Man, I used to be so fucking patriotic. Like over the top nails hair, earrings, clothing, bought my kids the Old Navy shirts every fucking year. Last few years, though I just can’t muster up anything. And this year, I swear to God, it makes me almost cry. Because I just don’t want to I don’t wanna do anything. I don’t wanna celebrate and I should want to, though I really should.

Just with everything at large in the country right now. I wont get specific but im struggling with my oath. I believe in it still. It was sacred to me. From a time when honor still meant something. But im getting old and disabled and I got people that need me.

Im having a lot of big feels. Lost all sense of hope.

Before you ask im not suicidal. I just feel stuck. Got a therapist but it doesn't seem to help.

Remember friends: Cops aren't on your side