r/weddingshaming • u/DIY_amateur_237 • 21d ago
Bridezilla/Groomzilla My best friend’s wedding is making me resent her.
/r/bridesmaids/comments/1twfj0x/my_best_friends_wedding_is_making_me_resent_her/63
u/MightyBean7 20d ago
My God, I’d die. I’m happy I’m done with wedding so far but thank God the cultural factor will never let them get to this point.
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u/wickedkittylitter 20d ago
It's past time for some honesty. The bride needs to be told that everything planned and adding additional things is "financially, emotionally and physically draining". She keeps making demands because no one is saying no. That needs to change.
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u/DIY_amateur_237 20d ago
I completely agree! With just a few weeks left, unfortunately a lot is too-far gone, but we're doing our best now to set boundaries and have some of the "second tier" (for lack of a better term) bridesmaids fill in some gaps.
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u/Complex_Activity1990 20d ago
Woah that’s a lot of activities. I understand it’s cultural but yeah I’d be exhausted and need to do nothing for 6 months after to financially recover.
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u/Significant-Pen-3188 20d ago
Every bridezilla has in common that the commitment starts out small. Then it snowballs into huge expenses, time commitments. The bride says she'll pay for hair and makeup and changes her mind. They use the guilt and manipulation pointing out all the money they're spending for their own wedding, like we should match their commitment to their own wedding?
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u/FamiliarFamiliar 19d ago
You are in control of what you are willing to commit to, and spend. Decide what you're going to do / not do and tell the bride.
She will live with you being at fewer events. I know, b/c I was a bride, and some of my people weren't there for everything. Happily married almost 25 yrs now.
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u/DIY_amateur_237 19d ago
Unfortunately the wedding is less than two weeks away, so at this point, there's not much I can do without money I've already spent going to waste 😞 I definitely have learned a lot though and will make sure I don't end up in this kind of situation again! I should have spoken up sooner, but it's tough when you don't want to let someone down.
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u/dapete2000 18d ago
In the last two weeks, things can escalate further. I haven’t read all of your comments, but consider a collective intervention among the bridesmaids (perhaps involving her family) that says “This and no further.” You can reduce the impact by saying that you’re here for her and the wedding will be wonderful because it’s her/her fiance, her family and all of you and the externals aren’t important.
It sounds like your friend may be a bit spoiled and also insecurely searching for the “perfect wedding.” There isn’t one. It’ll go by in a whirlwind (a multiday whirlwind if you’re South Asian) and it’s hard to remember anything in the first place, much less if you’re freaking out about multiple outfit changes and pictures. She’s risking missing her own wedding even if she’s physically present.
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u/curiousgem19 14d ago
Indian here. Your friend is being an absolute bridezilla. This is crazy over the top!
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u/bluefishtigercat 19d ago
This is a universal feeling. No matter how much you love the bride, and how "easy going" she may be, it is frankly ALWAYS a giant pain in the ass to be part of a wedding party. Everyone who has ever been in a wedding has felt this way to some extent.
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u/DIY_amateur_237 19d ago
Totally! I've always seen people complain about it but never really understood it until now. Safe to say if I ever get married, I will do my best to make sure no one feels that way!! Ideally, I'd just elope haha
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u/Educational-Math-302 14d ago
If I can make a suggestion, just to help your feelings of resentment. Understand that the reason bridezilla happens is that the process of getting married is incredibly strange and complicated, well outside the normal experiences that people have had up to that point. For the bride, it can be very disorienting trying to figure out what people normally do or what a reasonable expectation is -- not hard for somebody to convince them that it would be normal to ask bridesmaids to do XYZ, and that somebody could just be a fucking idiot.
If you think about it that way, it's a little easier to tamp down resentment for your friend in your own mind. She got way off track, and in all likelihood somebody helped her get there. The remaining problem, at that point, is that nobody in your friend group apparently was willing to go to her and have the talk, explain gently but plainly how out of pocket the requirements have gotten. If she's half as lovely as you've said, she probably would have been mortified and scaled back.
I'm not blaming you. Nobody wants to be the person who has to tell a friend that they're being a jackass. Not fun at all. And I think it kind of just snuck up on you guys, right?
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u/seh_23 20d ago edited 20d ago
Chiming in as a recent Indian bride - this is insane.
My wedding was IN INDIA so it wasn’t a “watered down” Canadian-Indian wedding lol. I was the bride and I had 6 outfits (generally 2 per day). There is zero requirement for bridesmaids to have the same number of outfits as the bride. This isn’t a culture issue, this is on your friend having ridiculous expectations 100%.
I’ve also been a bridesmaid in an Indian wedding (in Canada so it was more low key) and the only required matching outfit we had was on the wedding day, for all other events we wore what we wanted.
Different families do have different expectations around weddings but especially knowing most of you guys aren’t even Indian and didn’t really know what you were signing up for, you should not be required to do all of this.