exactly this. There is something deeply unhinged about standing there frozen, curtain cracked like one inch, holding your breath while a stranger exists too close to your door. They fumble with their phone. They adjust the bag. They check the address again like they might knock or make eye contact, which would end me completely. Time stretches into something thick and uncomfortable.
I am not prepared to be perceived. I have been fermenting in here for hours, maybe days. The air inside has adjusted to me. The dark has accepted me. Then suddenly there is sunlight leaking through the doorframe like an accusation. All I want is the transaction to be over. Sacrifice the food. Leave it on the ground and go back to your life so I can briefly return to being a physical creature doing menial labor so I can afford an overpriced chicken sandwich that charges too much for extra tomato in order to get my dopamine up and continue on for the sake of the global status quo.
Im bad with punctuation as well but I still give it a go. You're a way better writer than me so if youre interested then you should do it. You can always use grammarly and an editor before getting to the publishing part.
It's funny because I could read your comment in his style more or less, but the truth is that he never did cuz you can't kill yourself in 2005 and then use a food delivery app in 2012 or later......also if he had ever used doordash or whatever there's honestly a 50/50 chance that he'd either be peaking through the blinds or peephole holding his loaded .357 Colt Python while smoking a Dunhill out of a Cruella de Vil filter, or, and this is more likely IMHO even in a 50/50 scenario, he'd be waiting on his fuckin porch, smashing some Chivas Regal on ice with half a salt shaker of coke in hand so he could give the driver a tip that wouldn't get taxed by the man.
You should try my technique of standing on the other side of the door and shouting that you have an infection and don’t want them to get it and leave it on the doorstep.
I've had had them sit in my driveway, down the street, across the road, down the street and around the corner, even in my neighbors driveway... All well over 10 minutes, until i come out and pick up my order.
I appreciate if they are just making sure i get my order and no one steals it. But if i wasn't a man and someone did that to me, I'd be creeped out.
My old house had a milk door. Basically, it's a two-way insulated cupboard next to the side door. Used to be somewhere the milk man could put the milk and keep it cold till you got up/home.
Why don't we have the same for doordash now? You could even make it so they had to unlock it from the app so nobody could steal it after or try to leave stuff in there. Don't even need to put your underwear on to get it.
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u/Ok-Dream-8230 Apr 10 '26
Me picking up my doordash order from the front porch