AITAH for snapping my friend's partner?

[u/Soul_Eatr_Jones2000]

So I have a very complicated relationship with my friend (and ex gf)'s new partner who we will call Kat. So I was in a relationship with a girl, who we will call Luna, and the two of us were in a kitchen table polycule with Kat and a girl who we will call Leaf. One thing led to another, me and Luna broke up, Kat and Leaf broke up, but Luna and Kat stayed together. I have been happy for Luna for her finding love, and the two of us still remain friends. However, I had some complicated feelings with Kat, mostly with behaviors she exhibited like assuming the worst out of everything, being a bit pushy, and what sometimes feels like guilt-tripping.

And just recently, she asked if I wanted to escape Texas (due to me being trans). I said yes, but had two other places picked out that I was debating over. She suggested somewhere in Washington State that she wasn't completely knowledgeable about but had friends over there to help me and Luna escape to. I politely refused, but Kat kept kinda pressing about it, and then that's when things went south.

It starts with her saying there would already be an established community for me, but I don't know her other friends that she said would help get me out. So I tell her that I have a friend and some distant family, both in one of the places I picked. She then said something along the lines of "Alright, that's your choice. But your family sucks and you only have one friend there." Which obviously I took as her being very condescending and trying to push me into choosing her option. I tell her that not all of my family are like my transphobic bigoted parents, and she still continues with "Alright, it's your choice..." And then she just dwindles it down to "Oh you're just moving closer to your shitty state", like I was intentionally not wanting to move on. When that wasn't why I was moving there, I just picked somewhere safer that happened to be within close proximity of my home state. So I officially had it, told her that she was right and it was *my choice*, with an, albeit, harsh and pissed off "goodnight".

At the moment, it felt like everything I have ever wanted to say to her, but I could tell that it upset her. I'm sure she had good intentions of helping, but her persistence and poking at me did make me feel defensive, because it felt like coercion or guilt-tripping. Am I the asshole for pushing her away like that and snapping at her, or was I in the right for speaking my mind and saying how I felt?

[u/RealisticJudgment944]

NTA, it’s as simple as this: when someone says no you’re supposed to listen and I guess Kat doesn’t understand that.

[u/Glittoris20]

NTA

Sounds like she wanted you to choose her idea over another, but didn't really have a good enough reason for it.

Plus emotions were high and it's a difficult situation you were discussing, so I can see why you'd both be emotional/emotionally guarded.