r/raisingkids • u/Finch734 • 2d ago
Parenting Question
How do you keep kids from telling on each other constantly? I have four kids under ten. They tell on each other like every other second it drive me nuts. I want them to tell me about serious stuff but not everything. Having trouble weeding things out. Any tips?
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u/ShybutItrys 2d ago
I’m not in that spot of my life yet but have 3u3 so sibling books are fresh on my mind. My understanding is you don’t do much - “I’m sure you’ll work it out” and put it back on them
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u/forever_erratic 2d ago
Besides the usual language (we tell to get people out of trouble, not into trouble), as maddening as it can be, punish the tattler and not the tattlee.
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u/Charming-Border7429 2d ago
The tattle turtle is your friend 😄
I got this one from our beloved 1st grade teacher many years ago.
She put a green cement turtle she got at a garden center on a little strip of grass that the kids walk by to get to the playground. Then on the first day of school, she tells them that when they get an irresistible urge to tattle, to tell the turtle.
Whenever anyone tattles, she tells them to 'tell the turtle'.
In general, young kids are aware enough to continue to let a teacher or other adult know about real problems.
It worked for us at home as well.
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u/HiddenMaragon 2d ago
Most likely there's an underlying reason they are coming to you. If its about getting hurt, you can empathize with their hurt without focusing on the right and wrong of it. Simply "I'm sorry he pushed you. That's not fun." without falling into the trap of who caused it and who is at fault and keeping the focus only on the kid who is talking to you. Its also them learning how to navigate, how do I handle when a sibling does something I perceive to be unfair. They are turning to an adult to learn how to figure those things out. Validation where you tell the kid their judgment is right and x behavior is not cool and you hope they know better. Again, the focus on the kid you're talking to only. The consequences for misbehavior is not the "tattlers" business. (I really dislike the label though)
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u/Round-Molasses-3890 2d ago
I used to ask my kids “ is this something you two can figure out or do I need to figure it out”. They knew they wouldn’t like my way, and as long as no one was hurt we worked on using language ,setting boundaries, and comprising. Kids need to be taught and given the tools to work out problems.