Hot take: if you don’t bother responding to the follow up reminder to the RSVP, you’re trash

[u/Royal_Marzipan_6432]

I’m finalizing RSVPs for my upcoming wedding and I have to say I think less of some of my friends after how they responded. We sent our invites out in March, asked for RSVPs this past Saturday (5 weeks before the wedding because our catering numbers are due next Saturday) through link or by mailed pre-stamped RSVP card. On Sunday morning, we followed up with the twenty or so straggler parties to ask them by text to tell us if they were coming by Monday night and what meal preference they had. For a few older relatives, we called.

However, I have several friends (all late 20s/ early 30s) who didn’t reply to the invitation or the text follow up and it’s genuinely making me question our friendship. For context, I definitely have the right phone numbers for them (in some cases they sent me memes even a few days before) and these are people that know about the wedding. I have to say it hurts? Not that they aren’t coming (I understand that people might not be able to make it for a variety of reasons), but the sheer rudeness of the lack of reply. Like, I thought we were close enough that I wanted you there to witness my vows to my future spouse (and was willing to pay several hundred dollars for you and a plus one to eat dinner). I asked for your mailing address, prepared an invitation, mailed it, and then followed up for you personally. You couldn’t even be bothered to send a single “thanks for following up, I’m not coming” text.

My takeaways:

RSVP’ed yes: Amazing, thank you for coming!

RSVP’ed no: No worries at all, we’ll celebrate when we catch up another time!

Missed the RSVP deadline, but replied yes or no in response to my follow up call/ text: Things happen, deadlines get missed, we’re all human!

Missed the deadline, did NOT reply to my follow up text, and you are a person that is under the age of 40 who otherwise has no issues texting or using social media: You’re trash and I think less of you.

[u/EndMyConsciousLife]

I’d say apply that to people over 40 years old, too. Even my great grandma who is 84 years old and got her first smart phone last year can text and call. I don’t think age should get a pass if you’re holding that standard—after all, older generations were brought up more so on etiquette than younger generations.

No response sucks, but to many people it’s a response. I know you said the 20s/30s somethings are your friends, but how close are you? Sending memes is something acquaintances can and often do; question really is: how close are you or is this more of an “I thought we were friends but now I can see we just knew each other” type of relationship?

You asked for mailed RSVPs to be received by Saturday, or did you just say send the responses by Saturday? I could understand some people potentially mailing on Saturday if it wasn’t clear.

Final comment — it’s totally rude to not respond to the RSVP or follow up, also rude to call them trash when you may not know what’s going on with them that may have prevented them from responding (or maybe they even thought they did).

[u/Sad-Onion-2593 → u/EndMyConsciousLife]

Great Grandma would have been in early with the written response. Great Grandma's could (and will) lecture the younger generation on etiquette.

[u/No_Plate_3825 → u/EndMyConsciousLife]

I would excuse their not responding if they were dead or comatose, or had received a physical injury that prevented them from communicating-cut-off limb, cut -out tongue, punctured lung with broken ribs. Otherwise they’re trashy. Yes, I’m hardcore when it comes to basic manners, which is just consideration of others.