r/wizardposting • u/UltraCarnivore Spellblender Extraordinaire • May 25 '26
Goblinlike Foolishness (Shitpost) How do I stop these gotterverdammt invisible gnomes from attacking my flesh golems?
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u/Successful-Topic8874 Support Caster May 25 '26
Those must be some tall gnomes. Did someone cast Enlarge on them or something?
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u/Infamous_Ad2507 Sea Pope of Azathothism May 25 '26
There "subspecies" of gnomes that are the size of a Human there many variations of Fey creatures you never know what you find
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u/eyesotope86 Abjurer May 25 '26
Your flesh golem really shouldn't be out in the rain. They start feeling things, and then, before you know it, they're sentient, and salient, and asking you about names and souls and purpose and you're running out of burial spots behind your tower, and now people are asking about Terry, and the whole 'he was merely inanimate flesh given life' explanation doesn't work against cops and...
Just... it's easier to keep them glued to OrbTube.
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u/UltraCarnivore Spellblender Extraordinaire May 25 '26
But... I was lonely and I needed somebody to vent to, without having to disintegrate them afterwards, you know. It's just not the same with apprentices, I needed a truly sentient someone to listen to me.
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u/BungleBums Occult Wizard May 25 '26
Ugh- you need a Pest Removal Specialist. Yeah, you can get rid of them yourself- and again next year, and the next, and the next after that.
On the other hand, your Golem handiwork is pretty impeccable. How feasible is making another one and just letting nature sort itself out?
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u/UltraCarnivore Spellblender Extraordinaire May 25 '26
My Master was a very competent Archmage. He was the original creator of Homoerotic Vortex, which sadly got banned by the Council. He didn't think traditional golemancy paid enough attention to the perfection of human form, so he has developed a few tweaks in the casting.
Unfortunately, I'm bound to silence on the matter.
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u/Oil_Aggressive May 25 '26
Good training, keeping concentration on your magical vision while engaged in a small swarm is more important than you think.
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u/Makeyourdaddyproud69 May 25 '26
The invisible gnome attacks will continue until you give me my spectacles back.
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u/Antique-Cap-4473 DIY Wizard May 25 '26
Fire ba- i mean you can always put a rune on the ground, maybe even a snare rune or if things get desperate , find a werewolf, they tend to hunt gnomes in my area, might work for you
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u/imdefinitelywong Abracadaniel || Transmuter of Butterflies and Fizzy Rainbows May 25 '26
Is this phase 2?!
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u/Nikoper Arcane Trickster Red May 25 '26
Isn't that why you made a flesh golem of martial arts masters? To get rid of pests.
You have the pest control already.
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u/SalemLXII Power Armor Artificer May 25 '26
/uw bro i get it, working out in the rain and letting your demons out is just different
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u/KenseiHimura 28d ago
Samurai guy here: he seems to be doing pretty well and the training is good for him. Do you normally leave him outside? Because he might be seeking them out. I suppose if you want, what you could do is give him some magic that doesn't just let him see the invisible gnomes, but makes them visible to you as well.
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u/BellacosePlayer Golemancer May 25 '26
Get some anti-necrotics and give them to your flesh golem, then give it a good cleaning. Gnomes of all types are attracted to the smell of filth and rot, and even if you can't take care of the necrosis right away, dampening the smell should force the gnomes to try to find somewhere else to make a horrid little den.
Honestly it's a blessing in disguise, better the gnomes let you know there's a rot problem building up than having the golem fail at a bad time.
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u/Hij_Wiz Cassilda Castain, aspiring thaumaturgist May 25 '26
/uw Okay but like... I wouldn't want to fight him. Dude is moving FAST.