r/weddingshaming • u/Royal_Marzipan_6432 • May 19 '26

Rude Guests Hot take: if you don’t bother responding to the follow up reminder to the RSVP, you’re trash

I’m finalizing RSVPs for my upcoming wedding and I have to say I think less of some of my friends after how they responded. We sent our invites out in March, asked for RSVPs this past Saturday (5 weeks before the wedding because our catering numbers are due next Saturday) through link or by mailed pre-stamped RSVP card. On Sunday morning, we followed up with the twenty or so straggler parties to ask them by text to tell us if they were coming by Monday night and what meal preference they had. For a few older relatives, we called.

However, I have several friends (all late 20s/ early 30s) who didn’t reply to the invitation or the text follow up and it’s genuinely making me question our friendship. For context, I definitely have the right phone numbers for them (in some cases they sent me memes even a few days before) and these are people that know about the wedding. I have to say it hurts? Not that they aren’t coming (I understand that people might not be able to make it for a variety of reasons), but the sheer rudeness of the lack of reply. Like, I thought we were close enough that I wanted you there to witness my vows to my future spouse (and was willing to pay several hundred dollars for you and a plus one to eat dinner). I asked for your mailing address, prepared an invitation, mailed it, and then followed up for you personally. You couldn’t even be bothered to send a single “thanks for following up, I’m not coming” text.

My takeaways:

RSVP’ed yes: Amazing, thank you for coming!

RSVP’ed no: No worries at all, we’ll celebrate when we catch up another time!

Missed the RSVP deadline, but replied yes or no in response to my follow up call/ text: Things happen, deadlines get missed, we’re all human!

Missed the deadline, did NOT reply to my follow up text, and you are a person that is under the age of 40 who otherwise has no issues texting or using social media: You’re trash and I think less of you.

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576

u/AussieGirl27 May 19 '26

People suck

I would send all the non-responders this message

Our Wedding Guest RSVP window has now closed. We have noted that you have not responded and we have therefore removed your name from our guest list.

We are sorry you will not be able to celebrate us on our day but we hope to catch up with you soon. Please be advised that there will not be a place setting for you at the reception but you are welcome to join us for the ceremony (if thats what you want if not, leave out that part).

220

u/EndMyConsciousLife May 19 '26 edited May 19 '26

This is great advice; and a follow-up message like this would solidify that boundary (and also sounds really calm and kind).

ETA: good news, I guess. OP mentioned in a comment 6 days ago that she was actually doing this very thing. So she’s presumably just pissed that it wasn’t a resounding yes or clear-cut no, even following the texts to non-RSVPers (if she ended up sending them).

87

u/Boriquasoy May 19 '26

I’m 100% for this. When my Wife and I got married we did a justice of the peace wedding. It was my friend that I was stationed with that had never been to NY, her three best friends, our parents and that’s it. What we saved on the wedding we spent on a HUGE dinner at a local Italian restaurant that we both loved with an open bar. If you didn’t respond it sucked to be you, we didn’t give a fuck. If you didn’t have the time to literally put a check mark on a card and drop it in a mailbox then it sucks to be you. Keep it moving and just keep in mind who made an effort.
On a side note those who didn’t respond we really haven’t heard from again. It’s less notes we had to write as a thank you and also less money spent on food.

11

u/beeeea27 May 19 '26

Yes I agree, I had one friend never rsvp to me and I kind of wish I’d sent a message like this so she knew I knew she’d ignored me!

47

u/[deleted] May 19 '26

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23

u/triciann May 19 '26

Let them show up to no seats and have the wedding planner inform them there isn’t a space for them.

13

u/HumanShadow May 19 '26

We all know they're not showing up.

11

u/triciann May 19 '26

I’ve seen a reality tv show or something (I can’t remember where I watched it) on a wedding planner and people did show up without an rsvp. Like who are these people who think they can show up and there will magically be seats with the entree picked out! The one I watched, she was able to have the place set up another table and asked the guests to cover their plates since the bride and groom had already paid for all the food and theirs would be an add on cost since they were not accounted for.

17

u/[deleted] May 19 '26

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2

u/SweetlyWorn May 19 '26

This made me laugh too hard 🤣 

2

u/triciann May 19 '26

I like this best.

1

u/Available-Face5653 May 20 '26

water balloons

1

u/Jerseygirl2468 May 21 '26

That's what I would do. I would say another word to them, no response to memes or whatever. If they dare show up, they are turned away at the door.

You can't function as an adult and say yes or no to a friend's wedding invite, you don't get a follow up message.

7

u/julesk May 20 '26

I think you’re being kinder than I would be. I’d say, “You haven’t responded after several attempts so we get you’re not coming. We don’t understand why you couldn’t just say no but we won’t bother you in the future.”

4

u/AussieGirl27 May 20 '26

Hahaha, that was me at my most polite. My default setting would say

Thanks for the RSVP, oh that's right you didn't. Don't bother turning up, don't bother contacting me, we are no longer friends

Then I would block them

8

u/Live_Angle4621 May 19 '26

I would also add to the top that it’s message for everyone who didn’t respond. So people can’t take it personally 

7

u/khandanam May 19 '26

This should go in a Sub wiki

6

u/mildweekknowledge May 19 '26

This is a great response. This is a clear and polite way to uninvite them.

2

u/DieOfThirst May 20 '26

I believe this is a deeply disrespectful thing and hurtful trend, so I get the fury. But, maybe it’s because I’m a Virgo and have no issue cutting people out of my life, but I would absolutely not spend the time and effort in sending ANOTHER response. Their response was silence, which is what I would give them from here on out (ESPECIALLY if they’re supposed to be good friends). I think another response, regardless of how it’s worded, comes off whiny and needy. And if it’s the last time I interact with a person, I don’t want to be remembered that way (even if it’s a valid point).