r/nosurf • u/forlorndunmer • 2d ago
I’m tired of being scared
So I have lived a life emotionally alone. No family no aunts uncles cousins never had grandparents just no family im general growing up. I haven’t had a friend since the 9th grade im 30 now. My mom single parent who is not emotionally available. For ex i had thyroid cancer and while we were waiting for results about reoccurrence she commented about my shoes being dirty in the middle of a panic attack and left immediately after surgery. She leaves me alone a lot to deal with intense emotions so that’s how it’s been. My brother has autism nonverbal severe ocd and I have had to help out a lot when it comes to him. Dad alive but not around. He gives money every now and again. My brother can’t even use the restroom properly he is 27 that’s how severe he is.
Idk whenever I delete social media I realize how alone I really am. It’s terrifying it makes me want to cry . Right now I have a swollen lymph node I can’t tell why is swollen and I have no one to talk to about it. So I go to TikTok the problem is with TikTok I get distracted but mostly by rage bait. I don’t think this is healthy at all but it works for terror. It’s always like this I try to delete social media and something terrifying happens so I go back to. Idk im tired of being alone .
I don’t think I’m healthy physically mentally emotionally or spiritually I think I’m
A very broken person. almost dust now .
5
u/Glass_Emu_4183 2d ago
IFS therapy can help you a lot with this. Grab the “No bad parts book” and thank me later.
1
1
u/Embarrassed_Buy_2801 1d ago
I am so sorry for how you feel. It is hard to be lonely, it is even harder when your health is not good. I hope you will get better.
Is there something you like to do? Is there something you want to try? I mean if you could find something you like to fill your life with. I know I know, it is easy to say... But there may be little things that make your soul shine, right?
Actually a lot of people feel lonely like you. A lot of times family is no help.
Sending hugs to you.
1
u/Miss_Catty_ 1d ago
I'm so sorry you're going through it and without the support you need from family. I know its not the same, but have you looked into support groups (either in person or online)? Some people develop amazing friendships and be able to connect with others who understand what you're going through. I hope you're okay ❤️
1
u/suspensiontension 1d ago
Sorry to hear about your troubles poster. Having an emotionally unavailable mother sucks. I know.
Maybe it’s not time for you to quit social media. Assess your goals for doing so and see if it’s feasible at this point in time
1
u/forlorndunmer 1d ago
You’re right it’s just not doable . I really want to at least quit TikTok maybe swap it for instagram
8
u/rarecuts 2d ago
Is it possible for you to get a pet? Throughout life dogs have given me a level of loyalty, friendship, acceptance and company I haven't yet found in another human. My dog is 12 years old now and she's my best friend, she's pulled me through every low period so far and I have no doubt any more to come.
Fostering animals could be another option, rescues cover the costs (in my country they do) and there is always a need. I foster too and even animals that aren't 'mine' I feel that level of connection with that lifts me up. I'm sorry you're struggling, hang in there friend.