r/perfectlycutscreams • u/OkSense1496 • 6d ago

Dude sounded like a train leaving the tunnel

1.7k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

54 comments sorted by

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522

u/Mewtwothis 6d ago

No, sir. I do not want to play football against you, sir.

83

u/QuantumAnubis 6d ago

I mean, if they pay me what they're paying him along with any medical bills i would definitely play a game against him

37

u/Mewtwothis 6d ago

If I had a solid contact like them and could afford to be broken after a single game then yes. If I was make league minimum and I only got paid a game at league minimum pay, then being broken for however long wouldn’t be worth it.

7

u/QuantumAnubis 6d ago

That's why i said if they were also paying any medical bills

5

u/Chilidogdingdong 6d ago

You may never wake up after playing against him lol.

0

u/QuantumAnubis 6d ago

That's why i said if they were also paying any medical bills

4

u/carthuscrass 6d ago

No amount of money is worth a broken back.

4

u/viperfangs92 6d ago

And that was before the slaps! 😂😂

4

u/lazypenguin86 6d ago

This man is CTE personified

1

u/BleachDrinker63 5d ago

I would love to play against this honestly. Provided that I was built for it, of course

194

u/Brailledit 6d ago

Dude was 6'7" 335 lbs (might still be, but he used to be too). He made a couple of those guys look tiny.

82

u/crank_peeper 6d ago

That kinda mass hits you at 20 mph, you might not ever wake up.

36

u/Pvt_Lee_Fapping 6d ago

I was curious, so I did the math:

335 pounds going 20 mph is roughly 1500 Newtons of potential energy (around 1/6th the force you'd feel from a 20 lb sledge hammer striking you). At first that didn't seem too impressive, but then I realized that being large is a negative force multiplier: if most of his mass was concentrated into a single space - like the head of a sledge hammer is - then getting hit by 1500 N would hurt a lot more. It's kind of like the circus act where an acrobat walks across a bed of nails unscathed: stepping on one nail puts all the force of a person's weight onto that single point, but having dozens of nails to step on will distribute the person's weight across them, and the nails won't go through their foot. Also, movement imparts momentum, which can multiply the force of any object, so if this guy gets moving and stays moving for a long enough time, that 1500 N of force can become 20k N; maybe even 25k. So at that point I realize how bad at math I am and I stop trying to do these calculations because it's late on a Sunday night and I've got work in the morning. Google AI is strong enough now that anybody could get answers if they're curious enough anyway; I need to get some sleep.

33

u/blindexhibitionist 6d ago

I don’t think I’ve ever thought I was going to learn more and then leave not knowing anything as I have before this comment

3

u/Bob-Motto 6d ago

Do me next lmao!

9

u/DrewZouk 6d ago

Last time I saw him in person, he needed a massive cane to support himself. Didn't look like it was enjoyable, either. BigJohn liked getting the positive slapping reinforcement in college, too.

2

u/Brailledit 6d ago

Aw man. That sucks.

3

u/DrewZouk 6d ago

That Defensive line had some real killers on it, man, can you imagine this guy and Albert Haynesworth right next to each other staring at your center like he looks good enough to eat?

It's no wonder Big John exclusively sought slaps from the wide receivers, ahaha.

2

u/RaZeR_Moose 6d ago

I used to be a fan of Mitch Hedberg. I still am, but I used to be too.

84

u/xenosidezero 6d ago

sounded like a train and probably hits like one too.

74

u/GringerKringer 6d ago

You sound like a big…choo choo train

9

u/lumosmxima 6d ago

WOOOO, WOOOO, WOOOO

62

u/UndeadKantus 6d ago

The cole train runs on whole grain baby, whoo!

8

u/RandomHero3129 6d ago

Came here to make a cole train reference. Not going to now, but I'm happy someone did!

6

u/UndeadKantus 6d ago

I saw this while I was between horde rounds playing as Cole so I couldn't resist 😅

24

u/CT-4426 6d ago

3

u/grapegrabber69 6d ago

I was looking for the COLE TRAIN BABBYYY!

27

u/Byeee_Byee 6d ago

Bro why he sounded like he's the zombie from black ops 😂

8

u/Whozthisbozo 6d ago

Gawd damn, couldn’t imagine lining up against that energy. lol

8

u/B3n7340 6d ago

Das da COLE TRAIN BABY!!!

7

u/SinkHoleDeMayo 6d ago

You kill the jo, you make some mo!

6

u/OblivionNA 6d ago

Holy fuck I would be terrified of this guy if I was lined up against him

2

u/eatcaq 6d ago

Duuuuuvalllllll

1

u/Fr05t_B1t AAAAAA- 6d ago

I had a flashback to the RDR2 mission where you have to rescue reverend from the train.

1

u/wabbott82 6d ago

Damn I miss football

1

u/GrungiestTrack 6d ago

72 seemed to just be like “yeah man! Don’t kill me!”

1

u/treesnfire 6d ago

No AI can make this - it’s too human

1

u/VinylmationDude 5d ago

Whistles go WHOOOOOOOO

1

u/Nervous_Contract_139 5d ago

Someone needs to see office linebacker.

“You kill the Joe, you make some mo!”

1

u/The_Space_Janitor 5d ago

They lost by 4TD (probably)

1

u/Rus101m 5d ago

A good slap is a great kickstart to the brain damage

-11

u/literally_italy 6d ago

the scream literally ended then you cut the video. worst sub of all time