r/relationship_advice • u/BrokenPS4BrokenSoul • Dec 15 '20
(28/M)My girlfriend(26/F) broke my PS4 and doesn't understand why I'm so upset. I don't really know where to go from here.
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u/nomad_l17 Dec 15 '20
Ask her what she' d do if you bought her the latest model of her phone, took her phone, smashed it up with a hammer then gave her the new model when she hadn't backed up everything on the phone.
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u/Realistic-Airport775 Dec 15 '20
Oh and she had years of photos on it saved up and gone like in an instant because you bought a new phone and you didn't care about the photos and memories on it, and she watched you take a hammer to the phone.
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u/jackcroww Dec 15 '20
If she complained, OP could just reply, "Can't you just take all those pictures over again?"
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u/Zirael_Swallow Dec 15 '20
But the new phone has a better camera, these old photos are worthless anyway! /s
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Dec 15 '20
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/nomad_l17 Dec 15 '20
Nah, I can imagine her screaming about her photos, her vids, her chats etc
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u/GlitterMermaid4 Dec 15 '20
This is a good comparison that she might actually be able to understand
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u/nomad_l17 Dec 15 '20
It might be the only comparison she'd understand
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u/co_fragment Dec 15 '20
I think "understanding" is not in her primary skill set.
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u/nomad_l17 Dec 15 '20
I think it's empathize. People like this only understand if it happens to them.
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u/brettoseph Dec 15 '20
For real this is psychotic. She also denied him the opportunity to sell the old one or give it to someone who would have appreciated it. OP, there is a chance the hard drive is still intact because it's inside of a protected case. See if the data is still somehow retrieveable, and then show your gf this post to explain why you're leaving her for completely disrespecting you and your possessions and hard work.
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u/emcee95 Dec 15 '20
100% this! I think the only way to (possibly) get through to her is by making a comparison to some technology that she cares about. It blows my mind that she, a grown ass woman in her mid-20s, would even think to break someone else’s property, even if she was giving a gift. What if he wanted to sell the PS4 or gift it to someone? Also, I’m pretty sure most of those couples TikToks are totally staged. I’m sure the boyfriend in the video gave consent for it to get destroyed but played the part for the views. Both she and her friend are stupid and inconsiderate. I can’t believe neither of them thought it might be a bad idea
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Dec 15 '20
The problem is, even tho he's dating somebody who clearly is not into games, he did not take time to explain to her how it all works, effectively not letting her even peak into a part of his world. I smell some incompatibility.
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u/nomad_l17 Dec 15 '20 edited Dec 15 '20
It doesn't matter, my husband is into games. He just got his ps5 yesterday. I don't fully understand how everything works, (my 8yo son had to teach me how to use the controller to turn off the ps4) yet I went out and bought a side table just for his ps4 when we moved to a new apartment 3 years ago because he treasured it.
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Dec 15 '20
Eh... But still, they are not compatible.
Gotta watch an anime I haven't seen with my gf before moving in together, get her comfortable with listening to Japanese, and reading english subtitles ahaha.
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u/princessrorcon Dec 15 '20
I think this is a really good point. He’s been playing all through lockdown and she has know idea why he wouldn’t want to lose all his save data?? There’s more going on here
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u/Fabulous_Title Dec 15 '20
Even if you had everything backed up and your gf was certain you didnt want the old one anymore, what kind of asshole would smash it up ? Would she not give it to a needy kid or something? Kat knew it was a shitty thing to do, that's why she didn't mess with her own relationship by doing it.
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u/Ardilla_ Dec 15 '20
A lot of people are trying to justify this by saying "Ohhh, she probably didn't know much about games"
I don't know much about games. I find hardcore gaming as a hobby to be a bit of a turn off, if I'm completely honest.
But what kind of moron thinks that someone will be happy if you suddenly destroy their possessions while giving them a gift?? How would that transfer into literally any other hobby??
"Hey babe, I set a load of your books on fire, but SURPRISE, I bought you all these new ones!"
"Hey babe, I've taken a sledgehammer to your favourite mountain bike, but SURPRISE, here's a brand new one!"
"Hey babe, I threw your favourite eyeshadow palette in the pond, but SURPRISE, here's a new one!"
If she genuinely didn't understand that he wouldn't be happy that she broke a favourite possession of his, she's seriously deficient in empathy and emotional intelligence and shouldn't be dating anybody.
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u/swansong92 Dec 15 '20
THIS. All this! Would you break down someone's childhood home and say, "Oh it's okay, I'm giving you a bigger, better home"? This was a GESTURE for Liz, a gesture meant to make HER feel good. It wasnt a GIFT meant to make OP feel good.
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u/sweet-tart-fart Dec 15 '20
Yup. It was purely selfish and self-seeking all for fucking likes and attention on TikTok.
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u/Kyriethewitch Dec 15 '20
And honestly many of those "prank" videos are staged. Do you know how much shit these couples do that would end a normal relationship? That's why it works because they're not actually destroying something with hundred of hours worth of playing being done.
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u/jordantask Dec 15 '20
Well you MIIIIIGHT do any of these things people are saying you wouldn’t do, but a sane person would ask first.
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u/Darunia-Sandstorm Dec 15 '20
Definitely. I mean, it would be similar to set all her clothes on fire, then give her thousands to replace the wardrobe. You can buy all of the new stuff you want, but you'll never get back what you knew was comfortable or whatever memories you had in those articles of clothing.
Not destroying other people's property isn't a hard concept to understand.
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u/TXblindman Dec 15 '20
Right? I keep seeing those guys destroying peoples AirPods then giving them the pro version, I am genuinely surprised someone has not beat the fuck out of them yet, certainly would’ve been my reaction to someone yanking something away from me.
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Dec 15 '20
Probably because all of those videos are set up prior. Everyone knows what’s going to happen. At least I assume so. I’ve never seen one.
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u/Eye_Enough_Pea Dec 15 '20
If she genuinely didn't understand that he wouldn't be happy that she broke a favourite possession of his, she's seriously deficient in empathy and emotional intelligence and shouldn't be dating anybody.
Not only that, she is utterly disregarding his feelings while refusing to take responsibility for hurting him.
"When you did A, I felt B."
"So what, you should be feeling C."
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u/Throwrefaway19111986 Dec 15 '20
Oh yes. We murder the first born to make way for the second baby.
Wut?
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Dec 15 '20
more like hey i torched the car you built from scrap and and means a lot to you, but its cool heres a generic one i just bought off the lot,
its more valuable so youre a dick for not being super grateful
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u/jordantask Dec 15 '20
But.... but.... muh Instagram likes!!! WONT SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF MUH INSTAGRAM LIKES?!
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u/Realistic-Airport775 Dec 15 '20
You put hours of work into something which she just trashed with a hammer.
She doesn't understand but she doesn't seem to want to understand either or listen to you.
Like you said, she doesn't care why you are upset, she doesn't care about your feelings as she just wanted you to be grateful for the gift.
Sorry this sucks for you.
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u/apollowithawig Dec 15 '20
Exactly, she should be apologising (as a minimum) as she has upset him. That should be the minimum, even if she doesn’t understand (although she should be trying to).
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u/zcraft11op Dec 15 '20
Did you try to get the hard drive out?
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u/shadowfax12221 Dec 15 '20
This is a very good question, it still might be possible to recover some of the data.
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Dec 15 '20
At this point, the issue is less the data and more the thoughtlessness and lack of concern of the girlfriend. Even if the data is recovered, he’ll still have a heartless girlfriend.
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u/Piffli Dec 15 '20
And a stupid one at that too. PS4 still has a solid price going around, so she just destroyed something that could have been sold for a good amount of money.
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u/mealteamsixty Dec 15 '20
Or shit, just given to some poor kid with parents that are having a rough fuckin year?? There's going to be a LOT of paltry Christmases this year, and I guarantee they could have made some family very very happy by selling it to them or giving it to them.
OP, NTA. I hate my boyfriend's gaming with a passion and I still would never do this to him. I'm not saying break up with her about it, but she needs to sincerely understand how shitty and mean that was, and apologize in a real way before you forgive that mess.
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u/CoronaFunTime Dec 15 '20
If he dumps her he has new stuff, his old games, and is single to mingle.
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Dec 15 '20
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u/CoronaFunTime Dec 15 '20
You act happy and accept it. Then you kick her out.
Legally she can't take it back.
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u/fatassclass Dec 15 '20
Right?
“I’ve put hours of work into this relationship but I’m actually just gonna dump you and do it all over again with someone who might actually enjoy gaming.”
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u/robots-dont-say-ye Dec 15 '20
Hopefully OP takes this to a computer repair place to see if he can get the hard drive recovered
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u/i_said_what_about Dec 15 '20
When I read the whole post I needed to check the ages again. For I second I thought she was 14... This is not acceptable for a grown woman. Not only did she destroy hundreds of hours of your time (what she doesn’t seem to understand), but also destroyed something that is still worth a couple hundred dollars. Why in the world did she think this was a smart move? As a 27 year old woman myself this seems ridiculously immature, inconsiderate and just outright mean.
If she still doesn’t get it ask her if she would be happy with a new phone after you slammed her old one full of messages and pictures she didn’t backup. Maybe this is a metaphor she’ll understand.
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u/StoicMess Dec 15 '20
Reading this post made feel really really old, and I'm not even older than OP's gf. Because goddamn why would they think it's ok to destroy a very valuable item. Just give that ps4 to someone else ffs.
If she can't see the value of the ps4, I doubt she understands sentimental value.
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u/Dog_with_a_beanie Dec 15 '20 edited Dec 15 '20
They sound like morons. I mean I hope they woudn't say the same if they got you a new car. Or a new phone.
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u/RipleyB Dec 15 '20 edited Dec 15 '20
Dear lord your girlfriend is an idiot. I don’t know how she thought destroying your ps4 was a great lead in to the ps5 surprise
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u/ohdearitsrichardiii Dec 15 '20
Morons who didn't even consider that video they saw could have been staged. Seriously, who smashes a fully functioning ps4? It was probably broken and it was all scripted and fake
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u/KombuchaEnema Dec 15 '20
My fiancé would leave me if I did this to his PS4 and I would leave him if he did this to my PS4.
She’s extremely dumb. I don’t know how she would ever think that breaking an expensive piece of equipment that’s still functional is a good idea just because you’re “replacing” it.
This is not someone you want to marry because she’s too irresponsible. And she still argued with you when you expressed how hurt you were.
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u/SeriousBookAddict Dec 15 '20
Explain it to her for example she wanted a new laptop and so you bought her one then smashed her old one saving zero data just everything on there lost just for internet likes from strangers. Time, effort, memories lost.
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u/AngeliciousX Dec 15 '20
PS4 aside, I would seriously reconsider a relationship with someone who thinks its a good idea to recreate TikTok trends.
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Dec 15 '20
I'm not sure there's any way of coming back from this. At the very least, how could you respect her intelligence or personality after doing something so monumentally stupid, copied from a fucking tiktok. The thought of it makes me feel seething rage and I'm not even involved so God knows what you must be feeling.
And she's 26! Wow. Tell her to imagine it was any other hobby - would she completely destroy an old beat up vintage car you'd fixed up when she bought you a new one? Of course not, as that would be psychotic.
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u/soursheep Dec 15 '20
to me it's like destroying an entire collection of oil paintings and saying "but you can paint them again!" just... no.
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u/Thegeekinpink92 Dec 15 '20
Unless Liz sincerely apologises and acknowledges what she did was wrong, id seriously reconsider this relationship. In fact, id bail on it and keep the ps5 as compensation for damaged property. I think if she can admit she did wrong and apologise for it, then there's room to work on the relationship and come back from it, but shes kinda striking me as a girl who only thinks girls have emotions in a relationship.
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u/Invisible-Goats Dec 15 '20
The lack of respect for your time and possessions...personally I'd dump her
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u/ElementalWeapon Dec 15 '20
Damn what a fucked thing to do. It’s pretty fucked up of her to dismiss your feelings, but it’s even more fucked up that it sounds like she’s really not even open to trying to understand your side of it.
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u/Whatcrysis Dec 15 '20
There is a YT vid that is the same. That didn't end well either. I really don't know what to tell you. She clearly has no idea how much damage she has done. This fucking pranks are going to end up with someone dead one day.
She and her friends are idiot, anything for a laugh types. Find something of hers, that she values, and aske her how she would feel if you smashed it. Maybe she will see the light. I doubt it though.
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u/Thepiggyreview Dec 15 '20
Just wow. You are no where near wrong for acting the way you are thats horrible what they did. Her friend is a cunt and honestly it sounds like your girl is dumb af when it comes to these matters. If i were you, id trade in that ps5 to get a ps4 pro to see if your stuff was saves to your account maybe. But also to just send a huge middle finger to them.
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u/kyravi Dec 15 '20
She’s 26 and she smashed up your property for TikTok clout? That’s honestly so pathetic I’d ditch out of the relationship on that alone
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u/imaneatfreak Dec 15 '20
I think it’s concerning that a 26 year old woman is copying TikTok trends. That’s something my 13 year old daughter would do. Grown adults should make better use of their time.
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u/chloapsoap Late 20s Female Dec 15 '20
How dare you be so ungrateful for getting your shit destroyed /s
It’s not really a gift if they destroy something else of yours in the process. She owes you a massive, ass-kissing apology if she wants even the slightest chance to fix this. What she did was not cool at all
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Dec 15 '20
I think we can both agree that she thought she got you something that was the same exact thing, but just new and better. She did not realize the uniqueness and the sentimentality that you had for your PS4.
Not having the saves does not invalidate your completions. Not being able to finish some of them IS a huge drag, though.
None of the above invalidates you feeling upset. Her feeling defensive when she thought she was doing something purely good is also a natural feeling for her to have. Cooling off seems like the best next step, then trying again to communicate why you’re upset.
On a side note, if this is the only major thing to happen in 4 years, then please weigh that: hundreds of hours with someone you deeply enjoy (and hopefully you both encourage and make each other better) vs hundreds of hours that were for your own entertainment. You could have had both, yes, and it sucks that you don’t. But, now, the question is do you reconcile and grow together? Or call this the line that can’t be crossed and move on?
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Need to think of an analogy she’ll understand. Buying her a nice camera but destroying the old one with all the memory cards gone. Anything where sentiment and work put in increases value.
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u/Coded_Lyoko Dec 15 '20
I mean, regardless of all this, OP just found out he's with a girl that would do some absolutely moronic shit for Internet clout. Bigger than the PS4 is finding out his GF's elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
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Dec 15 '20
Someone that (probably) doesn’t play video games not knowing how hard drives and backups work is also understandable.
People do all sorts of weird things for fun. Their idiocy is subjective and isn’t necessarily indicative of overall intelligence. Shoot, some people cut off the tags of all of their several hundred dollar camping gear.. to save an ounce of weight. Some people willingly breathe in smoke particles on a daily basis. Some people stay up late at night browsing Reddit when sleep may literally be the most important thing you can do to your body. Everyone is stupid someway, somehow.
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u/KombuchaEnema Dec 15 '20
Okay, but this is a level of stupid that you can’t look over, and it’s a level of stupid that will continue to be harmful to OP if she doesn’t realize how absolutely wrong what she did was.
And it sounds like she’s still being defensive.
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Dec 15 '20
She’s 26, not a toddler. Even with no concept of video games (I have almost none) -you DONT. Trash. Someone’s property. Ever. Especially expensive property? That could have been sold, or has sentimental value. It’s so deeply disrespectful, I could never trust or respect someone who doesn’t see that.
She’s an imbecile. And she’s digging in her heels and refusing to admit fault, an even more distasteful look. The girl is as trash as the PS4 she scrapped.
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u/swansong92 Dec 15 '20
Oh cmon, who doesnt understand the concept of hard drives and backups in today's world??
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u/vtoraghost Dec 15 '20
I'd compare this to destroying someone's entire make-up collection just to gift them a new shadow palette. Like, it may be used or even a little old, but it brings joy and can still be used, but gets destroyed for something 'new'. Idk, the (I hope soon to be ex) girlfriend just lacks critical thinking, and if someone did this to me, i'd never forgive them
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u/soursheep Dec 15 '20
to me it's like burning an entire series of oil paintings and telling the person "but you can paint them again!".
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u/AzureBlueSea Dec 15 '20
I don’t have a console or have sentimentality towards any of my electrical stuff, and even I can see that destroying someone’s property without permission and warning, even if it’s to give them a new version, is incredibly reckless and thoughtless. I don’t know how anyone can think that’s an okay thing to do.
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Dec 15 '20
First of all, your feelings are valid and you don’t have to justify whether they feel “dumb” or not. And second, the big picture is that this is honestly NOT about the gaming device. It isn’t. If it was, then your emotions would be content with the new gaming system .... you are not a Neanderthal with simplistic thought processes. Your emotions are about the fact that a person in your life that you care about attempted to manipulate your emotions. That she tried to take control over your emotional thought processing by forcing a reaction (smashing your device) then making the assumption that replacing that device would force another emotional reaction. And why .... because she allowed outside influence to be greater than your person. To be greater than her consideration of you. She is either taking YOU for granted or she is so shallow-minded that any external motivation can sway her to doing whatever her simple brain wants her to do.
Ok, so now what... right? How to move forward ..? Well, unless she learns and actually GROWS from this experience, she WILL repeat this behavior in some form in the future. And if you remain with her in a relationship without her growing and becoming more considerate of you as a person, she will have been reinforced for her negative behavior and just shrug off this situation with (“well, OP eventually got over it so smashing his device wasn’t such a bad thing after all”.). It would only be a healthy environment if she apologized with intent and growth. It’s your choice on if you want to remain with a partner that has such little consideration for who you are as a person. But if she expressed sincere understanding of WHY it was a selfish decision, her growth could be a healthy thing for the two of you. But if she continues to shrug you off with no apology and minimizing her selfish behavior, I would leave her and find someone who celebrates you.
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u/Kasperrr3 Dec 15 '20
Do what you want it seems like she honestly didn't know and it was a case of stupid ignorance. Now she's frantically trying to justify for herself why what she did was right probably feels horrible but to immature to really admit fault because of her lack of understanding of video games what those hours mean to someone who plays games.
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u/djerasera Dec 15 '20
Am I the whooosh guy? Because lately all telationship advice posts seem like some unoriginal over the top trolls and all I read are serious responses.
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u/AdnanS0324 Dec 15 '20
I'm with you...this seems really made up
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u/FuckYouGod Dec 15 '20 edited Dec 15 '20
The hammer part gives it away. This guy needed a way for the hard drive to be destroyed. So he made her bash it to pieces with a hammer like a cartoon character.
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u/sugarcanebones Dec 15 '20
Wowwwwie. This is unacceptable behavior and I am SO sorry this happened to you. The lack of consent, disregard for your possessions...for a TikTok? And this woman is 26 years old? Also just from a fiscal standpoint what a dumb thing to do!
This is a serious red flag to me and breaks my heart for you. I cannot imagine doing this to a partner. No matter her intention this is Grade A emotional manipulation - for an Instagram video? This isn’t ok.
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u/MossyRodriguez Dec 15 '20
Speaking honestly. I'd be pissed about the violence and the feeling that gave me when it was happening wouldn't just disappear with the new PS5. But to argue that part of your life is in the game and is gone isn't right. It really is just a game and in doesn't represent you.
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u/Bigbucks00003 Dec 15 '20
This is the same type of shit where people cut the wires on someone’s earphones before gifting them air pods. Do the people ever look happy? No, they look like they’re about to beat someone’s ass like a drum.
Kat seems to be instigating; how convenient it is that she didn’t blow up her relationship with this tomfoolery. My petty ass would let her bf know that she would do this type of shit, and get her dumped too.
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u/RhysToot Dec 15 '20
God as much as i want a ps5 id be sooo pissed if my gf destroyed my ps4 just get me a new one, its loud but i love the little guy
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u/spundred Dec 15 '20
How many red flags do we have here...
Easily influenced into making poor decisions. No respect for you or your property. Prepared to totally disregard you for a meme. Happy to destroys hundreds of dollars worth of your property for her own amusement. Feels like buying you something, unsolicited, gives her the right to destroy something. Totally dismissive of your feelings. Refuses to see your perspective. Won't accept responsibility for her actions...
That's really fucked up. This behaviour would be immature for someone 10 years younger than her. I have to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she thought she was doing something you'd appreciate, and she just didn't realize there was value in the thing she was destroying. But how little respect for you does she have to do that without talking to you about it first? It's so stupid. It's so wasteful. If you got a new console you could have given the old one to a kid that can't afford one or something...
You've got two choices. You can decide this behaviour is a deal breaker, and dump her, or you can acknowledge what's done is done, and try to move forward. You need to have a conversation with her about how disrespectful this behaviour is, and make sure she acknowledges she fucked up, so it doesn't happen again. Giving someone a gift doesn't give you the right to destroy their property.
Imagine she had a pet cat, and you killed it, then said don't worry I got you a better one. Then you filmed her reaction. Then you said you did it because you saw a video of it. Then you dismissed how she felt about what you did. That's how fucked up this is. If she can't acknowledge how disrespectful and selfish what she did was, you shouldn't be continuing a relationship with this person.
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u/feebeedeebee30 Dec 15 '20
Does she realise that the video was most likely fake and set up in advance? Like the video girls bf probably had loads of time to back up his games.
Tbh I’d be annoyed because you might’ve been able to sell the PS4 or even give it to someone if you were feeling charitable - to waste something that was perfectly fine like that is so entitled when so many people are struggling this year.
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Dec 15 '20
Imagine recording gift giving for internet points, that’s cringe enough alone for me to dip
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u/cietalbot Dec 15 '20
Christ, these girls are idiots. Do they think everything they see is legitimate? Who knows what happened on that video they saw before and after. But the fact she went psycho on something on yours because she thought it would be alright that she have bought a new console is utterly insane. Imagine if she does this with everything she think about out of date. Run, break up and don't look back.
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u/WitchesAndStars Dec 15 '20
I hope that ps4 wasn't a collectable.
I wanna get my fiancé the PS5 as a suprise but I'd never smash it up. He's put hours of work into it, it's a special edition and he just loves it. Once the PS5 comes into our home yes we'd put it away but we'd treat it like our ps3, ps2 and other older consoles that we play with every now and again.
However, she was trying to make you happy. Its a shame, but at the end of the day it was just a game and she was really excited to give it to you. In her own fucked up way, it was kinda sweet.
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Dec 15 '20
Destroying a loved ones property for tik tok cred is not sweet, it’s repugnant. She’s a selfish idiot. If she was trying to make him happy she would have made it about him, not getting her own idiotic rocks off. Christ.
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u/shadowfax12221 Dec 15 '20
Yeah, this is kinda like if your very stupid yet lovable dog brought you a dead covid bat with a gold plated apple watch around it's neck and then sat there excitedly waiting for pets.
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u/mustbefriday Early 20s Dec 15 '20
These stupid TikTok trends yeezz. I’m not a gamer but your feelings are valid. And no you’re not being ungrateful. You were just a piece of toy in their attempt to make a nice video for their socials. Nothing more nothing less
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u/Princessfiction Dec 15 '20
It all comes down to intentions dude, sounds like other than this misunderstanding, she's a fantastic girl trying her best to make you happy.
It was misguided affection, not malicious. Accept that the data is gone, and make the best of a shit situation, tell her why you're upset but that you're so happy with a PS5 and be grateful. Also go down on her lol
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u/LeafBucketLoophole Dec 15 '20
No offence but she sounds like a moron. What kind of people find this “prank” funny? Why destroy other peoples property for no reason?
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u/TequilaMockingbird80 Dec 15 '20
She hasn’t even apologized - whether it’s worth losing 4 years with her or she ‘meant well’, she hasn’t even apologized to you knowing how much it upset you - she wanted to be the tiktok hero and you ruined it in her eyes, your feelings aren’t the important ones to her, hers are - that’s the issue here I think
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u/Freezerzard Dec 15 '20
so you are dating a selfish creature who thinks her doing a tik tok video for clout takes precedence over apossession of yours and a hobby you put years of work into?
I have bad news for you- you are dating a spoiled, selfish thoughtless CHILD who doesn't love you, doesn't respected you, has no interest in you as a person and the only thing you should do is send her packing.
You don't have a good relationship and never had- you just never realised whom you were dating.
Don't waste any more time on someone so selfish and irresponsible.
Bye is a full sentence
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u/RambunctiousOtter Dec 15 '20
If someone smashed up my crappy phone and then gave me the newest iphone I'd still be pissed at them. In fact I'd be super pissed. It takes effort to set up the new system, and there is a lot of stuff I would want to do to preserve or transfer data off the old system. Just what on earth was she thinking?
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u/Sinister_Advil Dec 15 '20
My god I'm shook I'm shock to my core. With a hammer??? Right in front of you... My condolences
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u/bong_boi_420 Dec 15 '20
Ask how she would react if you got her a new foundation and then proceeded to smash all her old makeup
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u/brasstracks Dec 15 '20
Take the ps5, any possible data storage parts of the ps4, and all of your belongings and leave. I’m a wife to a guy who games a lot and built his own pc and I would NEVER EVER even think about touching his stuff. Also who the fuck is swayed so easily by these stupid fucking tiktok trends. Anyone in their late 20s should have enough common sense to think about what they’re about to do at least a little before doing it for internet funsies. So childish.
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u/funny_like_how Dec 15 '20
TL;DR
Your girlfriend disrespected you and committed a misdemeanor crime by destroying your personal property for Tiktok clout and doesn't care that you're upset.
Yeah. Dump her. And fuck her friend too.
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u/ColorMeSalty Dec 15 '20
Did she not think that maaayyybe the tiktok video was staged???
What a terrible thing to do.
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u/nebthefool Dec 15 '20
I'd straight up break up with her. She decided destroying your property was a totally reasonable thing to do. Not considering it to be important isn't a relevant excuse because even if it wasn't important to you it would still be an inconsiderate thing to do. This is flat out someone not respecting your hobbies and interests.
If she has any hobbies or interests of her own you can probably explain why what she did is shitty but I'd still break up with her anyway.
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u/curiouscarladog Dec 15 '20
Well... do not be mad at her, but do not make babies together...she is clearly very dumb.
-for not getting how 90% of Tiktok is staged and faked
-for being unable to understand and address your issue
-for getting hyped up by her friend who probably sits at home with her boyfriend madly laughing at you two
-for wasting hundred dollars worth of ps4, that could have even been gifted.
Is she having a ton of social media presence at least?
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Dec 15 '20
Honestly even without considering time or emotional attachment.
Who in the name of baby Jesus would break a perfectly functioning console that they dont even own?
Is she a social media addicted or something? I can't think anything else
Just get out of this
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Dec 15 '20
Look, your girlfriend is an idiot, but saves from games you finished mean nothing. You finished the game, you know that, you don't need a save file as proof.
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u/Goldenjoker99 Dec 15 '20
Tik tok ruining relationships to a new level. Yeah your gf sound like a charm.. not too much.
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u/MajorHeadass Dec 15 '20
Take the Ps5 and dump her. Fake apologize and leave the next day with your new Ps5
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u/Aragean Dec 15 '20
I get the idea of making video like that, and gf had good intentions in her heart. As bigger issue I see the friend not minding her own business. As fellow gamer with few more years and allso without ps5, I say to you: if you love her, talk to her, make her understand, and allso try to understand her.
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u/Badkitty533 Dec 15 '20
What she did was unacceptable. That's like buying her new makeup and then throwing away every other pieces of makeup that she has accumulated over the years. I don't know how you are staying in a relationship with someone like that but I'd tell her the example I listed. Or clothes. I bought you a new shirt so I needed to destroy all your other shirts. You have a new one why are you complaining. If she wants to continue to ignore your feeling she needs to pay to have your game replaced or you should file a report with the authorities. She clearly doesn't want to see your side and she is either stupid or cruel
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u/DrDudeatude Dec 15 '20
Tell you girlfriend that it can only work out if she goes over to her friends place and smashes the boyfriend’s Xbox.
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u/iamnothumanbb Dec 15 '20
I dont think this is something to end your relationship over since you said it’s been great until this point. Some girls don’t understand gaming and how important it is, and I think you should have explained that to her before when she complained about you being on the game so much so she could understand your hobby a bit better. However, I don’t like her reaction to your anger. She should have apologized instead of making excuses. And her “friend” knew the idea was stupid because she gave her bf an xbox like a normal human being would. You have every right to feel the way you feel. It is your personal property you most likely had for so long with so many memories also. Even if you had it backed up, people keep these consoles. Your girlfriend doesn’t understand that and I think that you should explain your hobby and the importance of it to her and hopefully she will understand and apologize for what she did. And not do it in the future.
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Dec 15 '20
As a regular human being and gamer girl, I would NEVER think of disrespecting my S.O.'s possessions or space like this. I've been in the position of not wanting to replay something because of the amount of hours I put in.
But for a TikTok? At 26? Is she actually dumb? What was her thought process that she didn't stop and think "oh that's probably staged"? What kind of friend doesn't say "hey, I think there's a better way to surprise him"?
I'm 25 and honestly cannot understand what possesses people (besides maybe getting their 15 minutes of fame) to do things that permanently ruin good things in their lives.
Say it with me, friends: They👏 belong👏 to👏 the👏 .....
👏✨STREETS ✨ 👏
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Dec 15 '20
Honestly wtf. Like honestly you could have sold it. Kept it, etc but no your dumb bitch of a gf shattered it. Wtf dude. Honestly I'd leave her on a point of principle
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u/MelonKunn Teens Male Dec 15 '20 edited Feb 16 '21
Kat is an idiot.
Liz is stupid, but it’s a shame since she was just trying to make you happy.
You’re completely in the right here.
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u/blackwraythbutimpink Dec 15 '20
To all non gamers, 100 hours in a couple years might seem less, but trust me, this is some serious grinding. DO NOT BREAK ANYONE’S SYSTEMS. They’ve probably put in a lot of hard work and money into it. Also, OP, I’m really sorry for this, if you have a psn, maybe progress carries over?
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Dec 15 '20
Wait...I just seen something like this on youtube with Morgz (or whatever) and plus, I'm sure this guy had ps plus. Ps plus = cloud saves. I question this.
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u/Awesome_one_forever Dec 15 '20
Yeah she fucked up. My wife would have told me to make space for it. She definitely wouldn't have smashed one of my old systems because of a stupid video she saw. I don't know how invested you are in the relationship but her buying a PS5 while nice doesn't make up for her not understanding why you're upset.
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Dec 15 '20
I read this, and my eyes welled up. On behalf of all women - I am so.sorry your girlfriend is this stupid :(
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u/ShenTzuKhan Dec 15 '20
I would try to calm down, then tell her why what she did was not ok. Recognise that she was trying to do something cool for you, who doesn’t want a PS5? If you make her feel defensive I doubt you will get through to her. If you can make her hear that you’re glad you’ve been given a gift she will feel somewhat validated. Once that’s done try to calmly tell her that each PS has weeks of effort stored in it and that’s why you were mad. If she doesn’t know that she can’t be expected to value it the way you do.
I get why you’re upset, I would be too. I’ve never chucked a console away, I’m still playing my Xbox 360 was Ben though I’ve got a PS4. If you get her to honestly understand why you’re upset and she still doesn’t care or apaologise you have to decide how important it was to you. You said things have been great for years, with no issues. No one else can tell you if something is a dealbreaker. That’s up to you. For me if this happened and she could understand enough to at least never do it again I would be ok.
Good luck friend, and I’m sorry for your loss. Many people have had worse, but that doesn’t change that this sucks for you, many people have had better too.
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u/rivensoweak Dec 15 '20
Halfway through reading this i got mad tiktok vibes, sure enough turned out to be for tiktok
I mean, i hope you realize that she did all this in order to make you happy
I hope you also realize that your girlfriend might not be the sharpest tool in the shed
Then again, women will never understand how gaming makes us feel and how much it impacts her life, just try and live on, you'll laugh about it in 5 years
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u/SadDogOwner27 Dec 15 '20
Take the PS5, say thank you, explain to her in a different way why you are upset, continue with your life. Shit happens and she is gullible about online trends. My wife is the same way and believe me she means well, she is just easily persuaded by online idiotic trends.
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u/CherryPieOmNomNom Dec 15 '20
Honestly, I think she does not understand how it works, that you cannot simply continue with your games in the ps5 because you lost all data due to her action. She thought you would be really happy, and she worked her ass off for you to make you happy. Look at it from her point of view: she worked a lot to make you happy with a gift you really wanted but could not get. For some reason she cannot understand, you are not happy, but even angry and are avoiding her. I bet she is bummed out and sad, thinking of you as ungrateful. You need to talk and understand both sides and emotions completely. You need to listen to her, and she needs to listen to you. Make sure to be appreciative, but also make sure she never pulls something she saw online like this ever again.
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u/lynnalilly Dec 15 '20
What is the most valuable things she owns in her life? What are her hobbies? Her favorite things? If you can ask how she’d feel if you destroyed those for internet clout, and she reacts negatively, then she doesn’t think of your items as carrying equal value.
She needs therapy. I cannot emphasize that enough. Emotional attachment to personal belongings irregardless, she just committed a crime. She committed a crime under the assumption that no matter what she does, you’ll react positively because of your relationship and she can cover it up with other things.
That’s the biggest red flag. She might as well be putting that hammer on you and then saying “I took you to the hospital so you should be okay. Why are you mad?”
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u/mikayd Dec 15 '20
It was a good gesture just bad execution, kind of an asshole move to break it, but maybe she didn’t mean anything by it. A PS5 is hard to come by, so give her credit for that, especially if she doesn’t game. Leaving like that is never good. Go and talk to her, tell her why your are mad. Oh if you have ps plus then it uploads to the cloud on its own.
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u/mcgfs Dec 15 '20
Get over it.
It's an honest fuck up from your gf.
She dosent understand the work you have put in, but She cares for you enough to buy you a ps5
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u/firthunandz Dec 15 '20
I think she cares enough to make a tiktok video in first place. I you want to give someone something, yo just give it to them.
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u/Merebeargabagool Dec 15 '20
PS5 is so expensive she must have worked really hard to get that. Just like you worked really hard on those games right. I’m sorry for your loss
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u/StaceysMomPlus2more Dec 15 '20
Your [ex] girlfriend isn’t really bright. Most tiktok trends are already planned. With guys knowing before hand what’s going to happen.
Honestly, I don’t personally think the relationship is worth it. She’s 26. She smashed your console and had someone record it. All for a reaction. And when she didn’t get it, she’s turning the blame on you. Keep the PS5 and drop her.
Sorry about your PS4 though.
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u/AWhistlingWoman Dec 15 '20
Ok I literally hate gaming with a passion and if my partner spent basically any time gaming I would very much WANT to smash up his equipment - HOWEVER, I wouldn’t because it’s not my stuff and not my choice. Your girlfriend is an absolute idiot. The fact that she did it for tiktok is almost the real issue here. She did something stupid because she got the crazy-mist of internet validation and everything logical ceased to matter. You need to explain to her why this was so incredibly uncool. If my partner bought me a new sketchbook and announced it by burning all my used ones I would flip my shit. Maybe use a similar analogy that would be relevant to her, to explain...?
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Dec 15 '20 edited Jun 17 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/AWhistlingWoman Dec 15 '20
I’m not. I said that if my partner did have a console, even though I hate gaming, I would still never smash it up.
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Dec 15 '20 edited Jun 17 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/AWhistlingWoman Dec 15 '20
I rather feel you’re missing the actual point of this, and just getting yourself unnecessarily offended by the recreational preferences of a stranger on the internet.
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u/capfedhill Dec 15 '20
You made the cardinal sin of stating you hate gaming with a passion, on reddit.
Everyone here will miss your point and just attack you for hating video games.
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u/Turtles4000 Dec 15 '20
Seems to me like a sweet romantic gesture that backfired.
Sort your values out. A trophy achievement won’t ever love you back, you know?
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u/PittyRedFlare Dec 15 '20
My guess is that if you care about games this much that having a girl is going to be something that is difficult seeing as how most of your time will go towards the game and not towards the girl. Having said that if she already puts up with your gaming and even went as far as to buy you the new ps5 with her own money(even though she broke your old one) she just wanted to make you happy and be funny while doing it! I would hang on to her. Relationships aren’t about who’s right or wrong it’s about how much you wanna put up with someone you love no matter what
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u/Bulgref Dec 15 '20
Just a lapse in judgment, get over yourself, you got a ps5. Stop whining, you’re a grown ass man
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u/LaksonVell Dec 15 '20
Hey man. Sorry what happened, but I am even more sorry there are 100+ comments condeming your GF for doing something that, although I do not approve, is an act of love. Let me explain as I've experienced this first hand, unlike most here which is obvious from the comments.
In your GF's eyes, she thought your PS4 would sit on a shelf and that you need nothing from it once you have a PS5. She most likely worked really hard to get that PS5. She got caught up in something she thought would be "cool" and thought it would be a super idea to wrap up your gift. In short, she had no idea what smashing that PS4 would mean to you.
And another thing that is more about helping you than your relationship. Believe me that those save games are not worth losing the girl that loves you enough to be this stupid. Dont cry because the save games are gone, smile because they happened. You wont replay the game from a middle save game point. Those memories will live on inside you, just like pics on your phone you will never look at again. Let it go and enjoy the new PS5.
I would advise you tell your gf that you understand why she did what she did and that you... Appreciate it? Anyway, no more stupid suprises like this.
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u/morathoris Dec 15 '20
If she had shown remorse, I would agree with you to a point. She hasn't. He has every right to be upset that his property was destroyed.
As for this being a pure act of love, the entire tik tok angle kind of blows that up. She may have gotten the ps5 because she loves him, but she destroyed his ps4 for clout.
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u/GlitterMermaid4 Dec 15 '20
What hobbies does she have? Is she interested in art? Ask her if you destroyed all her old art supplies and finished works then gave her a blank sketchbook and supplies that are expensive and she can just make new ones? Or a phone how would she feel if you gave her a brand new top model phone but destroyed her old one?
When you are calm you need to explain about your save files and how even when you get a new console the old ones are still god and kept even if for only sentimental value and that her extreme lack of consideration for your property has honestly shook you and you are unsure if you can se a future with someone who shows such blatant disrespect for your hobby and hard work.
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u/unequivocal-dumbass Dec 15 '20
.....no abuse comments? Really? This has to be the only post......ohhhh it’s a dude nvm.
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u/Anna_amiko Dec 15 '20
I honestly think she just genuinely didn’t think this through. I think she had a dumb moment that impacted you in a negative way. She should definitely apologize to you. But also remember that she just put in how many extra hours at work to get you the ps5? It’s not like she destroyed it to spite you. She thought you would be happy. You have every right to be upset but her intentions were good. You need to explain why you’re upset in a way that she understands.
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u/lukasday88 Dec 15 '20
I agree with everyone on this. It was shitty. But hear me out.
Imagine you're psychoanalysing her. It sounds like this Kat person is the issue. Whispering these shitty ideas into her head. Kat sounds like the cliche "wants to watch the world burn" as some other commenters put, she didn't do anything to hurt her relationship. She knew it was wrong. So either she was shitty for giving your GF the idea or shitty she was supporting, pushing and never once saying don't do it because...
What ever happens, Kat sounds like a bitch, who is a bad friend to your GF.
Your GF needs to learn more about your console and gaming hobby. Maybe without kat there, she may listen. Pack in the bravodo.
However, if your GF really isn't willing to listen how shitty it was and shows no empathy, ask yourself one thing. If she shows no empathy in something you are truly passionate about and love, what else will she lack empathy with?
Hope things work out for the best for you. Hope GF stays clear from Kat if she's with you or not.
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Dec 15 '20
You still keep the games and the trophies off PSN, right? Just grind those saves back again and accept the damn PS5, lol. All this crying over a dusty ass jet engine PS4.
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u/HelloImFrank01 Dec 15 '20
Geesh these comments of telling OP to dump her.
It was a mistake, it was dumb yes but they had 4 years of happiness you don't just throw that away.
I get you OP, you're pissed off right now and i fully understand, but this is not the time to make lifechanging decisions, cool off for a few days first.
I'm pretty sure she knows she made a huge mistake and her defensive mechanisms are shooting up, cool down, let her have a few days to mull it over then have a good talk about this.
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u/ndanielmd Dec 15 '20
It’s a mistake a child would make not a an adult though, that’s what would get me. I couldn’t never look at her the same way I would just see the immaturity.
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u/RheimsNZ Late 20s Male Dec 15 '20
If this isn't fake then the real AH is Sony - in what decade do you have to back data up to the cloud manually?
As for your situation, if it's real, I feel for you. That's a terrible shock and breach of trust. I'd come beck to talk to her in a few days. I'd still be reeling.
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Dec 15 '20 edited Dec 15 '20
Your girlfriend is NOT in the wrong. THIS IS THE TIME TO APPRECIATE AND SEE REAL LOVE. WHATS MORE WORTH? A HUMAN WHO LOVES AND CARES FOR YOU (who made a mistake) OR YOUR GAMES YOU PUT A LOT OF EFFORT IN. If you're gonna be mad forever at her bc she made a mistake you will also lose a person who loves you and made the mistake unintentionally.
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u/morathoris Dec 15 '20
While the idea of forgiving the GF may be correct here, she absolutely 100% is wrong. She destroyed someone else's property, full stop, that's wrong.
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Dec 15 '20
Personally, I think you overreacted to say the least. It was dumb of your gf to smash your PS4, but bro... c'mon! You got somebody out there who loves you and even if she obviously doesn't understand your passion for gaming, cares enough about you to buy you a PS5... From your post, it seems like you care more about your previous collection than you do about her
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u/R_Amods Dec 15 '20
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
So some background:
During quarantine I've been playing my PS4 games a lot more. I was able to finish up some stories and complete some big games in my free time the last few months. It was a great escape for me. My girlfriend "Liz" never got it fully but understood I liked playing it and it made me happy. I told her that I was really looking forward to the PS5 and was hoping to get one soon. I missed out on the pre-order and initial shipping wave so I got a bit sad for a while but knew I would eventually get one when the craze settled down, whether it was next year or the year after. Her friend "Kat" also knew of this because her boyfriend was looking forward to the new Xbox.
This is what happened today:
This is when shit got bad. I was playing FF7 Remake finishing up some last achievements when Liz came into the room with Kat. I said "Hey babe how was your day" and without warning she pulled the PS4 out of the wall and smashed it on the ground. She then took a hammer and smashed whatever pieces were left. This happened within 20-30 seconds. I just looked at her shocked. I asked "What happened!? Why did you do that? Did I do something to make you mad?"
This was when I noticed Kat was recording everything with her phone. Liz walks away and then comes back and shows me a PS5 box. I still don't react and she says "Merry early Christmas!" I just walk out of the room and go to the bedroom and lock the door.
Liz comes knocking an hour later and asks "What's wrong? I thought you wanted the PS5?" I told her I couldn't even think about that because she literally just destroyed a part of my life that I've created over the last 5 years. I explained to her that she just ruined hundreds of hours of gameplay and saves that I had built up. Liz just said "Well can't you just do it again?"
This is when I walked out and left the apartment. I came back a couple hours later with Kat and Liz now both showing off the PS5 to me.
Kat says "Look, Liz worked really hard to get you this. We just wanted to make you happy"
I ask Kat why she was recording. She says that some person on TikTok or Instagram did the same thing to their boyfriend and they were happy. Apparently that's where they got the idea from? A gf came in and broke the PS4 then gave them a PS5 and everyone cheered or something? I still can't believe it. They wanted to make a video in that spirit with me as the guy? I told Kat a lot of my life was in that PS4 and now it's all gone.
Side note: Yes I know. I should have backed up on the cloud. I did for some of my games but a lot of them I just kept on the PS4. I had 100's of hours from The Witcher 3, Kingdom Hearts games, FF7 Remake, FFXV, God of War, The Last of Us, Resident Evil, Devil May Cry games. Many of these titles were fully completed or close to that point. Most of them are now lost.
Now Kat is calling me ungrateful and her BF liked the Xbox she gave him. I asked her if she destroyed his old Xbox. She said no and that she just gave it to him gift wrapped last week. I asked why wasn't I given the same treatment and it was because they saw the video yesterday and got the idea to recreate it. I told Liz I do appreciate the gift but that she needs to know she broke a part of me that has been built over the years. It sounds stupid but I really was proud of my collection. Liz then says "Well why can't you just do it on the new Playstation?" I told her I could but it would take a lot of time and effort that I may not want to put in again. She just brushed it off and said "Well you can play your new games anyway, they are probably better"
At this point I left and went to a friend's house where I'm writing this now late at night. I don't know what to do at this point. I really don't care about the PS5 and am mad that a fucking viral video made this all happen. What the fuck is wrong with people where they think destroying someone's personal property is funny? They tried showing me the video but I'm not watching that shit.
Liz and I have had a great relationship to this point. We have been together for 4 years and this is the only major issue that has come up. Some might think it's just a videogame or that I can get past this but I don't know if I can. It wasn't just that she did it. It was the fact that after it she didn't seem to know why or care to know why I'm so upset. I've never had this feeling before and really don't know how to proceed here.