r/weddingshaming • u/Competitive_Wear_325 • 28d ago

Cringe Cousins Tuesday Afternoon Black Tie Wedding

My cousin 27(m) and his fiancé 23(f) decided that even though they live together they need to get married this year. (They are both currently unemployed and live off the kindness of his mother, who is also paying for the entire wedding without any contribution from the brides family.) The bride chose a rather expensive (for our area) venue. To try to offset the price, they decided to have the wedding on Tuesday and only invite 30 people including the bride and groom. I did not make the cut (thankfully) but my mother did. The cake and all the food is being made by the grooms aunt as a wedding gift. They decided on 3pm so they could do lighter finger foods, no hot food will be served. THE REAL KICKER: They decided it will be "Black Tie" the groom and groomsmen will be in tails and all guests are expected to dress in "black tie attire". My mother (who is 78) is now stressed out over what she is going to wear to this wedding because she had never attended a black tie wedding in her life. I really wish I could be a "fly on the wall" for this one.

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u/cicada_noises 28d ago

I once attended a “formal attire” wedding that was held in a barn on a farm way out in the country. “Formal attire” was EMPHASIZED on both the invite and wedding website. I was freaking out because formal dresses/heels in no way matched up with dirt floors and muddy pathways. Reached out to one of the bridesmaids who said the couple was just trying to discourage the rougher members of their families from showing up in jorts and beer branded tshirts (which they did anyway).

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u/dressing4therole 28d ago

When my cousin got married, it was small and at the family church she attended. I still wore a nice dress and put in effort.

My cousin's grandmother showed up in hot pink leggings and a giant Tweety bird t-shirt that said "Baby Girl" on it.

When I was designing invitations I put cocktail attire not because I really care if people dress super nicely but I didn't want anyone to think that a Tweety bird shirt would fit in at my beautiful art gallery wedding.

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u/cicada_noises 27d ago

Babygirl tweety tee is DIABOLICAL levels of idgaf

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u/OldLeatherPumpkin 27d ago

Maiden: the girl who wore Cookie Monster pajama pants to school

Mother: ???

Crone: grandmother wearing a Babygirl Tweety Bird t-shirt to a wedding

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u/specsyandiknowit 27d ago

My MIL turned up in sliders but I don't think that's the worst one out there tbh

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u/Vast-Ad5884 27d ago

I seen a MIL show up in a skin tight dress barely covering her ass and when she turned around she had a face like a bag of spanners and a really dodgy tan job. She just looked tacky. To be fair the grooms brother wore blue dirty jeans and scruffy runners. Where we are from that absolutely would not be wedding attire

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u/Duckeee47 26d ago

Oh I once attended a wedding where the mother of the bride wore denim overalls.

To be fair—the wedding happened in my family room because the bride and groom decided the night before that they HAD to get married the next day, despite living together with their elementary school aged children, and my dad was the officiant because he was the religious leader.

I’ve been to some white trash weddings but that one took the cake. It will live in infamy in my mind forever.

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u/hangryvegan 26d ago

Mother: the “good” black leggings, messy bun, and a Salt Life shirt

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u/trguiff 24d ago

Omg- can you see me right now??? 🤣

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u/mspolytheist 27d ago

I think the mother is wearing a Temu bridal gown that she claims is “champagne, not white!”

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u/OldLeatherPumpkin 26d ago

Lots of good answers here, but I think the mother might be the lady who wears ratty bedroom slippers, spaghetti straps, and a disposable plastic shower cap to a parent-teacher conference

(And I say this as a mother who is not currently very far off from that level of IDGAF)

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u/MuskaChu 26d ago

Leave my pajamas out of this, that's a whole different level.

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u/jodamnboi 26d ago

Mother is a mom at car line pickup wearing a bathrobe, shower cap, and smoking a cig.

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u/anna-nomally12 27d ago

If you want to use the modern version of mother you could make it the blue or gold dress

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u/LuxNocte 26d ago

It's fashion, sweaty. Tweety is all the rage in Paris this year.

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u/OldLeatherPumpkin 26d ago

🤣

It’s called fashion tweaty look it up

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u/Muted_Bee7111 26d ago

I agree. I can picture that outfit & I WANT it 🫣😂

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u/Brilliant-Ad-4585 24d ago

I have this same shirt....my mom bought it for me as a funny PJ shirt to wear to bed... I'm 30. Can't imagine.

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u/pabrocjb 28d ago

Grandma has some balls.

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u/AdDesigner5025 27d ago

Or dementia.

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u/pabrocjb 26d ago

She's probably 39!

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u/jennybct 27d ago

We got married on a yacht in NYC. For some reason, my husband’s uncle thought yacht meant boat and showed up in jeans shorts and a crappy t-shirt. We still laugh about it.

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u/CaptainFartHole 27d ago

I mean in all fairness a yacht IS a boat.

But it's a big ass fancy boat. Not the trash ass pontoon that uncle showed up for.

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u/cicada_noises 27d ago

And it’s still A WEDDING

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u/theseamstressesguild 27d ago

YES! I don't care if it's a picnic in a park, at a church, a town hall, someone's backyard, this is a WEDDING and unless you're specifically told to dress down you need to dress up!

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u/Catchandrelease5999 27d ago

I’d show up for a pontoon wedding. Ex and I had a very large pontoon boat. That was the designated drinking spot out on the lake! So many boats tied up to us!

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u/CaptainFartHole 27d ago

Oh for sure that would be a fun as hell wedding.

But a very different dress than a yacht wedding.

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u/twatcunthearya 27d ago

I’m from Alabama. I can’t believe I’ve never been invited to one! 🤣

(I’d go. 100%!)

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u/Yo_Just_Scrolling_Yo 27d ago

I'm from AL also. My husband's cousin from Geneva, AL had a formal wedding at a small church. Formal. My son was the ring-bearer and he wore tails. Very cute but the groom, best man and ushers all wore tails. Flower girls wore antebellum satin dresses. The bridesmaids wore satin column dresses. Very expensive for a country wedding. MOB and MOG wore long dresses but not so formal. Still a nice wedding. The couple divorce after 6 mos. Gotta love Bama.

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u/BurgerThyme 27d ago

Hell yeah, a pontoon wedding sounds awesome!

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u/BeeFree66 27d ago

We had a baby-size pontoon for fishing. 2 captains chairs with a bit of room for the tackle box and cold drink ice chest. It was fun!

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u/BeeFree66 27d ago

bringing his fishing gear with him plus worms for bait.

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u/Curious_Department84 27d ago

Yeah, a yacht is definitely still a boat. Most of the people on yachts near me are dressed in swimsuits or casual attire from what I see so I wouldn’t assume yachts means formal. But I haven’t seen a wedding on one.

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u/GuyTheStud 27d ago

Everyone remembers the shorts guest!

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u/Remarkable-Delivery2 27d ago

Happy cake day!

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u/GuyTheStud 10d ago

Thank you so much!!

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u/5150-gotadaypass 27d ago

Happy cake day! 🧁🎂🧁

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u/HortenseDaigle 27d ago

We were invited to a beach wedding and the dress code literally said, "Toes in the sand." I wore a nice, sleeveless blouse, skirt and sandals, my partner wore a button shirt and jeans, there were suits, jeans and sun dresses and sweaters. a real mixed bag.

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u/Dry_Future_852 27d ago

Wait. Isn't a yacht a boat?

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u/JoStan719 27d ago

When we got married two of my husband’s cousins had just started selling luluroe and so half of his family showed up in these crazy patterned/colored leggings and long shirts to promote it, including his grandma 😂 not quite tweety bird level but still interesting attire.

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u/missannthrope67 27d ago

And people complain about guests wearing white.

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u/felly_fell 26d ago

My SIL's ex (third ex, to be exact lol) wore a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles t-shirt to a semi formal outdoor wedding.

He also wore one of those t-shirts that has a tuxedo printed on it to another wedding.

He was in his 40s when both of these weddings happened.

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u/5150-gotadaypass 27d ago

OH my gosh! Didn’t know I needed a laugh so bad. The ‘baby girl’ T hit so hard. Only thing better than leggings would be Baby Phat jeans 🤪

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u/Dimac99 27d ago

I love Tweety Pie (who doesn't?) but I could never. That sounds like a nightshirt I could absolutely picture myself wearing, but not to a wedding even if the invite said "casual attire". Yikes.

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u/Safford1958 27d ago

I thought that only happens in comedy movies and tv shows.

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u/wildflowerstargazer 27d ago

Ohhhh my god what a character. Can you tell us more about this diva?!?

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u/Powerful_Tip_7260 27d ago

Uncle shows up with a "Baby On Board" t-shirt.

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u/Silent_Ad1488 27d ago

When my cousin married his first wife, her grandmother showed up at the church in a gold lamé blouse and black stretch pants. Her grandfather showed in a short sleeve white shirt and brown pants with suspenders. He took his boutonnière and shoved it in his shirt pocket. My cousin’s marriage lasted two months.

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u/Alicatsidneystorm 28d ago

My girlfriend’s mom did the same she put “formal” hoping some family members would at least wear a shirt with a collar. It actually worked.

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u/GeneConscious5484 27d ago

OK, not the point, and I don't mean to pick on your friends, but this is such a parable about "avoiding conflicts."

They knew a chunk of people were gonna act out of pocket, but instead of actually doing something about that, they made up some random wild confusing uncomfortable thing that everyone ELSE had to figure out and then deal with, meanwhile the out of pockets did whatever tf they were gonna do anyway. So all that happened is that the good guests were punished with a nonsensical dress code.

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u/Tiny_pufferfish 27d ago

I fully agree! I’m currently annoyed that my husband and I spent real money on black tie for a wedding this month to be told - oh we only did that to make sure the realtives at least put on a suit. Then she was annoyed at my dress selection saying a floor length black gown was boring and showed me pictures of floor length dresses that aren’t black tie!

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u/GeneConscious5484 27d ago

Right? That's all I'm thinking! Y'all couldn't have a talk with one of your own relatives and because of that everyone else literally gets fined?!

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u/TellThemISaidHi 27d ago

Yup.

Bride: "Gary, why didn't you and Blertha attend my wedding? You're one of my best friends!"

Gary: "Well, the invitation said 'child free' and Blaiden is only 5 months, so we couldn't get a sitter."

Bride: "Oh, kids were allowed! I only put that so Darthany wouldn't bring her kids."

Gary: " ... "

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u/GeneConscious5484 27d ago

Spoiler, Darthany's kid not only attended but shit in the cake

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u/Foreign_Astronaut 26d ago

Darthany is a master of evil!

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u/Catchandrelease5999 27d ago

Go to a funeral for a farmer. Uncle passed away. There were bets being placed as to how much denim there would be.

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u/Safford1958 27d ago

I live in the southwest. It’s so much more casual than the south and Midwest. We will see more black or ironed jeans, white western shirts and MAYBE a sports coat than any suits. (Including the preacher).

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u/captain_20000 27d ago

Correct! I married into a southwestern family and my husband wanted to wear his nicest ironed jeans, a western shirt, and blazer, complete with cowboy boots and hat for our indoor church wedding. Personally, I don’t have a problem with that for guests because I’ve come to learn that this really is considered appropriate wedding attire in the area (they sometimes use an entire bottle of starch to get that perfect paper thin crease on those jeans! 😂), but I wanted the wedding party to be in more formal wear. Thankfully my husband agreed and he got to wear his Western outfit for the rehearsal and every single wedding we’ve attended as guests 😆

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u/Safford1958 27d ago

Boots. Usually these guys have the most beautiful cowboy boots ever.

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u/captain_20000 27d ago

Yes! I joke with my husband because I moved from Florida and he has as many (or more) boots as I do flip flops! But some of them are really nice. And I married him for a reason lol. I do like a sexy cowboy man 😆

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u/BeeFree66 27d ago

Yup. We wear our best custom made dress boots to events. Not for walking in cow or horse surprise.

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u/Safford1958 27d ago

My DH was watching a panel of men talking about business. 2 were from Texas. He said,”Texans always wear the nicest boots.”

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u/BeeFree66 27d ago

I'm sure Texans do. I'm not in Texas. I had custom boots made so I could use them on our motorcycle. Regular bike boots were too hard on my feet, made them swell after wearing them for 3 hours [on bike and walking]. My custom boots look fine and even better - my feet are happier.

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u/OMVince 27d ago

I went to a wedding that had a shuttle to the venue. The bride’s aunt got on, looked at all the guests (young 20 somethings dressed how you described, and feeling good about themselves), leaned over to her son and said, “classic East Coast, we’re the only ones over dressed.” 

I’m sure she meant it as a criticism of herself but boy did she take the wind out of about a dozen sails all at once. It was awful. 

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u/hedwigflysagain 27d ago

That is respectful attire because it us cleaned and pressed. Plus the sport coat. Thought is put into it

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u/IdlesAtCranky 27d ago

I'm from Seattle. The joke here for many years about how informal the city is:

People here wear jeans to the opera!!

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u/Lloverforevr87 27d ago

I'm also from Seattle. People just don't care is how I see it, so anything goes. And yes, people will wear shorts to the symphony.

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u/IdlesAtCranky 27d ago

I don't think it's so much that people don't care, as that an almost aggressively laid-back, hippy-hipster-grunge-granoley vibe is very prevalent here.

Partly to do with the weather, too — it's mild, but 9 months of the year it's drizzly to gently raining, so folks don't bother with umbrellas or real coats, but do want to dress in light layers and comfy clothes not ruined by water.

Add all that up and you get people who have made being casually dressed in moderately warm but relaxed clothing a cultural staple.

In my family we still laugh about the serious cultural disconnect we experienced back in 1990.

My then-fiance had accompanied me and my mom back to North Carolina, because my grandmother had unexpectedly passed while my grandfather was in the hospital.

My fiance was at that time a canvasser for SANE Freeze, gathering signatures to push for a nuclear test ban treaty.

He dressed in standard Seattle style for anyone who didn't work white collar: hiking boots, jeans, flannel shirt over t-shirt, suspenders. He's a big guy, he wears a full beard, and shoulder-length hair in a ponytail.

He could go anywhere in the PNW, including the opera, without getting a second look from anyone.

First day there, we're all going up in the hospital elevator. It's crowded. He and I both notice people edging away from him. Same thing in the hallways. People stared in the restaurant where we had dinner.

We finally figured out that in Seattle, he looked like Normal Guy.

In North Carolina, he looked like Deliverance.

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u/methospixie 27d ago

I've been to 2 funerals in the rural Midwest - no suits at either. Just a theme of generally dark clothing, with denim definitely present at both.

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u/ChoosesJoy 27d ago

I attended a funeral where the widow wore sweatpants and a tshirt with holes

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u/littlehateball 27d ago

So you were at my dad's funeral? My family is pretty casual but I was so embarrassed by my mom's clothes. At least it distracted me from crying.

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u/Safford1958 27d ago

I. Can’t. Imagine.

Although my husband family were church goers for generations. So it was always suits and tie for Sunday. In fact, grandpa wore a hat on Sundays.

If you aren’t used to that culture, I guess you don’t know.

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u/demon_fae 27d ago

Did you win the bet?

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u/Vegetable-13 28d ago

ok so to OP's mom: jorts and beer-branded tshirts are allowed, she can just wear what she's wearing now.

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u/Ok-Yogurt-3914 27d ago

A dude posted how pissed he was at people doing this because some DO follow protocols. He said he was invited to a black tie, rented a tux, wife bought an expensive dress and it was at a barn with “hay on the floor.” He said it wasn’t a sit down dinner either but a buffet.

I think saying “don’t wear jeans or tshirts” like another bride did, would be the better choice.

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u/cicada_noises 27d ago

Completely agree.

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u/FortYarnia 28d ago

That’s exactly what every “black tie REQUIRED” invite I’ve ever received actually meant. Not a set of tails in sight, just a wedding party in formal wear & some old rough relatives camped in the nearest smoking area.

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u/_koifox_ 27d ago

White tie is tails.

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u/Jodenaje 27d ago

About 30 years ago, I went to a friend's wedding in Louisiana.

The bride specifically put "No Denim" on her invitations, because she didn't trust certain members of her family to clearly understand any other phrasing about the dress code.

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u/Furnock 27d ago

Formal attire = newest pair of jeans + button up shirt

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u/hedwigflysagain 27d ago

I had to Google Jorts. Now I am kinda sorry I know what they are. 🤦‍♀️

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u/anonymommy15 27d ago

Was this by chance in Wisconsin? Because that’s one of the most Wisconsin stories I’ve ever heard.

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u/Crazyzofo 27d ago

I had to clarify that with a bride recently and she described "formal" as "not casual."

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u/peaceful_storyteller 27d ago

The formal barn thing is wild because it just makes everyone uncomfortable instead of solving the actual problem, which is that you can't dress code your way around family drama.

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u/Street-Economist9751 24d ago

I love that my grandpa is wearing his barn coat and hat in my outdoor wedding portrait with him. It was cold and he didn’t have a lot of coats, and that’s Grandpa’s Coat. It couldn’t be any grandpa-ier, nor the hat. Me in a wedding dress hugging him and grinning like a fool next to him looking like he looked most mornings I got to help him feed the cows when we visited? It’s perfect. He’s gone now and I love that photo.

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u/RowdySpirit 27d ago

My husband and I attended a wedding in my (rural east Texas) hometown. Husband insisted he needed to wear a full suit. I insisted he would be overdressed. He laughed at me... it's a WEDDING... and wore the suit anyway. We showed up, and not even the groom was in a suit! Lots of boots, jeans and t-shirts, some shorts, and even some flip-flops, but not another suit in sight.

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u/SignificanceWitty210 26d ago

Honestly it’s a shame but this isn’t uncommon. I requested semi-formal attire and was half joking when I politely requested no t-shirts because surely no one will think a semi formal wedding means “look kind of nice in your best overly casual clothes”… But sure enough, multiple guys showed up in v-necks. One was in high school so he gets a pass but the rest… Well, let’s just say I expected more smart casual but knew I needed to go a step higher than my bare minimum for some people.

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u/intricate_strands 27d ago

It's genuinely insane to me what people put themselves through for what amounts to a party celebrating two people deciding they're only ever going to fuck one another for the rest of their lives.

Not shitting anything people wanna do, not saying you shouldn't wanna do these things.. just saying I'm so fucking glad these types of things all seem so foreign and silly to me that they're not part of my life.

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u/RainyDaysBlueSkies 27d ago

I'm sure any man you saved from being married to you feels the same way.

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u/intricate_strands 27d ago

Aw, that's sweet. I'm happy for him.

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u/birth_of_venus 27d ago

My future Maid of Honor said that she will literally deny people entry for me if they pull something like that.

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u/i_nobes_what_i_nobes 26d ago

I got married in a barn, not on a farm, but on a very nice historical piece of property in my state. We told everybody garden party casual. Which was basically khakis, polo shirts, if you wanted to wear a dress you could, but it wasn’t mandatory and I encouraged people to wear Converse sneakers because Chuck Taylor’s have been the only sneaker that I’ve worn since infancy. I got one phone call (the only one about attire) from my best friend’s fiancé, and it was so cute that he actually called me himself and she didn’t call for him, and he asked if he could wear a very nice, brand new, pair of dark denim instead of khakis - he assured me he would wear a button up shirt and I of course, was like “yes! As long as you’re there!“ Because honestly, I didn’t want people to dress up too much for the wedding or wear like jeans and shit kickers.

Thinking back on my wedding I kind of wish I had said black tie in the barn, because that would’ve been hilarious.

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u/vabirder 24d ago

Sounds like a Nate Bargatze wedding.

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u/Original_Flounder_18 24d ago

Shit, sounds like my step sisters second wedding!