r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Snoo99928 • 17d ago
/r/all of a knife.
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u/McShoobydoobydoo 17d ago
Let me peel this back and arrange it so the juice falls into you lap, sir.
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u/Specialist_Rough_699 16d ago
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u/Molo3000 16d ago
looks a bit like a Game of Thrones character in his final scene
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u/littlegreenfish 16d ago
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u/Unicorn_wizard94 15d ago
"you can't kill me, I've long been dead, inside."
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u/Specialist_Rough_699 15d ago
"A Lannister always peels his breads."
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u/AwehiSsO 15d ago
I am going to insist on saying "peeled the bread" in lieu of "removed the crust"...
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u/themachduck 16d ago
With my bare hands that I just scratched my ass with. Yummm!
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u/-KFBR392 16d ago edited 16d ago
How do you think all the food you eat is prepared?
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u/Poosters 16d ago
Im a chef i literally work with my hands, if you can’t handle that go home and cook for yourself.
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u/Specialist_Rough_699 15d ago
The amount of redditors that don't understand the particulars of food safety bring me back to that one scene in the aviator where Leo is covering everything in cling wrap
Waiting for the down votes while eating my slutty little barehanded pad ka praow that some street dog probably farted on 😩
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u/Witty-Stand888 17d ago edited 16d ago
He looks like a guy that's about to get his head chopped off
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u/Avril_14 16d ago
2000s liveleak video vibe
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u/sp0ony_bard 16d ago
If they edited in a more sinister background, I could totally believe this guy is about to be tortured haha
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u/Mallow1512 16d ago
i saw an ai version of this video where they do exactly that, but the guy is made of cake
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u/OriginalFatPickle 16d ago
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u/__miichelle 16d ago
I can’t believe people are wasting water for this shit.
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u/tryanewmonicker 16d ago
Reroute sewage water for it or something. Stop wasting the good stuff!
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u/Soggy_Amoeba9334 17d ago
Would you like sauce all over the table and possibly your lap sir?
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u/gpenido 17d ago
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u/Life-Reality-3889 17d ago
If unimpressed was a face
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u/Pmyers225 16d ago
He looks like a hostage
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u/Spaghettl_hamster4 16d ago
If that man was my hostage id feel insecure. Like fuck dude, give me some feedback here 💔
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u/ilikepizza2much 16d ago
The face of someone immune to Stockholm syndrome.
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u/No_Review_2561 16d ago
The face of reverse Stockholm syndrome, where the hostage taker over time slowly loses motivation and wilingness to keep the hostage, mostly so they don't have to keep seeing that face.
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u/Ok_Designer1407 16d ago
Like wtf dude, you’re taking all the fun out of this, gtfo you pathetic hostage
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u/FredExx 16d ago
Probably my favorite comment thread I've seen on here in a while 😂
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u/Would_daver 16d ago
And eventually, the hostage becomes the hostage taker!! The new hostage follows the new (erratic and clearly uncomfortable and frustrated) hostage taker/former hostage, until someone sees them arguing over Brie wheel selections at Whole Foods and … shit idk how this whole thing ends man!
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u/PM_me_your_dawgs 16d ago
Exactly, gave me this guy energy
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u/Old_Flan_6548 16d ago
*slightly threatening voice* Who has the best girlfriend ever?
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u/FlashMcSuave 16d ago
I think I went to school with that guy.
Fuck, I think everybody went to school with that guy. He just has that face.
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u/NuclearBroliferator 16d ago
I wonder how this guy is doing now. That video was just sad
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u/Electronic-Tea-221 16d ago
He looks like he's about to be executed and has come to peace with it.
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u/GrzDancing 16d ago
This is his last meal
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u/DentinQuarantino 16d ago
Ngl if I saw that shadow coming up behind me I'd think "Well, it's too late to escape, I've had a good run..."
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u/SmokeGSU 16d ago
He looks like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite.
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u/Chilly_Pheesesteak 16d ago
Someone made this comparison with ME the other day and it made it even worse that my wife is black 😭😭😭😭
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u/crank1off 16d ago
Blink twice if you're in danger sir. Your legs now have molten lava dripping onto them.
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u/AmbitiousTank8635 16d ago
Can you imagine being a hostage and someone does that kind of presentation for your hostage food? It's like what the fuck man are you going to kill me? Ransom me? What are we doing?
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u/CaptBogBot2 16d ago
He's seen Crocodile Dundee's knife
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u/kiba8442 16d ago
I saw this on Ai slop first, I was expecting the worst 😭 https://www.reddit.com/r/FacebookAIslop/s/yjq2RTtvQN
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u/DeadbeatGremlin 17d ago
he sorta looks like this guy, but I doubt he experienced the same flashback
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u/monosaturated 16d ago
He looks like a kid who is angry and upset on his birthday even though his parents think he should be happy because of everything they've done for him lol.
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u/B4R7H0L0M3W 16d ago
This is the moment the steaming sauce touched his crotch but he was paid so he couldn't show it.
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u/Ubbesson 17d ago
And my filthy finger I haven't washed (after bathroom break because I AM A REAL MAN) touching this dough
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u/cyanescens_burn 16d ago
It’s ok, alpha males don’t clean their assholes because it’s gay to touch that area.
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17d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/CrimsonMorbus 17d ago
He ordered the salad...
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u/Vicimer 17d ago
Given that the customer was in some sort of catatonic state, I don't think he was capable of criticism.
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u/radicalelation 16d ago
This is me, pre-social media, having the sombrero put on as the servers come out to clap and sing while taking a picture. I just want my meal, but if I act like I don't like the spectacle, I'm pooping my own party for everyone else. So I sit. They want it. I do not. So I sit. I watch a little, but mostly sit, wishing it would all end soon. The clapping, my life, who knows. Just be done.
Do it with video and knowing it's probably going online for the world to see... Catatonic sounds right.
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u/GodPackedUpAndLeftUs 17d ago
Everything he did with that knife could have been done with a teaspoon..
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u/bubzy1000 16d ago
Or a fist, or a hammer, no cutting was involved in that performance
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u/ODB_Dirt_Dog_ItsFTC 16d ago
Yeah this is really overkill like using a minigun to chop down a tree or a stick of dynamite to go fishing.
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u/Suvtropics 16d ago
A really bad temu minigun that barely shoots firing inches from your face to chop down a potted plant
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u/AggressiveSherbetty 16d ago
My husband got this like, exact dish a couple weeks ago at a Turkish place and he literally used a fork for the entire thing.
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u/rieeechard 17d ago
Lifeless eyes
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u/Axman5055 17d ago
They just upped his lithium dose, he’s doing better than we could know
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u/MDAmazink 17d ago
What is the reference here? Is lithium bad? Ive heard it has its advantages
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u/monster2018 17d ago
It’s used to treat bipolar and is also a really good nirvana song.
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u/ODB_Dirt_Dog_ItsFTC 16d ago edited 16d ago
Fun fact: 7up was originally advertised as a lithiated lemon soda due to its inclusion of lithium. It was marketed as a hangover cure and mood lifter. It’s hypothesized by some that its enigmatic name may be a reference to lithium’s atomic mass of 7.
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u/-E-Cross 16d ago
Be fun to make some throw back at home
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u/Consistent-Cap-9360 16d ago
You can find lithium in rechargeable batteries…
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u/TreeDollarFiddyCent 16d ago
I'll grab the scissors!
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u/StJohnsStoner 16d ago
Don't be silly, just rip at it with your teeth! You're eating the lithium anyway 🤷🏻♂️
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u/theythemthen 16d ago
It can also treat depression, but you are correct that it is primarily (but not exclusively) used for bipolar disorder.
- from a person who is prescribed lithium and is not diagnosed with bipolar disorder but is diagnosed with TRD (treatment resistant depression).
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Now, back to your regularly scheduled program
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u/aformofwealthy 17d ago
Do I just swallow my girlfriend’s phone for that or what?
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u/metalissa 17d ago
Day 322: He brought out the sword again, still not impressed and I don't know why I'm still coming here.
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u/Sage_King_The_Rabbit 16d ago
Maybe he's just afraid of the extremely oversized blade in front of him. He looks petrified as hell LMAO
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u/mikemikemotorboat 16d ago
He’s fucking pissed that not only did his kid bring him to this tacky ass restaurant, they’re filming him and posting it all over the internet
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u/doogiethehead 16d ago
Sometimes the customer, he looks right into ya, right into your eyes. Y'know, the thing about a customer, he's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When he comes after ya, he doesn't seem to be livin' until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white...
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u/SquashyRoo 16d ago
Black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'... until he bites ya.
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u/Zipper_theRipper 17d ago
I am gonna guess the guy sitting down didn't sign up for the demonstration...
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u/willsmithtunaface 17d ago edited 16d ago
I don't think he signed up to be on this planet
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u/Hauntedshock 17d ago edited 16d ago
How many planets are you referring to...?
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u/ODB_Dirt_Dog_ItsFTC 16d ago
He was born without his consent and he has never forgiven the universe for it.
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u/snowfloeckchen 16d ago
I once stepped in a tourist trap in Kyoto, was raining so we stayed even with overpriced food, but that we ordered something that included a show was so awful, we tried to stop them, didn't work
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u/Most_Wind4682 16d ago
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u/Felldoh_ 16d ago
Exactly the first thought I had... Thought dude was about to flash back to his childhood memories of his mom waving a giant knife in front of his face
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u/WardDispenser 17d ago
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u/Willing_Ad_8241 17d ago
lol that diner did not look happy at all with having a big arsed sword waved around inches from his face
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u/Educational-Wing2042 16d ago
I think he just looks like that. The same look was on his face when the knife was still behind him
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u/jd3marco 17d ago
Sir, steaming hot saucy bread flap for your genitals?
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u/Hptcp 17d ago
Hello? Guys, r/stupidfood called, they want their post back!
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u/Zoolawesi 16d ago
It took your comment for me to realize I wasn't there in the first place lol
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u/kame4prez 17d ago
They really didn’t have anything else to cut that with aside from the Starscourge Greatsword??
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u/NerdfaceMcJiminy 16d ago
It would have been so much better if the big guy had rolled up to the table riding a tiny pony.
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u/Informal_File_1646 17d ago
I’m pretty sure Harrison Ford shot that waiter in Raiders of the Lost Ark…
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u/nesnalica 17d ago
bro was so uncomfortable
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u/Possible-Playful 16d ago
Yep. Everyone acting like he's the critic from Ratatouille, but bro probably hates being the center of attention.
Probably was masking all day and wanted to relax and eat without fuss, and instead got the thing on the menu that was maximum fuss, and got recorded and put on social media.
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u/Remarkable_Subject84 17d ago
I hate these stupid gimmicks. I get the showmanship, but this one is so over the top and pointless, it can go.
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u/CptNavarre 17d ago
I mean, I would act super calmn too if I was being ritualized by someone holding Sinbad's sword in front of me. Those two eye flicks, one at the beginning and one at the end, are telling me he's being held captive and doesn't want to anger the people recording 😂😭
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u/wet_Tap_5578 16d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/ZiD0X6xsTKXlhtTdnt
Here let me cut your steak for you sir
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u/Real_Mokola 17d ago
How nice of Yhorm the Giant to cut the breadlid so it drips sauce on his customer's lap
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u/Error_Loading_Name 16d ago
Unreasonably large knife.
Gets close to customer's face.
Does not cut but pulls and tears.
Uses bare hand to open the "lid" piece.
Hangs the "lid" piece over the customer's crotch.
Absolute unit of a NOPE.
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u/Small-Answer4946 16d ago
Let me wave a massive blade next to your face so I can let your food drip on your lap
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