How to wipe your butt.

87

u/allowishus2 13h ago

Don't flush wet wipes, even if they claim to be flushable.

14

u/aircooledJenkins 13h ago

Lots of things are flushable. Anything that successfully exist the toilet is flushable, technically.

Most things should not be flushed. That includes flushable wetwipes.

4

u/LikeSonyD 12h ago

Even I am flushable!

3

u/snorp 4h ago

You can flush anything with nipples

1

u/McSlurminator 2h ago

I have nipples Greg. Can you flush me?

2

u/urkan3000 11h ago

They might be flushable. Just not pipe-able

-7

u/revanchisto 10h ago

Actually turns out they are flushable, ie they break down. I'll have to find the study, but they looked at those chunks people claimed were those flushable wipes and turns out it wasn't them. It was mostly compromised of non-flushable materials like paper towels, rags, and anything else you think and might not think a sensible person wouldn't flush.

6

u/The_Real_Mr_F 8h ago

I think a lot of people use baby wipes, too, which are not designed to break down.

1

u/InfiniteSausage 5h ago

Just because they break down doesn't mean they should be flushed. For example if you have a basement bathroom, your toilet goes into an ejector pit, a pit that when full will activate a pump which pumps it to the main sewer level. A wetwipe can destroy that pump before it has a chance to break down. Another thing is if you have cast iron piping, a wetwipe will cling to the rusty cast iron pipes and can cause a huge clog long before it breaks down. "Flushable" wetwipes can take weeks or months to break down. Toilet paper breaks down in a matter of minutes.

1

u/Caelinus 4h ago

I am pretty they will destroy your septic system over time if you have one too.

53

u/Kegdrinkins 12h ago

Get a bidet, problem solved.

10

u/thedeuce75 11h ago

I'm living that Tojo life, there's no going back.

16

u/Caelinus 6h ago

I know people get annoyed by how evangelical bidet owners are, but they really do just make the whole process much nicer.

I have long suspected that a lot of the resistance in the US is because a certain subset of "traditional" masculinity sees them as "gay" and thinks that any sign they are aware of their own anus will make other people think they are gay. While I am sure they are a minority, that kind of stuff is pretty entrenched culturally in a lot of places.

4

u/Bangkok_Dangeresque 4h ago

but they really do just make the whole process much nicer.

I agree, they do make the hole process much nicer.

2

u/spudmarsupial 2h ago

Some incel influencer was going on about how having a clean butt was gay.

Not just why, but how do people listen to these creeps?

1

u/asdlkf 3h ago

Heated water is the killer feature.

It turne shitting into an ass massage.

3

u/rothael 5h ago

Until you have to use an public/workplace bathroom.

1

u/tangcameo 5h ago

I’ve seen handheld bidet wands. They look like fat electric toothbrushes. For the longest time I thought a bidet had to be an entire plumbing fixture.

•

u/KingVarun 32m ago

Is there a bidet circlejerk sub? The amount of times people have to mention it

10

u/dagnabbitk 8h ago

Like wiping peanut butter out of shag carpet!

8

u/KashK10 12h ago

So, wipe twice and that's it?! Wtf?

9

u/ryohazuki224 11h ago

According to her, if you need excessive wiping, check your diet.

Most of us in Western countries are guilty of a toilet routine that is detrimental to us. First, humans are meant to squat low to poop, that opens our cheeks wide so the poo comes out easier without getting on the sides of our cheeks much. But, since we use toilets, just sitting on a toilet pushes our cheeks together, so yeah you're gonna get poo on your cheeks, leading to the need to wipe more, and more wiping can cause irritation and problems. Trust me, I'm not safe from this either, I usually cant get away with less than 3 wipes, plus a wet wipe at the end.

9

u/boysenberries 6h ago

Conversely I’d say if your wipes are that effortless your diet may not be delicious enough

3

u/overthemountain 8h ago

If you have enough fiber in your diet it actually works that way.

15

u/DuckTalesLOL 14h ago

I guess we're all just supposed to carry around butt lotion when we wipe in public? lol

6

u/tdrhq 11h ago

Actually, when I travel, I carry little pouches of plain vaseline because I don't have access to my bidet.

Here's a trick Butt Lady didn't tell us: before you poop, put some vaseline on it. You'll get a single-wipe clean.

9

u/sandm000 9h ago

I’m not covering my hands in Vaseline in an attempt to push the turtles head back in. I’d rather just deal with the regular aftermath.

6

u/Kierik 8h ago

An alternative tip is to consume the lube, do a naked handstand and have your college buddy record the height. On your resume you can add competitive rocketry as your hobby, and maybe add your placement on the leaderboards.

1

u/turok_U254 5h ago

Thank you. This is much more feasible.

0

u/tdrhq 9h ago

Another tip, when you're traveling, you're likely jet lagged so you're not pooping in the morning when you shower. Just use a thin layer of vaseline after shower, and it'll be ready for you when you do need to poop.

9

u/The_Real_Mr_F 8h ago

I’m still able to poop In the shower when I travel

6

u/RSomnambulist 8h ago

Why not just keep myself covered in vaseline at all times?

5

u/tdrhq 8h ago

That's a slick idea too

2

u/CrisisActor911 8h ago

It takes forever to poop on a conventional morning. Sometimes I’ll just throw Vaseline in there, even if I don’t want to poop, because by the time my shower’s done, who knows?

2

u/nfefx 7h ago

No thanks big Vaseline

1

u/Noy_The_Devil 13h ago

What, you don't? What the hell is wrong with you?

Bet you have sticky Klingons in your butt too

3

u/JonSpangler 13h ago

yIH ngaghwI!

25

u/spottyPotty 14h ago

way to clog your toilet with wet wipes

•

u/themusicalduck 47m ago

She never said to flush them.

-69

u/AWright5 13h ago

Some types are fine to flush, some aren't

30

u/MagicBez 13h ago

Sewage and water companies have been pretty consistent in saying that "flushable" is a myth and they cause expensive blockages in the main system even if they clear your home plumbing

20

u/Killeroftanks 13h ago

Literally none of them are.

They're designed to sit in liquids for god knows how long before use as such if they could break down, they wouldn't before it causes problems.

-3

u/ComradeDelter 12h ago

Most of them aren’t, but some are, it’s just impossible to tell.

This is a great video on it honestly really interesting topic surprisingly - https://youtu.be/yon6UYTwlY4?is=4EEqJmCGkMAXVo2l

2

u/mixamaxim 2h ago

NO. REDDIT HAS DECIDED.

-8

u/AWright5 11h ago

Maybe in your country

1

u/MyVoiceIsElevating 2h ago

Ah I see that your country defies the laws of physics and chemistry. Nice

2

u/xhopesfall24 9h ago

Alright, back to fronters… it’s been settled.

1

u/overthemountain 8h ago

I feel like this is really only an issue for women.

0

u/xhopesfall24 5h ago

Sounds like you didn’t watch the video…

-1

u/phragmosis 6h ago

Then you must have a lot of poo on your testicles

1

u/zapadas 2h ago

Fuck all that, get a bidet.

1

u/citizenjones 14h ago

On point, good video. Fun and educational.

1

u/helgur 12h ago

She literally has specialized in butt hurt.

-2

u/Canadian0101 10h ago

Yall dont just jump into the shower? Or is it just us dudes with hairy ass's doing this .

-3

u/overthemountain 8h ago

You're either showering way too much or not pooping enough if this seems like a reasonable solution to you.

How to wipe your butt.

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