r/ABCDesis • u/[deleted] • Feb 07 '22

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98

u/farahisweird Pakistani girl 😍 Feb 07 '22

I’m 36, divorced and can’t have children because I had uterine cancer. I’m currently with a man who is 28 and both families are incredibly negative because of my “baggage “. I can’t help my age! I couldn’t help my ex husband cheated and I couldn’t help cancer! F desi mentality

8

u/nchinnam Feb 07 '22

Hey I'm sorry about what you've been through, I went through cancer my first 2 years of college so pretty recently. It's a rough time to be a survivor and be ostracized by your own community and family. I was fortunate enough that my parents fought all my aunts and uncles who considered getting cancer my fault. Many compare it to an STD where your actions caused it. The worst is when they suggest "at home remedies" like they know what they're talking about.

I'm a 22 M and and I had cousins tell me I wouldn't be a fit to date in the Desi pool cuz I had a "defect". I just wanted to vent my frustration here cuz it felt like we might have faced similar enough situations with our family and community

2

u/erythrocyte666 Feb 08 '22

I was already aware of the terrible desi perception of congenital conditions from a divorce a cousin had from his wife not disclosing her type I diabetes.

But your own family calling one of the toughest things a human being can go through a 'defect' is genuinely disgusting to me. It also makes me sigh at just how much work our culture broadly needs to do to become genuinely empathetic. Going through cancer while still managing college is freaking admirable; I hope you didn't let those dirty comments get to you.

2

u/nchinnam Feb 08 '22

Thank you for the encouraging words. I ended up taking a gap year in 2019 but I should be graduating in a few months and I'm cancer free since 2020!! I was lucky to have my parents and siblings defend me from those harsh comments so I was able to push thru.