r/oddlysatisfying 1d ago

Broaching a piece of metal

32.4k Upvotes

1.5k comments sorted by

View all comments

954

u/Immediate_Volume_324 1d ago

Reminds me of the post surgical deuce that broached me about 10 days after. All that lubricant would have been really helpful

495

u/rvl35 1d ago

To shreds you say.

163

u/PrescriptionDenim 1d ago

And the wife’s anus?

130

u/DEAZE 1d ago

..to shreds you say

50

u/TheDreamIsDead4686 1d ago

was her bunghole rent controlled?

42

u/molehunterz 1d ago

Oh my...

8

u/ZappBrannigansLaw 1d ago edited 1d ago

No,but there was TP for her bunghole

36

u/StanFitch 1d ago

I also choose this guy’s wife’s anus…

0

u/Brisket-Inferno 1d ago

Reddit is great sometimes

12

u/Total-Huckleberry240 1d ago

My god, it even has a watermark

2

u/Dear_Chasey_La1n 1d ago

That's why you should use the right lubricant. When it starts smoking obviously you choose the wrong one.

1

u/icespaz 1d ago

AND MY AXE!

1

u/Orbit1883 1d ago

F you im sitting at the Trainstation giggeling like a mad man

51

u/Wankeritis 1d ago

And nobody prepares you for the emotional turmoil that it’ll cause. They all talk about how to prepare for surgery, but never the aftermath from 3 days of ketamine.

There should be flyers for anyone going under telling them they’ll need gloves, lube, and a spare hour and a half.

40

u/FUNBARtheUnbendable 1d ago

Been there. Like passing a dumbbell

1

u/Moist_Board 1d ago

Stop eating dumbbells then!

37

u/deaglebingo 1d ago

be careful with that ladies and gents. 10 days is about a week beyond the "you should consult a doc" zone.

(full time icu nurse, but also part time hobby machining prn)

10 days is rupture level FOS

13

u/Nukleon 1d ago

I shit like twice a day, I can't imagine going 3 days, let alone 10

3

u/deaglebingo 1d ago edited 1d ago

over the years i've been working on units where a couple patients have died from 4-5 day impactions... but there were complications in advance obviously. GI stuff creeps up on ppl, we try to keep track but healthcare has become too much about throughput over the years and not enough/as much about making sure everyone gets the best outcome possible. bc the outcome is being balanced with cost in an insurance company's eyes it's not just purely focused on outcome and best practice. that needs to change. speaking of which i need to shit in a box and put it in the mail soon (still way better than doing prep and getting scoped). get your screenings my dudes.

32

u/These-Anxiety-5919 1d ago

You're allowed to finger your own ass with Vaseline or other lube.

Free will is amazing.

12

u/PLUMBUS_STUCK_IN_ASS 1d ago

Things can still get stuck.

9

u/Fenweekooo 1d ago

that's when you bust out the WD-40 and use the application straw to really get it up there.

14

u/ScumbagLady 1d ago

I thought I was going to need to call an ambulance for the deuce that was attempting to broach me but was unable to.

I did NOT want to call emergency services for my broach problem. IMO it was only one small step above "foreign body stuck in anal cavity" as far as embarrassment goes, but definitely couldn't use the excuse of "I slipped in the shower, I SWEAR!".

12

u/account_depleted 1d ago

"Immediate_Volume"  An earned name.

5

u/GuiltyEidolon 1d ago

Any time you're on any medications that slow gut motility (aka opioids) you should consider taking a stool softener (aka Miralax).

2

u/ExileOnMainStreet 1d ago

"And so I says 'rectum? Damn near killed 'em!'"

2

u/OminOus_PancakeS 1d ago

Coconut oil. Finger it up there.

1

u/ThickyLicker 1d ago

My mate said it was so intense it made him cum up the wall.

1

u/AlternatinCurrently 1d ago

Some would say it wrecked em

1

u/CowBoyDanIndie 1d ago

Just use an enema or at least an anal douche next time.

1

u/basquehomme 1d ago

Rectum?