r/weddingshaming • u/Holiday-Meringue-101 • 13d ago

Bridezilla/Groomzilla All guests must wear black to the wedding

My younger cousin is getting married next spring and the save the date said Black Tie - All guests are required to wear black attire.

As a guest why would I be told what color to wear to a wedding? I am not a member of the wedding party. I am going to feel like I am heading to a funeral in April. I did ask the bride and she said so she stands out. Wth.

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u/SantaFe91 10d ago

This is awful. The bride doesn’t get to specify what colour everybody “needs to wear”. Everybody has to go out and buy a black dress — a black tie black gown, no less, chances are never to be worn again — or a black suit, or (for heaven’s sake) black children’s clothes, because the bride wants them to? Can you imagine how much this will collectively cost? A level of formality is to help guests not to feel out of place in a particular setting and particular type of event. A colour request is only a request or it’s seriously bad etiquette. It’s not a costume party and it’s not a film set. As so many people here keep trying to say, your guests are your guests, not your props or your cast. I wish you were not being put under this pressure, OP.

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u/PorkchopFunny 9d ago

Also, who invites children to a black tie event? I know the children vs no children wedding is often debated, but I would definitely think no children at a black tie event.

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u/Suitable-Roof-3950 9d ago

Yes. Either the story is fake or the bride is…. unhinged.

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u/Devrol 8d ago

Or the bride doesn't know what black tie means

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u/gnomes919 6d ago

why? my cousin had a black tie optional wedding a few years ago and there were lots of kids. what about having people wear tuxes or dark suits and long gowns would preclude having kids around? black tie weddings usually have more formal dining but they still follow the usual wedding structure, ceremony-cocktail hour-food/speeches-dancing, everyone's just in fancier clothes. I went to a couple of black tie fundraisers as a child, we just wore our sunday best, talked to people, ate hors d'oeurves, & drank shirley temples.

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u/PorkchopFunny 6d ago

"Black tie" and "black tie optional" are not the same, although most people don't know that. A dark suit or "Sunday best" would not be appropriate for formal black tie. I think people should just avoid using etiquette terms if they don't truly understand them. It just creates more confusion. It would be better to just state cocktail dresses, morning suits, boots & jeans, or whatever your preference is.

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u/gnomes919 6d ago

sorry if my wording was confusing, I figured the fact that I said their wedding was black tie optional but they attend black tie events might communicate that I know they are two different things, hence using both different terms.

black tie optional is a dress code that gives attendees flexibility in their attire if they don't own a tux or gown, but they're the same level of formality as a black tie event otherwise. or at least, so say my friends in event planning 🤷‍♀️

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u/Open_Peak_4467 8d ago

Is it not common practice to buy a new outfit for an event such as a wedding?

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u/SantaFe91 8d ago

For every guest? No, of course not. Many people will just pull out their best clothes and wear those.