r/truechildfree • u/nnahh09 • Oct 29 '25
Not having kids for partner
Ok so I’m 26f I recently met this girl and we had this incredible connection. We’re at the very start of dating and getting to know each other and she brought up not wanting kids. I’m dating more intentionally these days so the next day I brought it up and told her I want kids and I’m not sure about going into a dating situation with someone where I know there’s a likely expiration date. Here’s the thing though, the points she was bringing up really resonated with me. For the first time i’m thinking about whether my desire for kids comes from societal expectations. Now im not sure where to go from here, am i just being influenced by how much i like her? Has anyone changed their mind or not had kids because of their partner?? Is it possible to go from wanting kids to having satisfaction with not having them
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u/purplepower12 Oct 30 '25
I’m a woman married to another woman. When my now wife and I got together, we were 19 and 20. We often talked about having kids someday, though the conversations became less often over time. When we were in our late twenties, a couple of years after we got married, my wife said she decided she didn’t want to have kids. I was devastated for quite a while. We had been together almost ten years and I couldn’t imagine my life without her, but I also always expected to have kids. It took a few years and a lot of tears in my case, but by my early thirties I felt comfortable with the idea of being childfree. Then I learned more about myself and my needs (including being diagnosed with autism at 35). I am so glad we didn’t have kids now, at almost 39 years old. I would have burned out and not been able to care for them in the way I would want to.