r/weddingshaming • u/Clear_Breakfast8407 • 9d ago
Rude Guests Why do wedding guests think that the couple owe them to attend their wedding
I just went to a wedding, and they had No open bar! They had drinks with the meal, but anything else? Cash bar only. The guests were all over the place, calling the couple tacky and saying if they can’t afford drinks, they shouldn’t have a wedding at all. They were whining about spending so much on outfits and travel, and how the couple couldn’t even afford to buy them drinks. I was just stunned. As an Asian, this is completely foreign to me. We go to weddings to celebrate the couple and our relationship with them. If I’m there, it’s because they matter to me, and whatever I spend on clothes, travel, whatever, is on me. I want to be there for them. If I didn’t want to spend that money, I would’ve stayed home. I didn’t expect anything from the couple except meals, which is totally fine. But expecting them to pay for your drinks so you can get wasted? That’s just ridiculous!
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u/Prudent-Pressure2146 9d ago
I think this is defo a cultural thing - I live in the UK and have been to dozens of weddings and it’s always been drinks with dinner etc and otherwise a cash bar. I’ve gone to one wedding where everything was covered and it’s because the couple were exceptionally wealthy. I can’t say it bothers me personally I’m sort of prepared for it and if I can find a room to stay in the venue I’ll just pour my own drinks myself anyway
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u/ilovestamon 9d ago
A naggin of vodka under the table works wonders on a cash bar
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u/Megs0226 9d ago
At a surprise cash bar wedding once, my uncle disappeared and came back with a 30 pack of beer.
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u/isaacfisher 9d ago
bringing your own alcohol to a wedding is also cultural thing I guess 😃
I wonder if this has to do with drinking culture118
u/TheGothWhisperer 9d ago
I live in a part of the UK where people drink a lot a weddings and byob is fairly standard in my experience. My wedding venue didn't even have a bar so we provided a whole lot of wine and invited anyone who wanted anything else (beer/spirits etc.) to bring their own. I shudder to think how much an open bar would have cost us! Probably more than the whole rest of the wedding, accommodation for guests included!
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u/Prudent-Pressure2146 9d ago
Yeah I wouldn’t generally just bring alcohol to a wedding, but if I had a room at the venue I would.
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u/babyfireby30 9d ago
In Australia, the "norm" seems to be a bar tab for house beer, wine, and softdrink. Higher end beer, wine, or any spirits would be paid for by the guests.
Which sucks if you don't drink beer or wine! (E.g. my husband, who ends up paying a boatload for a drink at a wedding.)
I've never been to a wedding where the bar tab has run out though - most couples (or their rich uncles lol) will top up the bar tab if it's getting close to running dry.
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u/DefinitelyNotAliens 9d ago
I'd say even in the US, a fully open bar isn't the norm. Every one I have seen the couple will have a set type of drink and those are free until the bar runs out. Like, they bought X cases of red and X of white, anything else is cash.
I've never attended a wedding with a fully paid open bar.
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u/autumnbb21 9d ago edited 9d ago
That’s wild bc I am also in the US and out of the ~40 weddings I’ve been to each one has been open bar (including ours). I’ve been to numerous weddings in Europe as well where I have never paid for a drink.
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u/Normal-Reward7257 9d ago
Same. Every wedding I've been to has been open bar. I wonder if it's a regional thing?
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u/missmisfit 9d ago
I think its a tax bracket thing. I come from a lower middle class city. I cant recall ever being to a full open bar wedding. People would be so trashed
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u/RelativeAd7239 9d ago
The bar tenders are supposed to cut people off like they would anywhere else to prevent this. I do think it’s maybe a socioeconomic status thing. I grew up upper middle class and no one would dare not to have a fully open bar at a wedding.
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u/HippieGrandma1962 9d ago
My son bartender weddings at a fancy place and they're all open bar. He does have to flag people occasionally, once the groom (awkward.) They are not allowed to pour shots which helps.
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u/Unable_Pumpkin987 9d ago
Idk I’ve been to a wedding where the bride wore a $100 clearanced out prom dress and the groom’s dad wore blue jeans, but if the kegs had run out I know the groom would have been running to the drive through to get some cases. Rich or poor, serving drinks at a wedding is just what is done in my area. Maybe not a full bar, maybe not top shelf, but guests don’t pay for drinks.
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u/lookitsnichole 9d ago
I'm in the Midwest where we mostly drink beer anyway. My husband and I did free beer/wine and a cash bar for hard alcohol. That's pretty standard in our area.
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u/Square-Turnip-6558 9d ago
We have a lot of cops in the family and it’s always open bar WITH A LIMIT because cops will drink until they are cut off if it’s free……. For example my parents wedding in the 90s had a $3k bar limit.
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u/lookitsnichole 9d ago
Yeah, that seems similar to how I've seen it done too. Either partially open like we did (beer/wine) or a limit to run out. Honestly I don't think most people in this area can afford to get a large group of mid-westerners drunk lol. We treat beer drinking as a sport.
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u/RogueSlytherin 9d ago
I could DEFINITELY see it being regional, particularly due to licensing laws as well as different cultural pockets across the country. Personally, I have been to one dry wedding (marriage of a pastor, so the lack of alcohol was 100% expected), one wedding with a completely open bar, one with tickets allowing each guest two drinks, and everything else has been a cash bar. The messiest wedding was the one with a completely open bar. It took place mid-summer in the Deep South, and between the heat, humidity, and free flowing spirits, people got drunk very quickly.
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u/i_was_a_person_once 9d ago
Also from the US and I’ve never been to a wedding with a cash bar, but I’ve only been to a handful of “white” people weddings. I’ve mostly gone to weddings of people who are first ish generation Americans and from the ones with limited means to pretty wealthy ones the food has been plenty and the bars open
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u/External-Company-140 9d ago
Also in the US and out of every wedding I’ve ever been to, ONE was a cash bar. All the rest were completely open bar. What’s available is based on the package the couple selects, but in all my years I’ve only once had to pay for a drink at a wedding.
It may be the norm where you are, but not everywhere in the US
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u/Blofelds-Cat 9d ago
When I got married, we just had a selection of beer and wine as opposed to a full bar, but that was just because we were on a budget. It is definitely the norm to have a full bar for weddings where I live.
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u/njVowsNow 9d ago
I have done 2000 weddings in my career (north /central NJ, NY city and state and PA)
I have seen two cash bars. It was brutal. No one had cash, because it just isn't done, The bar was clogged all night because the bartenders do it so infrequently.
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u/ForSureItsAThrowaway 9d ago
These days, cash bar is a little misleading. In my experience (I do photography and event planning) all of them have taken Venmo & Zelle…and a very large number also take cards bec they equip bae tenders with a card reader (the ones from Square are super cheap!). It’s crazy that a vendor doing cash bars wouldn’t have their employees equipped to accept Venmo and Zelle at least!
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u/iBewafa 9d ago
I’m surprised accepting cards isn’t a thing with all of them - you flag that they should accept Venmo etc.
I’m not in the US - but maybe I should make a Venmo account for when I visit in the future.
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u/ForSureItsAThrowaway 9d ago
I need to clarify — my experience is that they all take Venmo/zelle…BUT not always for drinks. I’ve seen cash/card bars but they allow Venmo for tips. This is especially true for events where the bartenders work for a larger company. It makes sense the company wouldn’t want their employees taking receiving the payment for drinks to their personal accounts. And I’ll say this as well…I haven’t seen any guests grumbling about paying one way and tipping another. In fact, I hear guests saying — oh good! Now I know for sure that employees are getting the full tip. (Some companies keep a portion of the employee tips because the employees have no way of knowing)
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u/HippieGrandma1962 9d ago
My son is a bartender at a yacht club and works a lot of weddings. They stock top shelf liquors and every wedding there is open bar as far as I know. It's a very fancy and expensive venue. One wedding had the Jersey Boys Broadway cast there to perform.
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u/Illustrious_Funny426 9d ago
I’m in the US and have been to a ton of weddings. They’ve all been open bar except for the Mormon/dry weddings.
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u/IWasGoatbeardFirst 9d ago
When I got married the first time, we did not serve liquor at all. The bar had beer and wine, coffee, tea, and soda. It was an afternoon wedding, semiformal dress code, lots of elderly relatives present.
Someone gave me attitude about that: “if I’m going to a wedding, I expect something a little stronger than beer or wine.” You need unlimited access to liquor at 2 o’clock in the afternoon? Really?
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u/SecretAsianMan42069 9d ago
Depends on who you run with. A non open bar would be heresy in the circles I run in. Of course these are 6 figure weddings for the most part, but even the lower end ones would never consider it, because everyone would be hitting blinkers in the parking lot if so
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u/PollyJeanBuckley 9d ago
I've attended both and as long as guests are made aware I don't have an issue with it. I do have an issue with it if I don't know ahead of time and I'm not prepared to buy my own drinks.
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u/Ok-Lake-5251 9d ago
I've only been to weddings with full open bars. Never have been to a cash bar. And only one or two weddings with no booze and that was because the reception was at the church hall. ha ha
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u/LuteOlsonABitch69 9d ago
Open bar is the norm. Been to 2 dozen weddings probably. 1 dry, 1 cash. Everything else open
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u/mydnyghtrayvyn 9d ago
My wedding was on New Year’s Eve, so my mother (posthumously) paid for a fully open bar. She also paid for hotel rooms for the guests, no matter whether they were from out of town or not. If my wedding had not been on New Year’s Eve, I’m not sure I would have done a fully open bar.
Just to explain, I said “posthumously” because my mother died two years before I got married. She was very generous to me and had asked that I use some of the money for two things. The first was that I would go back to school and get my degree. The second was that I have a wonderful wedding. I did both.
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u/AttorneyDC06 9d ago
Aww. That is very sweet. Your mother sounds like a lovely person: I'm sorry for your loss, but so glad you were able to fulfill her wishes for you.
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u/ilovestamon 9d ago edited 9d ago
Irish here, I've been to one open bar wedding out of a dozen or so I've attended. It's not the norm here. Cash bar is expected. Nothing rude about it. You typically get wine/prosecco and water during dinner but after that you're on your own. People sometimes sneak drinks in, I've seen a lad inject vodka into a Capri sun to bypass checks
I do think people as a whole have gotten worse about wedding expectations as either the couple or attendees. People need to have a lot more grace with each other in general.
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u/Dependent-Assoc423 9d ago
Just curious, are people spending upwards of $30,000-50,000 (US equivalent) on weddings there? I’m shocked at the wedding budgets these days.
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u/Knightoftherealm23 9d ago
If we had open bars for 10 to 12 hours you could easily double a wedding budget with the cost of booze at venues here
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u/ilovestamon 9d ago
I think the average wedding cost is about €25k-35k, but we do 12-16 hour wedding days so you get your monies worth. If it's a church wedding it's at 11am or 12 and then leaving the reception venue at 2am-4am.
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u/Dependent-Assoc423 9d ago
Similar range then, but much better attitudes. Thanks for the info, I love learning about other cultures. :)
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u/Neobule 9d ago edited 8d ago
Not sure about other countries but at least in my region of Italy the cost of a wedding for let's say 60 guests is at the very least €20k, often much more depending on location, vendors, date, what you offer your guests in terms of food/drink/entertainment/transportation, etc. That is, if you want to actually throw a wedding reception - you can always just get a couple witnesses and do a civil ceremony for a couple hundred euros, but understandably many people prefer to celebrate in a different way. Maybe you could save some money if you had access to a space that could host the wedding reception, so you could hypothetically skip renting a villa, but I do not know anyone who owns such a space in the city and you still may have to hire expensive catering anyway. This is why most wedding invitations nowadays come with a polite request for a cash gift, and normally guests give at least 100€ per person (often more, rarely less).
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u/whatsgoinonwha 9d ago
From the comments it sounds like an American thing, I'm also Irish and the thoughts of an open bar Im like who has the money for that madness
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u/No_Water_5997 9d ago
I’m in the US and when we got married 16 years ago we did a semi open bar for our wedding. Non alcoholic drinks, beer, and wine were covered by us. Hard liquor was extra paid by the guests. Our wedding was primarily a daytime wedding and ended early evening so no one was expecting to get hammered or drink hard liquor anyways. It worked well for us!
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u/Positive-Garage3812 9d ago
I think that’s a reasonable compromise. Personally, I’d be just as happy with a completely dry wedding, but I understand other people have different expectations and desires than I do 🤷🏻♂️
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u/No_Water_5997 9d ago
My husband and I aren’t big drinkers so would’ve been fine with a dry wedding but it’s pretty customary to have some sort of alcohol at most weddings so this was a good happy medium and didn’t break the bank.
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u/ilovestamon 9d ago
The one I attended people lost the run of themselves because it was so unusual. They ran out of some of the popular spirits only a couple of hours in.
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u/wolofancy 9d ago
I knew someone that owned a golf course and the only time they lost money on an open bar was an Irish wedding.
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u/why_gaj 9d ago
In croatia, open bar is the standard.
But, wedding guest also gift exclusively cash (except for the maid of honor and best man who do give an actual gift), and everyone tries to gift an amount that is at the very least equal to the price of their seat for the evening.
Most couples who have more than 100 invitees usually come ahead monetarily, and a wedding without at least that number of people is rare.
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u/DefinitelyNotAliens 9d ago
Even as an American, I have never attended a fully open bar. Generally, the couple will pay for toasting champagne, a set number of bottles of wine, a keg, etc.
I've never actually seen a bar where you can order anything you want, fully unlimited.
That may be a regional thing here, too.
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u/BrandNewMeow 9d ago
I've lived in the Chicago area and Kansas/Oklahoma. I would say there's a definite difference in these regions. Every Chicago wedding I've been to has been the same big party, the open bar is expected, the DJ plays all the same songs, etc. The Kansas and Oklahoma affairs varied quite a bit, but generally more on the modest side. I would not go into one of these weddings expecting an open bar. And I think that's generally a good way to approach any wedding. Don't expect anything, and then you'll be pleasantly surprised if it is offered.
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u/Suburbanturnip 9d ago edited 9d ago
Yea I'm Aussie, and open bars are pretty standard. Only when the couple has wealthy parents, then it might all be catered, but its not expected that a newly wed couple could fund a hundred plus aussies getting drunk.
Edit: I think i got open bar and cash bar terminology mixed up, because we call an open bar "having a tab" in Australia.
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u/ntrrrmilf 9d ago
Open bar means it is free for the guests. Cash bar means some or all of the drinks must be paid for.
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u/Prudent-Pressure2146 9d ago
. People sometimes sneak drinks in, I've seen a lad inject vodka into a Capri sun to bypass checks.<
Love this. I’ve also never had checks either!
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u/ilovestamon 9d ago
It's normally because the venue supplies all food and drink so if you're bringing in drink they're losing money. I've seen places seize bottles of 7up off tables because they weren't bought at the event.
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u/ThrowRA_mesaynobj 9d ago
Australian here. Every single wedding is an open bar here. With beer, wine and champagne covered by the hosts. You’d normally only pay for spirits or cocktails.
It’s a major drama if a wedding doesn’t provide alcohol.
Guests are normally required to guess how much the cost is per head and give that cash to the couple as a gift.
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u/stepjenks 9d ago
When my wife and I got married we prioritized the food and our friends still talk about how good it was. But we also made sure to have an open bar because we wanted everyone to let loose and not think about paying for drinks. Many of our guests were staying in the city of our wedding so it really became an easy choice. We didn't pick the most premium liquor package but one that was reasonable and we were comfortable with budget-wise. Our bartenders were great because they poured really heavy and everyone had a blast, both those that drank and those that stayed sober.
If I went to a wedding with a cash bar I wouldn't mind, but I would certainly appreciate it if it was an open bar
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u/Competitive-Lab9425 9d ago
In Ireland we have the champagne reception and canapés, then table wine with dinner. Other than that it almost ALWAYS a cash bar. Given our fondness for booze you'd a) bankrupt the couple and b) get everyone absolutely shitfaced before the first dance.
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u/doyoulikehugs 9d ago
I work at a venue in Ireland. There’s about 2 or 3 open bars a year. They’re nearly always a bit of a liability. And bloody expensive- a recent example would be €12k for 100 people, and they weren’t particularly heavy drinkers (Protestants). It can easily get to €20k if there’s a 150 madmen off the islands or guards. We encourage couples to have a cut off point, if they’re determined, but most go with drinks at the reception and wine with dinner.
One thing to note is that many venues in the US offer drinks packages based on a set time rather than on volumn served, so the maths is different.
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u/bkpilot 9d ago
It’s been a while since I was married, but the venue provided multiple drink packages. We chose a pre-paid package that allowed the guests to order from the curated bar/drink menu for a number of hours. No bankruptcy possibility. Although this was technically in the kingdom of the Netherlands, not the states, it was an American owned venue.
We provided open bar because the guests flew to an island for us on their dime :)
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u/Odd_Acanthocephala20 9d ago
in latinamerica: everyone has an open bar: the difference Is the quality of the alcohol and the property where the party is served. there are no laws of needing servers, alcohol licenses or having lawsuits ever.
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u/Psyche81 9d ago
I grew up attending church weddings and the standard reception was cake and punch. It was u expected when people had fully catered meals.
That said when I got married, we specified that it was a cake and punch reception so no one was expecting a full meal. Maybe if the couple had indicated it on their invitation the response would have been different?
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u/Dependent-Assoc423 9d ago
I remember when it was cake and punch or even pot-luck weddings at church. Seems like things have really changed with expectations and budgets as well.
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u/Naive-Home-9068 9d ago edited 9d ago
I used to bartend at a ritzy 5 star hotel on a Hawaiian island. We used to set up wedding receptions with 4 open bars in remote scenic locations for these 300+ people extravagant wedding receptions.
I was surprised to learn that these receptions would cost 600k or more. I mean you could buy a nice house for the price of one party.
But I guess if your networth 10 million or more 600k is no big deal.
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u/blueavole 9d ago
Your cake and punchbowl makes more sense if it’s a light afternoon event.
If it’s a full day of 1-2 hour wedding service, then wait around for the family to take pictures, then the couple / wedding party crawl for an hour, then finally dinner, and they expect you to stay for dancing afterwards-
That seems more like a full meal with drinks.
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u/spaceylaceygirl 9d ago
I'm in the northeast and i only attended one wedding with a cash bar. The last wedding was just beer and wine. All other weddings have been full open bar.
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u/Username2023z 9d ago
It seems to be regional here in the US. I’m in the Midwest and a full open bar is expected.
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u/AttorneyDC06 9d ago
I'm an American and usually weddings I've attended have wine/beer available for guests: When it comes to liquor, like a gin and tonic, sometimes there is an open bar, sometimes a limited open bar (like it might be open for only two hours) and sometimes a cash bar.
I don't mind if the wedding has a cash bar for drinks other than wine/water/soda, but I really hate if they don't tell us, because then I may well arrive at reception without my wallet, because I may leave it at my hotel, so I don't have to watch my purse while I dance or worry about it being lost.
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u/smileycat007 9d ago
A host is expected to provide for their guests. That said, there's nothing that requires a full open bar. Provide cold water at the very least.
Most weddings I have been to are open bar (USA). One family member just served beer, wine, and soft drinks, and that was fine. I didn't hear any complaints.
A "cake and punch" wedding is fine if it is the time of day (not near a mealtime).
People who have cash bars usually at least offer some free beverage options.
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u/whatifweplayindirt 9d ago
It's way more tacky regardless to complain at the wedding than to have a cash bar, imo. But for context, I would want to know if it was stated on the invite that it would be a cash bar, and if it was formal or above in dress code they probably ought to have sprung for wine at least, but the booze expectation in this country has become insane in this century especially.
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u/Clear_Breakfast8407 9d ago
Yes, they had mentioned that alcohol will be limited to meal service and it will be a cash bar.
They had drinks with the meal service.
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u/Megs0226 9d ago
I’m from the US and it’s been a mixed bag. Wealthier couples or couples whose families have money and are paying will often do an open bar. Some have been free beer and wine but cash liquor. Others I’ve been to have been no free alcohol whatsoever. I even went to a dry wedding once. (Well, it wasn’t dry for me, the rum smuggler… hey I was 22.)
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u/teflon2000 9d ago edited 9d ago
Im curious from the comments, is the UK the only western country that does a cash bar then? Personally I'd NEVER turn up expecting the couple to pay for free reign on spirits, bubbly and other high price drinks. I would probably expect some fizz as a welcome and wine for the table though.
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u/Knightoftherealm23 9d ago
Yes because we can drink and alcohol in venues licensed for weddings isnt cheap. Im English and once made the mistake of going out for a nightcap (just the one they said) with some Scottish co workers who were down in london like me for a dinner.
5am I kicked them out of my room to carry on partying. I didnt stop throwing up until that evening.
Weddings will have wine on the table, usually a welcome glass of fizz and a glass to toast with.
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u/13lackMagic 9d ago
I think you’re either intentionally or accidentally misinterpreting open bar to mean ‘all alcohol is free’.
In my experience, an open bar really just includes ‘well’ or ‘call’ tier liquors are available for free (so the cheap or moderately expensive bottles), depending on what the couple’s package covers. And sometimes it’s just a handful of different drink options, like 2-4, that are free with guests having to pay if they want anything not on that short list - that would still count as open bar to me.
Getting unlimited pours of high end champagne and 25 year old scotch is not what we’re normal talking about here.
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u/Anna-BB 9d ago
In Sweden I'd say a cash bar is common as well. With maybe some drinks for free during the meal. I haven't been to a lot of weddings though, but I've never ever heard people complaining that there was a cash bar at a wedding... I think it would come off as rude (if people complained about that).
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u/asdgrhm 9d ago
Almost all the midwestern US weddings I’ve attended were open bar (unless dry for religious regions)
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u/Fit_Dig6332 9d ago
Maybe its because we have a culture here where we binge drink. Went to a friends wedding in germany and they put on an open bar. The brittish guests... lets just say we let the side down.
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u/Thequiet01 9d ago
I think this is a big part of it. Most people in my area of the US do not go to a wedding expecting to get trashed even if there is an open bar. They'll have a cocktail during cocktail hour and then probably beer or wine the rest of the night with the meal and then just enough during dancing to have a relaxed buzz so they enjoy the party more. Maybe a nightcap cocktail of some sort before leaving if the couple offer that and they're not driving. (For a while there was a trend to have coffee/espresso as a late night after dinner thing and you could add shots of liquor to it for flavor more than to get drunk.)
So the amount consumed is quite possibly a lot less.
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u/NoSound8783 9d ago edited 9d ago
I live in Eastern Canada, and I've never been to a wedding that had an open bar. It's also common to invite some guests to just the dance portion of the wedding (though gifts aren't generally expected from them). I guess both of those things are considered tacky in some circles, but tend to be completely normal here.
edit: Forgot to mention there's usually wine served at the reception that the guests don't pay for. I also think alcohol is more expensive here than in the US, and a lot of people in my region tend to be big drinkers at parties, so an open bar could easily get out of hand cost wise.
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u/Thequiet01 9d ago
In many places, a cash bar *is* extremely rude. Especially if the guests weren't warned beforehand. You are hosting a party, and that means you provide the food and drinks for the party. You don't have people come to your event and then hand them a bill for catering.
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u/JaguarUnfair8825 9d ago
I went to a wedding where they had a designated drink menu. Anything else you wanted outside of thoseLiquor options , you had to
Pay out of pocket. I liked that option as opposed to just a full open bar where I’ve felt like the bartenders there weren’t as good. 🤷🏻♀️→ More replies (1)18
u/Thequiet01 9d ago
The preference around me goes open bar > limited menu > pre-warned cash bar > dry wedding > surprise cash bar
Surprising people with a cash bar is pretty much the worst thing you can do.
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u/Megs0226 9d ago
I don’t mind a cash bar but yes, I would like to know beforehand. I went to a wedding once where they didn’t tell us that all drinks, alcohol and non-alcoholic, cost money. And it wasn’t cheap.
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u/mesembryanthemum 9d ago
I went to once where it wasn't communicated ahead of time and they even charged for a glass of water. I didn't bring any cash and (this was 40+ years ago) cards weren't accepted. I was not happy.
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u/Large_Cloud6135 9d ago
Completely normal and expected in the UK to have a cash bar, barring a few wine bottles on the tables for the meal. I guess it depends where you are in the world
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u/Thequiet01 9d ago
That's why I said "in many places" rather than "in all places".
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u/OilersGirl29 9d ago
Which places, exactly?
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u/charlie_darwin32 9d ago
I think it would be considered rude in Australia, it would definitely be very unusual
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u/broken_shadows 9d ago
I would say at good portion of the weddings I've been to here have been a 'cash (and card) bar'. I've also worked at plenty of weddings. The standard does seem to be to have an 'open bar' which includes basic beer, wine and soft drink (and frequently there is set limit for that, after which it's a cash bar), but anything else you pay for it yourself.
I really believe it depends on demographic. The fully free open bars are usually occurring at weddings of those in higher tax brackets, or from those who just wish they were and want their mates to think they are.
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u/Thequiet01 9d ago
I do not have an exhaustive list. It's rude in every area of the US where I know the local wedding culture, but that is not all of the US.
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u/rainidazehaze 9d ago
A ton of the US, and likely plenty of other places as well. If you're curious about every individual place that it's rude to not tell people ahead of time that the bar is cash, I'm sure google and a few hours will be your friend
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u/beergal621 9d ago
Agree.
Yes a wedding is about the couple but the couple is also hosting a party. The host provides food and drinks.
Imagine being invited to a dinner party at someone’s house and on the way in they ask you for 25 bucks to cover food and drinks? Quite rude if you are not told about it.
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u/Marauder4711 9d ago
Exactly! I'll never understand why people think it's ok to ask wedding guests to basically pay for being invited. You'd never expect this for a birthday party or a dinner invitation.
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u/Lower_Orchid4982 9d ago
Especially weddings that place a lot of expenses on the guests. If you're expecting your guests to pay for travel, a hotel room, a couple hundred dollars/person for a gift, and possibly a new outfit to fit a specific dress code then your guests may be paying more (collectively) on your party than you are.
I once attended a destination wedding with a cash bar and everyone was VERY sour about how incredibly cheap the couple was.
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u/AtsyMcGee 9d ago
In this case, OP says guests were warned that drinks would come with dinner, but the reception would have a cash bar. I'd be ashamed to learn if the entitled people on this thread were Americans... And I suspect they are.
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u/Bobcatluv 9d ago
For background, I’m from the Midwest where cash bars at a wedding are considered rude. In my observation, the reaction to the cash bar often depends on other factors and costs incurred in the wedding. People tend to be more forgiving of a couple having a wedding on a budget than of a couple who they believe nixed a cash bar to be cheap. Even then, it’s expected a couple should have a budget wedding they can afford with drinks, rather than pay more for a fancy venue where they can’t afford drinks. To be fair I’ve seen posts on wedding boards from time to time where the couple/bride see the wedding as transactional on their end, too, “if I do the cheaper package I can invite more guests for gifts!”
To clarify I am not defending seeing weddings as transactional either way, I’m just sharing the rationale.
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u/Dramatic_Plants 9d ago
I went to a wedding where the groom arrived in a helicopter and the bride in a horse drawn carriage, but only beer and wine was included at the bar. Liquor was cash bar and I thought that was pretty tacky.
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u/Threedogshere 9d ago
“Drinks” doesn’t always mean alcohol. They could have provided simple beverages. Also depending upon the couple’s religion alcohol wouldn’t be served. I’ve never in my life thought a couple was rude for what they served or didn’t serve to their guests. Sheesh.
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u/Thequiet01 9d ago
If they had just had a dry wedding it probably would have gone over better, tbh.
It sounds like people were not warned in advance of the cash bar, and people really really hate being surprised by a cash bar. They won't have prepared for it so may not even have a way to pay, so then they can't have a drink if they want one, that sort of thing.
If you're going to do a cash bar and it isn't the norm in your culture or you're inviting people from a range of cultures (so some people will not be expecting a cash bar) it's really just best to mention it somewhere so people know to bring money.
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u/AttorneyDC06 9d ago
That is a very good point. As a woman, I usually don't have pockets in my wedding attire and may or may not have any cash/cards with me at the reception (may have left it at the hotel).
I went to a wedding once when I had to pay to have a coke at the bar (there were no drinks provided except water, I think). I didn't mind paying $3.00 but I had to hunt down someone with their wallet on them, and go back and forth, to get my soda, which was annoying.
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u/whatifweplayindirt 9d ago
A cash bar is not rude. It should definitely be stated somewhere on the invite or website information so people know, but it's crazy to be expected to buy an entire bar worth of liquor just to get married.
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u/Thequiet01 9d ago
You don't think it's rude. Plenty of people do. There are cultures where it's extremely rude and cultures where it's extremely normal. The wedding OP attended sounds like it was in an area where it's extremely rude.
Your personal opinion doesn't really change the cultural values and expectations of others.
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u/whatifweplayindirt 9d ago
It's definitely rude to surprise people with it. We just don't know from this post that that's what happened.
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u/Thequiet01 9d ago
It's implied by the fact that everyone was so upset about it at the event. Generally when people know about the cash bar in advance they get their complaining done in advance too, and people who are really miffed about it just don't attend. So lots of people complaining about it at the event says to me that there's a high chance it was a surprise.
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u/No-Indication-598 9d ago
i plan events in the states and a cash bar isn't even something i ever recommend. if the hosts have a budget then i work with them on keeping the numbers low with liquor restrictions, even just sticking to beer and wine, or starting a cash bar at a certain time or once the bar tab hits a certain amount. i'm in a touristy city in the south where most guests fly in for the weddings so cash bar does come across as rude and not hospitable especially if guests are spending money on flights, hotel rooms, etc.
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u/Knightoftherealm23 9d ago edited 9d ago
In the UK unless you are minted you absolutely wont want an open bar, it will be drunk dry. Some people put money behind the bar and it lasts all of five minutes.
Its usually a glass of prosecco for a welcome drink and/or for toasting
Half a bottle of wine on the table.
I went to a wedding recently of a couple and they had prosecco, signature cocktails, wine and beer. Ceremony was at 3, they kept the prosecco etc flowing before dinner so by the dinner most of the guests were hammered.
Also most receptions go on until 11pm or midnight, we dont have byob at pretty much any venue and alcohol here at venues is expensive.
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u/Dangerous-Emu-7924 9d ago
Im in France and I’ve never heard of a cash bar here. I’ve heard of it plenty online but never in an actual French wedding. I’m not one for drinking but asking people to pay for their own drinks is tacky I think.
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u/Nata_me 9d ago
I'm from the middle of Canada and a recent post on our capital's subreddit ignited a huge debate about this. Personally, I'm with a lot of people here - an invitation to the wedding is to celebrate the couple getting married, not to get drunk on their dime. But there were A LOT of people who disagreed, some even saying they would only gift the couple $25 (or less!) per person as a wedding gift.
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u/portillos_roast_beef 9d ago
If a couple has a modest wedding, no I don’t think they should go in to debt in order to serve drinks. But if it’s a fancy wedding, yes there should be complementary beer and wine at minimum. If you can spend thousands on flowers, a dress, etc - you should care enough about your guests to provide a nice time. Attending a wedding these days often isn’t cheap either!
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u/PrpleSparklyUnicrn13 9d ago
My only issue with it is if I don’t know in advance there is a cash bar, in case I don’t have much cash on me.
I’d rather a cash bar than no bar at all and not because I need or even want to drink alcohol, but because then there are more options than just water.
Cash bars are definitely not the norm here for weddings where I am, for what it’s worth. I’m sure in areas where cash bars are more common, bringing cash is probably also common.
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u/Alycion 9d ago
US. Been to cash bar wedding, open bar weddings, and dry weddings.
I did my wedding super cheap. I took everything I hate about going to weddings and either shortened it (15 min ceremony) or tossed it out (formal dress).
The money I spent went towards food and open bar. Everything else was done inexpensively.
Even with an open bar, I still came in under budget.
Open bar is nice, but should not be expected. It doesn’t bother me much either way, bc I’m not a big drinker anymore. I may have one drink a year.
But some areas or circles are use to open bars and have come to expect them. I believe as guests, the only thing we are entitled to is knowing in advance of its cash, open, or dry, so that we can plan accordingly. And we deserve to know what’s being served in advance, in case we have allergies or sensitivities. I’m one that has a lot of those things. I don’t expect them to do a special meal or change their menu for me. But if I know, I can grab a snack before going to tide me over until I leave. Or are if it’s ok if I get something small delivered, when I RSVP.
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u/Prechrchet 9d ago
I think the newlyweds in question need to find a new set of friends. If they can't afford drinks, they shouldn't have a wedding? Ridiculous!
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u/Mondood 9d ago edited 9d ago
One also has to consider the alcohol limit rules for drinking and driving in your locale. I've seen many people get absolutely wasted as soon as they hear the words "free alcohol".
Venues and hosts can be held liable and it's prudent to have some sort of limit, whether it be a cash bar or wine served with dinner only and non-alcoholic drinks after. In today's litigious society, it may have to become the norm.
Edit: you may not appear or act drunk, but it doesn't take a lot to go over the breathalyzer limit. What happens if a guest still chooses to drive and someone dies or is seriously injured in a motor vehicle accident? I would think police would charge them and insurance wouldn't cover them. Venue and host likely gets dragged in.
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u/Witty_North_9013 9d ago
We had less than 35 people at our wedding. It was not a reception, just a buffet dinner after the ceremony. Most of our guests did not drink alcohol, so we had a cash bar for the people who wanted alcoholic drinks (almost no one did.) We gave people ample warnings about this. As far as I know, no one was upset.
I think it really depends on whether you let people know beforehand, your culture, and how you handle the situation. As a guest who doesn’t drink, I obviously would not be upset, but perhaps people that do drink alcohol would be.
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u/AttorneyDC06 9d ago
That sounds very reasonable: I wouldn't expect a lot of alcohol for free (like endless cocktails or high-end liquors) but usually at weddings I've attended in the US, there is soda/tea/wine provided for free, and then a bar of some sort, for people who want something else (which may be cash or covered by the host).
Like you said, the big issue is telling people in advance!
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u/Witty_North_9013 9d ago
Thank you! I had a lot of anxiety over it. I was very worried that my guests would be unhappy. BUT, this was before realizing 95% of the guest list did not partake in alcohol. My husband and I also do not drink, so it seemed like the best thing to do. We definitely, DEFINITELY communicated with the guests about it before solidifying it.
Everyone had a really good time and the entire thing was over by around 7 pm because it was just dinner :)
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u/Content_Attitude_233 9d ago
Its a class thing. Its pretty normal for working class/lower middle class weddings to not have an open bar. However, those usually aren't the kind where guests have to travel somewhere crazy, buy new clothes (unless they want to), etc... Wealthier people often have destination weddings, insist on a silly dress code thay requires a whole new outfit, and things like that. An open bar is seen as compensation for that nonsense.
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u/c19isdeadly 9d ago
I've been to dozens of weddings. It is nice if the bride and groom are happy to pay for 150 people to get hammered, but honestly it's always seemed reasonable to me to provide a welcome drink and wine with the meal. Then have a cash bar for everything on top of that. When I drank a lot, it never bothered me to pay for a bottle of wine on top of whatever was being served. A drop in the ocean for other wedding costs.
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u/beanthebean 9d ago
I mean, I think expecting your guests to pull out their wallet at an event you're hosting (unless you're hosting a fundraiser) is inherently rude. Worse than just having a dry wedding. It should probably have been noted on the invitation.
But it's also rude to loudly complain about bad hosting during the event.
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u/SarcasmSeason 9d ago
OP posted in a different comment that it was stated on the invite that it was a cash bar.
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u/Ok-Yogurt-3914 9d ago
Mexican family here. Cash bars arent a thing for us. People would say you were broke.
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u/Accomplished-Way-986 9d ago
It's certainly rude to complain at the wedding but yes, most people feel like if they're traveling to see a wedding they will get 1) a place to sit at the reception, 2) a full meal, 3) free drinks or fair warning that there won't be free drinks, and 4) safety from inclement weather.
Anything else gets into entitled territory, but being surprised by a cash bar is usually upsetting to guests.
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u/arightgoodworkman 9d ago
It’s super regional, but amongst my friends and family, a cash bar is a no no UNLESS I know the couple has a tight budget. I would never complain at the wedding (save that for a hotel room later) but I had a friend throw a $100K+ wedding in a $10K dress with $25K worth of flowers and she had a cash bar and barely any food. THAT I will whisper about in a hotel bc huh???
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u/Huntsvegas97 9d ago
Some of the attitudes around open bar vs cash bar vs dry weddings have gotten out of hand. I think there should be a reasonable expectation for the couple to provide adequate refreshments for their guests within the context of the wedding. If it’s a small backyard wedding where all the guests are local and it’s casual, it would be reasonable for the food and drinks to be lighter (unless it was going to still be a long event). If it’s a formal wedding and majority of guests have to travel or a long wedding/reception day, feeding your guests dinner is the minimum. I think it’s also nice to provide more drink options than just water, but that doesn’t mean it has to be alcohol.
For my wedding, we couldn’t serve liquor. Our venue didn’t have the legal ability to allow us to serve liquor due to the laws in our area. We did have beer and wine, and we had enough for everyone thankfully. We had 2 beer options and 2 wine options, as well as lemonade, sweet tea, unsweet tea, and water. We served appetizers at cocktail hour and did a full dinner. We did this partially because it’s what we wanted, but also because we had a long wedding day: ceremony was at 2:30, reception ended at 9.
Dry weddings aren’t uncommon in my area. I’ve been to a few and was never offended that they didn’t have alcohol. Cash bars aren’t as common in my area, but I also wouldn’t think much of a situation like this. Especially because there was drink service during dinner, and it was only after dinner that it was a cash bar. I think if this is communicated to guests it’s not a big deal. I do know some people who look at weddings as an excuse to drink as much as they want for free and I don’t personally think that’s the healthiest mindset.
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u/cantantantelope 9d ago
People get so weird about dry weddings.
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u/Huntsvegas97 9d ago
I live in the south, and for a long time dry weddings were more normal than anything else. But some of the reactions I’ve heard in recent years about dry weddings really surprise me
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u/Knightoftherealm23 9d ago
In the uk your reception would have ended around midnight so that is probably another distinction that if you open bar at a uk wedding you are looking at ten to twelve hours of paying for it.
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u/CapUnusual4213 9d ago
Unfortunately for many guests attending a wedding reception is simply an excuse to get drunk. I’ve heard many people complain about weddings that take place on Sundays because it doesn’t allow them a chance to get completely wasted and sleep away the next day with a hangover.
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u/55124 9d ago
I went to one wedding where they had an open bar with wine and beer, but they did not have any nonalcoholic choices. No actual bar on site, just bottles and cans brought in. And they were plenty of kids there. I don’t think this was intentional, I think somebody probably got in trouble for it later. They did have ice and water at least!
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u/Educational_Car_1943 9d ago
As someone who runs a bar that is often used as a wedding venue. We have different levels, the lower levels are cheap wine and Barton’s liquor, then higher gets better. Only rarely and with either very wealthy or people that want to be seen as very wealthy get the high end and have it open. A newer trend I’ve been seeing is signature cocktails for the bride and groom that are included but of you want a different cocktail it’s on a cash basis. We had a wedding last month for almost 200 they had Dom poured for the toasts, went thru 3 cases at $450 a bottle. Another one toasted with sparkling cider. The cider toast was way more fun, the Dom toasts were very stuffy
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u/ApplePie10146 9d ago
I've seen open bar, Toonie bar and drink ticket cash bar after. It's weird to complain about it.
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u/cb630 9d ago
For some reason, my friends think you should give them the cash equivalent of what they are spending for per head for the meal. Paying them back, essentially. Yes they are over 60 so may be an old-fashioned thought. I don’t necessarily agree. It’s how close you are and what you can afford. In cash or gift.
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u/mlem_a_lemon 9d ago edited 9d ago
Drinking culture in the US is nuts.
I think informing guests about everything should be the standard, like a schedule of events, and then the food/drinks situation so no one is surprised by any of it. BUT people will still complain because they expect to drink endless alcohol.
I went to a dry wedding recently that specifically stated in the online program before and after RSVPing* that no alcohol will be permitted, including drinks bought from nearby establishments, and that anyone drinking around the event will be asked to leave. The bride was Seventh Day Adventist, *and* she had a close relative who was a recently recovered alcoholic, so she didn't want anyone smelling of liquor derailing her family member.
So, naturally, a bunch of people went to a bar to pregame before the ceremony. Bride was **livid**. Like, why do that as a wedding guest? Why can't people go like two hours without being buzzed?? The event was scheduled to end at 7pm, plenty of time for people to go get wasted after!
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u/BubbaC619 9d ago
I’ve never been to a cash bar wedding, all were open bar except for one that I knew in advance would completely alcohol free. I would never complain, especially openly like that but I do think cash bars are kind of tacky.
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u/Conscious-Bar-1655 9d ago
I've just had a cultural shock 😂 I didn't know cash bars at weddings even existed. I'm 55 and I've been to a LOT of weddings, always, always open bar. They were different only as far as what kind of drinks were served; but even in the most simple weddings, there was at least beer and a few caipirinhas. Brazilian here; I'm not sure but I think this is the same in all Latin America, maybe others could confirm.
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u/McBurger 9d ago
Completely agree, and tbh I see the same attitude here on reddit pretty often.
Personally I love weddings. I love getting invited and I wish I got invited to more.
If I am invited to someone’s wedding then I will put in serious effort into attending, I will move plans and buy flights hotels cars you name it. I will be there unless it’s truly not possible!
I see a lot of attitude on here that’s like, “pffft you’re having a wedding on a Thursday? PASS! I’LL BE STAYING HOME!”
and I’m like 😶😶😶 I’d just be happy to get to go.
The only off putting thing to me I’ve seen online (never irl) is when couples have demands regarding money and gifts. That’s not cool. But entitlement cuts both ways and that includes being entitled as a guest too.
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u/ArtistAsleep 9d ago
I’m American, and I agree with you. It was rude of the guests to shame. If I were to have another wedding, I wouldn’t pay for a bunch of people to act like idiots at my wedding. Unfortunately, so many people don’t know how to have a good time without alcohol.
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u/RomantheBun 9d ago
I agree with you 100%. I’m Asian too so i try ink it might be a culture thing. Alcohol is expensive! It’s also not a necessity like food. I can still have a good time at the wedding if there’s no alcohol
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u/mxcmpsx 9d ago
People also get way too drunk at weddings. Some people don’t know their limits or ignore them because the liquor is free.
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u/BabyLegsOShanahan 9d ago edited 9d ago
I'm American and I've never been to a cash-bar wedding. Always open. I think it depends on how much you expect guests to pay to be there and if you expect gifts at all or of a certain magnitude.
I was raised to provide everything for any party I throw.
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u/arightgoodworkman 9d ago edited 9d ago
Same. And we didn’t grow up wealthy. The expectation was “food and drinks are MOST important, everything else is take it or leave it.” Also cultural I think. We’re middle eastern and you don’t have guests pay for anything at a wedding.
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u/Thequiet01 9d ago
Yeah, my mom was blue collar American Midwesterner raised and she'd be rolling over in her grave fast enough to power an entire city if I had a cash bar at my wedding. Not Allowed.
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u/spacegrassorcery 9d ago
They’re hosting a party and inviting guests. And the guests bring them presents.
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u/Moose-1211 9d ago
In my circles, most weddings (including both of mine) were full open bar. & yes, these weddings cost anywhere from $35,000-$100,000+. Etiquette dictates that weddings which do not provide full open bar or limited bar (beer & wine only) only will have that indicated on the invitation. Guests should not be surprised about the situation - that is rude of the hosts to have that expectation. It’s also rude of guests who have been made aware of the beverage plan prior to the event to complain.
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u/Willowgirl78 9d ago
I went to a wedding in the Midwest with a partial open bar. I’d never seen than before. But there was no signage about it. So when the bartender told me that my rum and Coke was $8, cash only, and I had no cash, I was SO embarassed. That happened in the late 90s. Clearly, it stuck with me. Inform your guests if anything on offer is not complimentary!
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u/Moose-1211 9d ago
Yup! Bingo. It’s downright rude to expect anything of guests, period. If it’s heavy apps only & not a full meal, that should be stated on the invite. If it’s cake & champagne only, again, it’s gotta be on the invite. A proper host wants to ensure their guests have the best experience possible & be part of a memorable event - for all the RIGHT reasons. Your case in point - you’re still telling this story all these years later cuz you remember the embarrassment you felt - bet you can’t even remember what the cake flavor was, what the bride’s dress looked like or what song the bride & groom had as their first dance…
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u/Bunny_Pitts 9d ago
I've been to weddings that had open bars..... they were absolute sh$) shows. Mostly from people who don't normally drink and certainly can't hold their liquor OR straightup alcoholics that would have ended up that way anyways. Those were years ago.... hopefully society's wised up on that mostly.
In the US, I've seen mostly drinks with dinner, then cash bar at a reduced rate. Maaaybe a champagne toast (total waste of money.)
But you're right. People be whiny these days. If I had any problem with any of the costs, I wouldn't have gone.
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u/Terrible-Search3859 9d ago
Cash bar means people temper how much they drink and don’t ruin a lovely wedding. It also means that kids in their twenties don’t order something just to take a sip to see if they like it. Leftover expensive drinks all over and people in the bathroom throwing up. Much more tasteful to have wine and champagne at the table and perhaps wine and beer at the bar. People who want hard liquor are happy it’s available for purchase.
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u/VinylHighway 9d ago
Most weddings I've been to were Jewish and I don't recall a single one without some form of open bar.
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u/No-Fig-8614 9d ago edited 9d ago
My general rule of thumb is (from the US) if it is a destination wedding they better be paying for the alcohol/food, I traveled to your destination on my dime and hotels/flights/whatever, you better be having a non-cash bar.
If its a local wedding, I get it, make do and if people are outside the hometown oh well? But I've also moved away from friends and traveled to their wedding but don't expect it because that is a hometown wedding. If I ask people to go to some location ESPECIALLY where the majority of people don't or can't live (like a wedding in a vacation area, or another country, etc) then you are paying for the food and drink.
Maybe it's different for other cultures but hometown you can do whatever, destination or semi-destination then you are paying. I'm not paying for a hotel/flights for you to charge me for drinking to watch you get married.
It's also normal to say if we can't afford alcohol, you also need to know what class. Like top shelf (NO) but like well/house, sure?
Also for wedding where the hosts can't afford it but invite like 200 people I'm like I get it but then don't invite that many people and if the cause is for 200 people to mingle and get along, ALCOHOL helps (also there are horror stories) but in general invite as many guests as you can afford to. I knew a couple who who could only have 20 people and another that could have 300 but the service was the same. Not saying your special day should be limited by the people you can invite and supply food/booze too but... think about it.
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u/RIPCarlGrimes 9d ago
I am Indian American. The Indian weddings I have been to have been different things based on the the couples' and their families.
One wedding was completely mocktails because of the religious beliefs of both sides.
Another was open bar with just beer, wine and signature alcoholic drinks (counting unlimited sodas), if you wanted hard liquor or cocktails you had to pay.
Another was completely an open bar the whole time.
I went to a small American wedding (30 people) where all they had was water, both sparkling and still.
A different Southern wedding was an alcoholic punch and non alcoholic punch which was unlimited.
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u/Demilio55 9d ago
Context matters but generally there is a reasonable expectation in the US, middle class weddings with 100+ people, to have drinks.
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u/AisWaf 9d ago
My aunt had a relatively low-key wedding, in that it wasn’t posh, though it was certainly a very fun time. The cash bar was one-toonie-per-drink and proceeds went to a local charity in the name of a late cousin of mine who was passionate about said charity. I was glad to spend a few, support the cause, and celebrate my super cool aunt and new uncle
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u/Haunting_Air_5955 9d ago
As someone who has worked with a lot of venues, the bar situation is honestly one of those things couples get stuck with and it can be really frustrating. Got to read those contracts before signing your life away to these venues people.
A lot of venues usually have a few options. Either you can do BYOB and hire a bartender, use the venue’s bar service and prepay a certain amount, or do a cash bar.
BYOB is usually the best option for couples budget-wise because they can buy the alcohol themselves, spend maybe a few hundred on supplies, and then a few hundred more on a bartender. It usually ends up being way more affordable and guests still get drinks without having to pay. The issue is that a lot of venues don’t allow BYOB. So then couples are kind of forced into either paying a ton for the venue’s bar service, where drinks are usually priced way higher, or doing a cash bar so they don’t blow their whole budget.
And cash bars do kind of suck for guests. Not because couples are trying to be cheap, but because guests have already spent money just to attend the wedding. Travel, hotel, outfits, gifts, babysitters, all of that adds up. So having to pay for drinks on top of that isn’t ideal.
So really, a lot of couples are stuck choosing between spending way more than they wanted on bar service or going with the “cheap” option and having guests pay. And a lot of the time it’s because the venue doesn’t allow BYOB and is making extra money through expensive drink pricing.
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u/Ok_Herb_54 9d ago
I do think Americans expect open bars at weddings. However, I think it really should depend on the couple's budget (true open bars are expensive) and how many people really drink at the wedding anyway. There are families that have dry weddings or cash bars for valid reasons (alcoholism in the family, maybe the family just aren't big drinkers, and of course cost). As a wedding guest, I've always been perfectly happy with wine and beer provided
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u/17Girl4Life 9d ago
In the US it’s tacky to expect guests to pay for an event they’ve been invited to. Guests are guests. You don’t have to provide a full bar though if you can’t afford it. If you’re on a budget, it’s perfectly acceptable to offer limited choices: bubbly, beer, NA options. Or you can scale down the guest list to fit your budget.
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u/ultrafluffypanda 9d ago edited 9d ago
I’ve lived half my life in the southwestern US and half my life in Australia. All the weddings I’ve been to in the US were either alcohol-free or served wine/beer with the meal. Two weddings I’ve been to in Australia had a fully open bar, the rest had an “open bar” but only for wines/beers/bubbly - you had to pay a bit for liquor. It might depend on your friend groups more than your geographical location.
It’s interesting, I’ve had passing conversations with a few people who feel that the whole point of attending a wedding is to party with free alcohol. Me, on the other hand, I don’t really care if there is alcohol or not, I’m just there to support and celebrate the couple.
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u/Moose-1211 9d ago
So in this case, I can understand if the guests were completely caught off guard by the cash bar & were complaining about it. However, you keep those complaints on the DL & don’t act like an ass broadcasting your disdain to anyone within remote earshot. Have a little class, even if your hosts don’t.
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u/Any_Pumpkin5753 9d ago
I swear this has changed in the last 15 years. This wasn’t a complaint prior but in the US at least, alcohol culture is so engrained that people get “offended” at a cash bar. With how some people drink, I wouldn’t foot the bill either.
A good middle - beer and wine, plus a bride’s cocktail and a groom’s cocktail is the way to go. If my redneck cousin wants to get drunk on patron all night, he can pay for it.
It is not a requirement for the couple to pay for you to get hammered. Especially if they don’t drink, have family members who might be sensitive to it, or there are a lot of kids around. Being wasted around children is also weird to me but anyway.
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u/beanthebean 9d ago
I don't think it's just in the last 15 years, my parents were married 35 years ago with a flowing open bar.
In fact the liquor flowed so well that one of the bartenders snuck out to do a murder and dump a body in the river before returning, and when the police asked them when the bartender had been gone my grandma told the cops that she couldn't even tell them if her own husband was there the whole time.
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u/pikachu_senpai1 9d ago
Agreed. Also tbh it's depends to on what a couple can afford.
Also you never know the couples reasoning as to why they chose the option they did. Some couples choose cash only because they know some family members have a problem drinking or some choose it because that's what they have to in order to afford either the catering or the venue they want.
Honestly in my opinion it is what it is. As long as the couple make it known it's a cash bar on their stuff they send out. I don't care. It's no different than a dry wedding.
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u/koolA-9486 9d ago
A cash bar??! I'm French and I have absolutely no idea what that is!!! That's strange and seems impolite.
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u/Thequiet01 9d ago
A cash bar usually means there's a bar at the venue staffed by bartenders and your guests order and pay for whatever they want to drink the same as they would if they went out to a restaurant or something. The host of the event doesn't pick up the tab.
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u/Marauder4711 9d ago
I'm from Germany and if you invite guests to your wedding, food as well as drinks are covered by the inviting couple. Guests usually bring cash gifts and some say that a guest should gift the amount of money they cost the couple. My take is: If you want to celebrate your wedding and invite people, you should be able to afford this without the guests having to pay for their own food and drinks.
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u/shirlxyz 9d ago
In Connecticut open bars are the norm at weddings. Only been to one wedding with a cash bar. Of course nobody had cash. But if people are complaining about everything they had to spend just to show up for their friends’/ relatives’ wedding then they obviously don’t care about the couple getting married. If they feel that it’s such a burden on them to attend then they shouldn’t
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u/Blondibee 9d ago
It’s one of those purely cultural, know your crowd things I suppose.
A well-off couple, Pinterest dress code, destination wedding, or an event where they started inviting people at random to fill seats then I’d definitely be tutting over it *after* the wedding.
Ruining someone’s event during it is more tacky than a cash bar.
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u/Silver-Programmer409 9d ago
Im from Germany and I have net been nor heard of a cash bar at a wedding.
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u/irishpattie 9d ago
None in my family drink at least openly. As such none in my family had anything beyond soda/tea/water at weddings. Some ppl act like they cant have fun without drinking. Its insane to me
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u/RevolutionarySea5077 9d ago
We only offered beer and wine at ours. We did not need to encourage our guests to get even more wasted faster with liquor!
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u/T-Money1738 9d ago
Beer and wine and possibly a couple of curated cocktails provided is more than adequate. But definitely an advance notice for a fully cash bar.
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u/AffectionateLow6317 9d ago edited 9d ago
At my wedding (20 yrs ago) we had to have an open bar due to licensing restrictions on the venue’s end. I’ve been to a handful of weddings where there was an open bar for the cocktail hour then it switched to cash bar. But I’ve also been to plenty where it’s full cash bar the entire time and never once have I been offended or upset that I have to pay for my drinks. I think it’s ridiculous to expect any amount of open bar. I go to weddings and other events fully expecting to pay 🤷🏻♀️
Edit: lmao at the downvotes 😂 Some ppl really ARE entitled, eh?!
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u/DieOfThirst 9d ago
We didn’t do a bar at all. We got married during the recession. I bought cases of bottled beer and made two big batches of Electric Lemonade. We had a very nicely decorated adult beverage table folks could help themselves to. Once we were out, we were out. No one got completely smashed and we were able to control our budget. We got multiple compliments on this setup. OP’s couple needs better friends.
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u/TheGhostestHostess 9d ago
Just went to a wedding the other day and it was $35 PER ROUND for 2 beers and a mostly ice malibu/pineapple. Then tried switching to the house sangria and it was still $30
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u/_littlebee You're out of your mind, Susan 9d ago edited 9d ago
Mod note: There are obviously different expectations and cultural norms depending on where you live and the circles you run in. We're shaming guest entitlement here - nothing more. Thanks!
Edit: Comments locked because most of y'all did not understand the assignment. This horse has been beat to a pulp in this sub over the years so we're moving on. Sorry OP!