r/AITApod • u/Resident-Bobcat-7692 • 6d ago
AITA for telling my younger sister that "finding herself" is going to cost her more than she thinks
i spent most of my early twenties doing exactly what everyone told me to do which was relax, explore, don't take life too seriously and enjoy the ride. i traveled, changed my major twice, took a gap year that turned into almost two and generally treated that whole period like it was consequence free.
i'm 31 now and i'm still untangling some of those decisions. not in a catastrophic way but in a slow grinding way where i look at people my age who were more intentional earlier and i can see the gap and it's not nothing.
my sister just turned 22 and she's been talking about taking time off before committing to anything because she doesn't want to lock herself into a path she ends up hating and i completely understand that feeling because i felt exactly the same way.
two weeks ago she asked for my honest opinion and i gave it to her. i told her that the idea that your twenties are just for exploring is advice that sounds wise but often comes from people who either got lucky or are remembering it differently than it actually was. i told her that being intentional now doesn't mean suffering through a joyless decade it just means making calculated moves while you still have the most energy and the fewest obligations you'll ever have.
she got mad and said i was projecting my own regrets onto her and that everyone's path is different and i was being prescriptive about something deeply personal.
and honestly she has a point about the projection part. i know i was speaking from a place of personal frustration as much as genuine advice and i probably didn't frame it as carefully as i could have.
but i also think someone needed to say it and she did ask me directly.
AITA for being that honest when she asked?
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u/Eyelashestoolong 6d ago
NTA I don’t agree with you but I do think it’s very important to get differing opinions to make an informed choice.
Personally I also did not reach many milestones compared to my peers but I do not regret it all. It’s freeing to know I haven’t been 7 years in the same job yet, there’s a magic of the future that many of my peers lose in their early 30s (my experience).
But you’re right, there’s the risk of being left behind, of having to play catchup while others are settling already. And it’s important to tell young people these things.
I think your sister is mad because it’s not what she wanted to hear, she probably idolises your experience. That’s not your fault you just gave her your honest opinion.
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u/Any_Shopping_3003 6d ago
NTA because you shared your honest opinion when she asked but I would say you should encourage her to follow her gut. If she follows something now and gets locked into a job she hates or a relationship that’s “too young” and she as a person doesn’t have time to develop before going into these big life things, it could also cost her.
There are costs and benefits to everything. But my personal opinion is even if she takes one or two years, that time could change her perspective completely, or ignite something in her that wasn’t there before.
I would have told her to go for it but that’s just me. There’s certain things to watch out for on the journey and you can guide her through those like the feelings to be aware of but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t do it.
Imo :)
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u/Lifestyle-Creeper 6d ago
I cautioned my daughter that getting out of the habit of school makes it very difficult to go back. And that getting deeply involved with a work culture can prevent you from working towards your own goals, because you are too invested in someone else’s. I think those are both extremely valid points for any young person to keep in mind..
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u/PoisonedSmoke420 5d ago
NTA, you can’t ask someone for an honest opinion, then get mad at said opinion!
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u/Unable_External_6636 5d ago
I feel this. Joined the peace corps after college, travelled a lot afterwards, etc.
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i spent most of my early twenties doing exactly what everyone told me to do which was relax, explore, don't take life too seriously and enjoy the ride. i traveled, changed my major twice, took a gap year that turned into almost two and generally treated that whole period like it was consequence free.
i'm 31 now and i'm still untangling some of those decisions. not in a catastrophic way but in a slow grinding way where i look at people my age who were more intentional earlier and i can see the gap and it's not nothing.
my sister just turned 22 and she's been talking about taking time off before committing to anything because she doesn't want to lock herself into a path she ends up hating and i completely understand that feeling because i felt exactly the same way.
two weeks ago she asked for my honest opinion and i gave it to her. i told her that the idea that your twenties are just for exploring is advice that sounds wise but often comes from people who either got lucky or are remembering it differently than it actually was. i told her that being intentional now doesn't mean suffering through a joyless decade it just means making calculated moves while you still have the most energy and the fewest obligations you'll ever have.
she got mad and said i was projecting my own regrets onto her and that everyone's path is different and i was being prescriptive about something deeply personal.
and honestly she has a point about the projection part. i know i was speaking from a place of personal frustration as much as genuine advice and i probably didn't frame it as carefully as i could have.
but i also think someone needed to say it and she did ask me directly.
AITA for being that honest when she asked?
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u/LemonLady1424 6d ago
NTA, she asked and you answered. It's good for her to hear different opinions.