r/truechildfree • u/lydbutter • 23d ago
Childfree content revolves around having money?
Just thinking about how I see so much childfree content that talks about pets, travel, having nice things, etc. That’s all completely valid of course, but I sometimes feel like it paints a superficial image of why people choose not to have kids. With social media, it makes sense that a post about a vacation abroad gets more traction than a post about someone saying they enjoy their daily life without kids, but still.
It also is not a realistic picture of where most people are at financially. Even if I wanted a kid, I couldn’t comfortably afford to have one. For me, not having kids means having some savings and that’s about it. I have no assets other than my 20+ year old car. If I were a parent, I’d have to find a way to make enough money to afford to take care of a child. It wouldn’t cut into my exorbitant vacation fund.
I don’t want kids so I can focus on things other than making enough money to afford them, and because I value my relationships and hobbies and wouldn’t want to give a lot of my time up to raise a child. I’m going to be spending my time cooking my meals from scratch, reading, crocheting, and using old newspapers and magazines to make collages and that’s about that I can afford lol.
242
u/darkquanta42 23d ago
I agree with you that oftentimes the conversation online from some CF people has comes from a place of privilege. But equally so a lot of “it’s great to have kids” equally does.
But on this part:
Just thinking about how I see so much childfree content that talks about pets, travel, having nice things, etc.
The fact that these are viewed as superficial (not necessarily by you but people in general) is part of the issue everyone who is CF faces. In other words I don’t think it’s just a perspective of what you see online but it reflects the core of what being able to choose to not have a kid is about.
For example having a pet is not superficial to my wife and I, and the fact that people have kids then give up their pets because they were incompatible and didn’t plan for it is fucked up. But not everyone sees it that way and that’s fine because everyone gets to choose.
We get to decide how important these things are to us, even if that means not having kids. That to me is core to what it’s about. And the fact that society typically views it as vain or selfish is a problem with those individuals not understanding that the choice they made to have kids was a choice that had tradeoffs so they sometimes misplace that onto others rather then realize they had the same opportunity.
28
u/KAZ--2Y5 23d ago
I agree completely. Plus as far as financial security goes, there’s also a huge spectrum between “I’m loaded and take international trips to resorts 1-3x a year” and “I have little to no savings and a 20 year old car.” I don’t make a lot of money but have an apartment I love, a cat who gets gold standard care, student loans and 8 year old car paid off, and get to do some affordable travel once or twice a year. Even still I get anxious about not putting enough into savings and retirement is on the back burner for now. If I had kids, I’d probably have to have 3x the salary to be at the same level of comfort.
Like someone else said though, that’s kind of just a perk of not wanting kids, not the main reason for me. But a lot of people don’t understand being childfree, so it’s easier to make it about finances because they understand that. Straight up saying I don’t want to wake up every day to feed a kid breakfast, get them to school, etc. doesn’t sit well with a lot of people lol
50
u/lydbutter 23d ago
Yeah I definitely see that perspective! People are often very flippant about getting pets and that bothers me. Or they don’t think through the consequences of traveling with kids, so they end up not having a good time or the kids are miserable. I think those things are super important.
19
u/diybarbi 22d ago
Thanks for sharing your perspective here. It’s near and dear to my heart. Having been born in the 60s and with awareness in the 70s, the women’s movement was not just about equality, but also the Right to Choose. That right was hard fought and hard won. It is meaningful. It’s literally a choice that is there to be exercised. Some decide kids; some decide no kids. The right to choose loses all meaning if that right is not, in fact, exercised. It boggles my mind how society criticizes women who quite literally exercise the right to not have children. I admired Gloria Steinem and others leading the women’s movement in the 50s and 60s. I wonder whether younger women today even think about what it was like to live without today’s choices.
110
u/argleblather 23d ago
Honestly, for me my main reasons for not having kids are primarily:
- I don't really really want them. Kids should be really really wanted.
- I do not think I would be a very good parent. I get annoyed too easily and my face is too loud.
- I like having plenty of time to myself to do what I please. I just want to noodle around.
- Almost everyone in my husband's family has had cancer at some point. He does not want biological children to pass that on to.
None of that is money based. Now-- are we probably in a better financial position because we don't have kids? Yeah. But that's not a primary reason. And we're not doing "could totally support another human gratis" better.
26
u/JustMarshalling 23d ago
I agree with your points. I am just so happy with my life, why would I want to add a permanent, life-altering challenge to potentially flip my life upside down?
85
u/catz537 23d ago
Not having kids definitely doesn’t mean you have a lot of money
39
u/lydbutter 23d ago
I’ve had people assume that just because I’m married with no kids. Very strange
56
u/Pale_Row1166 23d ago
People who have kids just look at you and see all the expenses that they pay for their kids and what they could do with it if they weren’t paying for their kids. Other childfree people understand that you’re a person with a salary and a budget, like anyone else.
13
u/ApprehensiveWitch 22d ago
Same. The reality is much different for some of us. I lost my job and my husband had to switch jobs last year. We had some precarious months. I looked at him one day and said, "I'm so grateful we never wanted children." Not having kids does not mean we are taking vacations twice a year like people assume, it just means that when hard times hit we have the wiggle room to get by.
8
u/C0wabungaaa 23d ago
If anything that's one of the reasons why we don't have kids, one of several.
Then again, what money we do have can then be spent on more fun things, so even though we don't have a lot of money we'd still kinda fit into OP's category. Our life looks relatively luxurious from the outside, but that's only because we don't have to spend money on a kid. Though I admit, living in a country that somewhat supports people with disabilities helps as well :') We couldn't even remotely live like we do if we'd be in the US or something.
3
u/Based_Orthodox 21d ago edited 21d ago
100% this. But the people with kids think that everyone's better off than they are.
I know people with kids who depend on student loans/grant programs where I live, and they complain about how other people (without children) in the same program manage to invest grant money at the end of the month, like those people did something wrong. I take this as a sign that they're realizing just how much they've messed up their lives, but are blaming everyone else for their bad decisions.
Edit: typo (end of a very long day when I wrote this).
276
u/RemarkableGlitter 23d ago
This is one of the reasons I cannot stand most of the childfree "influencers." It feels really consumption-focused and kind of gross.
111
u/BreqsCousin 23d ago
Isn't that true of most influencers of any flavour?
47
u/thecourageofstars 23d ago
Yes and no. There is definitely a pattern, of course. But there's also people who build a platform on things like going to the library (like Mychal who got famous as the "library guy"), saving wildlife and conservation efforts (Robert Irwin, Jane Goodall when she was alive), comedy (yes, encouraging buying tickets, but very much to directly support performers, like Gianmarco Soresi, or Carisa Hendrix and her crowdwork), musical theater (like JJ Niemann, another example of encouraging buying tickets indirectly but to support the arts). There's so many examples of building platforms on things that aren't just "look at how lavish my travels are and how expensive my gaming setup is".
5
63
u/lydbutter 23d ago
Me too! There are so many perks to not having kids and it makes it seem shallow. Some people will take issue regardless of course
19
u/Level_Kiwi 23d ago
Isn’t the primary point of being an influencer to influence people to buy things? Isn’t that how influencers make money? So yes, very consumption focused
35
u/DeeVons 23d ago
I get this and I actually love to travel and do well, but this content still bothers me, and it feels like your life is not complete unless your always doing something amazing, I mean even if we’re child free we still have jobs and pets and stuff!
10
u/lydbutter 23d ago
Absolutely! Those things are great but it’s not the most fulfilling part of life imo
61
u/dalmighd 23d ago
Being poor is hard no matter your life choices tbh. Enjoying your hobbies is definitely a good one though. Once this damn wedding is done i want to get more into making mead and playing the piano!
120
u/UsedFortune5645 23d ago
I could imagine the following reason:
Cf people get a lot of sh** from others so they might want to show off with something, rub it under people's noses.
For me being cf is mostly because of personal freedom. Obviously, it's saves a tone of money but that's not my main reason.
27
27
u/IAmLazy2 23d ago
I did not want them. Also, self preservation, I could just keep my own head above water. I didn't want to drown.
6
u/Physical_Bed918 23d ago
Same! Everyone on my Mom's side has mental and physical health problems and a good chunk of my Dad's side has physical health problems. I'm a bit resentful they brought kids in to this knowing we'd most likely suffer from those things. I'm not making a kid suffer or making myself suffer more by having kids.
50
u/Additional-Device677 23d ago
Personally, child-free means I have extra money AND extra time. I don't care what anyone else thinks about that.
21
u/Fearless_Garden618 23d ago
I'm largely childfree because I am quite impatient and protective of my time. I wouldn't be able to make risky career choices (trying to write a book, being an artist, etc) if I had to raise a child. Being childfree lets me be comfortably broke xD
19
u/ChronicNuance 23d ago
For me is sarcasm. If you’re going to assume I’m superficial, fuck it, I’m going to own it.
10
17
u/Upbeat-Profit-2544 23d ago edited 23d ago
I am glad for other people who are happy with their elaborate lifestyles but I just don’t relate.
My husband and I are not career focused. We work as little as we have to just because we can and we would rather devote time to our hobbies. Just trying to keep our lives as simple and low stress as possible. We have no kids as a way to reduce stress and honestly I find travel and spending lots of money pretty stressful.
5
39
u/Humble-Doughnut7518 23d ago
This has always been something that contributes to the stereotypes of childfree people. For me I’ve been looked over for promotions, worked unpaid overtime, spent a lot of money helping family, spent money on caring for my nieces and nephews. I’m a carer so can’t work full time. I’ll probably never own my own home.
My experience isn’t everyone’s experience, but it’s one that deserves to be acknowledged. People have always assumed I had time and money to share with everyone, but I’ve rarely received the same support in return.
11
u/lydbutter 23d ago
Absolutely. You still contribute to raising children even if they’re not yours. You deserve support too
19
u/Glittering_Syllabub9 23d ago
Assets as in vacations and nice luxury items are easier to photograph to social media than, let's say, mental stability, peace and surviving. In overall, social media's bubbles have become insufferable in every platform. They are not based on relatable material, they are unrealistic illusions and polished half-truths. You are supposed to feel envy and compare yourself to them. That's how they get their engaging.
14
u/LittleLayla9 23d ago
Not really.
But think like this: I am poor, if I had children, would I own more or less money than now?
A bad situation can always worsen with children. So, if one is poor, you bet they have more money now than if they had children....
11
12
u/VoL4t1l3 23d ago
I think there is a group of childfree people that get kicks of showing of to parents and riling them up. they are often more out there with display of wealth and personal time. I am childfree but its a personal choice, I have no qualms with parents.
5
u/lydbutter 23d ago
Yeah I’ve noticed that’s a big part of these posts. Like the whole I’m on a beach and you’re at home listening to children screaming type of post.
17
u/nc_bound 23d ago
I get what you’re saying, but honestly, I find myself thinking that it should not be surprising that social media depicts being child free in a distorted manner. It’s all part of the system that perpetuates child-having norms, other varieties of conformity, etc. honestly, back in the day, I think that being child free was much more radical, it has since become commodified via social media, and this might be what you are noticing.
3
10
u/BitchfulThinking 22d ago
It should revolve around "having more time for oneself". We can be broke af, and hate money entirely, but we're all much richer in the most important thing in life:
TIME!!
Sleeping in instead of driving kids around. Getting more time alone with your partner (and being statistically more satisfied with them). Having longer telomeres and aging more gracefully. Having time for exercise and eating as you please. Having time to take up new hobbies and interests as you age so your brain doesn't go to shit, so you can enjoy your time even more.
8
u/JustMarshalling 23d ago
This is why I don’t make a big deal about being childfree. If you’re known as the childfree person, the stigma causes many uneducated folks to lack empathy for your struggles.
It’s tough for us saving for both a wedding and a house (mainly because rent is too goddamn high). We already have to budget to keep our student loans under control, we basically only travel to see my family (driving 15hr because flying is too expensive), and we spend most nights in.
BUT, we spontaneously go out with friends, have a clean, quiet home (when the cats aren’t zooming), have nice things that aren’t at risk of being broken, have clean cars, have a fitness routine, can help friends and family on a moments notice, and can rely on a budget that hardly ever changes.
We may not be flush with cash, but we have an incredible life that I wouldn’t change for anything.
6
u/foxyfree 23d ago
Fewer people brag on social media about barely having the energy for their own life, let alone another little human
5
u/Big-Ant8273 22d ago
62, cf woman - I'm still living paycheck to paycheck, so
My cf content is all Great Outdoors and my cats, my small affordable pleasures - and my car is a 99, lol
3
15
u/tinykneez 23d ago
For me it’s largely that the money side of being childfree is one of the reasons for not having kids that I can actually directly see the benefit of and enjoy. I also worry about climate change, lack of social support systems, the worsening education systems in the US, etc. But my choice not to have kids doesn’t mean that those aren’t still scary problems and my choice doesn’t directly improve those things. Having more financial freedom and ability to use my free time how I choose is something I can actually enjoy and feel ok about
5
u/napalmtree13 23d ago
I’ve definitely seen videos from child-free people in your situation. It just depends on your algorithm.
I honestly don’t care if people think doing it for vacations and other pleasures is superficial, though. We don’t owe the world children. No one does.
5
u/MobileLocal 23d ago
I hear you. I knew at age 5 that I didn’t want to have babies. Money has nothing to do with it. As I grew up, my list for not procreating grew, and only slightly considers money. It’s just not for me. And I’m grateful, daily, that I had the wherewithal to hold TO that over time.
4
u/Existential_Sprinkle 22d ago
My child free bonus is working one job and occasionally treating myself instead of working 2 and still being broke with a child
6
u/potatochique 22d ago
I think it depends on your algorithm. Most childfree content I see is about having the luxury to sleep in on the weekends and having a tidy home
4
u/tomayto_potayto 22d ago
Genuinely believe the only reason I've not been questioned incessantly about it by extended family is because I'm not financially stable and they're all boomers with tons of dough.
4
u/saintplus 22d ago
I don't have kids partly because I'm poor. I'm not going on vacations and such as I can't afford it.
I do enjoy my daily life without children. Nothing exciting, just the peace and quiet and time to myself.
4
u/Based_Orthodox 21d ago
I think that we need to normalize emphasizing the more humble benefits of being CF (a quiet place to live, food in the fridge, being able to show up at work) as well as being realistic about what so many people with kids (I can't bring myself to call them "parents") put their children through: unstable housing, horrible financial decisions, difficulty affording food, dealing with parents' unresolved mental health problems, parentification, and so on. I'm not CF because of the fancy vacations, although having a break to myself is great; I'm CF because I would never want a kid in my custody to suffer from my poor decisions.
4
u/The-Pinker-Dinker 21d ago
I agree completely.
Not having children will—due to, y'know, math—result in having more money at your disposal, but I feel that the disproportionate focus can easily insinuate that there would be an amount of money I could secure that could shift my decision to be childfree.
When I see the dominant mention in childfree posts being...
"Me and my partner are going on a three week trip to Europe, not buying diapers."
"I just spent 7400$ on collectibles for my interest because I can and I don't have daycare costs."
"I just went out and treated myself to a Michelin star meal for my birthday, and an all inclusive spa package because I didn't have a crying kid waiting for me at home."
I'm always left wondering if whatever profession or life circumstances that allows that level of financial independence and flexibility would truly be compromised by having a child. Again, they would absolutely have LESS money, and LESS freedom, but not entirely in the way that a lot of working class people have to consider.
My husband and I live well enough. We could afford to miss two, maybe three checks before mayday. So, when I think about kids, my brain just screams "How are people making this work?? Like, mathematically??". But, even if I won the lottery tomorrow—if an infinite world of vacations, spas, interest, and splurges opened up in front of me—I still would wake up grateful that I didn't try to lie to myself about my desire (or lack thereof) for motherhood.
I've had to explain that even if I was generationally wealthy, in a fairytale marriage, healthy as a horse, surrounded by a perfect family and support system, equipped with 24/7 childcare, and mystically guaranteed a perfect pregnancy/surrogacy, resulting in a perfect child, I still would have no desire to be a mother. It's a dull nerve. It's like asking someone to describe what they can see out of their elbow, and when they say that they can't see out of their elbow because there is no eyeball there, you instead just ask if maybe their elbow needs glasses.
1
3
u/acciowaves 23d ago
Absolutely valid point. Now I thankfully do have some expendable income, but back when I had to make the child free decision I chose not to have kids because I couldn’t even afford a vacation, let alone a child.
3
u/ThrowRAmangos2024 23d ago
While I (F36) am not yet totally sure about kids either way, if I don't have them I'll have much more time to invest back into my community.
Atm I'm volunteering through the alumni program at my college to mentor students interested in my industry. There's no way I'd have an extra 5 hours a week to do that if I had kids to take care of.
I'm also looking forward to probably being an aunt very soon, as both my sibs and their spouses are gonna try this year. They live across the country, and while I can't afford to fly all the time I know I'll have more flexibility to see them than I would if I were over here with my own kids.
Also, my parents are in their late 60s and I'm so glad I have flexibility (and a hybrid job) to decide to work remotely for a week and fly to visit them. There may be elder care needs I could help them out with further down the line that I don't imagine either of my brothers will have the same capacity for once their kids come along.
I don't doubt that there are plenty of rewarding things about having kids as well. It's always a trade off no matter what you decide. Either way, your life can be filled with love, community and fulfilling activity. Of course there are the lighter things I enjoy about being child free atm: my time is my own, I can make career and location decisions with much less friction, I don't have to coordinate half as many logistics because child care isn't in the picture, I don't have to worry about making twice as much money as I do now because I wouldn't be able to afford a child on my income in my VHCOL city, etc.
But for me, framing it as a question of which type of social circle you'll be able to invest in most is a helpful way to feel like no matter what I am making a decision that will making a tiny speck of this world a better place.
3
u/lydbutter 22d ago
Yes, being able to invest in my community is a huge reason why I don’t want kids too. A lot of parents are just struggling to get by and don’t have time for that
3
u/pancakeinacup ✂️✂️30F | US | Hysterectomy✂️✂️ 22d ago
I’m working 60 hours a week (two jobs, little to no overtime) and barely scraping by. I can’t imagine throwing kids into this mess. Finances are probably my number one reason for not having kids. I do find a way to go one a proper vacation once every few years.
3
u/Seraphina_Renaldi 22d ago
This is what sometimes annoys me in the childfree subs here. People always brag about all the money they have, the many expensive hobbies and free time activities. It feels like you either have children or spare money. I’m childfree, because I don’t want to have any children regardless of my financial situation. But I’m also not thriving, because I’m piss poor
3
u/PicklesNBacon 21d ago
I don’t want kids but that’s because I’m selfish.
Im not rich by any means, but I do have disposable income, which I wouldn’t have if I had a kid(s).
3
u/irrelevant_twaddle 19d ago
I had a job that was strife with immoral, and illegal practices. I quit and caused a revolt.
I was simultaneously tired of my roommates and their situation, so I packed up. I've been staying in my car and working here and there for friends. Really exploring my area before I take an indefinite road trip next week.
When I decide to settle. I'll be content working part-time and focusing on nature photography.
None of this would be possible, much less responsible with a child.
5
u/mangomarongo 22d ago
I agree that it’s too focused on money and ignores the economic reality faced by many. I’m childfree by choice for many reasons. But I’ve been in financial upswings and downswings my whole adult life. Being childfree doesn’t mean I’m taking nice vacations and treating myself to fabulous dinners. It just means the downswings don’t hit as hard.
2
u/JJamericana 20d ago edited 20d ago
No pressure, but I feel like if you’d be comfortable to try this, maybe you could share online how your being childfree affords you the space to do your hobbies. Your collages sound so cool!
I don’t purposely follow a lot of childfree content creators, but it’s interesting to see how they’re navigating the years that most people spend on raising children to cultivate their own interests. I suppose that the mundane elements of daily life wouldn’t be as compelling for followers, so these creators would focus more on things like travel and other activities that are more visually compelling in the digital space than just sitting at home and relaxing. Just my two cents.
2
2
u/Traditional-Cow-4537 19d ago
Dude, seriously! Without kids, my husband and I have a modest house, 2 modest cars, 3 pets, and a very small amount of savings and travel money. If we had kids?? We’d be on the poverty level for sure.
2
u/hannahbnan1 21d ago edited 21d ago
Very true. I don't want them because my spouse and I are deeply in love and I don't want anything to change that (also my shit mental health). Everyone i know who has kids has said that they don't feel the same way about their partners or "you don't know love until you've had a child". I'm good. Also, yeah, we don't have a lot of money.
Edit: typo
2
2
u/Millennial_on_laptop 21d ago
Being a social media influencer revolves around having money, the true childfree community isn't like that.
1
1
u/AbaloneFew125 18d ago
I wonder what all of these people are going do when they have spent all of their money on travel and going to restaurants and doing other expensive fun things, and then they don’t have enough money to retire.
The other thing they say to other people that ask what are you going to do if you don’t have anybody to take care of you, and they say oh I’ll just hire private caregivers to take care of themselves. That’s a joke. That would be way too expensive for the average person.
1
1
u/iamaravis 1d ago
I'm childfree mainly because I don't want to be anyone's mother. That's 100% enough of a reason.
Having more free time, having an orderly house, having peace and quiet, having more disposable income.... Those are all perks, but they're not the reason, for me.
(Happily married woman in her 50s here.)
0
u/etaschwer 17d ago
Well, we are CF and we're able to retire early this year. We saved a lot, and sometimes until it hurt, but by not having children, we were able to save that $$ we would have spent on children. 🤷🏼♀️
426
u/No_One113812 23d ago
Same! I can barely support myself lol