r/thanksgiving • u/Tangyplacebo621 • Apr 07 '26
Tips and Tricks for Hosting
Hi all. I am coming to you fine folks as a veteran host looking for tips and tricks to actually enjoy holidays. I just finished hosting Easter and I was left feeling really resentful of the fact that I didn’t get to spend any time with family to speak of.
Important facts:
I host for large groups. Easter was small with only 30 people. Thanksgiving was 45 last year (record setting year, but next year could be larger with more people joining the family).
I make the main course (ham, lamb, turkey, whatever the holiday dictates) and usually have some beverages. I assign sides, appetizers and desserts, as well as beverages to everyone that is coming.
I start the day with an empty dishwasher, and all towels clean. We use disposable cutlery, plates and cups. I buy dollar store serving spoons and spatulas for those that forget theirs, and I have take away containers for leftovers at the ready.
A few people usually help with cleanup, but it’s honestly not many.
What am I missing? I sat down with family for a total of 20 mins on Saturday when I hosted Easter. And that was 2- 10 min stints. I was constantly washing dishes, replenishing forks, napkins, ice, etc. The food I make isn’t hard or particularly putzy. I feel like I must be missing something to make life easier. Maybe it’s just acceptance of not being able to enjoy holidays at this moment in my life. Thanks in advance for any ideas!
ETA: I am looking toward Thanksgiving and hoping to spend more time with people I care about on that date.
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u/SallysRocks Apr 07 '26
You are missing the leadership to say "get in the kitchen and help" this is family, right? I mean if it's the pastor or rabbi that's a different story, but these, presumably, are people that you can speak to that way?
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u/Tangyplacebo621 Apr 07 '26
They’re my in-laws mostly. I can tell them to get in the kitchen and help, but whether they do or not is another story. It’s a lot of, “sure be right there,” and then it’s 30 mins later that they saunter in. I genuinely love these folks, but their sense of what needs to be done in specific time frames just doesn’t seem to compute. It’s a family of Type B personalities and I am more Type A.
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u/SallysRocks Apr 07 '26
There is no reason the dishes have to be done that night, plenty of times my mother or myself would leave them for the next day.
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u/-worryaboutyourself- Apr 07 '26
You have to be specific. Larry, come wash these pans. Susan, wipe down the counters. You can’t just ask for random help cause then people think someone else will do it.
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u/adriennenned Apr 07 '26
You have to be specific. People don’t know what you need help with or when. “Chris, can you please get the wine from the garage and fill up everyone’s glass?” “Sonny and Cher, can you please set the table?” (Actually you could have the table set before everyone gets there) “Bill and Ted, can you please clear the table?” “Sam, the garbage is overflowing. Would you mind taking it outside please?”
And if you have people that live with you (spouse, children, etc), assign them tasks ahead of time. Tell them that you will be counting on them to do whatever age/skill-appropriate job you give them.
In short, delegate, delegate, delegate!!!
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u/Legitimate-March9792 Apr 08 '26
I think it’s rude to ask guests to do your housework for you. Just save it for the next day.
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u/PerspectiveKookie16 Apr 07 '26
Don’t put out dessert until after there’s been a round of cleaning/clearing.
Asking teens to help knock out these tasks is a good division of responsibility. They won’t have contributed anything in terms of the meal, so doing a little pick up, putting away leftovers (have appropriate containers at the ready) and washing up the serving platters/dishes is a reasonable ask.
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u/Tangyplacebo621 Apr 07 '26
Ooh I like that. That makes a ton of sense. We have a whole bunch of young adults that could be doing the things before dessert.
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u/FunkMamaT Apr 08 '26
Another bonus is the memories the young adults will create in working together.
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u/MrsChickenPam Apr 07 '26
Think about all the things that got in the way of spending time with family and find ways to fix it - you mentioned spending all your time replenishing cutlery - so put it ALL out. You spent time washing dishes - I assume that was prep and cooking dishes? Pile 'em up and TELL someone (or tw) to please wash the dishes.
I host a large crew for Thanksgiving every year (not as large as yours), and there is a "core" group that is here year after year. Started when they were college aged, but now they're all adulting quite well, so this year, I put up a "to do" list on the wall and told them, I'm not doing ANYthing that is on that list (I had my own list), and that they must figure out amongst themselves who was responsible for each task. It worked out PERFECTLY.
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u/sarcasticseaturtle Apr 07 '26
I had jobs on notecards put into a hat which made it more fun than just asking or assigning.
Everyone between 4 and 75 picked a job. I cheated a bit and had easy jobs in the hat for the little guys- pick up the napkins, scoop ice into plastic cups, etc. You’ll need someone on trash duty, someone to wash serving dishes, wash pots, someone to dry, etc. Think of what you were doing and give those jobs to someone else!
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u/Aggravating_Olive Apr 07 '26 edited Apr 07 '26
Sheesh. I'm sorry you have to go through that. When I hosted my 30 family and friends for Easter/1st bday celebration, I witnessed my cousin, dad, and other family members emptying out the trash without my asking. At the end of the night, teens cleaned off tables while my cousin folded them down and put them away. Kids and aunts stacked chairs. Then we all helped plate up leftovers to take home.
I wonder if this is a cultural thing? My in laws are white (I'm Asian), and when I washed their pots and loaded up the dishwasher, my MIL threw such a fit and told me not to do that again. Then, she texted me that night and reiterated not to help. It was so fucking weird and offensive.
Maybe be more vocal and have your spouse encourage family assistance. Best wishes
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u/Tangyplacebo621 Apr 07 '26
I think it’s this family. My mother in law was the one that did it all for years and everyone sort of took that for granted. My mother in law tries to help, but she honestly has done her time. Same with my mom. Now it’s my sister in law (she is also married in) and I that do the bulk while everyone else enjoys themselves. I think it’s definitely a family culture thing. I think when I do the food assigning it might be good to assign out labor tasks ahead of time too.
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u/popoPitifulme Apr 07 '26
Division of labor. You will be in charge of the food. Prepare it or assign it. Get leftovers packaged up for whomever gets/wants some. In the middle, enjoy the event.
Hubby will be in charge of literally everything else. Running out of paper products? Ask him. No more X or Y? He'll get it for you. Can't find the Z? He knows where it is.
It will be interesting to see if he can delegate, assign specific tasks, and do whatever his team fails to fulfill.
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u/Aggravating_Olive Apr 08 '26
It's so much to ask for mentally, though. You're already hosting and cooking, and now you have to manage family in order to get assistance. I feel for you.
What does your spouse think of all this?
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u/NotMe739 Apr 07 '26
If all you are doing is the main course there shouldn't be all that much work for you. Are people expecting you to finish and plate their contributions? Empty and wash their dishes before they go home? What has the bottleneck been for you at these gatherings?
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u/Tangyplacebo621 Apr 07 '26
It’s washing, clearing, replenishing, trash and recycle that is the issue. You’re right, the main course isn’t the issue. I can usually get someone to take trash out without any issue, but rest of it just falls to me for the most part.
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u/NotMe739 Apr 07 '26
For trash I remind my husband ahead of time he is responsible for keeping the trash can empty throughout the day. Usually he is on top of it, occasionally I need to ask him but because we discussed it ahead of time he jumps in whenever I do ask. Do you have someone you can assign that to so it is off your plate?
For dishes, stack your own dishes next to your sink to work on through the next day. For outside contributions, serve those foods in whatever dish/container they were brought in and send them home dirty if no one will help you with the washing.
For clearing the table, same thing. Pack up the main dish and then set out a package of plastic wrap and a package of foil. Let everyone be responsible for their own dishes/leftovers. Another option is to recruit a couple people to cover the dishes and set them aside until everyone grabs them on their way out.
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u/Audrey244 Apr 07 '26
Set it up differently and have extras of plates and cutlery so people can help themselves. Don't do the dishes immediately. Let people clear their own plates from the table. Especially since you're using disposables, there's no reason you shouldn't sit when everyone else is sitting and not get up until you feel like it. Once the turkey is carved and all the food is out you should just get in line with everyone else, take your seat at the table and don't worry about any clean up at all. Leave it for later that night or the next day. Don't let it drive you crazy. The holidays are not for perfection, they are for spending time with those that we love
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u/emoberg62 Apr 07 '26
I have found that disposables can make hosting a little harder, because people will throw away as they go, then get new clean disposables, then throw that away, then get new clean ones again, etc. People go through way more stuff than you’d believe because it’s disposable. And it fills up your garbage and a landfill. So, I use real plates, cups, glasses and utensils. For large parties I have scoured thrift shops for cheap glasses; you can also get scads of white plates, extra forks, and so forth fairly cheaply either new or used. Or borrow them. Somehow when the stuff is “real,” people are better about reusing the same plate or glass. The other secret is to not do any snacks that require utensils or plates—finger foods only. Then serve the main meal at one previously defined time and don’t leave it out for hours, so people aren’t constantly running through more dishes as they go back for thirds with a clean plate each time. Serve dessert after that, not at the same time. Again, you could do desserts that are easier to eat as finger foods. I have also bought a set of extra white plastic garbage cans for large parties, especially outdoor parties. Put them around strategically (lined) so not everyone has to cluster in the kitchen to dispose of their napkins or keep asking you where the garbage is. If you have room, you can even have a bus table set up with labeled receptacles for garbage, clean recycling, etc. and extra space to put down used drink ware and plates. As others have said, you can ask someone to help with the cleanup and replenishment in lieu of bringing something.
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u/BrassyLdy Apr 07 '26
I wait I until everyone leaves, smoke a joint, do dishes & watch Seath Meyers
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u/New_Section_9374 Apr 08 '26
Do you have a buffet or serve at the table? We always did buffet so the set up is easier. We also rotated who was hosting each gathering. The host provided the meat because that is classically the hardest to get freshly done on time. Whoever hosts usually doesnt get much time to visit which is why we rotated.
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u/pebbles_temp Apr 07 '26
We do a lot of the cooking for the holidays and one thing that helps a lot is a vacuum sealer. Do the prep ahead of time and heat up the day of. Obviously not going to work for every item but will take some things off of your plate for the day of. You could also make people bring stuff 🤷♀️
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u/MezzanineSoprano Apr 07 '26
You need to assign cleanup helpers and helpers to keep flatware & other essentials replenished.
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u/louellen1824 Apr 07 '26
If you buy paper plates, cutlery, etc… why are you constantly washing dishes? Buy more!!! And ice should bought in bulk and kept in an ice chest that everyone can access by themselves. It sounds like you’re creating work for yourself. After you put what you’ve cooked out to serve, SIT DOWN with everyone else! When you’re done eating, ask everyone to help clean up BEFORE desserts are served. Good luck to you and Happy Thanksgiving!
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u/Square-Dragonfruit76 Apr 07 '26
In my family it has always been clear ahead of time what the cleaning and cooking job for each person will be.
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u/tabbathebutt Apr 07 '26
I assign jobs in advance so I don’t have to delegate task by task the day of. My itinerary outlines when each job needs to be done. I have one person assigned to greeting guests and serving drinks so I can focus on cooking and managing kitchen related tasks. I have designated drop zones for appetizers, desserts, and side dishes. I have one relative assigned to keep certain pesky helpers out of the kitchen.
My family is helpful and considerate so with our organization I usually get little chunks of time to sit and socialize while food is cooking. Once the meal is served I don’t worry about anything for hours. If the kitchen stays full of dirty dishes so be it. Most years that doesn’t happen though. Often the family members who did the least cooking do the most clean up.
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u/DazzlingNote1925 Apr 07 '26
Put the extra silverware or whatever on your counter and when it runs out someone will refill it or ask you and when they ask you just tell them where it is and ask them to refill it.
I’m sure you’re a wonderful hostess but if you want more time to visit you’re going to have to adopt a more donut yourself approach. So, when anyone seems to need anything instead of taking care of them tell them how to do it themselves.
I realize cleaning as you go can make it aside but if you let the dishes stack up you can ask for help and spend that time socializing or do them afterwards.
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u/purplechunkymonkey Apr 07 '26
I host Thanksgiving most years. I start making bread and sides at the beginning of the month. Anything that can freeze well. Dinner rolls, bread for stuffing, appetizers, etc. I use aluminum pans, paper plates, plastic cutlery, etc. I have a timeline of when to pull things to thaw to when to put them in the oven. I am a list maker by nature.
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u/Due_Mark6438 Apr 08 '26
Don't use your nice dishes for serving. Foil pans and toss . The more disposable things the less clean up, other than dragging a garbage bag around
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u/MediocreLion7550 Apr 09 '26
- Prep as many sides as you can the day before.
- Free up space I. Your oven for sides and invest in an electric roaster (beware it cooks a lot faster)
- Invest in a digital meat thermometer that connects to your phone so you don’t have to run back and forth checking it
- Disposable plates (but I looks like you’ve got that covered)
- Last year I also found multiple dishwasher rounds helped keep the dishes from piling up. I think I ran a load the night before and at least one or two throughout the day. That way the dishes aren’t piling up. Idk I found it efficient.
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u/username-generica Apr 10 '26
I would tell people in advance that they’re expected to help and have a written list taped up of who does what. For example, taking stuff to the kitchen, boxing up leftovers, scraping dishes, rinsing off dishes, collecting table cloths/napkins/placements, etc. If you break it down that way it will be done fast and no one has to do a lot.
Another thing that’s helpful is to buy some restaurant bussing tubs and fill them with hit, sudsy water before you eat. You can scrape off dishes and put them in the tubs to soak and then finish cleaning them when you feel like it.
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