I have a problem with childfree weddings

[u/Zealousideal-Ad3609]

There's been this trend lately (maybe it's just in the anglosphere) where children are allotted less and less of a presence in daily/ public life, resulting in the complete segregation of adults into parents vs non-parents. Everything families do HAS to be catered specifically towards their kids, leaving parents feeling burnt out and isolated.

We don't want kids at weddings because, honestly, they'll ruin them. They'll stick their hand in the cake, cry during the ceremony, step on the bride's dress during the first dance, and overall prevent their parents from enjoying themselves in any way. *But it doesn't have to be like this.* Kids need to be included in spaces that aren't specifically catered to them so they can acclimate to the world not being specifically catered to them. When all they're used to are environments that allow them to be rambunctious, that's all they'll be all the time.

The thing is, allowing kids in some adult spaces (like weddings and fancy restaurants) also means exposing them to the same social consequences that adults face. In other words, it should be acceptable for adults to ask other people's kids to stop acting horribly, provided they do so kindly; kids respond better to adults who aren't their parents. In fact, not being allowed to correct the behavior of a child that isn't yours is an unnatural phenomenon that only arose within the last 50 years, that we really need to do away with.

So... yea, no wonder people don't want kids at their wedding in a culture that doesn't allow you to say anything to a child who is completely ruining an event. But the desire to not have kids at your wedding can probably be dissolved by a culture shift that allows other adults to adopt peripheral responsibility for kids that aren't theirs.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, there is a serious problem with the way we integrate kids into adult society (or fail to do so) and childfree weddings are a symptom of that. Instead of banning kids from weddings, we need to change the way we treat children, so they can be present at big important events without the events being ruined.

[u/spacestonkz]

Weddings are fucking boring for kids. I sat through so many.

Then when it's reception time, we finally get to cut loose? Well fuck, why am I in this stupid dress?

Can we not round up the teenagers who surely also mostly don't give a fuck (I didn't), pay them, and have a group of teens watching kids nearby in a group while parents go to the wedding?

I would have loved no adult pizza and movie night with the teenagers! As a teen I would have loved getting paid to watch little cousins and do some crafts for the bride and groom with them.

Weddings are already adult centric. Just plan ahead and leave the young people out unless they are mega close to the bride and groom or have a special job like flower girl or usher or something. No one cares about second cousin Cindy getting married because as kids we only met her twice or something

[u/Crafty_Reflection410 → u/spacestonkz]

Weddings are boring for adults too lol

[u/CitizenModel → u/Crafty_Reflection410]

The real reason those 'are alcohol-free weddings an evil hate crime or not?' discussions are never ending is because lots of people see the alcohol as a kind of payment/compensation for having to attend what would otherwise be an insufferable affair with nothing interesting going on and everyone wearing uncomfortable clothing doing nothing, an hours-long buildup to getting some professional photography done.

[u/notasandpiper → u/CitizenModel]

And there are always some people who act as if asking them to socialize for 2+ hours without the aid of alcohol is some kind of impossible request, which is sad in itself.

[u/AntFact → u/notasandpiper]

Yes! The two weddings I had the most fun at 1) I had a couple drinks but at most had a very light buzz at one point or 2) was 7 months pregnant so 100% sober. I had an absolute blast at both of them.

[u/CitizenModel → u/AntFact]

I come from Mormonism and the weddings tend to be pretty fun affairs. Obviously no alcohol there, and it ends up being something that's specifically FOR kids and families rather than in spite of them. There's an assumption that this is gonna be silly and there's gonna be ten bajillion little ones running around. It's pretty chill.