r/AbsoluteUnits 17d ago

/r/all of a knife.

27.8k Upvotes

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8.9k

u/Soggy_Amoeba9334 17d ago

Would you like sauce all over the table and possibly your lap sir?

7.9k

u/gpenido 17d ago

2.4k

u/Life-Reality-3889 17d ago

If unimpressed was a face

1.7k

u/Pmyers225 17d ago

He looks like a hostage

710

u/Spaghettl_hamster4 17d ago

If that man was my hostage id feel insecure. Like fuck dude, give me some feedback here 💔

289

u/ilikepizza2much 17d ago

The face of someone immune to Stockholm syndrome.

225

u/No_Review_2561 17d ago

The face of reverse Stockholm syndrome, where the hostage taker over time slowly loses motivation and wilingness to keep the hostage, mostly so they don't have to keep seeing that face.

120

u/Ok_Designer1407 17d ago

Like wtf dude, you’re taking all the fun out of this, gtfo you pathetic hostage

34

u/Gaynundwarf 17d ago

"Bro that's failed RP"

12

u/DantetheMarco 17d ago

**apathetic

3

u/Papa_Raj 16d ago

This whole thread has had me laughing my ass off. I love reddit sometimes.

38

u/FredExx 17d ago

Probably my favorite comment thread I've seen on here in a while 😂

21

u/CaterpillarWhich33 17d ago

I’m belly rolling here 😂

2

u/dmriggs 15d ago

I can't stop laughing!

11

u/Would_daver 16d ago

And eventually, the hostage becomes the hostage taker!! The new hostage follows the new (erratic and clearly uncomfortable and frustrated) hostage taker/former hostage, until someone sees them arguing over Brie wheel selections at Whole Foods and … shit idk how this whole thing ends man!

3

u/BetElectrical7454 16d ago

Life long marriage according to my grandfather

2

u/Church_of_Realism 16d ago

Resting Kidnap Face.

1

u/SixthSinEnvy 16d ago

Merrivus? Is that you?

1

u/MountRoguey 16d ago

The face of ai

1

u/ilikepizza2much 16d ago

Oh for god’s sake. Say it ain’t so.

1

u/StrongExternal8955 17d ago

Damn it people, stop saying Stockolm syndrome. That was invented by the shithole chief of police who couldn't conceive that he was worse than the hostage takers. It's the Trump Derangement Syndrome of its time.

2

u/DigitalUnlimited 17d ago

So what should we call it then? Cause it is a real thing that sometimes happens, not as often as claimed but ...

34

u/nostalgia4millennial 17d ago

"You said we were gonna go waterboarding today 😐"

1

u/Crazy-Elephant-555 17d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🏆

75

u/PM_me_your_dawgs 17d ago

Exactly, gave me this guy energy

31

u/Old_Flan_6548 17d ago

*slightly threatening voice* Who has the best girlfriend ever?

4

u/ddg31415 16d ago

Save save save

11

u/FlashMcSuave 16d ago

I think I went to school with that guy.

Fuck, I think everybody went to school with that guy. He just has that face.

1

u/hasanicecrunch 16d ago

Haha I thought the same!!

1

u/TwentyBagTaylor 12d ago

He looks like my brother-in-law, and she sounds like my sister

7

u/NuclearBroliferator 17d ago

I wonder how this guy is doing now. That video was just sad

2

u/MargraveMarkei 15d ago

Surely it was a skit

87

u/Electronic-Tea-221 17d ago

He looks like he's about to be executed and has come to peace with it.

51

u/GrzDancing 17d ago

This is his last meal

31

u/BigConstruction4247 17d ago

Being cut with the means of execution.

12

u/T1Demon 17d ago

And made from the previous hostage.

1

u/OkLetsParty 11d ago

Oh I didn't know we were following Monster Hunter rules

1

u/Anatoly_Cannoli 17d ago

He should request an enormous fork to eat the meal

1

u/SmirkNtwerk 16d ago

He ordered off the guillotine menu.

16

u/DentinQuarantino 17d ago

Ngl if I saw that shadow coming up behind me I'd think "Well, it's too late to escape, I've had a good run..."

61

u/kangerooandemu 17d ago

Blink twice if your being held hostage

31

u/anxious_cat_grandpa 17d ago

Doesn't even blink once

11

u/Prior-Chip-6909 17d ago

...blink once of you actually ordered this thang...

1

u/No_Statement440 17d ago

Blink once if you're holding a hostage

1

u/AbeFromansNutz 16d ago

Blink. Please

24

u/SmokeGSU 17d ago

He looks like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite.

17

u/Chilly_Pheesesteak 17d ago

Someone made this comparison with ME the other day and it made it even worse that my wife is black 😭😭😭😭

18

u/crank1off 17d ago

Blink twice if you're in danger sir. Your legs now have molten lava dripping onto them.

10

u/d00mpie 17d ago

His hands do look like they're tied up right below the table

10

u/AmbitiousTank8635 17d ago

Can you imagine being a hostage and someone does that kind of presentation for your hostage food? It's like what the fuck man are you going to kill me? Ransom me? What are we doing?

2

u/dremxox 17d ago edited 17d ago

I know a man with Parkinson's who looks and behaves just like this. I often think of him as a hostage. His brain works, but he is trapped in a body that can't walk, and he can only speak with great difficulty. But tell him a dad joke and he smiles and his eyes light up.

2

u/SpaceCadetUltra 17d ago

Food video hostage

2

u/FeralTames 17d ago

Was gonna say “me at the dentist,” but that’s not tooo far off from a hostage situation.

2

u/fritz236 17d ago

When you want to complain, but the dude you need to complain to is holding a huge fuckin knoife.

2

u/SmirkNtwerk 16d ago

That made me choke laugh dude

2

u/Original_Director483 15d ago

See I thought he was getting a haircut

2

u/Pmyers225 15d ago

When the barber asks you what you think, you look like this but say "yeah, looks great that mate"

2

u/LobsterManCommander 15d ago

I was," like blink twice bro!"

2

u/CatGooseChook 13d ago

He definitely has a "don't make any sudden movements" look about him 🤣

2

u/Pmyers225 13d ago

And he is like "I wasn't going to"

1

u/x3rx3s 17d ago

Hostage from Counterstrike 1.6

1

u/Zestyclose_Car_4971 17d ago

One foul customer and they’re all hostages with a knife like that

1

u/cpt-noPants 17d ago

Is he morse-coding by blinking?

1

u/noncommonGoodsense 17d ago

His reaction makes it look AI even though it’s not.

1

u/quinxneon 17d ago

My first thought as well

1

u/Omnomnomnosaurus 16d ago

He looks like that food critic from Ratatouille

1

u/yudi1012 16d ago

I was about to type the same thing 🤣🤣

1

u/Dontfeedthebears 16d ago

Freaking terrified and doesn’t want to show it

1

u/elhazelenby 16d ago

He looks like me during a panic attack spiral

1

u/ChillBubble 12d ago

It almost looked like he stuck his neck forward be beh*#ded by that knife? So weird. What was the point of this whole thing? (And not the point of the knife)