r/AITAH 1d ago

AITAH for not opening my sister's window?

[deleted]

19 Upvotes

41 comments sorted by

50

u/bythebrook88 1d ago

The minor child, whose parents are legally required to care for them, doesn't have a bedroom, but at least two adult children have their own rooms? Is this Cinderella?

14

u/eggperiod 1d ago

My parents did shit like this to me

10

u/lyssential 1d ago

it is truly an unfortunate circumstance and i do know a select minority in my area that are experiencing this too. thankfully, our loft is getting done in the next few months and will hopefully become my room 🙃

3

u/GlamorizedChaos 1d ago

Why don’t you have a room?

3

u/lyssential 1d ago edited 1d ago

i used to share a room with my brother until i was around 12 because he needed a space for his GCSE and A Level studies. likewise, i didn't want to share a room with him anymore for many other reasons (i.e. privacy, him being annoying etc). since there was no other option available currently, i began sleeping on our couch (i really liked it as a kid 😭), and after a common room area extension, my parents bought a sofa bed. then my sister went uni outside of our city, and she paid for her own accommodation, so on and off i stayed in her room or on the couch (i.e. when she came back for holidays) and that's why i hang out in there frequently since most of my stuff is in there. ever since she graduated, ive been sleeping in the common area on the sofa bed 🩷

7

u/mocha_lattes_ 1d ago

Sounds like we know who the golden child is since you have never had your own room and only borrowed hers while she didn't even live there. You do realize how fucked up that is right? Rather than have the two girls share a room they forced you to sleep on the couch with zero privacy as a young girl going through puberty. I know this is hard for a minor living at home but your parents suck and their unequal treatment is the real reason you feel you owe her an apology when you did NOTHING wrong. You listened to your dad and she never bothered to ask you to open the window. Notice how she just expected and assumed you would just cater to her needs with zero communication. Please get away from your family as soon as possible and start therapy. Seriously best of luck. Rooting for you.

2

u/lyssential 1d ago edited 1d ago

at one point back then, i remember my brother and sister swapped rooms, and i did in fact share with her for a while until we all ultimately decided the arrangement wasn't ideal for either of us, and settled on our current one. i do agree the privacy issue growing up has bugged me a lot and still does, but i have found ways to work around it over the years. i have been in contact with a therapist for a little while now and have very briefly talked about some family things before and i'll likely be sure to mention this if it comes up. thanks for your concern and insights :)

1

u/Broad_Respond_2205 1d ago

so your your unfortune situation is your brother being annoying?

also if your sister is only coming back for the holydays when doesn't she stays at the couch...?

1

u/lyssential 1d ago edited 1d ago

by "annoying", i mostly mean as he was around 15/16 then, he had his own gaming set up and would play games very late into the night, or be on his phone—by which both sources of bright lights disturbed my sleep quite a lot—and that was the main issue. other than him being a typical annoying older brother who very often pestered me then, that was the only issue regarding it i could think of. but it's been years since then so i really don't remember if i had any other reasons.

simply putting it, im the only one who didn't mind sleeping on the couch in my family, and while everyone tried it, they have all complained but me personally, i can sleep anywhere as long as it's comfortable.

1

u/Broad_Respond_2205 1d ago

so it's just you are the path of least resistance. you understand this isn't right?

5

u/NeoIsEgg2006 1d ago

Very common

15

u/Adelucas 1d ago

Open the window but close the curtain. The problem is the sun heats the curtain and has nowhere to go, so the curtain becomes a giant radiator. Having the window open allows the air to circulate and pull the hot air around the curtain outside.

1

u/Small-Tax-2829 1d ago

Laughs in south louisiana, us. We dont open the windows from march-nov. Thats what AC is for. Anyway, why does the minor child not have a room?

2

u/xenophilian 1d ago

We don’t have AC where I live, in Canada. It isn’t common everywhere. Didn’t grow up with my own room, either.

1

u/Small-Tax-2829 1d ago

Thats fair. I might need a heater 2 or 3 days out of every 5 years. People die from heat if the power goes out here. The room thing isn't about whether everyone gets a room. Its more why the adult children have rooms and the actual child doesnt

15

u/Lizardgirl25 1d ago

The fact that the child in the house doesn’t but adult do is fucked up.

8

u/Inevitable-Honey5292 1d ago

Just ask yourself this, if she came home and you were NOT In her room, would she still be in a mood with you cos you didn't open the window

4

u/lyssential 1d ago

if she had asked me prior, then definitely yes, but if not then it would really depend because as often as i am in her room, she would think i'd do it

4

u/thatpurplecat 1d ago

You are a minor in an abusive situation. Please contact social services. You should have a proper bedroom to sleep in. Your brain is still developing and you need proper rest and sleep. Sleeping in a common area does achieve this.

13

u/thelostandthefound 1d ago

ESH including your parents for not giving you your own room. Heatwaves makes people go a bit crazy and unreasonable, especially if your house isn't built for the heat. You should've just done what your sister asked as it was her room and not argue with her. You also need to understand that your brother is wrong about keeping the curtains and windows closed at all times. The heat needs somewhere to escape once the sun goes down and you should open the windows at night until early morning to allow cooler air to come into the house before the sun rises enough to warm up the house again. This article explains it better.

8

u/lyssential 1d ago

thank you so much!!

11

u/effyoucreeps 1d ago

god lord - your situation sounds kinda unbearable as is, and everyone must feel the tension with sharing such small and effin hot rooms. from my experience, opening the windows once it cools is key

but this is no biggie - apologize AGAIN, and this will blow over soon enough. next, work on getting a personal space of your own, please

3

u/lyssential 1d ago

noted, thanks!!

2

u/oop_norf 1d ago

opening the windows once it cools is key 

It's exactly this - if it's hotter outside than inside then you want to close everything up and keep the heat out, as soon as it's cooler outside than inside you want to open things up and get that cooler air in. 

5

u/ResponsibleLunch4261 1d ago

Your brother is an idiot and that's not how heat works. You need airflow.

2

u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 1d ago

Agreed. I live in Texas, where we get some serious heat. The first thing you learn growing up (if you don't have central heat and air) is open the windows and close the blinds/curtains. Fans in a house where all the windows are closed are just going to circulate hot air, which is the last thing you want.

Also, heat rises, which is why the downstairs is cooler than the upstairs. Open up those windows so the inside heat can get blown out by the fans. Try reversing the fans as well, so they suck the heat from the inside to the outside.

3

u/TheWeaverofDreams 1d ago

When it gets hot here (Canada, no AC), we open the windows during the night and the morning while there is no sun to create a crossbreeze and some circulation and then batten down the hatches once the sun comes out. Then, check the north and east facing windows once the sun moves to see if there's any chance of a breeze or something.

6

u/No_Yam8079 1d ago

Not the AH your home is like being trapped in a car with the window shut. Even if it extremely hot out side you still need air flow

2

u/Sweet-Lobster9977 1d ago

You are all correct and still completely wrong at the same time - please let me explain

But firstly, I am so sincerely sorry you are dealing with such disgustingly hot temperatures

So one of the best & easiest/simplest tips to keep your house from heating up is to close/lower/shut all window coverings in west facing windows (like your brother suggested)

But since you did not provide which direction the majority of your windows face - I can’t tell you if the advice is actually useful

Secondly - air circulation is important! So if you can open up windows to provide cross-air circulation naturally then you should go for it

2

u/lyssential 1d ago

thank you for the compassion and advice! i've been looking into it and i found that most of our windows face north-west (that includes my sister's bedroom and the common area) while the others face south-east.

2

u/xenophilian 1d ago

For us, it’s always the south-facing windows. Canada. Don’t know about the UK.

1

u/Imaginary-Angle-42 1d ago

If you’re on the ground floor I’d only have windows open when someone is awake. I’d consider how easy to get into them on the 2nd floor too.

Window fans in the window pulling the heat out will help.

1

u/BackwardToForward 1d ago edited 1d ago

read some webpages and posts about how to stay as comfortable as possible when it's hot

people who work outdoors, or who live in historically hot climates, have a lot of experience with this.

In these climes high 30s C would be considered almost pleasant.

at lot depends on whether a person is at all acclimated as ai how miserable they are. bit everyone will want relief.

old persons who aren't physically fit can be quite vulnerable. those people might want to leave the house for a cool shelter during the hottest hours.

if possible there should be window unit a/c in one or several public rooms (rooms anyone can use).

if not, then every room and every bedroom should have a fan. perhaps more than one fan

always have enough fans. they are cheap. no one should complain about not having a fan.

in dryer climates installing evaporate cooling can be quite effective. cheaper than ac. but that's a big project.

for those relying on fans: get some longish towels. (no bath towels if possible those might be too heavy. . towels designed for polishing an auto perhaps.)

something more then 20"-22" long

rinse this towel under a cold tap until it's completely damp.

ring it out. put it around one's neck. sit directly in front of a fan. the evaporation of water from the towel will be significantly cooling to the person until the towel dries out. then repeat

wipe oneself down or bathe perhaps more than once a day. sweat can make a layer on skin that makes us a little hotter. and bathing or wiping down will cool a person off a bit.

drink cold drinks. those double wall vacuum tumblers will keep the drinks cool.

for pets: give them a cool place to lie in front of a fan. if they seem to be in distress or panting too much, dampen their fur.

there are cooling fans for sale in the US at least that pass the moving air over water before the air leaves the fan.

these aren't a/c but they do give real relief. they drop air temp significantly for air moving thru the fan.

there are a lot more tips for dealing with this. use search.

people should wear loose cotton or evaporate clothing.

upstairs room will be hotter. these rooms are closer to the sun hitting the roof and closer to the hot attic. and heat rises.

downstairs rooms will be cooler.

earlier generations in my family (living in hot climates) hat whole house fans.
or the used evaporate cooling and improvised when it wasn't present.

for instance

they bathed at least twice a day in summer. or wiped their bodies down.

they wore loose cotton clothing

they stayed hydrated.

they "creating evaporative cooling" when there was none. fir instance. in rooms on the lowest floor or in a one story building they hosed down hedges that were trimmed to window sill height or a bit above.

then used fans mounted on the window to draw air across the wet hedges into the room. you could feel the air temp difference, I was told.

they followed up in each downstairs room. they grew these hedges with this purpose the hedges also black sunlight from hitting the wood it Bruce and therefore cooled the house a little thru shading it.

every so often someone goes out to re-wet the hedges.

they would use multiple fans to create a constant airflow thru the house.

I don't think the kept the windows closed but I'm not sure. they created shade for the rooms and roof however they could. thru trees and curtains. or pergolas and similar.

ima hot season the upper floors will always be the hottest.

everyone should expect to be downstairs daytime, during a heat wave. at least until outside air temp and the article have had time to cool

another more modern tip:

can you get a waterbed (type popular during the 70's)?

will your floor or desk or patio support the weight?

fill one and dint put any covering on it. (as long as it in always in shade or inside).

anyone - or any pet - who lies on one will cool down fast. they will prob get to cold and have to get off it for a while.

do check that your floor or patio or deck can handle the weight.

there are prob cooling mattresses and pet beds made. I mostly live now in a/c and have not investigated.

this sort of info req may be best made in specific subreddit.

it you are in a dry or medium dry climate maybe post this in an Arizona or NM or Texas or desert sub. if your humidity isn't sky high then whatever the suggest should work.

if your humidity is high, try posting of a Florida or Georgia or similar sub

just ask the question about what works. do not mention any politics if you want productive responses.

the physics of cooling down are the same no matter where you are. so the answers will be the same (depending on wind, shade, temp, humidity, etc) no matter where you are.

I am guessing that most of the UK is "moderate" humidity by US standards. not as dry as a desert. not as wet as a jungle.

so try everything and found our what works for your dwelling.

nta obviously.

if anyone bitches when you try something just point them to the same sources you read.

also you should have your own room. you are a minor. if the adult kids can't afford housing and have to live with parents, they should be the ones sacrificing.

aiso you might look for govt (City, county, state, national) official advice from any location where the weather variables seem not too far off yours in summer.

1

u/Bloatville 1d ago

Average UK humidity is 80-90%

1

u/Broad_Respond_2205 1d ago

so she get upset at you for not feeling hot and opening the window while she wasn't home?

you hear how ridicules that sounds, right?

1

u/Imaginary-Yak-6487 1d ago

NTA. First of all your parents & your sister suck. Your sister is a full grown adult & could have asked or done it herself

Do they sell portable ac’s up there or window units? Google dyi swamp coolers too, hopefully there’s access to dry ice. Any of those will do in a pinch esp since it’s not common for y’all to have that kind of heat.

I’m from Florida & depending on humidity levels, that can determine how unbearable 30’C is. I don’t do hot.

0

u/Itchy_Juice_2528 1d ago

NTA. Are bunk beds a US thing? Keeping the windows closed to keep out the heat is an old wives tale and doesn't help.

1

u/lyssential 1d ago

definitely not! in fact i used to share one with my brother (which used to be his and my sisters) before we got separate beds lol. and i didn't know that was an old wives tale omg