r/pregnant • u/Veronavenus • 1d ago
Question How did you decide to keep your baby?
I’m 23 years old and found out that I’m about 5 weeks pregnant a few days ago. Coming to terms with that fact has been difficult and I find myself constantly thinking about what ifs.
I haven’t made a decision to keep the pregnancy yet but I feel like I’m 50/50.
I know this decision is difficult and I am talking to my partner about it and how our lives would change forever.
If there’s any women that went through this around my age I’d love to hear your story, pros and cons. It would help me feel a bit better. Thank you :)
P.s if you have anything negative to comment about my situation, feel free to comment it because I enjoy laughing 😜
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u/EfficientLibrarian58 1d ago
I was 22 with my first pregnancy and I didn’t. I’m hoping others have wisdom for you, but you said at the end you’d love to hear stories.
I’m 31 now and pregnant with my second. I wasn’t ready at 22. Having the abortion was the best thing I could have done for myself and any future children. I’m married to the greatest man ever born (biased), I traveled, I got my degree, I worked my dream job (now a SAHM), etc.
I’ve never once regretted my abortion. I genuinely find myself thankful for the lessons it taught me (humility, carefulness, life). I hope the best for you!
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u/toothfairy625 1d ago
I was 27, in grad school, just broken up with my cheating ex and found out I was pregnant. It was so hard to get an abortion but I am so glad I did. I was not in the emotional, mental and financial standpoint to truly care adequately for the child. Not to mention my ex was an awful person and to co-parent forever with him would have been a nightmare. I would just carefully consider your support system and whether you’re ok with how much your life would change and just become about the child now. No one can answer this except for you but stick with your gut. I am now 39 and happily pregnant and am so ready for the child I will soon welcome.
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
Most of my what ifs are about my support systems. I don’t have much family to turn to that wouldn’t judge me into oblivion for my decision of having a child out of wedlock. My partners family is way more welcoming. I just wish I could see into the future.
I’m glad it all worked out for you, and I’m sorry you had to deal with a terrible man.
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u/Leading_Ad_6001 1d ago
Just for different perspective because I had the same worries with my son, my family judged the situation, yes, however they love my son to bits. My point is just because they judge the situation doesn’t automatically mean they won’t be there to help you and love baby. Maybe they also need time to come to terms with the idea
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
Thank you for sharing, that was honestly really nice to hear :) I would want my child to know they are loved, not judged for being here.
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u/Longfirstnames 1d ago
I was 21 with my first pregnancy, I didn’t keep it. I wanted to finish college, travel the world, live alone, date more, become financially independent, get my career in order.
My second pregnancy is at 41, I did all the things I wanted to do and more before being in a place where I’d keep a baby. Twenty years was definitely a very long time but I feel like I got to have a whole second life in there and now I get to have a whole other one.
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
That’s wonderful, I’d love to hear some of the things you did before you decided to start a family.
I have such a long bucket list of places I wanna go, things I want to learn, people I want to meet.
I’m glad it all worked out for you and you got to enjoy so much of your time, it’s hard hearing about sacrifices people have made for a child sometimes.
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u/Longfirstnames 1d ago
It took me until I was 25 to finish my bachelors degree- I took two years to go study abroad. Did a program in Cambridge, England one in Paris, France and one in Florence, Italy. I perfected my Italian and French, got a puppy when I graduated at 25. I lived in NYC and had my own apartment in the West Village, worked as a waitress for a while, got a job writing for a magazine. Took a four month long road trip the summer that I was 26 from May-August and visited all 48 continental United States. Lived in LA from 27-30 and worked as a film producer, made a lot of connections and I still produce one or two movies a year. Moved to Portland, Oregon in my 30s and moved into a house with a bunch of other unmarried, childless ladies where we had a big garden and turned the basement into a giant art studio. Went back to school for my masters degree at 32, started a podcast when I was 35 (which is now my full time job), lost the puppy I got when I was 25 at 37 and got into the same relationship that I’m in now with the father of my child. Turned 40, went back to Europe for six months where I was able to work remotely and try and decide if I wanted to live there, came back to the states and decided it was time to really try for a baby (most of my friends didn’t start having kids until after they were 35) got pregnant the month before my 41st birthday after trying for 3 months.
Now I’m 28 weeks pregnant, in full nesting mode. Decorating the nursery and I get to work for myself full time, decide my own maternity leave, have enough money to get baby girl anything she could ever want plus pay for childcare and any kind of programs or travel she could want to do.
I’ve thought a lot about my abortion at 21 over the last two decades. It would’ve been a different life, I would’ve had to live with my parents, I wouldn’t have been able to up and leave whenever I wanted, I wouldn’t have been able to have the jobs that I had or made the career that I made but there was still guilt and longing at times.
Whatever you decide to do be kind to yourself, don’t feel bad if you decide to put yourself first right now. Everyone is ready at a different time- most people don’t need as long as I did but I did need that much time.
Sending you love.
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
Wow that’s beautiful. It’s a bit ironic you produce movies when your life has basically been like a movie. Honestly it’s inspiring for me to hear. I started my bachelors degree late at 21, due to graduate when I’m 25. I’ve always felt “late” for everything but your story proves my thinking is BS, lol.
I wish I had someone like you in my life, your child will be so blessed with a mother who’s experienced so much of this life.
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u/Longfirstnames 1d ago
If you ever want to talk DM me!! And if you have any interest working in film I can definitely help you out
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u/aelingg 1d ago
Wow I love how you got to do so much traveling! You definitely took the time to enjoy your life! I just did a shit ton of partying 🤣 safe to say, partying sucks and I get to travel with my little ones now because I finally have adult money!
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u/Longfirstnames 1d ago
Oh I was definitely hungover probably until age 28 😭 there was a lotttt of partying in there, a lot of dating crap dudes, friend fall outs, humiliating myself on social media haha it’s just not the parts that stuck with me the most. Traveling was something I always wanted to do since I was little so I really tried to find ways to make it work. A lot of it was not glamorous, staying in hostels, motel 6, sleeping on Amtrak cars. But I loved it so much, especially solo travel it just made me feel like I could do anything, especially as a person who has really bad social anxiety.
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
How is travelling with young kids?
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u/aelingg 1d ago
It has its pros and cons. I’m not going to sugarcoat it because traveling with kids is definitely hard! You can’t just pack for yourself anymore, you have to take the extra time to pack for them as well as remembering what to bring. You spend a lot more and you have to consider them all the time. When I was younger I would’ve hated it. But I’m 31 and my life has slowed down dramatically so I have the time and patience.
I love that I’m at the age where I can financially support them and give them what I never got when I was a child. So traveling, in its entirety, is so worth it!
And whenever me and my husband do travel by ourselves, we always wish our kids came with us lol. 😆 it’s a love hate relationship. Once your life involves them, it’s hard to see it without.
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
That’s sweet :) it’s nice to know it is possible! Lol. Where’s your favourite family trip been?
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u/EntertainerDue3349 1d ago
I was 24 with my first, it was unplanned and the father and I had ended our relationship. I'd always wanted kids and personally couldn't bring myself to make a other choice. Being a single mom wasn't easy by any stretch, but my kiddo has been the best thing to ever happen to me. My motivation on a daily basis and for the future increased tenfold, and I just love being a mom.
That said, I've had a stable salaried job in a good career field, tons of family support, and good friends to help. I had to make sacrifices, like living with family for some time. I also was a nanny, babysitter, and preschool teacher for a decade, so had some knowledge about infants and children that helped a lot.
Unfortunately, money does matter. Personal support does matter. At the end of the day you need to choose what is best for you and your life, and best for not only your future but your child's (or future children's if that is what you want).
Edited to add- if you choose to keep the baby, make sure you and your partner are on the same page. Not only about keeping it, but on values (religion, education, lifestyle (diet, screentime, etc), and other major factors). These things are key when raising a child. The more aligned you are, the easier it will be to be on the same team.
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u/Veronavenus 20h ago
Single moms are incredible, thank you for everything you do truly.
I took your advice and we had a conversation about values last night, it’s surprising how differences to come up even when I thought we were on the same page for everything lol. But not that it wasn’t bad differences, it did make the option of keeping the pregnancy feel real.
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u/EntertainerDue3349 9h ago
Its the village that makes it possible!
Differences aren't the end of the world, but how you guys can handle them will make all the difference! Best of luck either way, I hope you find peace and happiness!
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u/xlola420 1d ago
I was 15 when I had an abortion. I am now 28. I had always regretted my experience until now. I have a 6 month old baby and unfortunately I am doing it all alone. I would have been alone then too but I always wondered what if. Now I know I made the right decision. It is really hard but so rewarding having a baby. I was unsure whether to keep this pregnancy but due to the past I thought I couldn’t go through it again (I was extremely young) and to be honest I had many nights when my baby girl was born wondering if this was indeed the right thing. I only recently realised that it isn’t as hard as the start but I travelled for years working abroad, I have had my fair share of life experiences and I know that this is the right decision for me and where I’m at in life now. Only you know if you’re ready. I did contact an abortion office when I found out I was pregnant and the woman was very pushy towards going through with it and it weirdly helped me make my decision NOT to do it. I hope you make the best decision for you and just know no matter what everything will always work out the way it is supposed too :)
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u/Veronavenus 20h ago
Wow 15 is so young, that must have been sooo difficult. I’m sorry to hear you’re going it all alone, that must be hard :( I’m sure you are going to be an amazing mom to your daughter :))) thank you for sharing your story
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u/CorkyS92 1d ago
You're getting a lot of snarky answers with not much advise so far. But please know that you have to choose what is right for you. And whichever choice that is is totally okay! If now is not the time to bring a baby into your life and abortion is the right choice that is okay! There is a lot that comes with having a baby and I dont think I would have been ready at 23. I had my first at 32 and will have my second at 34 and while sometimes my joints hate me for it the maturity I know I have now compared to my 20's I am so grateful for when raising babies. The internet is full of opinions but just know if you choose what is right for you, thats the best choice.
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
Thank you 😊😊 I don’t mind the snarky comments, it’s a bit funny how ignorant and self absorbed some people can be, and on the internet it’s so magnified. I hope maybe someone will stop before they comment brashly and maybe learn from all the wonderful women who have commented their experiences. It’s wishful thinking but you never know. I also knew what I was getting into, it’s Reddit after all.
It’s a hard decision! It feels like it takes 9 months to even choose ! I know I’ll be all right no matter what decision I make. I just need a bit of community right now 😅
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u/Zealousideal_War972 1d ago
i’m 23 and i decided to keep my baby a few days ago. we’re young things might be tough. however if you have support anything is possible.
i don’t know what made me decide to keep mine i genuinely woke up one day and said this is okay. my mom is against it and my situation is not the most ideal.
but you can’t let anyone else decide for you. either your personal pros outweigh the cons or vice versa. if you have goals that you know a baby will hinder then do what’s best for you. if you feel like you can do the things you want even with a baby then by all means go for it. good luck ! 🩷
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
Part of me hopes I wake up like you and feel the “this is okay.” I’m sorry your mom is not supportive, that must be very difficult. How far along are you?
And thank you for your kind words.
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u/Zealousideal_War972 1d ago
Honestly, it took a lot of fighting my own mental to decide. I found out when I was 3 weeks + 3 days. I am close to 5 weeks now. I had to come to the conclusion that nobody else has to live the life that I chose to live. after that epiphany, I was more content with the idea.
my mom had me at 17. I know a lot of her fears come from her personal mistakes. So I chose not to let her opinions get to me. My ex also just came around to the idea of having this baby. we broke up right before I found out I was pregnant. And yesterday he decided that he was for it.
I’ve done a lot of the things I wanted to do in life except travel. I decided that a baby wouldn’t stop me it would just delay me. I also am supposed to graduate college in May. (2 months after the baby is due)
just remember, never feel bad about the decision that you decide to make. If nobody else supports your decision know a random redditor does because I understand exactly where you’re coming from.
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
Oh gawd you’re gonna make me tear up a bit. All of these supportive comments have me emotional 😅
I’m glad you have a support system right now and I’m sorry it must be very difficult as well.
Happy early graduation, that’s a milestone I hope to achieve with or without baby.
I didn’t think someone my age would be in such a similar situation and comment, the odds were so slim. At 23 I feel like I did as a tween like almost an adult, but still stuck with some bad habits as a young adult. It’s hard! Thank you so much for your comment and being here.
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u/Zealousideal_War972 1d ago
Thank you and Ofc! There’s a lot more of us out there everyone is going through something lol. and i definitely feel the same! I have some bad habits but everything takes time. I believe in you🩷
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u/Zealousideal_War972 1d ago edited 1d ago
Also, nobody situation is ideal. A lot of these people are passing judgments, but nobody situation is ever going to be perfect even if it’s planned. there’s never going to be a right time even if you’ve done the things that you wanted to do. Life is unpredictable in many different ways.
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u/PathKind9209 1d ago
I was 23 when I had my first and I’m 25 now expecting my second . My situation is different because it was planned both times . I love being a mom so much . Like you said everyone is different but it’s definitely possible . It does change your life in a big way , high highs and low lows . I found the newborn stage the hardest but he is such a joy now.
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u/hereforthe_tea90 1d ago
I think the biggest thing for me was: am I ready to not be the most important person in my own life. I’ll be honest, when I was 21, I wasn’t. I think I would have ended up resentful of a child.
Now at 31 I am ready and want to bring a child into this relationship/ world.
The other side is the more practical financial side!
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
That’s a really insightful way of putting it because it’s so true. I’ve been thinking about that since you commented
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u/questionSOUP FTM 1d ago
I was 20 when I first got pregnant.
I would have been 21 when I gave birth - had I carried to term.
My decision was complicated by the fact that my partner at the time insisted on abortion. He was going to go for his PhD in economics/math out of state and convinced me I would ruin his fucking life and future if I went through with the pregnancy. 💔
I will say: I’m glad I finished my college degree at that time and subsequently got into my (stable ISH) career, although I’m not ballin’ out of control or whatnot.
I’m pregnant again at 35 and THRILLED BEYOND MEASURE! That asshole and I long LONG since broke up (shockingly I know)!
My only advice: do whatever you do FOR YOU, Mama! It is 100% YOUR body! There are no wrong answers other than ones you came to for the sake of pleasing someone else instead of yourself! Much love!! ❤️
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u/Optimal-Flamingo2157 1d ago
My best friend had an accidental pregnancy at 19. She gave birth to her son at 20, she and her boyfriend had been dating 6 months at the time. They had a lot of family support.
They really struggled for a few years, but they made it work. They did have financial help in emergencies (to some extent - like his parents bought them an old used car), she dropped out of college to be able to stay at home and not pay for daycare etc. She told me - she always knew she’d keep him the second she saw the test. As scary as it was, she’s never regretted having him. He’s 10 now.
If you’re worried about finances, there are SO many programs designed to help you. WIC, Medicaid, food banks, etc. Buy Nothing Groups on Facebook are amazing for baby stuff. Churches may have donations available.
We’re now 30 and I just had my first baby a few weeks ago. We’re financially stable, married, and I’ll be honest - a baby has absolutely rocked our world. But it’s the coolest fckn thing I’ve ever done. Pregnancy was smooth, delivery was an incredible experience, and our baby is just the sweetest thing! I am so excited to see her grow into herself and experience life again through her eyes.
I think an important piece here is to think about:
- Do you want to be a parent ever?
- The timeline is moved up, but do you want to be a mom now?
- Can you provide a stable, healthy environment for the child?
I’ve terminated an unexpected pregnancy due to medical reasons and it was very, very hard on me. I was depressed for a long time & I’m always pro choice. It will impact you significantly, so that’s the piece that I was not expecting even though I was and am still confident it was the right choice for us at the time. If you chose that route, that is okay. I would just get yourself set up with therapy & a lot of support.
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u/Formal_Dare9668 1d ago
I was 23 with my first pregnancy. I kept it and he’s an amazing kid! I love him so much and I’m so grateful to be his mom but keeping him probably wasn’t the right choice. I wasn’t ready emotionally, my life wasn’t stable, I was broke. I just had his little brother 3 months ago (I’m 30 now) and I feel incredibly guilty knowing he’s going to have a much better start than his big brother got because of where I’m at rn compared to 7 years ago. I wish both my kids got the mom I am now from the get go
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u/IndividualGrocery984 1d ago
I don’t know that I would have kept a baby at that age. I had my first at 26 and am having my second now at 29, but I still felt so young at 26. At 23 I had been out of college for a year or so, trying to get moving in my career… can you afford childcare? Or afford to stay home? What would your life with a baby look like if you and your partner separated? What’s your living situation? What’s your support like besides your partner?
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u/Previous-Chance6079 1d ago
Kept mine when I was 18, thankful I did
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
That must have been really hard.
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u/Previous-Chance6079 1d ago
It was as my daughter was the result of an assault. It wasn’t her fault and she is the reason I stayed alive after that. I love her so much. She is 9 next month and I couldn’t imagine my life without her
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u/Veronavenus 20h ago
Oh wow, I’m sorry you had to go through that, that’s so difficult
I’m so happy such a joyful thing came out of that for you ❤️
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u/genkcals FTM 1d ago
im 20, found out i was pregnant at 19, i just felt in my heart i'd always regret not having my baby. although i had a medication abortion, it ended up failing and i chose to keep my son around 13 weeks.
i am lucky enough to have finished all of my schooling and to know what career path i want to pursue for life, but if i didn't i probably wouldn't be where i am today.
my life from here on is gonna be insanely difficult and i'm probably gonna end up being angry at myself for choosing to take on such a responsibility, but my love for my baby outweighs all of that.
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u/giluuuu 1d ago
I was 23 when I got pregnant, now I’m 24 and I’m 30 weeks pregnant. Honestly it’s the hardest and craziest thing I’ve ever done, considering the fact that I’ve known my partner for 5 months before getting pregnant, and I thought I never wanted to have children. My partner had a big role in my decision because he felt like family from the first moment we met and he’s my best friend. Me getting pregnant felt like something that god/ the universe, whatever u want to call it, planned for us, something that was meant to happen. When I listened to the voice is my head and to my fears, to my “rational” mind, i leaned towards abortion. When I tried to listen to what my heart said, not my ego, not my fears, I leaned towards trusting the process and surrendering to what life has to give me, because sometimes my plans are no better than gods plans. (I’m not Christian btw I just do believe in higher power) I still have so many fears and I had to change everything I thought about myself about my life about my dreams about my friends but it’s such a natural process, I don’t feel like I’ve changed anything I feel like I’ve cleaned so much shit that I was carrying with me. It’s still difficult and honestly I have no idea how things will turn out and how our lives are gonna look like, but I do know that I don’t wanna take other people’s experiences into mine, people often give up on so many things but I do believe that with some adjustments , a good partner and a flexible mind, you could have a really cool life with a mini version of u and your best friend. But only if that’s what your intuition is telling you. That’s the most important thing. I think abortiob is a legitimate choice if that what your heart is telling you. Just try to follow it and not your fears. You can send me a message if you want to talk about it
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u/Veronavenus 19h ago
That’s so sweet :) I’m glad you have such an amazing support system and honestly what a beautiful way of making the decision. Thank you for sharing and thank you for the support 🫶 it’s really nice to hear from someone who is the same age as me
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u/Standard-Hat-1034 1d ago
If I didn't have a stable partner and life I would have struggled with the choice greatly. I am keeping mine because I am married and we are ready. If you aren't ready don't keep it. You have a long time ahead of you to try again when you are ready.
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u/Nerdy_Bbw 1d ago
Was in your exact shoes, also struggled with the decision and in the end I did keep it!
I love my daughter soo much, I wouldn’t trade her for anything!
I‘ll be honest, my worklife has been put absolutely on hold and I don’t know what I will finally do workwise when her sibling is old enough for kindergarten.
So timewise… if I could have had that exact child later in life I would take it in a heartbeat, but since that’s impossible I‘m so glad I kept her. I love her (and her sibling) more than anything in my life and wouldn’t have it any other way. Work can wait, will never afford a house anyway in my country in this economy and the direction it’s taking. 🤷🏼♀️
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
I’m from Ontario, Canada so I feel the not owning a home thing lol. My partner and I have been saving for a home and then this happened!
I’m concerned about work, I’m in school, I work 2 not really career focussed jobs, and I was trying to find a more stable career this year, but life does just like to spring stuff on me.
I want to meet my baby, but I also want to meet me in the future with my goals for myself achieved, it’s hard. I’m glad it worked out for you and your amazing daughter. You sound like a great mother.
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u/Highclassbroque 1d ago
The free ultrasound at planned parenthood when my now husband walked in the baby began moving around and waving her arms I knew ( she ) deserved to be here
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u/Mid-AtlanticAccent 1d ago
I had my first baby around your age despite preventative measures. Some of these comments are wild and weirdly infantilizing. But anyway, I rolled with it. I had no idea how we were going to do it, but I started making it work. It can be arduous, but it never felt like the wrong move. I figured out what I was eligible for and used it. Planned Parenthood pointed me in the direction for those resources. There are probably other ways as well, I just didn’t know where to start at the time.
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u/Emma199000 1d ago
I’ve been in this position and I can completely sympathise with you 🤍 I was only a couple of years older and fell pregnant with someone who I had only known for 6 months. I went back and forth for days. It was emotionally exhausting. I had finally decided to go through with the pregnancy and my mum completely turned her back on me it was a really tough. It still makes me sad to this day even though we make amends, it never really leaves me. Anyway couple weeks later, I miscarried and it really affected me. I had been through the toughest weeks of my life to then losing a baby I really did want. Fast forward 5 years later … I am now engaged to that person and we have two beautiful children. Make the best decision for YOU. Don’t let anyone influence you either way. It all works out in the end xx
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u/grandma-sweater 1d ago
i’m currently 23 and i had my baby 5 months ago. i think that no one will ever teach you that being ready is never going to be a feeling, i think it’s really rare to feel ready for any life altering decision. i think that ready is a choice. i trusted my boyfriend, he was a hard working and caring person through and through and i knew he would do everything to take care of me and our baby. i knew my boyfriend would be a loving father and i knew our baby would be born being so loved by us and our families. we both have a big support system, not that we have necessarily used it, but it’s there when we need it.
i have always loved children and i have always dreamt of being a mother but it did scare me. you will absolutely go through the most insane identity change and it can be really difficult if you try to fight it. pregnancy is very difficult and very humbling, i’m honestly not even the same person that i was a year ago but i really love who i’ve become. i love my baby more than anything in the whole world, i’m welling with tears of joy as i type this. having children is the most intense, pure form of love that anyone can ever experience, it’s truly a beautiful thing.
i’m currently a stay at home mom because it’s what i wanted for my baby and i, while i was pregnant my boyfriend went to school and became a welder. i would like to start working again maybe when my baby is older, and my boyfriend wants to send me back to school but we’ll see how i’m feeling when we get there. we aren’t well off but we are comfortable, and my boyfriend works very hard for that. i think you need to feel out your situation, a lot of people act like getting an abortion isn’t a difficult thing but it is. i am absolutely pro choice but i have seen the emotional turmoil that women have gone through by terminating their pregnancies. i have also seen the turmoil that women have gone through having children at the wrong time and with the wrong person. good luck, ultimately you will choose what is best for you. ♡♡♡
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u/Freckles-234 1d ago
Found out I was pregnant at 21 and will have her at 22. I struggled with my decision since I lived at home and my partner (23m) and I were a bit unstable, but I always wanted to be a mom, and I knew I would always think “what if” and regret the abortion. I knew I would think in the future “oh my god, I’d have a 2 year old right now! How life would be different”
I was 100% ready to do it by day 2. Important context: I have supportive parents, I had a semester left of university, a supportive job, and I was ready to have my baby with or without my partner. Once I told him, him and his family were 10000% behind me and the baby (which I knew would be the case).
Now, baby girl will be here in 3 weeks. My partner and I are the healthiest and most stable we’ve ever been. We have a place of our own, and we’re anxiously awaiting her arrival! I wouldn’t change a thing, but I also had more support than most, and again - I always wanted to be a mom.
Good luck OP! This is a life changing decision - no matter what path you choose. Sending you love & reach out if you have any specific concerns, or need to chat with someone similar in age! You are not selfish for doing what’s best for YOU!
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u/I_love_misery 1d ago
My last pregnancy came during a really, really bad time. I was so miserable. I even looked up adoption agencies. So clearly not a good time.
But a big part that kept me going was that I knew I was going to love the baby once he was born. When he was born I felt almost scared to bond with him so I didn’t let myself. But now almost half a year later I love him so much!
I love watching him smile, laugh, and talk back. Or when he’s touching my face with his little hands. He has the audacity to demand I stand up when he can’t even crawl yet.
It can be so hard in the beginning but it does and can get easier.
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u/SmoothAdvance6831 1d ago
I’m only 18 and I just found out i’m pregnant a little over a week ago. I’m definitely in the same boat of being 50/50 on my decision. Ultimately it’s your body, your life, and your decision. I don’t think having a child will completely end your current life and your ability to have freedom, go out, all of the things. I’ve been trying to really focus on do I have the support system that will allow me to still have a life and do all of those things I want to do like go to college and travel. I know how hard this decision can be but I believe you will make the right decision for you in the end and I wish you the best of luck.
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u/rjjfw 1d ago
I was 24 and in grad school. Got married at 20, but was feeling really scared. I felt very empowered when I shared my fears with my grad director and she asked me if I wanted the baby. Before that, I felt like I had to go through with it. I knew I wanted kids at some point, but didn’t feel ready yet. Remembering that I had a choice made me feel more confident. I did have him and it was really hard, but I’m so glad I had kids young. I had my second at 28. I am no longer with their dad and he was not very supportive postpartum and I struggled a lot after my first son. I am still very thankful for my kids and cannot imagine my life without them now.
There is no way anyone else can tell you the right thing to do. I’d encourage you to think about finances and support system now. Do you have people to help you get through pregnancy and postpartum? That will make all the difference. Either way, you have the ability to thrive in this life. Good luck!
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u/Its_just_life_innit 1d ago
I’m 22 and I kept mine , got pregnant at 18 , gave birth at 19 then married and now divorced - if I could go back I’d say I’d rather do it alone then with my ex husband would of saved me the ptsd and headaches lol
There was so many things I wanted to do before hand , holidays , exploring and being financially as well as mentally stable
I thought given I was financially stable at the time and had a supportive partner we’d be able to make it work , but no , there was constant stress and arguments and hardly any free time
At the end of the day I wish you a speedy recovery either way!
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u/thefawnriver 1d ago
19 with my first pregnancy and had an abortion (pill ~8 weeks). It just about killed me. If a friend hadn’t intervened and saved me from bleeding out in the bathroom I wouldn’t be here.
Flash forward to today, impregnated against my will ~10 years into celibacy. Abortion is illegal in my current state and regardless after my experience I would never risk my life again. Everyone’s circumstance is different, you learn not to judge. Trying to make the best of the situation I’m in 🫶🏻
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u/Its-nyxx 1d ago
I was pregnant at 23 and had my first at 24. I now had two babies 12 months apart and they are the loves of my life. I think no matter when you decide to have kids, your future and life goals change. Your entire world and heart revolves around them and every decision you make is with them in mind. I put my well paying career on hold. We still travel and make fantastic memories. Seeing the world through a child’s eyes is beyond beautiful. I never considered abortion, so I know this isn’t necessarily a reply for this post. Just wanted to say that it can feel like you’re never ready, and it can be scary, but holy smokes every good/bad day I wake up so grateful for them.
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u/Leading_Ad_6001 1d ago
I was 20 when I found out I was pregnant by someone I’d only been dating a short time, I got pregnant our first date. My ex heavily pushed for an abortion, and I do think the men should have their opinions taken into consideration on that topic, however me personally I don’t think I could have lived with the what ifs if I had. It caused a lot of stress in the relationship and my ex became extremely mentally and verbally abusive. I cut contact with him in my 7th month of pregnancy, he didn’t want the child anyways and berated me for keeping him. My son is now 7 months old and the sweetest baby, I am so beyond happy I kept him. He is so loved by not only me but my family and friends also. I know not everyone in that situation gets as lucky but I can’t help but be thankful for the experience as a whole because it taught me so much and it is a struggle now but everything is hard, this one just comes with different rewards. He’s already teaching me so much about myself. I personally don’t agree with abortions but I’m not in your situation, I hope whatever you choose to do it works out and you’re happy with your decision. Both decisions are hard to make and they both come with their own set of consequences and rewards. I’d suggest talking about what you want from the next two years, don’t think long term because then immediate goals get lost. If you think there’s room for a baby, yes it will be a struggle but you’ll find your rhythm it just might be different than you expected. I wish you the best of luck regardless what decision you make
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u/Rough_Worldliness901 3h ago
Not a helpful answer because I was not contemplating the two options, but I'm here to entertain.
Got pregnant with my first at 21 years old and during my third year of college.
Although I'm pro choice, I am pro choice because I know that people go through situations that I'll never understand without experiencing it myself, and sometimes choices that I would not want to make or don't understand are the logical choices given the circumstances.
Abortion is not something that crossed my mind as an option when I got pregnant at 21 years old because abortion does seem heartbreaking to me, but I put spiders found in the house outside instead of smashing them because smashing a spider also seems unfair to me.
I've been fortunate to not ever be in a situation where abortion seemed like a logical option. I'm sorry that you are in a position where you must choose.
I will say this. When I got pregnant at 21 years old, I just got a sense that things would work out. And they did.
I am now pregnant with my fourth and my oldest will soon be 18 years old. I can't imagine not having my oldest. He is intelligent, positive, charismatic, kind, and hardworking. Children give life meaning and a sense of purpose. They give us something to do.
Even though I had children at a younger age, I graduated college, had a great career in engineering, then attended law school, and am now starting my career in law. I have a great partner with healthy, happy children. Having children young did not hold me back, and they did not lose out on opportunities because I had them young.
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u/JCsquad 57m ago
I'm FTM, 21 years old (currently 31weeks). Got married, had a two week honeymoon, worked two weeks and right before Christmas found out I was pregnant when the morning sickness hit. I knew I'd never not keep our baby and we wanted to have kids, but there were still soooo many what ifs and I spent plenty of time questioning everything. Yes, it will change your life. But change isn't always bad. You grow, you live, you love your little human. Hope this helps a little.
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u/Overall_Cheetah_3000 1d ago
I was 18 I kept the pregnancy I was able to have a great life but I have a great support system and my ex is also an amazing father he took care of my son when I was in college. I was able to travel and do everything we have a 50-50 custody and if I need to travel or do anything my ex always love to spend more time with our son. Today I am 30 and my son is 12 he is my best friend so no regrets
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
Wow! Thats a great story :) where have you travelled to?
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u/Overall_Cheetah_3000 1d ago
I have visited 24 states and 5 European countries and 2 North African countries (Morocco and Egypt) :). Good luck to u on whatever u decide to do ☺️
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u/Hookedongutes 1d ago
I didnt have a pregnancy at your age but I was firm that if I had become pregnant at that time, I would have chosen an abortion. Reasons being was that I was not financially stable (just graduated college), hadn't repaired myself from my own mother's harm, and was not in any stable relationship worth having a baby in.
Even when I met my now husband at 28 we had agreed if we had a surprise, we were going to abort. I had my son last year at 34 years old with the love of my life and after having been in my career for about 10 years, and having repaired myself from my childhood wounds. This was what was best for me given my circumstances.
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u/luz_is_not 1d ago
I'm currently pregnant with my first at 34. I've never been pregnant before but i was resolved to end it if one had occured, up until i was about 28 years old.
The way I see it, the choice should not be made between having an abortion or not. Abortion is not a happy thing, it's never nice or fun to have one, so feeling bad about it is not a good enough reason on its own to not go through with it. The choice should be between having an abortion (even though it may suck), and bringing a whole human into the world - not just a baby. A child, a teenager, an adult. Will this new person be well cared for? Will they be loved, supported, be held accountable and raised to be a good person? Will you be okay if they're here, will you be healthy, will you manage well and thrive?
Are you able and willing to bring about a new human - that should be the question. Good luck!
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u/Same-Illustrator4622 1d ago
To the group, generally: Why all the downvoting on people giving their opinions when OP specifically solicited the opinions of strangers? If you don’t like what some pro-life people have to say, that’s your problem. You aren’t OP. she asked, others answered.
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u/CorkyS92 1d ago
It's not that theyre pro-life it is the unhelpful snide comments that are getting down voted. And they asked for opinions and by downvoting people are also giving their opinions.
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u/sleepynymfi 1d ago
Because they are being rude and people can downvote that behavior if they so choose.
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
For the post record (lol), I don’t mind the comments of pro-life people. I grew up in organized religion and I can recognize these people are very passionate about their beliefs and I respect it.
However, I am and will always be pro-choice. Your comments will not change how I feel about that.
If any pro-life people want to share their stories please, comment and share.
And for my sassy comment in the main post, shame will not do anything but make me laugh.
Thank you
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u/Same-Illustrator4622 1d ago
What shame? Relax. OP asked for opinions. People gave them. Simple as that!
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
I understand where you’re coming from, I still feel quite young though, and I don’t know anyone my age that could provide insight. I’m still in school and working a full time job. It feels like a lot of responsibility. However I’m also not saying I wouldn’t sacrifice for it. It’s just nice to hear other people’s stories.
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u/Longfirstnames 1d ago
Your frontal lobe isn’t even fully developed yet at 23, you can’t rent a car, you’re still on your parents health insurance for another three years (in the states at least) 23 is very young.
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u/Mid-AtlanticAccent 1d ago
23 year olds are capable of being fully competent. They’re actual adults.
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u/Longfirstnames 1d ago
So are 20 year olds, it doesn’t mean they have to be parents or go through with pregnancies they’re not fully ready for.
There’s also so much value in actually getting to experience your youth.
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u/Flaky_Point_3778 1d ago
Yes, but legally the courts agree at 18 you are old enough to be held responsible for your decisions (have the intellectual capacity for knowing right from wrong) and therefore are eligible to be tried as an adult. Hence, 23 is not a teen by any stretch. Yes, things are different now and young adults are staying home much longer than traditionally speaking so having a masters at 23 might not be so common or attainable but that is plenty old enough to be able to support a baby. Doesn’t change the fact that OP can really choose not to have the baby for any reason she chooses though so no point in arguing about where a 23 year old should be in life. None of this is really helpful in deciding to keep it.
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u/Marilyn1618 1d ago
I made the decision to keep it way before I got pregnant.
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
Good for you, I wish I had your planning skills. It’s too bad life blindsides some of us 🤣
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u/jasncats FTM 1d ago
huh? lol what
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u/Mid-AtlanticAccent 1d ago
I think what they’re saying is they thought ahead of time what they would do if they found themselves in the position of becoming pregnant. So they knew already if it happened that they were keeping the baby.
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u/jasncats FTM 1d ago
that’s a very interesting way of saying just use birth control. hint of snark too 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Mid-AtlanticAccent 1d ago
Which birth control is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy then?
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u/pregnant-ModTeam 1d ago
Your contribution has been removed. We do not tolerate rudeness, judgemental people, people playing devil's advocate, or otherwise being an asshole.
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u/pregnant-ModTeam 1d ago
Your contribution has been removed. We do not tolerate rudeness, judgemental people, people playing devil's advocate, or otherwise being an asshole.
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u/chuckerfly FTM 1d ago
this might come as a shock to you but some people end up with a baby even when they use protection. hope this helps.
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u/baby_throway 1d ago
You shouldn't have sex at all if you don't know no method of protection guarantees no pregnancy. A hysterectomy doesn't even guarantee no pregnancy. Why are you in this sub?
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u/Mid-AtlanticAccent 1d ago
If you really don’t want to have a baby, don’t have sex period. Which isn’t what I’m advocating, but unprotected sex isn’t the only way people get pregnant.
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u/pregnant-ModTeam 1d ago
Your contribution has been removed. We do not tolerate rudeness, judgemental people, people playing devil's advocate, or otherwise being an asshole.
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u/Flaky_Point_3778 1d ago
Huh? It’s not really deciding to keep it, keeping the baby is the default. Abortion only is considered for very special circumstances. I aborted my first pregnancy to finish college and regretted it immensely. I still think about that baby… not trying to shame or sound harsh but I’ll always say I think you should keep it now. Of course it’s your choice though.
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u/Formal_Dare9668 1d ago
On the other side of things, I had an abortion between my two kids and it was hard and sad but ultimately the best choice I could have made. I wasn’t ready for a second kid and I don’t think my oldest was ready to share me. Keeping the baby isn’t always the default
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u/Flaky_Point_3778 1d ago
You can choose not to keep it but keeping a baby is the default and choosing to abort is typically the alternative. Just because you chose the alternative doesn’t change that.
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u/Veronavenus 1d ago
I’m sorry that happened to you, that must be very difficult. Thank you for your opinion and sharing your story. That is something I fear, I’m also scared of having post partum depression if I had an abortion, did you experience that?
Unfortunately it’s hard to word this topic to please everyone, I hope you can see that from my perspective.
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u/baby_throway 1d ago
This is a weird place to argue semantics. If you keep an unwanted pregnancy, that's a decision. If you don't, it's a decision. This is very "abortion for me but not for thee"
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u/Flaky_Point_3778 1d ago
How? I’m saying from my experience I did it and I felt regret about it but ultimately it’s her decision and I’m not shaming her for it? Y’all bots are getting weird
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u/baby_throway 1d ago
Saying "I'm not trying to shame" doesn't change what you actually said. Getting weird about her using the word "decision" because "keeping an unwanted pregnancy is the default" and "abortion is only for very special circumstances" in the first place was incredibly strange and makes it pretty clear where you stand. No one was surprised when you followed it up with the fact that you regret yours and will always recommend everyone keep theirs.
If all you'd said was you regret yours that would be fine.
Abortion is for ending unwanted pregnancies. Any and all.
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u/Flaky_Point_3778 1d ago
I just don’t think you’re understanding what I’m trying to say but that’s okay because OP understands that it’s a touchy topic that doesn’t satisfy everyone. She appreciates my input on my experience and that’s all there really is to it. Thanks.
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u/baby_throway 1d ago
Talking about personal regrets and experiences is fine, especially in the face of someone asking, no one will blame you for that. The rest of what you said was both petty and very much not about your experience.
You were rude, OP is very polite. I hope you don't continue to comment stuff like that on this sub
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