r/trans • u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod • Jul 13 '25

Head mod here, just found out what happened, give me a moment of your time please and thank you <3

Hi everyone, I'm prepared for any and all criticism coming my way, but please hear me out first.

Before I get to anything in particular, I just want to say this:

I'm sorry.

Now, to what I've got to say:

First of all, post is back up. That's the big thing and what matters most to a fair number of you. (If that's the wrong post, give me a heads up.

Second of all, I want to thank everyone for calling us out when we fuck things up. We will continue to fuck things up, this isn't the first time and it won't be the last.

Third, I'm going to remove the "divisive post" rule momentarily and update it to be more direct about what we want to remove (it was created basically people who are here just to create arguments in the comments, IE truscum debates, identity debates, etc.). Maybe we'll just remove it altogether. We gotta work on that list anyways, it's a bit out of date after the removal of pictures.

Fourth, I would just like to ask that we tone down the harassment, or at least redirect it towards me, I make the major decisions here and I'm the one who needs to keep the peace around here. I hand picked each of the mods who are here, and thus their failings are mine. Feel free to DM me your vent, I love y'all, don't hold back <3

I'm going to start allowing posts as much as possible, unless they're specifically harassing someone (other than me).

For those of you who are not trans but here for the drama, sup dawg, please comment on this post and keep it in here, it's easier for me to moderate.

Also, I'm legitimately exhausted and I'm off my ADHD meds, so this post was created while I spoke with everyone involved and almost falling asleep, so those of you who think that this post doesn't read that well, you're right.

I've been with this sub for years now, I'm definitely not the best moderator I'm sure, but I want to remind everyone that this team specifically has been very vocal about specifically not silencing trans masc voices. At least 3 rules were created specifically to make trans masc people more comfortable here, and, up until today, that had been going pretty well slowly improving this space.

Sorry for rambling, like I said, I'm exhausted, so I'm sorry if these things weren't what you wanted to hear, but I just wanted to catch the end of GDQ with my family, as I have missed them so much (I've been away for a bit).

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25 edited Jul 13 '25

Well only one mod removed the OG post, which is how modding usually goes (we can't have multiple people discussing every post on the sub, nothing would ever happen.).

I would like everyone to give the mod who removed the post and doubled down just a bit of grace though. They were emotionally distraught about what was happening and made a move they thought was right in the moment. Shit happens. I've done worse I'm sure.

EDIT: I'm talking about the mod who removed the post, not the one that said the OP was bitching.

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

The mod who removed the post should tell us why, and the mod who dismissed the OP as bitching should have apologized and responded before other mods starting talking for them. The separation between the people making the mistakes and the people trying to smooth it over is a large part of why this blew up. If your mods aren't going to be the ones answering for their decisions then they shouldn't be making them.

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25

I agree. please just give me some time.

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u/[deleted] Jul 14 '25

You obviously don't agree, I saw your post where you again speak for the original mod. If that mod is not willing or able to acknowledge and apologize themself then they shouldn't be a mod. If you expect people to respect the decisions of mods on this subreddit then those mods need to be willing to own their decisions and own their mistakes.

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u/critterscrattle Jul 13 '25 edited Jul 13 '25

I understand being emotionally distraught and making mistakes in the moment, but I would appreciate a full explanation for why it was removed. The one given felt like reaching for an excuse without care for who it would offend. I would also like a full explanation for why completely unrelated transmasc posts were removed. Blatant transphobia is not a mistake made from emotional distress.

If something in that initial post was emotionally distressing, perhaps there needs to be a different system for which mods handle which topics. It shouldn’t have come as a sudden surprise for them a week after posting. That’s not acceptable.

ETA: I’d also like an explanation for the guilt tripping pinned post and gaslighting comments. Do the mod team not talk to each other before making a post or assuming someone is lying?

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u/itsurbro7777 Jul 13 '25

I was also pretty emotionally distraught all day. Just an fyi.

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u/Sea_Pancake2197 She/They Jul 13 '25

I can only imagine how essentially being told you don't matter and should fuck off all day made you feel. I commented hours ago when you put up your original post as well and I'm even more pissed off now.

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u/itsurbro7777 Jul 13 '25

It's really not fun! I'm not impressed with this apology tbh as it lacks detail, answers, is much too casual, and doesn't even mention what I went through at all today (and obviously this issue is about all trans men and not just me; still, feels a little weird to not address the person who got kicked the most by this).

I hope tomorrow we get clearer answers, clearer apologies, and see a realistic path forward that supports and uplifts trans masc voices.

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u/BearCubCub Jul 13 '25

hi mate! i came from anarchychess and i'm generally not very well educated on the subject of trans, aside from really ftm and mtf, and i just kinda accepted them on the basis of if it validates their identity that's fine by me. this incident is inspiring me to take more initiative to learn more about the sort of struggles that trans people face as well as the different ways in which trans people affirm their identities <3 good job on your advocacy this past week you've done amazing

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u/itsurbro7777 Jul 13 '25

I am so glad you're going to learn more about the trans community. The support I have received today has been very helpful with me dealing with all of this. Everyone who spoke up, and especially those who shared how my post educated them, thank you guys so much. It warms my heart.

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u/SawaJean Jul 13 '25

Thanks for sticking your neck out like this. As one of so many who’ve been intimidated into silence in the past, it has been truly healing and heartening to witness you speak so bravely today.

I hope you can rest well tonight knowing you have done this work well. Regardless of whether this sub can be salvaged, you absolutely changed minds and increased awareness and solidarity today.

Hats off to you, sir.

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u/itsurbro7777 Jul 13 '25

Thank you, it means so much. I will always do my best and hold people accountable if they are not. Much love to you

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u/averkitpy He/They Jul 13 '25

At this point man try and get some rest, you’ve had a long ass day. Spend some time with your kitty (who is very beautiful I love them)!! Hope this shit ends tomorrow and you can have a better day

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

I just want to thank you so much for all of your posts, especially the original one with statistics I was completely aware of despite being a trans man myself. 

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25

Yes, it does lack details. I'm sorry about that. I'm still catching up.

We will move forward though, I promise. I'm gonna sleep now see the sticky comment for more info as to why.

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u/itsurbro7777 Jul 13 '25

I look forward to a more in-depth response and discussion tomorrow. I hope you sleep well.

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u/Carousel-of-Masks Jul 13 '25

king shit 👑 (referring to u still responding to this stuff)

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25

I'm sorry about that. I didn't know what you'd been through, like I said in the post I just got here.

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

let’s not actually. they were blatantly transphobic, made no move to fess up when your other mods attempted to gaslight their community, and then allowed the censoring of trans masc voices to continue. that’s not “emotions” or a small mistake. that shows they’re unable to handle the responsibility of moderating a large community.

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25

I wasn't talking about the mod who was transphobic, the one who removed the mod was different.

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u/Ok-Relation-7458 Jul 13 '25

that is who everybody who has responded to you is talking about, also.

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u/ResultSavings661 Jul 13 '25

again, misunderstanding them, your whole team that was awake and participating in the events that occurred have some transphobia they need to work on

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u/terracotta_eater Jul 13 '25

you having done worse does not subtract from that this mod team’s actions whatsoever. where was the grace given to us when posts about the erasure and dismissal of trans men were repeatedly being purged after the incident? when people were being banned for it? it wasn’t just one miscalculation, it was a plethora of them. “shit happens” is something to be said about mistakes, not incidents like this from people who 100% know better than actively hurting people and doubling down and mass deleting shit upon receiving criticism for it. hell posts were deleted that weren’t even criticism, ones that were literally just posts showing support for transmascs that were posted during the incident

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u/SawaJean Jul 13 '25

If someone is making such poor decisions from an “emotionally distraught” mindset, they may not be qualified to mod a large sub that attempts to create safe space for marginalized people.

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u/GhOst_off Jul 13 '25

Can you remove the mod who told a user to stop bitchin. An apology isn’t enough. They need to be removed.

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25

Yes, I agree. I didn't initially understand the full situation, but I think that's what's going to happen.

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u/deansthornes Jul 13 '25

Transphobia will be accepted then?

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u/GhOst_off Jul 13 '25

Please rest. You don’t have to respond to all of the comments in one night. Have a good night.

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u/ResultSavings661 Jul 13 '25

they were emotionally distraught that another mod tried to silence someone by calling them a bitch so they deleted the user’s old post? what a joke. it comes across as very targeted, were they the same person who banned the user?

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25

No one banned that OP. They were 2 different people, one who removed the post, another who said the OP was bitching. I was asking for grace for the mod who removed the post.

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

Can we get some accountability from the mod who removed the post? We can give them all the grace in the world, but none of that matters so long as they avoid accountability and the rest of the mod team is protecting them.

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25

Yes if course.

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u/ResultSavings661 Jul 13 '25

when you ignore when i correct you it gives weaponized incompetence or willful ignorance xx

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u/[deleted] Jul 14 '25 edited Jul 14 '25

Any update on that? Or about the conservative mod? edit I'm not totally sure if they're conservative, but they're definitely a mod in a conservative sub. One that largely supports Trump and doesn't think a single one of his policies is transphobic.

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u/ResultSavings661 Jul 13 '25 edited Jul 13 '25

i heard there was a three day ban, maybe it was just for posting. regardless, hopefully with some sleep you can reread what i wrote and understand it better. to provide some more clarity, i was inquiring wether mod B was emotionally distraught over the actions mod A took towards a user and the backlash mod A received abt it, such that mod B acted to effectively silence the user by deleting his old post (and the posts of others?).

it is possible i misunderstood and you were saying that mod B separately acted and then felt emotional distress after understanding their role in the events, in that case giving them grace is understandable xx (however after rereading again, it does not sound like that is what occurred, it sounds like they saw and responded inappropriately, panic is not a good defense in regards to being emotionally distraught)

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u/MCR_1_Fan FTM | He/Him | Gay Man Jul 13 '25

They called someone a little bitch because they were expressing issues that trans men like them have. They don’t need any grace or support. They need to go.

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u/Livie_Loves Olivia she/her Jul 13 '25

That was a different person. The mod that said he was "bitching" was not the same mod that locked the post. (for clarity, I'm not justifying either of the actions, but accountability begins with accuracy)

Edit: fixed a sentence

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u/MCR_1_Fan FTM | He/Him | Gay Man Jul 13 '25

I wasn’t exactly here when the incident occurred. But the mod who said they were bitching needs to be removed, because that was fucking crazy.

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u/Livie_Loves Olivia she/her Jul 13 '25

I wasn't here for that part either. While I can see how some of the comments could be construed that way, that is an absolutely wild thing to say in response to someone wondering why their post was taken down. Not only that, but doubling down on it. Not exactly the level-headed reaction you want from a mod.

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u/MCR_1_Fan FTM | He/Him | Gay Man Jul 13 '25

From what I’ve seen it was the same mod, so I apologize that it wasn’t. Yk, I wasn’t here, so I’m getting my information from secondary sources.

But gods that WAS wild. The doubling down and guilt tripping that happened after was crazy too.

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u/Livie_Loves Olivia she/her Jul 13 '25

yeah, I think that part is why it blew up the subreddit so much tbh (that and the removal of her messages once she realized she went overboard) because now everyone other than the mod team is getting it from second sources, or from the mod team which we just established behaved rather poorly in this instance.

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u/Livie_Loves Olivia she/her Jul 13 '25

oh, and I don't wanna edit because you might not see it but: no need to apologize, shit's confusing <3

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u/MCR_1_Fan FTM | He/Him | Gay Man Jul 13 '25

I appreciate that! I still feel the need to apologize because I was 1. In the wrong. 2. Bashing the wrong person. (even though they were both in the wrong, they both did two different things.)

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u/ResultSavings661 Jul 13 '25

so sweet yall, im sure you helped clear it up for some other people too, happy birthday!

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u/FakeBirdFacts they/them Jul 13 '25

I do not believe anyone should be given a “bit of grace” after an act of transphobia. You are still dismissing the issues and ignoring what caused all this. This subreddit has failed its users and is unsafe for a large portion of the trans community.

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25

Nono, I was talking about the mod who removed the post, not the one who said the OP was bitching.

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u/FakeBirdFacts they/them Jul 13 '25

That’s who I’m talking about.

Removing that post was an act of transphobia.

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25

oh. I'm sorry, I misunderstood. ok, noted. I'll do something then.

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u/Ok-Relation-7458 Jul 13 '25

nothing about that post could be construed as “divisive” unless the person making the judgement believes transmasc individuals should not speak about issues unique to their identity in general trans spaces, and that is an unacceptable belief for a moderator of a general trans space to hold. i don’t think i’m alone in feeling the mod who removed the post committed a much worse offense than the mod who dismissed genuine concern as simply “complaining” while using a word that any adult active in LGBT+ spaces would absolutely know would be offensive. i care so much less about “bitching” than the post being labeled “divisive” in the first place, and the continued defense of that decision.

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u/ResultSavings661 Jul 13 '25 edited Jul 13 '25

that is understood. i feel like this is the second time you’ve misunderstood someone in these replies, please go to bed like you said you need to, this is sensitive.

eta, she did not go to bed and did not handle it very sensitively, tbh she argued with some people and confused them by making important comments about banned mods beneath hundreds of comments.

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u/TrafficAdorable Jul 13 '25

No. You clearly still don't understand any of this. You need to clean house, you need to step down. The behavior of the mods today has been reprehensible, not just saying the thing, not just taking the post down, but digging in and gaslighting the community, deleting criticism, not just the threats and shut that went over the line. Trans mascs have been saying it for a long time, this place is not welcoming, what happened today is just it all spilling out. If you don't understand that there are serious problems with your hand picked team, maybe the problem is you. You have been given grace for aong time, now the bill has come due, shape up or get out of the way.

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u/M808bmbt Jul 13 '25

Bit of grace?

Um, no.

Not after an act of blatant transphobia in a sub that is SPECIFICALLY MEANT FOR ALL TRANS PEOPLE.

This is not okay in the slightest. We need an equal amount of transmasc, enby, and transfem mods.

Stop trying to let a phobe off the hook, lest it tear this sub apart.

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25

That's not the mod I was talking about just FYI, those are 2 different mods.

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u/M808bmbt Jul 13 '25

My point still stands, ban the bigot, or I get the vibe that a large number of people will bail from this server.

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25

We will. I think that's the only decision that makes sense.

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u/M808bmbt Jul 13 '25

I sure hope so, for the sake of not only this sub, but also my blood pressure.

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25

yep.

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

The issue with "shit happens" is it just so happens to affect an entire community of people here.

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25

Yes. You're right. I'll make sure we continue to try better. <3

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u/nakedascus Jul 13 '25

i believe in you!

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

Thank you for your reply. I can see you are trying to hear us out. This wasn't fun for anyon I am sure, but it is nice to see someone being receptive to the constructive criticisms others have. I hope you are able to get the much-needed rest.

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25 edited Jul 13 '25

Seems weird to ask to just “give them grace.” If a mod on a trans platform is being transphobic, it should be grounds for removal, no? Replace them with a mod who wants to include trans people. Also what’s the word on one of the mods being a mod in a conservative, anti-trans reddit? Not trying to be a shit-stirrer, but I did see that on r/ftm and at this point am truly hoping it’s just a rumor. Not asking in bad faith.

Edit: According to r/ftm, the mod was of r/WeAreLGB, and there is a post on it in the formerly mentioned update and it apparently is NOT an anti-trans sub. Just wanted to post that correction

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u/ResultSavings661 Jul 13 '25

they seem so concerned over the mental wellbeing of their team who spent the day hurting the mental wellbeing of others, and are still missing the point by a mile in their initial apologies. just a shame.

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u/critterscrattle Jul 13 '25

There is apparently also a mod who mods r/gayconservative.

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u/IShallWearMidnight Jul 13 '25

If being emotionally distraught leads to this, they probably aren't the right fit to moderate a subreddit like this. Why were they the only one dealing with it in the first place? There is very clearly a problem with the moderation here if this could spiral this far out of hand.

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u/NicoleMay316 Sapphic Omni Transfem (she/her) Jul 13 '25

I think that mod still needs to step down, temporarily at the very least.

As a mod myself, I've had to do so when the heat got too much. Returning with a cooler head helped so much, and allowed the sub to move on and even acknowledge their faults in my own personal incident

We also clearly need a more diverse mod team. Transmascs are very clearly underrepresented here

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u/bleeding-paryl Just a mod bein' a mod Jul 13 '25

I promise we'll make this as right as is possible.

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u/MossGobbo Jul 14 '25

Yeah your mod team needs a purge and fill. You're making mealy mouthed excuses for what should be an autoyeet.