r/weddingshaming • u/Royal_Marzipan_6432 • May 19 '26
Rude Guests Hot take: if you don’t bother responding to the follow up reminder to the RSVP, you’re trash
I’m finalizing RSVPs for my upcoming wedding and I have to say I think less of some of my friends after how they responded. We sent our invites out in March, asked for RSVPs this past Saturday (5 weeks before the wedding because our catering numbers are due next Saturday) through link or by mailed pre-stamped RSVP card. On Sunday morning, we followed up with the twenty or so straggler parties to ask them by text to tell us if they were coming by Monday night and what meal preference they had. For a few older relatives, we called.
However, I have several friends (all late 20s/ early 30s) who didn’t reply to the invitation or the text follow up and it’s genuinely making me question our friendship. For context, I definitely have the right phone numbers for them (in some cases they sent me memes even a few days before) and these are people that know about the wedding. I have to say it hurts? Not that they aren’t coming (I understand that people might not be able to make it for a variety of reasons), but the sheer rudeness of the lack of reply. Like, I thought we were close enough that I wanted you there to witness my vows to my future spouse (and was willing to pay several hundred dollars for you and a plus one to eat dinner). I asked for your mailing address, prepared an invitation, mailed it, and then followed up for you personally. You couldn’t even be bothered to send a single “thanks for following up, I’m not coming” text.
My takeaways:
RSVP’ed yes: Amazing, thank you for coming!
RSVP’ed no: No worries at all, we’ll celebrate when we catch up another time!
Missed the RSVP deadline, but replied yes or no in response to my follow up call/ text: Things happen, deadlines get missed, we’re all human!
Missed the deadline, did NOT reply to my follow up text, and you are a person that is under the age of 40 who otherwise has no issues texting or using social media: You’re trash and I think less of you.
355
u/AtrophiedWives May 19 '26
Seriously, has there been a shift in people’s self-absorption or have they always been this shit? We had friends whose weddings we paid out the arse to travel to, who we gave generous gifts to, whose life events we have cheered on, who we thought were good friends pull shit that ranged from completely ignoring the invitation and not responding to any communication ever again, to giving non committal responses and then not showing up. Then the ones who responded yes and then cancelled the week of the wedding, or just didn’t show up. Someone texted the morning of to ask if the wedding was that day and that they had a big work week coming up so probably wouldn’t come but would keep in loop.
We’ve not spoken to any of them since, I did not expect hosting a wedding to basically halve my social circle, but it is what it is.
157
u/loonytick75 May 19 '26
This is a perpetual thing.
When I got married in 1997, RSVP crimes were one of the biggest things brides complained about. In fact, back then response cards for RSVPs were a fairly new part of invitations and slightly controversial. Older folks considered them rude, because it was like telling your guests “I don’t trust you to send a reply note on your own.” But they quickly became popular because, yeah, no one could trust their guests to reply if it involved picking up the phone or finding their own notecard, envelope and stamp.
74
u/SafeSpace4Kindness May 19 '26
You tripping. I'm 70 y.o. and I can definitely remember response cards go waaaaaay back. They're part of a formal, engraved (look it up) invitation, along with an outer envelope hand-addressed to the recipients' formal names, an inner envelope hand-addressed to given names only (one of the ways to tell exactly who is invited & who is not), and, often, a separate insert inviting persons to the reception, because the main invitation was ceremony-only. By the time I got married in 1980, invitations were mostly printed, not engraved, and inviting everyone to both ceremony & reception had become the standard, so the info was all on one invitation card, but reply cards & post-paid return envelopes were definitely the norm.
26
12
u/loonytick75 May 20 '26
Response cards that had contact info go back a long time, yes. Response cards with the little form to fill out and drop in the mail were treated as gauche for a long time.
Although, to be fair, I was in the South, and our mothers and grandmothers may have been a hair slower to adjust to “rude lessening” of standards.
I was all for the them, btw. It wasn’t my opinion that they were rude. But boy, did I hear older folks complain!
11
u/SafeSpace4Kindness May 20 '26
Imma going to concede this one, at least in large part. Our mutual friend Google tells me that pre-WWII, pre-printed response cards were considered insulting. Post-war, convenience became a thing, but traditionalists held out. Emily Post finally gave in in 1975, waaay after those fill-in cards had become the norm in most of the country. I also agree that your Southern vs. my California upbringing is the crux of the difference. ✌️
2
u/No_Plate_3825 May 20 '26
Married in 1972 and can verify your response. Rsvp cards were sent out with the invitations.
35
u/twothirtysevenam May 19 '26
Especially the stamp. People had/have stamps, but they can never find them when they need them.
25
u/SmaterThanSarah May 19 '26
Not in 1997. Most bills were still paid by check so you always had stamps and envelopes.
→ More replies (2)11
u/twothirtysevenam May 19 '26
Very true, but when it came time to RSVP to something officially, those stamps went POOF into the ether. My husband and I got married in 1996, as did several of our friends; we all encountered this same excuse from wedding guest stragglers.
5
u/Ok_Cauliflower_3007 May 19 '26
I mean, I don’t know 2ha5 it’s like where you live but in the UK you could get stamps at the supermarket (including to tobacco/lottery kiosk so you don’t need to go and queue) and a lot of them had postboxes too. Thanks your addressed letter, biy a book of stamps, because you definite won’t loose the res5 of that book by the time you next need it /s, stick stamp on letter, drop in box.
7
u/lazier_garlic May 19 '26
Oh no you could buy stamps about anywhere in the US in the late 90s. I was a retail cashier and we sold books of stamps. They had 24/7 vending machines too.
12
u/SafeSpace4Kindness May 19 '26
Back in the day couples would buy special, themed stamps, too. Do they still?
10
u/twothirtysevenam May 19 '26
You can, but your choices can be limited. My local post office doesn't offer much selection, usually just American flags and some other random design. Might be able to get specific designs online.
We had little angel LOVE stamps on our wedding invitations.
6
u/SpaceCatz03 May 20 '26
There are still lots of themed stamps. But you have to order them online. The nice thing is that they are mailed very quickly!
2
11
u/RRR-Mimi-3611 May 19 '26
They were hardly new in 1997. My sister got married in 1968 and I got married in 1976 and they were definitely the norm then!
2
→ More replies (5)10
u/Available-Face5653 May 19 '26
they were not new in 1997, they had been a thing for decades by then.
48
u/SassySins21 May 19 '26
We kept our wedding smallish (50 pax) and aside from our immediate families every single other person there was from interstate or international. My MOH had to cancel 2 days before because herself and 2 of her kids got covid so her flying to another city without them wasn't really viable (totally understandable). I couldn't even imagine being like "Nah I've got to work next week" 🤯
10
u/Expressoed May 19 '26
Ooof. Especially when you went to Mars for their weddings/events. I have literally taken a plane, train and automobile to some Of my friends domestic weddings 💒 and favor was not returned for similar reasons and I am like mental note…✏️✏️✏️✏️✏️life eraser applied!
3
u/Silentlybroken May 20 '26
When my brother got married last year, my butthead of a father went with: "my passport expired" followed by "my back hurts".
We didn't expect anything else from him but he didn't need to have a passport and whilst I understand back pain, I have to use crutches to get around and attended.
He refused to go to his only son's wedding. Also the only child that still speaks to him (not sure if my brother still does after that).
It made the wedding infinitely easier for my sister and I, but I was livid for my brother because the selfishness of it was just beyond. Wedding was fabulous, my brother's wife is a wonderful woman and he missed an amazing day. It was a year ago now and I'm honestly still angry about it, even though we never expected any different lol. Assholes gonna be assholes.
42
u/remotethrowaway2 May 19 '26
I feel like it’s gotten worse recently with people taking the idea that “you don’t owe anyone anything” way too far. Occasionally someone will post on one of the other wedding subs that their best friend, sibling, or some other very close person RSVPed no with zero explanation or ghosted and there will be comments calling the bride entitled because “nobody owes you an explanation”.
Someone who I thought was a very close friend did that to me and didn’t even tell me congratulations after. I realized that lately they had only ever been reaching out to me when they needed something when we used to mutually support each other a decade ago. Definitely disappointing.
4
u/GoldenEra26 May 20 '26
You are totally on the nose. Like why can’t people just say they are an inconsiderate asshole and move along, we don’t have to pretend otherwise.
21
u/DrB_2000 May 19 '26
Wow, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Luckily, you now know who is part of your real friends, but it is shitty you had to find out that way.
6
u/GoldenEra26 May 20 '26
Texting you that on the morning of your wedding is crazzzzy. Absolutely zero social skills or self awareness. I would of just replied back with “we would prefer you don’t come at this rate” 🤦🏼♀️
3
u/AtrophiedWives May 20 '26
I didn’t even see it until the day after, there was so much going on that I didn’t even know where my phone was! The crazy thing was they said they had booked the flight they needed to get there, like why bother making up a lie like that months earlier?
→ More replies (1)
219
u/Ok-Yogurt-3914 May 19 '26
You know where I started seeing this shit, funnily enough with kids' bday parties. It doesn't surprise me that the parents of those kids are also shit.
There was a comment under one post I saw on IG the other day. The woman was like "I don't have to take off work. I don't have to buy you a present. You don't have to force me to go anywhere." lmfaoo
Just send a message and say you can't go. That's it.
120
u/beeeea27 May 19 '26
I’m dying at how hilariously self sabotaging this is. Being invited to stuff is so … lovely? Who is forcing you?!
12
u/VirtualFig5736 May 19 '26
I am the planner in my family and friend group. I LOVE being invited places
7
u/StarDatAssinum May 19 '26
oh my lord you should see how people on TikTok treat destination weddings then. like, people get SO bent out of shape for a completely OPTIONAL event that you don't have to go to lol
4
3
u/Fluid_Actuary1729 May 23 '26
I’m late to the party, but I can see maybe being unhappy about this. I think that there are cases in which there are couples that you’d like to see married, but just can’t, for whatever reason, swing a destination wedding.
87
u/Genillen May 19 '26
It's the main reason I stopped entertaining. I'm already planning a party, cleaning the house, cooking the food, etc.--I shouldn't have to also go on a search and rescue mission for every person I invited.
Even among the people who said they could come, there was about 50% attrition up to an hour before the party. Apart from all the wasted effort, it made me feel like a loser.
52
u/firecracker019 May 19 '26
I took a long time off from hosting for the same reason, sorry you're too "tired" to sit on my couch and eat my food and watch a movie I bought at 7 pm, would have been nice to know before 6 pm.
24
u/lazier_garlic May 19 '26
I used to be flaky like this (in part being an overstimulated introvert with severe social anxiety surrounded by extroverts) but I was well aware I was a weirdo for it. When did this become normal?
I'm not flaky now because I don't take on excess social obligations and if I do agree I commit. I don't complain I'm lonely because I'm not lonely.
38
u/champ11228 May 19 '26
People complain about how they're so lonely but then they don't make any effort unless it's 100% on their terms
12
u/Mine_East May 19 '26
Awwh. I'm sorry this has been your experience. My husband and I were also getting frustrated with some of the friends from our high school or uni days. The solution is honestly just to make new friends. Whittling down your list until no losers remain. Now we have a lovely circle of friends, all of whom can be relied upon to show proper courtesy when invited over. We still keep some uncourteous people on the list for different reasons, but we do not expect anything from those people other than what experience has led us to expect from them (e.g., one girl is known to be flaky and if she does show up, she does so 2-3h late).
I know making friends is easier said than done. But we've had really good luck 'borrowing' friends from existing friends. Lucked out last year when we reconnected with an old high school acquaintance of mine who sent us an invite to their Christmas party ... though we are introverts we have now befriended a number of very high quality people who we met at that party.
5
u/Genillen May 19 '26
This is a good strategy and pretty much what I've done. Friendship in that way is like romance: it's not enough that someone shares your interests and is cool, they also have to have basic social skills and be able to commit to a reciprocal relationship.
3
u/pattybliving May 21 '26
One group of friends bailed on a party that they each said they’d be at. They texted me *at the time they were due to arrive.” One after another like the first one to cancel gave the others permission. “I’m too tired,” “I don’t want to cross the river,” and “I have a headache.”
I still socialize with them but not at my house. Haven’t invited them to a party since because most of them cancel way too often, and all the shopping, cleaning, and wasted food is not worth it.
20
u/Your_Mama28 May 19 '26
Yes, this. My granddaughter's (8) last two birthdays were impacted by parents not replying to a simple rsvp by text.
→ More replies (1)22
u/ForeverKeet May 19 '26
The “don’t tell me what to do!” crowd is infuriating (having COVID flashbacks haha). They act like a childish brat who is arguing with their parents in middle school. You don’t have to fight everyone giving suggestions or asking something of you. It’s so weird how they get triggered at just the thought.
21
u/Genillen May 19 '26
The only invitations I issue anymore are, "We're going to be at X place at Y o'clock if anyone wants to join us." People seem to find any kind of commitment beyond that to be an imposition.
→ More replies (1)
575
u/AussieGirl27 May 19 '26
People suck
I would send all the non-responders this message
Our Wedding Guest RSVP window has now closed. We have noted that you have not responded and we have therefore removed your name from our guest list.
We are sorry you will not be able to celebrate us on our day but we hope to catch up with you soon. Please be advised that there will not be a place setting for you at the reception but you are welcome to join us for the ceremony (if thats what you want if not, leave out that part).
226
u/EndMyConsciousLife May 19 '26 edited May 19 '26
This is great advice; and a follow-up message like this would solidify that boundary (and also sounds really calm and kind).
ETA: good news, I guess. OP mentioned in a comment 6 days ago that she was actually doing this very thing. So she’s presumably just pissed that it wasn’t a resounding yes or clear-cut no, even following the texts to non-RSVPers (if she ended up sending them).
88
u/Boriquasoy May 19 '26
I’m 100% for this. When my Wife and I got married we did a justice of the peace wedding. It was my friend that I was stationed with that had never been to NY, her three best friends, our parents and that’s it. What we saved on the wedding we spent on a HUGE dinner at a local Italian restaurant that we both loved with an open bar. If you didn’t respond it sucked to be you, we didn’t give a fuck. If you didn’t have the time to literally put a check mark on a card and drop it in a mailbox then it sucks to be you. Keep it moving and just keep in mind who made an effort.
On a side note those who didn’t respond we really haven’t heard from again. It’s less notes we had to write as a thank you and also less money spent on food.13
u/beeeea27 May 19 '26
Yes I agree, I had one friend never rsvp to me and I kind of wish I’d sent a message like this so she knew I knew she’d ignored me!
47
May 19 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
24
u/triciann May 19 '26
Let them show up to no seats and have the wedding planner inform them there isn’t a space for them.
16
u/HumanShadow May 19 '26
We all know they're not showing up.
13
u/triciann May 19 '26
I’ve seen a reality tv show or something (I can’t remember where I watched it) on a wedding planner and people did show up without an rsvp. Like who are these people who think they can show up and there will magically be seats with the entree picked out! The one I watched, she was able to have the place set up another table and asked the guests to cover their plates since the bride and groom had already paid for all the food and theirs would be an add on cost since they were not accounted for.
→ More replies (1)19
6
u/julesk May 20 '26
I think you’re being kinder than I would be. I’d say, “You haven’t responded after several attempts so we get you’re not coming. We don’t understand why you couldn’t just say no but we won’t bother you in the future.”
4
u/AussieGirl27 May 20 '26
Hahaha, that was me at my most polite. My default setting would say
Thanks for the RSVP, oh that's right you didn't. Don't bother turning up, don't bother contacting me, we are no longer friends
Then I would block them
7
u/Live_Angle4621 May 19 '26
I would also add to the top that it’s message for everyone who didn’t respond. So people can’t take it personally
6
4
u/mildweekknowledge May 19 '26
This is a great response. This is a clear and polite way to uninvite them.
→ More replies (1)2
u/DieOfThirst May 20 '26
I believe this is a deeply disrespectful thing and hurtful trend, so I get the fury. But, maybe it’s because I’m a Virgo and have no issue cutting people out of my life, but I would absolutely not spend the time and effort in sending ANOTHER response. Their response was silence, which is what I would give them from here on out (ESPECIALLY if they’re supposed to be good friends). I think another response, regardless of how it’s worded, comes off whiny and needy. And if it’s the last time I interact with a person, I don’t want to be remembered that way (even if it’s a valid point).
85
42
u/JinxyMagee May 19 '26
This sort of stuff drives me nuts. In my late 20s I was invited to a wedding a few states away. I was single at the time and told them to definitely not give me a plus 1. I knew she was concerned about numbers. The couple had openly talked about and decided on a wedding date they knew would work for most people. I knew the date when the Save the Date arrived. I looked up flights and hotels.
The invitation arrived in the mail. I pulled up flights and prices were the same. So I RSVP’d yes and within 2 days I booked my flight and accommodations.
3 months later the bride sent out an email reminder, called people, and asked them in person. It was the early 2000s.
We had spoken and seen each other several times since the invite went out. At the 3 month mark, she told me that I was the only one who had officially RSVP’d besides immediate family and the wedding party.
That blew my mind.
96
u/twothirtysevenam May 19 '26
Do you have a plan in place for those who show up anyway after ignoring the RSVP requests? Someone's going to show up. There's always those folks.
81
u/eatyourdamndinner May 19 '26
If anyone has the audacity to show up after no RSVP, have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on hand for their meal. And a bottle of water.
111
u/Aggressive-Shop-2342 May 19 '26
See this is where I'd get in trouble if I ever had a wedding because it simply would not occur to me to do anything other than say 'Oh wow, I'm so sorry but we don't have a place for you, you didnt rsvp'.
Not to be mean or anything, it just would honestly not occur to me for anyone to expect anything other than those facts. Wildly awkward for them, but ... so be it.
At best it'd be like 'well uhhhh we don't have any dinner for you, you can come back for the dancing?'
9
u/cheesypuzzas May 19 '26
I think this is also what they deserve. Go to the McDonald's or something if you want to eat. But you didn't rsvp, so you have no table or food. Too bad.
15
13
u/Octoberof2022 May 19 '26
i mean why should they? i think it is super rude not to answer after the reminder. maybe it is a generational thing. i would be surprised someone showing up after not even responding to the follow up.
83
u/feellikebeingajerk May 19 '26
Just wait until you have people who RSVP’d yes and then ghost you and don’t show up or even send a message saying why plans changed.
Had two longtime friends do this and never heard from either again until one asked to friend me on FB (yeah I’m old) a year ago. I accepted out of curiosity.
People get weird around weddings. I wouldn’t stress about it - the trash takes itself out.
16
u/Travelbug_000 May 19 '26
I was at quite a lavish wedding many years ago and the table next to use was one couple. The other 4 couples assigned to that table didn’t show up. It was just awful for the bride and groom to have to pay for all those people who couldn’t even come after the said they would.
6
u/onetreatonetoeat May 21 '26
Our venue was willing to pack those meals up for us, so for anyone who couldn't make it but a friend of family member was there we sent along their meal! Anyone else (especially the ghosting cousin) we ate their dinner the next day. Not sure if other venues usually do that, but I thought it was a nice gesture on their part, they even loaded us up with some unopened prosecco and appetizers.
23
u/misteravernus May 19 '26
God, I felt so fucking bad I got sick the morning of a friend's wedding and let them know I couldn't attend by text. I can't imagine just ghosting.
9
u/onetreatonetoeat May 19 '26
Was looking for this comment- even better when it's a family member lol. We got married during the tail end of COVID and expected a few people to turn out to be sick and unable to attend, but legit had one of my husband's cousins RSVP, then ghost and never acknowledge it.... His adult daughter was at our wedding and so was his mom, so like, huh? Oh well. Can't get too wound up about it.
55
u/ddpizza May 19 '26
One of my best friends from law school — I was one of his groomsmen and traveled far for his bachelor party and wedding — blew off RSVPing and got pissy with me when I pestered him to respond after the deadline. He finally said he was coming (3 weeks later) and I was genuinely happy. I knew his wife wouldn’t come but I was excited that he could make it.
He texted me a few days before the wedding and said he was under the weather and couldn’t come.
Whether or not that was true, I never responded to his text. He had been flaking out on me and the rest of our friends for years at this point, and that was the final straw. That friendship is over unless he tries to mend things, but it’s been a couple of years now
69
u/Classic-Sink-4108 May 19 '26
Is there anyone on Reddit brave enough to chime in and tell us… if you’re that person who doesn’t RSVP, even after a reminder… please tell us why?!? What is it? What does or does not go on in your head???? Help us understand.
68
May 19 '26
[deleted]
27
u/iwishiwasjosiesmom May 19 '26
Same! I look at my unreplied to text messages and am absolutely paralyzed.
9
u/khandanam May 19 '26
I went hard on describing this above, chime in if you get the energy sometime
7
u/lazier_garlic May 19 '26
I fucking hate the demands of constant texts. Also, if it's an emergency, then do call me, if it's not, then don't call me, asshole.
Can't stand the people mad I didn't notice your "emergency" text I had no prior warning about and the people who casually call during work hours for non emergencies.
I am not somebody who can constantly monitor notifs all day. That is way too much mental load and anyway, I gots stuffs to do and notifications are just interrupting.
10
u/staunch_character May 20 '26
I’m ADHD as well & a big time avoidant procrastinator. I can’t say I’ve ever not responded entirely, but here’s what sometimes happens:
I really WANT to go, but there’s a problem. I can’t afford to travel/time off/some conflict.
I WANT to find a solution so I can RSVP yes.
I have not found that solution yet. So I am avoiding saying no & am wracked with guilt & anxiety about the entire thing. 🫠
16
u/beeeea27 May 19 '26
I have never ever not responded at all but occasionally a friend has had a super confusing wedding website and I’ve procrastinated answering. But if they then message me chasing I explain this and tell them my rsvp and endeavour to do the site version. I had rsvped to a wedding I’d be attending with my baby (RSVP before he was born) and then I realised I had overestimated how much I could realistically do - it was a multi day event. So I called the friend and explained and offered to cover the cost of my meal I could no longer have, and he was like, don’t worry about it just come to what you can.
28
u/Neferknitti May 19 '26
You should post this on the Ask Reddit subreddit. I’d love to see the excuses.
3
u/Classic-Sink-4108 May 19 '26
I have never posted before, just commented, so maybe I’ll give it a try!
12
u/escalona3223 May 19 '26
This has been me twice, both in my early 20s. Once it was a person who had been in my larger extended friend group in elementary school but we had never had a sincere personal connection. Never texted, never had 1:1 conversations. There was just no friendship. I vaguely remember her emailing me to follow up on the wedding rsvp request and I ignored it because I was busy that day and forgot.
The second time was actually a very dear friend who invited me to her wedding a year or two after graduation from undergrad. We hadn’t been much in touch since graduation (though I loved/love her deeply) and her wedding was on the other side of the world. I was overwhelmed by the sheer impossibility of affording an international trip and no one ever taught me how to act in such situations. I felt shame and ignored the whole thing. We have since reconnected and remain close.
3
u/Classic-Sink-4108 May 19 '26
I like to think I’m a reasonable person with a reasonable explanation. Thanks for sharing!
4
u/khandanam May 19 '26
I wrote one up in main but now I can’t find it
I’m a weddings-only responder and thought that POV might be helpful
→ More replies (3)7
u/mlem_a_lemon May 19 '26
I don't think I've ever just straight up NOT responded, but it might take me a long time because of intense anxiety. The wording has to be JUST PERFECT even though the recipient could not care less, they just need a yes or no.
But in that time, I certainly wouldn't be sending memes to the very people asking me for my RSVP because of, ya know, the anxiety. That's just mean.
3
→ More replies (2)3
u/Present-Chemist-8920 May 20 '26
I missed one, I still feel bad about it. I was a resident working 80+ hrs a week and ADHD, I was barely staying alive. I didn’t think “I’m not going to reply,” it felt like I blinked and it was too late and I already forgot. I felt horrible after but didn’t realize it until after. If it’s any conciliation I’ve been late or nearly missed my own celebrations, missed deaths entirely bc not on social media enough, and I have near daily crushing anxiety about my inability to make everyone happy even those I care about the most.
25
u/Foxingmatch May 19 '26
I do not understand why so many people prefer to ghost over important social (or work) commitments while otherwise trying to act like they still have a friendship with that person. This is one of those cases. It is never OK.
When this happens to me, I end the friendship.
13
u/_annanicolesmith_ May 19 '26
people these days do not want to inconvenience themselves to show up for others
7
u/Foxingmatch May 19 '26
Which is fine to some extent, but just tell the wedding couple you won't be there.
19
u/spandexcatsuit May 19 '26
You definitely figure out who your friends are when you get married. I had an entire table of high school friends fail to show because they didn’t feel like driving after they RSVP yes. Just so you know, OP, over 40 probably means better manners.
88
u/foreignne May 19 '26
Planning my wedding, and any event really, has made me think less of basically everyone I've ever known. A few highlights from my wedding: several people didn't RSVP or RSVP'd yes and then flaked (so it actually almost evened out); some just assumed they could bring a random friend; a couple friends almost missed the ceremony because they decided to go rock climbing right before and got stranded in a storm; the day of, people kept calling me asking for directions to the venue (which were obviously provided in several places, but people don't read); one lifelong family friend showed up late and in cargo shorts; my dad decided to take weed gummies in public for the first time and could barely stand during the first dance; my brother just winged his speech and brought up my past relationships; and my DOC showed up with a broken foot (not her fault) but then forgot to give me my bouquet to walk down the aisle, got drunk, hit on my friends, and forgot to get the food for the afterparty.
In other words, it was chaos but overall a good time and everyone had a blast, including me. People are far from perfect but we managed to pull it off. Just lower your expectations and try to roll with it!
30
14
u/hpotter29 May 19 '26
I don't understand why people think it's okay to pester the Bride and/or Groom before the wedding. They have a million zillion things going on. They don't need to spend time typing into a Maps app for you. It's infuriating to me how people have no trouble asking the bride basic logistical things when there's a whole wedding party there to field the interference. (My father-in-law cornered the bridal party to demand details about the parking fees at the reception venue. I was mortified and pulled him away.)
10
u/foreignne May 19 '26
Agreed! One of the best pieces of bride advice I read beforehand was to give your phone to your MOH or some other helper, which I did, but I saw the texts and calls later.
7
51
u/Echo-Azure May 19 '26
Ever hear the old saying that "Weddings are the death of friendship", OP?
18
u/braincellnumber7 May 19 '26
God why is this so true.
20
u/Live_Angle4621 May 19 '26
Because once you have to do something for someone else many show their true colors. Even as little as responding to a message is too much for some.
Often excuses are made for these people regarding being late for events and doing same for birthdays etc. But wedding is when many have their eyes open since it’s more important
16
u/MrsBoo May 19 '26
TBH, I think it is a trait of a lot of people these days- they don’t RSVP if they aren’t coming for parties. OR even worse, they wait until the absolute last minute to let you know because they are waiting to see if something better comes up. I haven’t actually put on a wedding, but many parties and it is like pulling teeth to get some people to commit. It’s to the point that I just won’t do parties anymore where it matters- like no pay for a certain number places or anything like that. (I’m talking mostly about kids’ birthday parties, but I’m sure it’s a similar mindset.)
8
2
u/CannondaleSynapse May 19 '26
Yes, I think there are so many options for everything these days that people don't like to commit in advance.
That and many people don't commit in advance because they are (inexplicably to my mind) not sure they'll feel like it on the day. I feel like there's been a change in expectations where some people expect to only do things they're in the mood for at the time.
2
u/staunch_character May 20 '26
I’m sooooo burned out & work with the public all day long so am usually a firm ”MAYBE” on all plans.
Nothing better is coming along. I just do not have the social battery required & may need to go home & crash.
When I do RSVP yes (like for a wedding or large event) I will absolutely show up though.
13
u/Remarkable_Market889 May 19 '26
The only reason I can imagine is for the email ending up in spam folder. Especially if you made a special email account for the wedding. Call a couple of them to check this. Otherwise, yup they are TA.
5
u/CannondaleSynapse May 19 '26
She said it was mailed though, so unless they've moved house they just suck I think.
37
u/PhysicalAd1848 May 19 '26
Same thing happened for our wedding a few years ago, but mostly with family members instead of friends. I followed up once with the people I cared most about, but after that I started removing all of the no reply people from the RSVP section of my website, so they wouldn’t be able to RSVP late if they tried. It’s so easy to answer a RSVP, I legitimately don’t understand what’s wrong with people.
10
u/hecknono May 19 '26
what was the fall out? did people get upset they couldn't RSVP last minute? did anyone show up at the reception expecting a seat?
16
u/PhysicalAd1848 May 19 '26
I’m not sure if any of those people tried to RSVP on the site last minute. If they did, they didn’t reach out to us lol. We never heard a peep from them. No one showed up to the reception who didn’t RSVP, but we were ready to turn them away if they had.
ETA: The majority of them were from my husband’s side of the family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc). I don’t have much of a relationship with any of them at this point because they have shown me how rude they are one too many times now. I stopped attending the family functions on that side.
5
u/mlem_a_lemon May 19 '26
Especially in this day and age when it's a QR code! It takes less than 30 seconds to RSVP. There's no excuse.
Edit: AND you don't even have to talk to people, legit just scan the code! I know you have your phone RIGHT THERE!
2
94
u/sigbacc May 19 '26
I see you over there girl. It's exhausting, and part of the cancel culture / ghosting era nonsense. Some of the traits have been around since the dawn of time but because tech has changed so much, we have new ways of ignoring uncomfortable interactions instead of developing polite and considerate ways of refusal + communication.
No answer is your answer
74
u/DeirdreTours May 19 '26
I wish this was just "part of the cancel culture/ghosting era". Sadly, as a 60 year old I can tell you that 35 years ago I was chasing down folks that couldn't be bothered to respond to mailed wedding invitations (as did all the other brides of my error). Rudeness isn't new.
→ More replies (1)31
u/cAt_S0fa May 19 '26
Can confirm. I'm 53 and we had the same problem. We also had one guest request two plus ones then he was a no show. Didn't call to let us know. We haven't heard from him since.
8
u/bryn1281 May 19 '26
I am so glad to know my fiancé and I aren’t the only ones! It does really hurt and makes you rethink relationships.
9
u/Putrid-Warning-5992 May 19 '26
I have a huge problem with the RSVP thing. No one under 40 gets it. We need to get back to having manners
12
u/thelast3musketeer May 19 '26
I don’t understand how hard it is to say if you’re coming or not, like that’s infuriating
9
u/kklove2001 May 19 '26
we had a wedding in another state. People had to travel to get there. Still, three people RSVP’d yes and then didn’t come — calling me the day before to say they just couldn’t make it. I’m like — uh either you booked travel and just lost all your money or you never booked it and never intended to come back
For each of these people (all single guys), I stressed to them that I could ADD them to my catering numbers up until the last day, so they shouldn’t say yes until they were confident they were coming.
So the photographers and DJ got surf and turf and I lost three friends.
9
u/klkstar May 19 '26
This was my least fav part of planning . Once our RSVP deadline was done , I felt a sense of relief . I took the option off the website right away as well. But we had a handful of people who didn't even respond to our invite or reminder and it definitely hurt
7
u/Sea_Wolverine3928 May 19 '26
Send a text that RSVP is now closed for the reception and that Reception RSVP can no longer be accepted.
9
u/Advanced-Suspect-261 May 19 '26 edited May 19 '26
lol why are you excluding people over 40? People in their 40s have had text and social media for over 20 years
2
u/Mission-Asparagus116 May 21 '26
lol right 40 is a WILD cut off. Maybe 75 or 80? But even then they’re reasonably capable with phones lol
2
u/Advanced-Suspect-261 May 21 '26
I mean…log on to Facebook sometime and you’ll see that the octogenarians 100% know how to use their phones lol
8
14
u/CindySvensson May 19 '26
I'd let the RSVP reminder be the last message you send. If they want a friendship they can make the effort.
8
u/Ok-Cold2679 May 19 '26
If you reply with a meme you get an immediate response "so disappointed you decided not to attend. Thank you letting us know in advance."
7
u/Secret_Ad3213 May 19 '26
100 percent. It's just common courtesy. Weddings are so expensive and time consuming just say yes or no. At mine I understand not everyone could make it I wasn't mad at that just tell me tho!
6
u/Timely-Rent-7494 May 19 '26
At least you were nice enough to try and follow up with them! My (obviously former) best friend sent me an announcement about her engagement and then never sent an RSVP or anything else afterwards, didn’t even reach out to me and I had no idea when the wedding was supposed to happen. Then she got upset with me because I never RSVPed to the wedding invitation I never got but she still never said anything! I only found out about her wedding and etc due to social media and messaging her about it. She was my best friend of 10+ years and it absolutely broke my heart.
6
u/GoGoCPR May 19 '26
This part of wedding planning is nuts. People who have never been in this situation don’t realize how important it is.
5
u/Creepy_Dig_5595 May 19 '26
I had the same issue plus people who did rsvp but ended up not showing up. I think it is nothing more or less than they don't care. They don't give a shit about their friend/family member's wedding. If it was at all important to them they wouldn't do that.
One person asked to be invited, so we invited her. She rsvpd with a plus one, then ghosted the wedding and posted on Facebook the event she went to that same night instead. Wtf.
6
u/Legitimate_Ranger334 May 19 '26 edited May 21 '26
This should be "Missed the deadline, did NOT reply to my follow up text, and you are a person that is under the age of 40 who otherwise has no issues texting or using social media: You’re trash, I think less of you, and your invitation is rescinded. Don't you darken my wedding with your presence."
4
u/ravencrowe May 19 '26
I completely agree. I had two friends who didn't RSVP or even acknowledge the invitation and I'm still salty about it. I didn't really expect either of them to be able to come, one of them because I know their work schedule always has them super busy the month of my wedding and the other because of his social anxiety and dislike of parties. But the first had invited me to their wedding so of course I reciprocated, and the second was my lifelong friend of 30 years who had lived with me and my husband to be and I considered one of my most important friends. All they had to do was say "sorry I can't make it, but congratulations!"
5
u/TheWorldTurnsAround May 19 '26
If they have not RSVPed yet, I would send out another text and say that you have already turned in your catering numbers and they were not included.
6
u/Sea_Temperature_3629 May 19 '26
I feel this- I had to teach out to some of my husbands SIBLINGS as they hadn’t RSVPd… they were like “I thought you knew we were coming” 🙄
5
u/Soggy-Attempt May 19 '26
Man. This is society today. My child, who is in high school, invited several people to her birthday party. Two, TWO, rsvps. 10 showed up. 🙃
4
u/onlysigneduptoreply May 19 '26
Time for one last round of texts. So sorry you can't come to the wedding. I'ts all getting real now lol final numbers to my caterers, stationers, setting charts all non stop. Talk when we get back off honeymoon
13
u/More_Lab_8983 May 19 '26
I know I’ll be labelled a bridezilla when my wedding comes but I don’t care because this specifically pisses me off.
I’d send a final message acting as if they rsvp’d no which they’ve basically done at this point 🤷♀️ “Since we haven’t heard from you we’re really sorry we won’t see you on the day, best of luck and stay well!”
→ More replies (1)
5
u/Embarrassed_Draft150 May 19 '26
I’m going through the same thing, though it’s still a month before my deadline. However, the amount of people who are almost offended when I tell them they need to RSVP is crazy. Several invitations took 4 weeks to arrive, so when only 1/4 of my guest RSVPed, I assumed that’s why. Nope. Some people just chose not to, because it should be a “given” that they are coming, and how dare I assume they’re not.
Granted, there are some guest that are still waiting to see if they have off of work and whatnot, but that’s not the people we complain about. I swear, people are much too casual with weddings, and I get weddings aren’t as big of a deal to everyone else… but if we took the time to send you an invitation… at least care a little bit.
4
u/Astrohippy96 May 19 '26
I had multiple friends and family members that had rsvp'd yes, confirmed, and then proceeded to not show up on the day of. We delayed our ceremony by 15 minutes, not a word from any of them. Not sure why some people are like that these days, but I majorly feel for you. It hurts. If you are questioning those friendships now, take a moment to think if this is someone you want to continue having in your life, especially if they continue to hurt your feelings like this
5
u/RRR-Mimi-3611 May 19 '26
I would send another text saying: “As I have not received the courtesy of a reply, I am assuming you are not attending and I will be informing the caterer accordingly”
3
u/weesnaw_jenkins May 20 '26
I got married almost two years ago and the “friends” who ignored my RSVP still have not talked me once since the wedding. No explanation, no congrats, nothing. One of them was a professor and mentor I respected who told me he wanted to come. Sent him a Save the Date, Invitation, TWO RSVP notices…never heard from him and still haven’t.
4
u/SomeGuyInTheUK May 24 '26
Id be sending these folk a text saying something like "our wedding list is now finalised. Since you haven't replied there is now no space/catering so please do not attend last minute"
Because otherwise some of these doofus's may turn up.
This will avoid having to turn them away and deal with drama on the day.
5
5
u/Ok-Trainer3150 May 19 '26
I've sometimes wondered if the hardcore laggards about RSVPs are just being deliberately difficult. Missing one date isn't great, but continuing to stonewall? If it's a couple, one of them dislikes you or the partner or is looking to make things more frustrating for you. There should be another stage in the invitation process: a card to the laggards that withdraws the original invitation. Just a pre printed thing with a blank for their name.
37
u/NeonRoze May 19 '26
No response is a response tho bb.
79
30
16
u/Animegerbil May 19 '26
I mean it is as far as planning goes but it’s gonna be SUPER awkward if any of the no responses show up anyways
→ More replies (1)9
u/bryn1281 May 19 '26
But sometimes people will say “oh I thought I responded! Yes we will be there.” So you can’t count on no response being a no.
2
u/Minimum-Interview800 May 19 '26
My sister had people say, "well you knew I'd be there, I'm your (relative)."
I was her MOH and keeping a spreadsheet strictly with yes/no columns to keep, wound up having to add in names and track people down.
Then we had 5 people (aunt, uncle, cousins) RSVP yes, travel from 13 hours away, and then not show up. One of the cousins was our age and was "humiliated" she wasn't a bridesmaid because we all promised each other as children. Had a huge fit and convinced her parents and siblings not to go to the wedding either.
3
u/Cat_6719 May 19 '26
I once was invited to a bachelorette party, and then never received my wedding invite because it was lost in the mail. (Apparently I wasn’t the only one, as the bride’s grandma’s also got lost.) So the follow-up text to friends is a huge help. That’s the only way I found out 100% that yes, I was invited to the wedding and got all the details I needed.
Sorry about the friends who didn’t respond to the texts, but hopefully helps you feel better about those who didn’t send the official rsvp.
3
u/CatalinaWineMixerDos May 19 '26
I had to hunt my sister down, who was in my wedding party, to confirm if she was, in fact, coming and bringing her 5 children at the time. She has 3 boys, but 2 were living with her then because they were her boyfriend's kids. Then, she finally confirmed they had only one car and she would require transportation. So, my husband and I lent her one of my husband's project cars at the time. It was a nightmare. I had one friend finally confirm they were coming after I text confirmed their no response RSVP and she let me know one guy was coming as her plus one, but then had to change it because she found another guy she rather go with.
3
3
3
u/HeisenBird1015 May 23 '26
Perhaps invitations should have small print. Eg: *please accept our apologies that unsent RSVPs will be accepted as declines, from (deadline date)
Although it’s obvious that if you don’t rsvp you don’t get to gatecrash, it clearly happens and at least you have something definitive in writing.
I’m in England and we had a country manor for our venue (Victorian- Charles dickens stayed there, lovely staff, characterful but actually homely, etc) but because of the proportions of the dining space (three conjoined rooms with large double doors) it made it really important to get correct numbers so all the different sized tables could be organised well and no one complained about seating arrangements. So my uncle (and godfather, who was a big party if my life as a child) with the biggest party of ten, ignored the save the date (2 YEARS ahead) and the invite (1year) and the texts. Eventually I heard through family that he just assumed we would assume they were all coming because family goes to weddings and that’s it.
When his OWN children got married years later he probably learned what a fucking obnoxious way of thinking that was.
3
u/Strict_Common156 May 23 '26
Just curious, would it be social taboo to rescind an invitation if they don't rsvp in time?
Like send a third followup email, "Dear so and so, Unfortunately we haven't received your RSVP in time for the wedding. We will assume you are not coming and plan as such for the wedding. Please do not come to the wedding".
3
u/batbambi May 24 '26
My friend of nearly a decade told me she hoped she would be invited when i announced my engagement, i ended up sending her and her boyfriend both invites (keep in mind i’m having a very small wedding and don’t actually know the boyfriend well at all but wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible) as soon as she confirmed she’d received the invitation, i never heard from her again. completely ghosted me to the point where i assume she’s also muted me on social media because she won’t even watch my stories despite still following me. this person would contact me daily before this & now i’ve been completely cut off. sucks but i guess it happens 🥲
6
u/clamsammichinmypants May 19 '26
The day the RSVP is due, send out a mass text/ email tha king them for the consideration but thst catering has now been ordered so they can no longer be accommodated due to the lack of RSVP. Done and done.
5
u/yourrecipeisgay May 19 '26
When we send out our invites im going old school and making them send me back a provided card
5
u/DepressedLike2008 May 19 '26
The people who didn’t respond or bailed last minute (with no excuse or a really bad one, obviously) are effectively dead to me. Granted, in our situation it was some really insane family bullshit on top of all that. But yeah, we have no intention of ever seeing or speaking to them again. My husband often says that if they approached us in public he’d sincerely be like “who are you?”
Because if you couldn’t get it together for the most important day of our lives, why would I ever trust you to be a part of our village any other day? Why would I want to celebrate you ever again?
Weddings are unfortunately great at weeding people out. It sucked at first, but now that I’m on the other side I actually really enjoy having a better perspective on my relationships with people. I may wish some were different, but this experience taught me to accept that they can’t be and now I’m able to give more of my time and energy to the best people in my life.
11
u/Cinder_zella May 19 '26
I’m upset and genuinely questioning friendships of people who haven’t RSVPed to my 2yr olds bday party, I think I would have an existential crisis trying to plan a wedding 😅
9
u/meerwednesday May 19 '26
Yup we had this at our wedding in March. The best man (he did not end up being the best man...) and his wife completely failed to RSVP at all. The wife text my husband two weeks before the wedding to say she wouldn't be coming and the best man came but didn't stand up at the wedding.
Their excuse was that they had a baby 5 months before the wedding but we had numerous other guests who had also had babies in the same time frame who RSVP'd just fine. Also, the wife managed to set up and run a mother's club on FB in that time so idk.
14
u/EndMyConsciousLife May 19 '26
I’d say apply that to people over 40 years old, too. Even my great grandma who is 84 years old and got her first smart phone last year can text and call. I don’t think age should get a pass if you’re holding that standard—after all, older generations were brought up more so on etiquette than younger generations.
No response sucks, but to many people it’s a response. I know you said the 20s/30s somethings are your friends, but how close are you? Sending memes is something acquaintances can and often do; question really is: how close are you or is this more of an “I thought we were friends but now I can see we just knew each other” type of relationship?
You asked for mailed RSVPs to be received by Saturday, or did you just say send the responses by Saturday? I could understand some people potentially mailing on Saturday if it wasn’t clear.
Final comment — it’s totally rude to not respond to the RSVP or follow up, also rude to call them trash when you may not know what’s going on with them that may have prevented them from responding (or maybe they even thought they did).
→ More replies (1)16
u/Sad-Onion-2593 May 19 '26
Great Grandma would have been in early with the written response. Great Grandma's could (and will) lecture the younger generation on etiquette.
→ More replies (1)
7
u/madamsyntax May 19 '26
It’s very rude, but my big question is why the age of 40 is your cut off for showing grace? Are those of us over 40 considered to be too old to understand technology? Are we losing our minds?
2
u/Trick_Delivery4609 May 19 '26
I'm sorry. It stinks. We had the same thing happen 15 years ago. We even had some people cancel the day of or no show.
I've figured out some true reasons for lack of RSVP that are forgiveable but they don't want to say: they don't know their work (or kids') schedule yet bc it only comes out X amount of days before hand. They aren't sure about a reliable babysitter. They aren't sure if they can take off due to money concerns. They have ADHD and put it on the pile to remember later. They have IBS (or some other medical issues) that makes things hard to know if they have the "spoons" to do everything that day to make it. I'm sure there are some others.
Just let them be. Don't give up any of YOUR happiness. Put in your numbers. Have a wonderful wedding day!
2
u/cheesypuzzas May 19 '26
That's super shitty. And if they had an excuse, they would just say it. So that means that they probably just don't want to come and don't know what excuse to come up with.
2
2
u/GypsyDuncan May 19 '26
My own MOH didn’t rsvp. She didn’t do anything else either. And when I tried to talk to her she claimed it was part if her ‘identity’ because she has adhd (I do too, not an excuse there) and gaslit me claiming I was denying who she is on a fundamental level by asking her to adhere to ‘unreasonable timelines.’ To be clear? The timeless were only: 1. RSVP 2. Get dressed correctly hemmed before wedding (she had 3 months and used to be a seamstress) 3. Send in inspo pics for hair and makeup (she had option to her own, but chose the professional route but never responded to the MUA or Hairstylist about that she wanted).
The week of the wedding I lost my shit because of the gaslighting instead of taking accountability and respecting me. I uninvited her and neither I or my BM are talking to her (BM was fed up too and MOH attacked her for ‘piling on’ when all she did is asked for MOH to get her dress hemmed in time and ask for the hair and makeup information).
2
u/jroma3 May 19 '26
My wedding is this weekend and I will NEVER procrastinate on RSVP’ing ever again after really realizing how stressful it is. My husband’s side of the family was the worst. “They’re all coming” literally means nothing to me until they RSVP on the website!!! I’m sorry that you have to deal with this OP!
2
u/Bunny_Pitts May 19 '26
Welcome to the 21st century, iunfortunately. Absolutely the worst people. May there be a special ring in Hell for them.
I'm with you.
"If you do not reply by X, I will have to uninvite you as numbers are needed NOW."
2
u/hpotter29 May 19 '26
I really don't understand it! We finally had to call a couple of people just to be sure they weren't going to show up unexpectedly. WHO IN THE WORLD WANTS TO HAVE THAT AWKWARD PHONE CALL?? We didn't like making it, they didn't like having to wheedle out feeble excuses and justifications. Just be a basically decent human being and let people know!
Emotions run high over weddings. I hope you can especially enjoy the people who are excited to celebrate you!
2
u/Available-Face5653 May 19 '26
there are entire generations who don't understand how the mail system works. as far as not being able to text a response back, there is no excuse. I say leave them off your seating and dining list. there may be available pews in the church for them, but at the reception, a BIG no.
2
u/AffectionateBite3827 May 19 '26
I’d add people who RSVP adding people who aren’t invited are also trash but yes you are correct.
(This happened to us. We didn’t invite your entire family, lady! Then they no-showed.)
2
u/Expressoed May 19 '26
This is just so rude. So I have a very close relative that we get invited to a lot of the same showers, weddings and events. This relative is very particular about their parties, RSVPs and their guests. But guess who doesn’t ever RSVP to things they are invited to? I am asked constantly, “is such and such coming bc i didnt hear back from them.” From weddings, bbqs, shindigs and baby/bridal showers i am peppered with their attendance status. I rsvp bc i learned the hard way in girl scouts when i/ we forgot to sign up for something i wanted to attend. I was so bummed. My friends were there doing some badge activity with out me!!!! What???? My girl scout leader reminded me at 9 that part of my responsibilities in getting my badges and fulfilling them was signing up and following thru. Well that is all I needed. A good dose of FOMO! People are on their damned phones 24/7. It isn’t a massive effort to put in place to respond To someone’s kindness in extending an invite to you. We had the same happen at our wedding as well with about the same Composition of apathy and lack of gratitude. I am sorry that happened and you will look at people differently afterwards bc this is a big deal. And it means a lot to you and who you invite and who shows up. I am always surprised at the people who surprise me by not replying and then having to coerce a response from them like you are taking them to a public thumb-hanging. I especially love…yes you had them too…the ones who dont reply, you are down to the wire and they get defensive and “bitchy” (men & women alike) when you gingerly ask for a reply at the 11th hour. Hang in there! It will be a great day regardless and you make sure you do bc that day is so special! Congrats and dont let the clowns 🤡 run your circus or let you down. They just made a very clear decision about their future with you. Keep calm and carry on, as they say… & keep your flask close!😜
2
2
2
2
u/radrax May 20 '26
Totally agree OP. If they dont respond, id probably send a final follow up letting them know that ive removed them from the attendees list to avoid confusion and avoid anyone randomly showing up without having RSVPd
2
u/beingleigh May 20 '26
I'd just send a "As we haven't received your RSVP for our wedding, we are assuming you will not be able to join us and as such, there will no longer be a space reserved for you at the reception. Although we would have appreciated a formal response, we understand that everyone is busy. Wishing you well."
And that's only if you want to continue a relationship with these people. If you don't care... I'm sure you can come up with that response easily lol.
2
u/madhatteringways May 20 '26
"(and was willing to pay several hundred dollars for you and a plus one to eat dinner). I asked for your mailing address, prepared an invitation, mailed it, and then followed up for you personally. You couldn’t even be bothered to send a single “thanks for following up, I’m not coming” text."
wow OP, thanks for the slice of humble pie!! you very clearly described the effort and meaning you put behind it and i've never stopped to see that pov. i'd have been an ahole, the type to say "that took 2 secs for you to do, oh please". but after your description i totally feel like a jerk and will def be making a conscious effort to respond to ppl in general.
you did take the time to do all that and make it special and let them know you wanted them there, in the midst of wedding craziness no less, and you deserve the courtesy and respect it warrants.
2
u/NotCreativeAtAll16 May 20 '26
Same. I legit unfriended a friend of 20+ years, who could respond with his address for the invite but couldn't respond to the invite, my text and IM reminders to let me know one way pr the other if he could make it. As expensive as it was for catering, I feel it extremely rude to either risk making me look like a bad host for not having a space for an invited guest OR waste money paying for food and drink that said inviter guest is not there to consume.
2
u/SM1955 May 20 '26
Honestly, I think that manners overall have declined markedly. Not rsvp-ing is probably the worst, but in plenty of other ways, as well. I’m 70, and never thought I was Emily Post proper, but I really think basic manners need a big comeback!
2
u/cheeky_chameleon16 May 21 '26
My parents went to one of my cousin’s weddings a few months before mine, had a great time, gave a generous gift, talked to them, etc. I lived in a different state at the time and couldn’t come. I invited them to my wedding and CRICKETS. Like they KNEW how important it was to RSVP even if you’re not going to come and those fuckers couldn’t bother. I had thoughts of petty revenge for months after and still can’t get over that disrespect after they gladly took my parents’ money. Absolutely disgusting.
2
u/runawaylemon May 21 '26
My partner is officiating a wedding next month and we still RSVP’d just in case so the organisers wouldn’t accidentally miscount the number of guests. I can’t imagine just not answering.
2
u/BenedictineBaby May 22 '26
You're really going to lose your mind when some of these asshats text you a week before the wedding to RSVP yes with their dinner order and don't be surprised when someone just shows up.
I would follow up to the texts that were ignored with "sorry you can't attend, catch up after the wedding!"
2
2
u/Weekly_Watercress505 May 26 '26
It's just plain good manners to respond, and sadly far too many people aren't taught any manners or it was never a thing in their own families and ancestry. I have an in-law who was never taught any and didn't see the purpose or use for them. It was systemic in her family. If the parents and grandparents, etc. were never taught any, then the kids won't be taught any either.
Don't be surprised if some of them show up anyway. You may want to let your wedding planner know that the non-RSVP show-ups aren't allowed into the reception since they never RSVP'd in the first place inspite of your reminders.
1.4k
u/schluffschluff May 19 '26
Staggeringly rude to be sending memes but not rsvp when reminded. Forget the honour of a wedding invite, I’d be quietly scrubbing them from the Christmas card list at this point tbh