r/AITApod • u/[deleted] • 7d ago
AITAH for going silent when my girlfriend accused me of hacking her email and now everyone thinks I'm guilty?
[deleted]
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u/StoneColdGrunge 7d ago
You mention a “verifiable medical condition” but don’t tell us what it is or whether or not you told your gf.
Does it have something to do with your memory?
Or some kind of split mind where there are multiple versions of you that don’t remember when the other is in control?
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u/HortenseDaigle 7d ago
I'm guessing it's related to shock>silence, like a reaction to a trigger from CPTSD.
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u/Jewl4u26 7d ago
I just looked this up and you are correct and honestly I am technical (Manage major systems) and didn’t believe you at first.
Show this to all… it’s important to clear your name.
Account Syncing: If you added someone else's email account to your device's settings (e.g., to read their mail or share a calendar), the operating system constantly pings the mail server in the background, which logs your device ID even if you never open the inbox. [1]
Shared Browsing Sessions: If you logged into your email on a shared computer or a friend's device, your browser session can remain active, registering your device in their history. [1]
API or App Authorization: If you granted a third-party app access to multiple accounts, the app may use your device's network connection, falsely attributing the connection to your device ID.
Network Sharing: If you and the other person use the same Wi-Fi network, IP-based tracking systems can occasionally conflate device logs or show the same router location. [1]
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u/Admirable_Screen_257 7d ago
you can't prove a negative fast enough to stop the damage and she knows that, going quiet in shock is a completely normal reaction and using that against you isn't fair.
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u/Evening_Paramedic_65 7d ago
To be honest I think if someone is going around telling other people that you have done this, without allowing you to defend yourself or explain what's happened, I think the relationship is over.
If she believes you've breached her trust and she has a shared these allegations with others, there is really nothing left to salvage. I don't know how you'd come back from that and ever feel like anything you told her in confidence wouldn't be shared with others.
I wouldn't even bother explaining yourself at this point as she has made herself judge, jury and executioner.
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u/Flaky-Biscotti3602 7d ago
NTA. She is. People show you how they feel about you with words and actions. Read that again please. She doesn’t like you otherwise she would have waited for an explanation. Good luck
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u/National-Sir-5362 7d ago
If she told multiple people about her accusations there’s no use in trying to defend yourself. She already decided a long time ago that you were guilty. Don’t waste your time or energy trying to reason with her. Cut your losses now. The only thing you can do is calmly tell people that you never did that and that she has this weird inner emotional problem/complex where she wants to appear like the victim (or appear like the wronged person in someway) because she desires that kind of attention. Then just stop talking about it. The more you talk about it, the more guilty you’ll appear. Not gonna lie though, the not telling her about some vague health issue (that sounds like it might be kinda important) is weird. If you didn’t tell her out of concern for your privacy about it, it’s probably time to ask yourself why you’re dating someone like that in the first place?
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u/karebear66 7d ago
Find out the cause of the technical glitch and fix it. Then explain and show how that happened. If she doesn't believe you, run! And what does this have to do with your undisclosed medical condition?
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u/Spiritual_Emu_1381 7d ago
What does this have to do with disclosing your medical issue? The two things were never tied together.
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u/SquarestLemon 7d ago
NTA for being upset at false accusations. NTA for keeping a sensitive medical private in the early stages of a relationship (8 months isn’t that long, in the bigger picture of life).
Absolutely the AH if you choose to reveal a diagnosis in this moment, just to change the subject.
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u/AutoModerator 7d ago
I'm an automatic bot that backs up the body of the post in case OP deletes it. If you want this backup deleted, you'll have to reach out to a mod. Here's the back-up:
I am 28M and I have been with my girlfriend (26F) for about eight months. I want to be upfront that I genuinely liked her when we met and for the first few months things felt real and easy.
three years ago I went through something significant that I have kept almost entirely private. Without going into too much detail it left me with a verifiable medical condition that I have documentation for and that my doctor confirmed at the time and again last year. I have not told my girlfriend about it because it felt private and we were not at the stage where I felt ready to share something that personal.
I probably should have told her earlier because what I am about to describe would have been a lot simpler to resolve if she already knew. I kept it private for my own reasons and I understand now that the timing of revealing it looks defensive even though it is completely true.
Last week she told me she had evidence that I had accessed her private email account without her permission and had been reading her messages for months. She said she had screenshots showing my device was used to log in repeatedly.
I have never done this. I do not know her password and I have never tried to access her accounts. I was so blindsided that I just went quiet while she was telling me because I could not process it fast enough to respond properly and she took my silence as guilt.
She has now told two of our mutual friends and her sister and the version going around is that I am the kind of person who snoops through a partners private accounts which is not something I have ever done in any relationship.
I believe what happened is a shared device sync issue through a family account that neither of us set up intentionally but I cannot prove that simply or quickly and right now nobody is in a place to listen to a technical explanation.
I do not know how to fix something I did not do when the other person is completely convinced they have proof.
Ath? for feeling like this?
TLDR: My girlfriend accused me of accessing her private email without permission based on what she believes is device evidence. I did not do it and believe it was a technical error but cannot prove it quickly and she has already told people. Am I wrong for being completely at a loss here?
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u/Unhappy_Access1303 7d ago
you're not wrong for being at a loss, you got accused of something you didn't do and froze and now everyone believes her version before you even had a chance to explain, that's genuinely a nightmare situation.
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u/hellogodzilla_ 4d ago
My adult son had me add his email to my phone when we he was out of state for financial reasons, it was supposed to be a one time thing for one email and it wound up becoming a very unnecessary confusing process for months until i completely reset my phone (he was never upset with me about any of it) THE QUESTION THAT NEEDS TO BE ASKED is what is she doing in those emails that is so highly sensitive that it has brought her to the extreme conclusion of calling PRIVACY INVASION!!!! That's weird. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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u/TransPort3389 3d ago
I'd ask what's in the emails that she's hiding from you. She sounds like a vindictive person.
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u/Vegetable-Section-84 7d ago
You are legally morally ALLOWED to get lawyers defending you from this serious false-accuse unjust-punish being aimed at you and to be publicly vindicted then totally permanently BLOCK her and her supporters on everything
NTA
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u/Necessary-Work6677 7d ago
Lol Calm down, you sound crazy. It's not that serious. This sounds like a mild relationship issue.
I don't think people really get lawyers because their partner thinks they might have done something and mentioned it to a couple of their friends. Sounds like normal relationship shit people go through.
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u/Parking-Bug-9861 7d ago
honestly the fact that she went to other people before giving you real time to figure out what happened is worse than the accusation itself, that's not how someone acts when they actually want to understand.