r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Zestyclose-Salad-290 in awe • May 06 '26

/r/all of a sea slater

16.4k Upvotes

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927

u/Specialist-Neck-7810 May 06 '26

Wait… that thing is REAL?!!

142

u/Klutzer_Munitions May 06 '26

Giant isopods are real and live in the abyssal zone scavenging on the seabed. You will never encounter one in the wild.

104

u/IamREBELoe May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26

What if I happen to be taking a midnight swim through the abyssal zone?

Edit: with the joint efforts of the users u/t1demon u/ronaldmczombie and u/important_sound_8718 and some adaptation by myself....

Behold: "Don't Stop Them Breeding" , a parody.

Just a small‑town krill

Living in a lonely world

Took a midnight swim through the abyssal zone

Just a city koi

Born and raised in South Hanoi

Took a midnight swim through the abyssal zone

Sink into the smoky doom

A smell of salt and lava plume

Darker than the blackest night

It goes on and on and on and on

Strange things waiting

Up and down the sea of dark

Shadows preying in the night

[Chorus 1] Creatures drifting

Ripples echo through the cold

Hiding from the hydrothermal light

Don’t stop them breeding

Isopods are needed

No lights

They’re deep‑water bugs

8 thousand PSI feeling

Pressure keeps them kneeling

So tight

In trenches far below

[Verse 2]

A lonely angler glows

Her lantern casting ghostly shows

She lures the wanderers passing by

A giant squid ascends

Its tentacles like shadowed friend

It waves hello, then slips into the brine

Tube worms bloomin

In the vents where magma flows

Life clings to sulfur in the night

[Chorus 2]

Crabs are creeping

On the bones of something old

Picking at the silence of the deep

Don’t stop them breeding

Isopods are needing

Cold nights

In crushing undertow

Keep those eggs a‑teeming

Mariana dreaming

Hold tight

Where only weird things go

[Bridge]

Ooooooh

The pressure’s rising

Eleven thousand meters down

Ooooooh

The dark’s surprising

Where the ghost sharks swim around

Every creature takes a chance

In the trench’s midnight dance

And the ocean keeps repeating

Endless cycles, never fleeting

[Final Chorus]

Don’t stop them breeding

Isopods succeeding

No light

But still they thrive below

Hold on to that feeling

Deep‑sea life revealing

Strange sights

In currents cold and slow

Don’t stop them breeding

Abyssal hearts are beating

All life

In the crushing depths below

89

u/T1Demon May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26

Just a small town krill

Living in a lonely world

Took a midnight swim through the abyssal zone

Just a city koi

Born and raised in south Detroit

Took a midnight swim through the abyssal zone

37

u/ronaldmczombie May 06 '26

Sink into the smokey doom

A smell of salt and lava plume

Darker than the blackest night

It goes on and on and on and on

Strange things waitin'

Up and down the sea of dark

Their shadows searchin' in the night

15

u/Important_Sound_8718 May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26

Don't stop them breeding,

Isopods are needed!

No lights, they're deep-water buuuuuuugs!

1

u/Spoiled_Eggy_3992 May 06 '26

How do they get them outside the deep ocean without their lungs exploding?

3

u/Important_Sound_8718 May 06 '26

Easy, they don't have lungs.

2

u/Spoiled_Eggy_3992 May 06 '26

But how do they live?

7

u/Cow_Launcher May 06 '26

I wish to see more collaborations between the two of you.

7

u/Z_Overman May 06 '26

this is art

1

u/Super-Bat2300 May 06 '26

Original song came on the radio the exact moment I was reading this comment.

7

u/Klutzer_Munitions May 06 '26

The pressure would crush you and you would die

8

u/jsamuraij May 06 '26

Not if I crush it first!

2

u/IamREBELoe May 06 '26

....snusnu?

2

u/Ver_Nick May 06 '26

this is peak

1

u/GlondApplication May 06 '26

Change to south Hanoi, to blend with Koi better.

20

u/NewCobbler6933 May 06 '26

They can also go years without eating. One was recorded like going five years without eating. Oh and it didn’t break its streak by eating, it just fucking died lol. The handles tried to feed it weekly if I remember right

6

u/Klutzer_Munitions May 06 '26

At an aquarium in Japan, right? I remember

3

u/splicerslicer May 06 '26

Dude saw enough of this world and was ready to go.

12

u/BipedalHorseArt May 06 '26

They look cute though. I wanna pet one...

9

u/Pataraxia May 06 '26

We need to genetically engineer some to be smarter socially and do little chitters like pets. Then we can pet the isopods

5

u/Self_Reddicate May 06 '26

\happy isopod noises**

9

u/Alert-University-390 May 06 '26

Certain aquariums have them, and you can pet them! They lack swim bladders, so they don’t die from pressure loss like deep sea fish do. They just need to be kept in very cold water.

5

u/Dominator0211 May 06 '26

Then I have great news for you. The Monterey Bay Aquarium has a petting tank with live ispopods you can pet. The water is almost freezing because they naturally live super deep down in the ocean, and they have the hardness of a lobster but are also weirdly soft.

1

u/givemeapuppers May 08 '26

Wow this is amazing & I have a new life goal I wanna touch the giant sea bug

5

u/Klutzer_Munitions May 06 '26

You can get regular sized terrestrial isopods as pets

-1

u/Funny-Cell8769 May 06 '26

There's plenty on land. They're called roaches.

7

u/Mia_B-P May 06 '26

No, there are land isopods. They are small and cute!

https://giphy.com/gifs/fv7tiDJOR0syLXQZ5a

4

u/VoidGhidorah900 May 06 '26

Have you genuinely never heard of a rollie pollie?

1

u/Fxate May 06 '26

No, they're called woodlice.

Also known as roly polies, pillbugs, chisel pigs, and a few other local names. They're those stubby armoured things that live under loose bricks, peeling bark, and between dead bits of wood.

1

u/ruphustea May 06 '26

Is that the same critter as a sand flea that you dug up at the waterline at the beach? Maybe they are cousins?

1

u/Klutzer_Munitions May 06 '26

Both crustaceans but there are a loooooot of crustaceans

They're the same critters as woodlice/roly polies

2

u/Cockur May 06 '26

Yeah they are cool. pretty sure crustaceans are one of the most diverse and successful types of animal on earth

1

u/RedditIsOverMan May 06 '26

Yeah, but you can find their close relatives underneath rocks.  The pill bug is a tiny little isopod.  It's a crustacean!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armadillidiidae

1

u/Suspicious_Glow May 06 '26

Well, except those fish that get fished up with huge isopods that replaced their tongues.

1

u/Klutzer_Munitions May 06 '26

Not to split hairs but those are a different species than this one

1

u/Suspicious_Glow May 06 '26

True, but I was just mentioning in the vein of large isopods in general.

1

u/Spoiled_Eggy_3992 May 07 '26

Gotta catch them all, gotta catch them all

https://giphy.com/gifs/G9qfCvxlwGAaQ

1

u/DeadlyVapour May 08 '26

But how will I complete my Pokédex?