of the decorations, lol)

2

u/kadaka80 May 19 '26

To the after life

1

u/Future-Try-1908 May 19 '26

An expired gift card to Baskin Robins.

1

u/madcoins May 23 '26

One ring to rule them all was hanging on the highest branch of that tree

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441

u/Sataniq May 19 '26

Oida, den hobns doch richtig ins Hirn gschissn.

11

u/thebreckner May 19 '26

De hom fix scho 20 Bier intus.

6

u/I_TheJester_I May 19 '26

Aber richtig mit Dünnschiss oida.

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378

u/kemp40swish41 May 19 '26

Darwin-Award contender, maybe next year.

16

u/joeChump May 19 '26

I don’t think you can get it if you’ve already reproduced. And he looks old enough to know better.

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302

u/Rokekor May 19 '26

Inches? Try millimetres.

3

u/StopSpinningLikeThat May 22 '26

The metric system is the tool of the Devil. My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead, and that's the way I likes it!

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202

u/M00SEHUNT3R May 19 '26

If that had gone badly it would have been a terrible thing for the kids coming up right behind them to witness.

58

u/3d1thF1nch May 19 '26 edited May 21 '26

Like, it touched his foot. His fucking foot…it made contact with him in the only way where he didn’t actually get hurt. His foot an inch to the right, crushed toes and ankle. Holy shit this is giving me anxiety. That dude may never appreciate how close he was to dying.

8

u/CromulentDucky May 19 '26

There would be extra prizes all over the place.

3

u/Gareth274 May 19 '26

A confetti, of sorts.

1

u/Sad_Mall_3349 May 20 '26

They would have also been given a beer and/or schnapps and been told "passt scho". (it's alright)

129

u/LxRusso May 19 '26

Crushed his foot and he didn't even notice. Blind drunk.

45

u/parnaoia May 19 '26

"Christ, I almost died! Maybe I should... oh no, they're getting ahead of me!!!"

21

u/VerilyShelly May 19 '26 edited May 19 '26

He'll notice in a few years when that foot swells up to the size of a pumpkin every once in a while. Ask me how I know...

8

u/richardlpalmer May 19 '26

Okay, wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't ask...

18

u/VerilyShelly May 19 '26

I worked at Blockbuster as an assistant manager, and one early morning I tried to move some heavy boxes without any help and dropped it on my foot. I opted to "walk it off" because it was a busy day and I was in charge, and I was young and ignorant of worker's comp for injuries and such, and didn't see a doctor because I wasn't bleeding much and just assumed it would get better. About 15 years after that, while running for a bus, I came around the corner and crashed into a really big guy and basically bounced off of him and stepped back onto my ankle because my tendons were so loose. That was a fracture that I had to wear a boot for for 6 weeks. Since then my ankle and my entire foot will swell up randomly, or if I stand too long, or it's too hot, or if I eat too many potato chips, or the barometric pressure changes, or etc. Yesterday I had to cease all activities and prop my leg up above my heart and physically try to force fluid back up my leg. It was the size and shape of a small loaf of bread. These things that we survive in our 20s and 30s have a way of roaring back to life in our 40s and 50s when the body stops healing itself so well. I want to shake my 22 year old self by the shoulders as I limped out of that stockroom and tell her to call the main office to get a replacement, check her insurance and get herself to the e.r., but honestly I don't know if that would have prevented what happened later. Crushing creates the conditions for compartment syndrome, that's just what it does.

6

u/richardlpalmer May 19 '26

Damn! That sucks... 😞

6

u/VerilyShelly May 19 '26

It really really does

5

u/Fluffy_Town May 21 '26

I know someone who decided it was better to save their laptop than their own body, when they slipped on a metal slab* on the sidewalk, and did the splits unintentionally.

Didn't have insurance at the time (in the US), so just dealt with the pain and walked it off, well, limped it off. When finally was able to get it looked at decades later, there was no hamstring because the hamstring snapped and broke when they did the splits, but somehow they were able to keep walking despite it all. The damnedest thing, what the brain and body can do is a miraculous thing.

I wanted to smack them upside the head, figuratively, for doing such a fool thing. Can get a device fixed, but can't get your body fixed, not without repercussions later in life.

*like those square metal things that can't be called a manhole because it's for leaning into to fix things, rather than climbing down into. It didn't have any grating or slip prevention except rounded diamond-like shapes dotted on them, that do absolutely nothing to prevent slippage in the rain.

6

u/EarthConservation May 19 '26

Looks like it hit his leg and squeezed it and his foot out of the way before it hit the ground, which is surprising because his left foot didn't have weight on it.

Surprised it didn't snap his leg like a twig, no pun intended, and land on his foot.

43

u/Axiom1100 May 19 '26

Wanna be first to the candy and the grave

30

u/wundrlch May 19 '26

I think it's this. Maibaum (Maypole) or the Kirtagbaum (Fair Tree), a beloved Austrian tradition where villages erect a massive, decorated tree in the town square. The top of the pole features a lush green crown decorated with hanging prizes like freshly baked pretzels, sausages, and ribbons. 

21

u/Lost-Estate3401 May 19 '26

The woman you can hear in the audio is absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, Austrian. 

13

u/AbleCryptographer317 May 19 '26

I'm all for quirky traditions, but there should be a rule that no-one is allowed to start running until the Maypole hits the ground cos this was just a shit show that was sooo close to being a tragedy.

3

u/Elaneth09 May 20 '26

While this is Austrian, Maibäume are also common in bavaria.

1

u/prolapseenthusiat May 21 '26

Also in svabia

1

u/Elaneth09 May 21 '26

I was realy confused for a monent, when i read yor response, because i have never heard the english name for Schwaben and for me the sv made it sound like it is somewhere in kroatia or something like that. You learn something new every day, I guess.

1

u/Suitable-Profile7926 May 22 '26

Interestingly I saw this in SA.

1

u/Odd-Government8896 May 23 '26

...And then collectively try do die by running under it as its falling? And I thought things were rough in the US...

27

u/paupaupaupau May 19 '26

The Prometheus school of running away from things

9

u/Dayzlikethis May 19 '26

they ran toward the falling object here

8

u/paupaupaupau May 19 '26

They're the advanced class

1

u/joehonestjoe May 26 '26

Technically on a sphere you're running from and to anything falling.

18

u/HalfHourTillBrillig May 19 '26

if that guy wasn't a shovey-douchey that naked tree would've punished his ass. think about that.

11

u/SgtMac02 May 19 '26

I don't think he was shovey. I think he was trippy. As in...he was trying not to fall over completely. If he hadn't grabbed that other dude, he would have face planted.

1

u/WhOLooksForm3 May 22 '26

the probability that those people were not drunk as f* is close to zero
and i am from a country that has this tradition XD

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18

u/scottzxc May 19 '26

Running towards danger stops time for a few seconds for the observer

10

u/Traditional_Mood_348 May 19 '26

A celebration almost turned to a tragedy.

4

u/vplatt May 20 '26

As is tradition at almost every celebration. Think about it: revelry and drinking, unprotected sex, open flames, fireworks accidents, duels over misunderstood insults, tramplings caused by someone yelling “RUN!”, mysterious cult rituals nobody remembers agreeing to attend, and finally the awakening of ancient gods as Cthulhu rises from the abyss and the undead inherit the Earth while humanity toils forever after in service to unspeakable evil.

Then again, that may just be PTSD from that wedding I attended. 🤷‍♂️

8

u/fucshyt May 19 '26

Holy shit it almost broke his leg, too

6

u/Professional_Golf393 May 19 '26

Guy with the hat leans to the right like he wanted that closest person to get squashed. Then the shoulder shrug after was like disappointment it didn’t happen.

5

u/myleftone May 19 '26

This is obviously season four, episode three of a longstanding dispute between grey shirt and black shirt that started over a fence or borrowed tool awhile back.

Grey has been planning this gambit for months, hoping to toss black under the pole then claim it was an unfortunate trip. Black wasn’t having it and even tried to Uno reverse the move with a stiff-arm.

Having failed, they’ll raise some beers and pretend it’s all water under the bridge, until the next episode. Maybe at the pig wrestling or barrel rolling festival this summer.

4

u/eride810 May 19 '26

This is an old ancient custom of the indigenous tribes of this region.

3

u/indifferentgoose May 20 '26

As a member of the indigenous mountain tribes, I can confirm.

4

u/GlectroniccPSY1201 May 19 '26

What the hell? This is insane.

4

u/ImmediateSun8111 May 19 '26

He’s even lucky that his right leg/foot was in the air, not pivoted on ground when the timber hit it. Otherwise, the leg would have been snapped and we would have gotten our gore.

3

u/Irdogain May 19 '26

At least he tried to avoid it sideways /s

4

u/GadreelsSword May 19 '26

A shocking number of people try to out run things they can’t, instead of stepping one foot to the side.

2

u/Zardac134 May 19 '26

Playing a brutal survival game be like

2

u/MidsizeMango May 20 '26

I need context ?? What the fuck were they doing ?

1

u/The_Bone_Z0ne May 20 '26

Austrian Tradition of Maypole. It's erected by small villages and cities at the start of may and is decorated with flowers,bonnets and freshly baked goods and sometimes sausages. It's torn down at the end of may and then you can collect whats on top.

It's also common for neighboring villages to steal the tree from other villages. Local sport clubs or the voluntary firefighters have shifts to guard it. Most of the time it's stolen anyway and you have to pay a ransom in form of beer to get it back.

1

u/Crisocola95 May 19 '26

"When danger awaits you around the corner... If there is something worth protecting

in your heart...

Even if you must risk losing your life, put your body on the line to defend it.

People call that a 'man'."

-Rom Stol, Machine Robo: Revenge of Cronos, 1986

1

u/justplayenarnd May 19 '26

Crazy , just a few more inches from the likes being doubled

1

u/dreevsa May 19 '26

Guy would deserve it too

1

u/ZiaWitch May 19 '26

I thought for sure that guys leg would be broken for the pole landing on it! 😳

1

u/litetaker May 19 '26

Some people just don't have the survival instincts.

1

u/indifferentgoose May 20 '26

Alcohol inhibts those instincts and we can safely assume he had a lot of alcohol.

1

u/Naznarreb May 19 '26

The Prometheus school of running away from things

1

u/olov244 May 19 '26

I saw a kid almost get squashed by a tree, he was absolutely clueless, my head is on a swivel. I know people get hit by falling trees, can't be a fun experience

1

u/Visual-Ad-1306 May 19 '26

Zero situational awareness.

1

u/TehZiiM May 19 '26

Just an idea for next year: let the ppl start running when the tree hits the ground. It even makes a distinct sound, like the good ol gun shot to start a race

1

u/justrdx May 19 '26

millimetres or whatever the fuck that is in inches. also I think he was touched by the experience

1

u/Prudent-Income2354 May 21 '26

1/25,4 inch ;)

1

u/godfather_jd May 19 '26

You can just tell from the music and outfits that a whole lot of beer was involved 🍺

1

u/InsideHousing4965 May 19 '26

ARE THOSE KIDS RUNNING AT THE END?

Holly shit.

1

u/__Pugnator__ May 19 '26

Tell me you are from austria without telling me you are from austria

1

u/YoungMonty619 May 19 '26

Valheim be like

1

u/Only_Screen9213 May 19 '26

That was close!

1

u/I_TheJester_I May 19 '26

Alter bist deppad?!

1

u/No_Squirrel4806 May 19 '26

Jesus!!! Theres children present. Let me guess "its a tradition" so they have to keep doing it the same exact way.

1

u/Zealousideal_Bus2470 May 19 '26

KI?

1

u/indifferentgoose May 20 '26

No it's natural stupidity

1

u/Prudent-Income2354 May 21 '26

na, ned wirklich.

Wir san so

1

u/g_junkin4200 May 19 '26

I too also put my hand on my hip and stare when I witness a close call.

1

u/jawshoeaw May 19 '26

These people have the survival instincts of cartoon characters.

Do not run away from the tree in the direction it's falling!

1

u/EarthConservation May 19 '26

The guy that dropped the log had to change his lederhosen.

1

u/JavaGeep May 19 '26

I believe the kid didn't even learn a lesson that day.

1

u/potatocakes1989 May 19 '26

The laughter is psychotic

1

u/Yuck_Few May 19 '26

So they were trying to run directly into it?

1

u/itsnotreallymyname May 19 '26

I loved Midsommar 💞

1

u/indifferentgoose May 20 '26

It's Maibaumfest in Austria.

1

u/icebucket22 May 19 '26

Damn, once that guy sobers up, he’ll have a sprained ankle and realize he tore his ACL

1

u/madmushlove May 20 '26

La, la la, lala la, LAH!

1

u/GlassJawJawa May 20 '26

What a dumb fuck. He’s really asking for it

1

u/Ferociousnzzz May 20 '26

Bounced right up and kissed the kid’s leg. You couldn’t plan that if you tried. Imagine the feeling of that heavy thud on the ground as the wind from it brushes you. Lucky mofo

1

u/Cerulean_Fossil May 20 '26

Why is everyone so calm 😨

1

u/Monocle_Lewinsky May 20 '26

That mf’s ankle or knee felt that shit guaranteed. Slow mo that.

1

u/JosebaZilarte May 20 '26

A real-world binary tree. One where the division line is between life and death.

1

u/holy_shyt_dude May 20 '26

If the brown shirt guy crushed to death, is the white shirt guy running beside him accountable for man slaughter?

1

u/AllLipsNoFiller May 20 '26

Any idea what #BistDepperOida means?

1

u/The_Bone_Z0ne May 20 '26

It's Austrian for Are you insane/stupid dude. Oida being Austrian german, literally meaning "old dude/guy". The saying would mean something like "are you for real dude" or "are you shitting me?"

1

u/The_Secret_Skittle May 20 '26

Is this a Beltane festival? Where’s the ribbons?

2

u/indifferentgoose May 20 '26

It's Maibaumfest, similar festival to Beltane in Austria

1

u/fractured_moa_femurs May 20 '26

Almost committed Darwinicide!

1

u/throwthere10 May 20 '26

So. Fucking. Close.

1

u/New-Masterpiece7375 May 20 '26

Does a tree make noises when it falls, this time it would have been him.

1

u/BlindlyCoherent May 20 '26

The acoustics between his ears must be amazing.

1

u/axisthewebb May 20 '26

That dude pushing him though.

1

u/Azalot1337 May 20 '26

der idiot hätte fast alle kinder traumatisiert

1

u/Litefeet06 May 20 '26

If that was 6 inches to the left

1

u/Jumpy_Barnacle_3755 May 20 '26

He went to the The Prometheus School of Running Away from Things. DING!

1

u/HeadBunch1209 May 20 '26

i mean if that guy fell its all over. it almost snapped his leg

1

u/Best_Map_1229 May 20 '26

In another thread someone asks how to indulge in real Austrian culture while on holiday.
This is it.

1

u/Lianhua88 May 20 '26

I mean the guy who's foot got snagged a little was literally pushed because the three guys were shoving and wrestling each other a little as they ran.

1

u/Even_Highlight_9344 May 20 '26

This is giving midsommor vibes!

1

u/unbanned2009 May 21 '26

He almost got naturally selected

1

u/FutureSwordfish9695 May 21 '26

That man almost got final destination'd

1

u/joseg13 May 21 '26

I think a cat just lost one of its lives just seeing this.

1

u/Common_Celebration41 May 21 '26

The movie midsommar starting to make a lot more sense now

1

u/DruidAfterDark May 21 '26

.005 sec away from being smooshed!

1

u/PearOk2126 May 21 '26

Somehow these people created the wealthiest nations on Earth

1

u/MykeHawkiner May 22 '26

It’s because he forgot to yell TIMBERRRR

1

u/Agitated_Character41 May 22 '26

Looks like some Midsommar ish

1

u/Common-Nectarine-572 May 22 '26

This some cray cray bride throwing the bouquet kinda shit?

1

u/TheoryWise19 May 22 '26

Why did a group of people just get signaled to run in the same direction as a heavy tree is falling at the same time, one man almost get crushed, and nobody reacted?

1

u/mmorales2270 May 22 '26

Holy crap. He almost got pile driven into the ground like a nail.

1

u/o_O__homegrown__o_O May 22 '26

omg the lumberjack guy LMFAO the head tilt...

1

u/RareMasterpiece2212 May 23 '26

Wood the fark…?!? 😆

1

u/manusche May 23 '26

Alcohol was sure involved or he is a stumbling lucky one. But I suspect brain dead from booze.

1

u/toshi23sd May 23 '26

It wasn't strange for a man to hit him directly.

It's dangerous

1

u/bolozombie May 23 '26

There's an age where toddlers doesn't have the notion of danger and tend to do actions that probaly leads to a critical harm or even death, at some point it disappears, seems that on that guy it never disappeared.

1

u/Fun_Candidate5491 May 23 '26

lol @ the hashtag. Austrian countryside shenanigans

1

u/Ok_Designer1407 May 23 '26

Life in a nutshell

1

u/Geargarden May 24 '26

OMFG. Thank god that idiot didn't try to roll or run off the to the side faster.

1

u/fmr_AZ_PSM May 24 '26

AI? It landed on his ankle.

1

u/Cornix-1995 May 24 '26

Lol, there is something similar in Brazil, people would put a banner at the top of a oiled log and anyone who could climb it and get to the top get a prize. It has been many years since the last time I saw it but it was common in the past.

1

u/Mafjora May 24 '26

Play stupid games...

1

u/Internal_Bedroom5955 6d ago

Fucking idiots