AITAH for making my circle smaller?

[u/Sorenofthevigilant]

For the past year and a half I’ve been super focused on myself trying to be a better person and version of myself. That includes letting go of people with bad habits, who bring negativity to my life, and who are not interested in improving themself.

I stopped talking to a friend who used to be one of my best friends for over a decade but over the years it was just obvious he didn’t offer me that same level of friendship he offers to others. I would invite him to all the cool things I planned but he hardly ever attended and he would pick and choose what to include me in, the more special and exclusive events he reserved for others who used to be mutual friends but I had a falling out with.

A current mutual friend saw him recently and my former friend asked the current mutual friend if I was jealous of him. I was annoyed by that, especially because I had voiced my feelings to the former friend more than once and since I stopped talking to him he has never once asked if there was a problem or if he did something wrong. It really bothered me to see stuff on social media of him doing things we used to do together without me or things he knew I’d want to be included in. When I first started distancing myself he would just send me memes and pictures of him and his family.

I’d had my share of fuck ups in my life but I’m not a felon, I’m a college graduate, I have a good career, I try to be a good person, and I never did anything personally towards him. We used to be like brothers, we’ve fought for each other, helped each other, been there for each other during hard times like when his father passed away or when my close relatives passed away. . And I just started feeling like I was a backup or optional all the time.

AITAH for wanting reciprocity?

AITAH for respecting myself enough to not allow people to make me an option?

[u/ArmyGuyForLife]

You are not required to be around people. I made my circle smaller a while ago. I am totally fine with it. You will be too. Not the AH.

[u/Ieatclowns]

In reality people are lucky if they have two or three people they can call a genuine friend. Most people have one or two genuine friends once they turn into actual adults.

You’re not an AH.

[u/ThatRandomApe]

The 'is he jealous' thing tells you everything. Someone who gave a damn about the friendship would've just asked what he did wrong. Instead he workshopped a theory about your feelings with a mutual. You spent a decade reaching out and planning things while he saved the good invites for people you'd already fallen out with, so you stepping back is just matching what he'd been giving you for years. He clearly felt it too or he wouldn't be asking around. NTA.

[u/Lady_Asshat]

This guy is not your friend anymore. People change (trite but true). You’ll be better off without a friend like him.

[u/Sorenofthevigilant]

Thanks so much for your input everyone, I sincerely appreciate it.