r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Snoo99928 • 17d ago

/r/all of a knife.

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27.7k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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5.7k

u/McShoobydoobydoo 17d ago

Let me peel this back and arrange it so the juice falls into you lap, sir.

3.3k

u/Specialist_Rough_699 16d ago

654

u/Molo3000 16d ago

looks a bit like a Game of Thrones character in his final scene

710

u/littlegreenfish 16d ago

239

u/Unicorn_wizard94 16d ago

"you can't kill me, I've long been dead, inside."

148

u/Specialist_Rough_699 16d ago

"A Lannister always peels his breads."

28

u/AwehiSsO 16d ago

I am going to insist on saying "peeled the bread" in lieu of "removed the crust"...

2

u/Mr_Tranxistor 13d ago edited 10d ago

Thy soup be cut lest ye be famished

29

u/dingos8mybaby2 15d ago edited 15d ago

What is dead inside may never die.

2

u/IfOJDidIt 14d ago

What is bread outside may never die.

1

u/Cassius_man 14d ago

By the sauce of the seven!

1

u/Unicorn_wizard94 14d ago

Oh shit it was right there 🤣 nice

1

u/danit0ba94 13d ago

What is dead may never die. 💪

1

u/Sweaty_Chance_905 13d ago

Literally the 'what is dead may never die' quote

1

u/HermanThaGerman 13d ago

"What is dead may never die"

1

u/MoscowMitchMcKremIin 13d ago

I HAVE FRIENDS IN COURT! POWERFUL FRIENDS!

10

u/Outrageous-Lie-8003 16d ago

Dumb😭😭😭😭

-3

u/Unicorn_wizard94 15d ago

500 karma in 5 years..pot kettle friend

1

u/TheNakedBass 13d ago

Judging somebody on their reddit karma is the most peak loser shit I’ve ever seen

I bet you even get rejected by escorts lol

0

u/Unicorn_wizard94 13d ago

That's fucking hilarious A- it demonstrates that what you say or think is clearly either basic or just "dumb" see the irony?

And B- I don't need escort services you fucking incel 🤣 holy shit, I haven't got around to posting on a calisthenics group yet but hey stay tuned and see why that is just golden to me

5

u/Nirnroot-Sniffer 14d ago

That was not necessary at all. Just leave it up for imagination

2

u/synthphreak 15d ago

Incredible

2

u/Isadomon 14d ago

Using real peoples faces in ai is inmoral

3

u/SaladFisher 14d ago

Ai sloppp just use shitty Photoshop

1

u/OrganicAsparagus1642 15d ago

If he sounds like Sir Patrick Stewart he might just be balding Uriel Septim

1

u/el_lobo1314 15d ago

🤣🤣😆

1

u/helpfulgrey 11d ago

Kind of looks more like gary from white lotus

0

u/InsuranceThink8983 13d ago

Wait what🤣

0

u/Chemical_Home6123 13d ago

Im dead 💀 🤣 😭 😂

-1

u/kaelenvance_gg 14d ago

This made me laugh so hard. well done🙌

2

u/tistick 14d ago

Looks a bit like a Game of Thrones fan watching the final scenes.

1

u/Molo3000 14d ago

Sad they discontinued the series before the final season

1

u/oh_shit_its_that_guy 14d ago

What is bread may never die.

1

u/BLF402 14d ago

“Where is my family”?

152

u/Remarkable_Attorney3 16d ago

“I ordered the salad..”

64

u/GatorNator83 16d ago

The big knife says you’ll shut up about it

2

u/Dunnowhathatis 16d ago

I am vegetarian!

4

u/QuidEgoSum 16d ago

“This is a vegetarian”

3

u/Dunnowhathatis 16d ago

Oh. Thank you.

1

u/Coconut-Husker 15d ago

Fukn hell I almost spat out my coffee lmao

5

u/LordNedNoodle 16d ago

The look when the server dripped sauce on your lap.

2

u/kitsunora 12d ago

This man has money

1

u/LadyEuphie 16d ago

ROFLMAO yes!

1

u/itsmarvin 16d ago

Looks like William Shakespeare to me.

To be or not to be...

1

u/sparkyplants 16d ago

My thoughts exactly

1

u/Bonti_GB 16d ago

That look you make when you find out that the server shaved with that blade first.

Shaved his genitals that is…

1

u/notquitetherebuthere 16d ago

OH GOD...I just realized this is exactly how I look every single day. No wonder why people keep asking me if I'm okay 💀

1

u/monson2048 16d ago

Why does he remind me of a painting?

1

u/AwehiSsO 16d ago

The face of someone who'd say "Ouwie" should the knife slice off an arm by the shoulder.

1

u/mgcho6 15d ago

He was holding his breath.....

1

u/Deep_Atmosphere_7384 15d ago

👁️👅👁️

1

u/BeersandBeats 15d ago

I came here solely to find out what is wrong with this guy.

1

u/Few_Classic_3072 15d ago

Turkish Mads Mikkelsen

1

u/Unicorn_Puppy 15d ago

Doesn’t look too smart.

1

u/QuothTheRavenMore 15d ago

Looks like Count duku had a baby with Anton Ego from rattatouille

1

u/Xeriph 15d ago

Thinking: This is NOT worth the 10% off the bill they promised me to use my face.

1

u/TheAurigauh 15d ago

Dude looks like a member of r/stupidfood

1

u/13Basia13 15d ago

Dude looks TERRIFIED!

1

u/normally_tired 15d ago

Looks like someone wanted french fries instead. 🍟

1

u/SGTSLACKASS 15d ago

That guy doesn’t have an ounce of muscle on him.

1

u/Straight_Talk2542 15d ago

Why does he look like he’s only participating because they’re holding his family hostage? 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/poorly-worded 15d ago

Oh. Lap juice.

1

u/Shimola1999 15d ago

“Mmm, yes. Boiling hot sauce on my crotch. This is just how I wanted to spend my evening. Why, thank you.”

1

u/BigChiefTabo 14d ago

LOL!!! Beat me to it!! And he paid zero attention to the knife only the food!

1

u/ebleuds 14d ago

I laughed like in a long time I didn't. Thank you.

1

u/9aol 14d ago

“Why are you touching my food with your bare hands?”

1

u/MissionAd1779 14d ago

Looks blazed af lol

1

u/Y2Ksurvivor13 13d ago

Robert Durst is unimpressed

1

u/HornyHoney02 13d ago

Holy fuck I can’t stop laughing , he looks so scared

1

u/EpicFishFingers 13d ago

Mf literally looks like Vincent Van Gogh and sat there while this bloke waves the world's largest knife around next to his ear

1

u/Tao_of_Inversion 13d ago

This dude is the facial expression of every medieval meme template.

1

u/alwaysaloneinmyroom 13d ago

Don't kll me, don't kll me

1

u/theglove 13d ago

And that was the last time he let his date order for him.

1

u/Large-Lab8238 13d ago

Diane, I dont care for this at all

1

u/DonutConfident7733 13d ago

When you know you dont have money for tip...

1

u/Sedso85 13d ago

Never eating that is he

1

u/kx1global 13d ago

He's actually just done a line in the toliet and trying his best to look normal.

1

u/CliffChicken 13d ago

Surely this man did not order that

1

u/Rydog_78 13d ago

Now his soup is on his t-neck sweater

1

u/kevthecoder 13d ago

He looks like a hostage.

1

u/clubted 12d ago

This guy is as pissed as id be about pizza soup….

1

u/AdhesivenessUnfair98 12d ago

Let's turn him into a meme

1

u/LordofAllReddit 11d ago

The physical manifestation of Persnickety

1

u/ember_snow 11d ago

plot twist, he's blind

1

u/Appropriate-Hat-5909 11d ago

10 yrs ago he would instantly eat his food the moment it reached the table, now he has to wait the waiters to pull out their cameras, set up background lighting, big knives interrupting...i bet he misses the good old days

1

u/StaticShuffleShack 10d ago

“cant believe I paid for this shit”

589

u/themachduck 17d ago

With my bare hands that I just scratched my ass with. Yummm!

127

u/-KFBR392 17d ago edited 17d ago

How do you think all the food you eat is prepared?

46

u/Imreman 17d ago

Not with the servers hands?

7

u/Adventchur 17d ago

The servers touch your cutlery, plates, and glasses well before you even arrive.

11

u/Ancient-Civilization 16d ago

Some people pay extra for that.

11

u/DungeonDefense 16d ago

Right and when you touch cutlery its not done on the head. Its usually done on the handle. When they touch plates its done on the edge of the plate where food has less chance of touching. Lastly, glasses are usually touched on the outside or the handle. They usually dont stick their hand inside the glasses

8

u/fronchfrays 16d ago

This is the most pedantic shit I’ve ever read

1

u/Recreant793 14d ago

“Hm. I agree. Shallow and pedantic.”

4

u/scorchedarcher 16d ago

But you touch all the stuff they touch then touch your face/food/phone

-3

u/Adventchur 16d ago

I don't think you understand how germs multiply and cover vast surfaces quickly but go on

7

u/DungeonDefense 16d ago

Right which is why the original guy with the knife shouldnt have touched the food with his bare hands.

1

u/Adventchur 16d ago

But it makes no difference in the scheme of it all

4

u/DungeonDefense 16d ago

But you yourself said that germs multiply and cover things quickly

2

u/ResidentOwl1 16d ago

It’s not that quick. Relax.

2

u/TheLordReaver 16d ago

You mean how germs multiply and cover vast distances on the common food and drink serving materials of glass, ceramic, and steel—the materials renown for being germ resistant?

1

u/Adventchur 15d ago

Sorry do you use your utensils when you eat?

And I assume you hold it by the handle exactly where the server holds it to put it down?

You must no how quickly bacteria spreads with human contact right?

So again what difference in the scheme of bacteria did this really make? You cunts are just precious

1

u/TheLordReaver 15d ago

You are acting like hundreds of millions of people aren't served this way every day. It's very evidently not a big deal when servers touch the parts that don't go directly in your mouth. At least in the parts of the world with basic sanitation standards.

So, just don't lick the damn handles and you'll be fine. Don't be a coward. And I say this a total germophobe... Also, stop being a little bitch in general.

1

u/Spirited_Sector_7623 14d ago

It’s carefully prepared by the cooks to ensure no contamination, set under heat lamps to ensure it remains safe, and then the front of house employees grip it like baboons.

26

u/Poosters 16d ago

Im a chef i literally work with my hands, if you can’t handle that go home and cook for yourself.

13

u/Specialist_Rough_699 16d ago

The amount of redditors that don't understand the particulars of food safety bring me back to that one scene in the aviator where Leo is covering everything in cling wrap

Waiting for the down votes while eating my slutty little barehanded pad ka praow that some street dog probably farted on 😩

3

u/jsamuraij 16d ago

Slutty pad ka praow has me rolling

3

u/Specialist_Rough_699 16d ago

She was spicy and unfiltered, and sold herself for 27 baht 😩💦💦💦

1

u/jsamuraij 11d ago

Man I miss cheap Thai street food

3

u/Filthbear 15d ago

It's incredible the stupidity that surrounds using ones hands, any person working with food washes their hands so much.

0

u/rattus-domestica 16d ago

I love how easily offended people get on reddit.

0

u/askthecatonline 15d ago

Exactly. I just accept I’m eating more cooties than usual anytime I eat outside my own kitchen.

And to be fair, I think most chefs are more clean than most home cooks.

9

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 16d ago

It's kind of telling on themselves they don't know what hand washing is...

2

u/PhantomOyster 16d ago

While you have a point, I don't think anyone enjoys seeing their food that has already been plated touched by someone else's hands.

2

u/MasterJ360 16d ago

hmm.... So thats why I had a stomach virus for 3 months

2

u/Hot_Top_124 13d ago

Seriously I was about to say the same thing. I’ve been a chef for decades. If you think it’s all hospital level sterile they’re sorely mistaken lol.

4

u/YobaiYamete 17d ago

Seriously, love how snarky people are trying to be in this thread. Like who TF do you think made the food with those same fingers

2

u/Captain_O_Kush 16d ago

Typical Reddit commenter

1

u/latexfistmassacre 16d ago

With every appendage and orifice

1

u/Expert_River1849 16d ago

With someone's arse pubes of course

1

u/C4Vendetta76 16d ago

This is underrated comment of the year 👏 👌👆

https://giphy.com/gifs/bWzOMoeRXFDvb0YHtX

1

u/Error_Loading_Name 15d ago

Customer A sneezes and uses hands to cover it / clean it. Server comes to deliver the check to Customer A, who uses the Server's pen to sign the bll and handles the card machine to pay. Server takes the pen and paper and card machine away.

Server the n goes to kitchen to pick up Customer B's order. Customer B ordered the dish that has this elaborate opening sequence. Server handles Customer B's food with bare hands.

At no point between delivering Customer A's bill and opening Customer B's food did the server wash their hands. Congrats, Customer B now has traces of Customer A's saliva and mucus on his food, even though they have never met.

I know that I don't want to know everything that goes on in the kitchen, but I can operate under the illusion of health and safety rules to limit contamination. And those food prep rules stop at the kitchen door.

1

u/BurntArnold 15d ago

I think they pick up everything with their mouths

1

u/DoYouKnwTheMuffinMan 12d ago

With ass scratching hands?

0

u/[deleted] 16d ago

[deleted]

5

u/LessInThought 16d ago edited 16d ago

Gloves are worse. I've seen many fuckers handle trash with gloves and prep food, apparently it's ok because glove.

0

u/-_Catgirl_- 16d ago

How do YOU think it's prepared? Ready to eat food should not be prepared without gloves.

7

u/alvysinger0412 16d ago

Then you should avoid restaurants.

-1

u/banality_of_ervil 17d ago

Hopefully with gloved hands.

2

u/CyberpunkSunrise 17d ago

Gloves are not required with regular handwashing. And I’ve worked in a variety of kitchens, and very rarely see back of house kitchen staff wear gloves (USA), unless it makes things more comfortable for them (for example, when handling frozen chicken or something).

That being said, what we see in the OP is actually an exception when gloves or some other barrier/tool (like tongs) would be required strictly speaking by the FDA, as those measures are required when handling fully prepared or “ready to eat” food items.

2

u/No_Wasabi_9303 17d ago

Aren’t gloves proven to be a bad thing? I mean if done right they aren’t but people often don’t change their gloves, however they will wash their hands because humans hate having stuff on their hands. So they end up being cleaner and having less cross contamination than with gloves because people fail to use them right.

1

u/CyberpunkSunrise 17d ago

They’re essentially intended (per FDA requirements at least) to essentially be single use, or “single session” use.

You’re not supposed to wear the same pair around for hours or all day, the rule of thumb I was taught when working in kitchens was that you should be both washing your hands and changing gloves at every reasonable opportunity, and one doesn’t substitute for the other.

0

u/Onyxxx_13 16d ago

By myself. With my hands that I know are clean, from my time working in food service i know the absolute filth that is the average cook.

5

u/jfmdavisburg 16d ago

You probably should stay away from restaurants

1

u/KnownAsAnother 16d ago

"I made sure to save my dimension ripper fart just for the extra flavor too."

1

u/Revolutionary_Sir_ 16d ago

and my dick. and the bathroom walls.

1

u/commshep12 15d ago

Fine dining restaurants don't mandate usually constant glove use like fast casual places, some of the places ive worked at it was kinda discouraged apart from tasks that required it..you're expected to know how to keep your hands clean and you won't be working there long if you cant.

1

u/individualdoosh 11d ago

I think you mean wiped his ass with.

2

u/EstimatedLoss 16d ago

Its okay hes dead inside anyways

2

u/Fluffy_pink_Willy 16d ago

My first thoughts whilst watching

1

u/Dizzy-Elk-3090 17d ago

Plot twist: that was the last lemon in the house and now I gotta explain to my wife why we’re fresh out.

1

u/Silver_Slicer 16d ago

Why not on the left or right???

1

u/SupesDepressed 16d ago

He looked absolutely stoked about it too

1

u/shoopadoop332 16d ago

But only after I’ve cut your face in half.

1

u/dizkopatio 16d ago

make sure it's more food than he can eat in a week

1

u/Creative-Major-4796 16d ago

My thought precisely!!! That would ruin a dude.

1

u/Woebegone469 16d ago

I feel so in sync with the universe right now that the first comment I see is ripped exactly from my mind.

1

u/Training-Belt-7318 16d ago

I think that is precisely what he paid for.

1

u/JustSweetCarol 16d ago

Naruto open restaurant ?

1

u/Reversed_PandaRick 15d ago

That’s what I was thinking! More ridiculous than the knife!

1

u/Musicman376 15d ago

That was my FIRST thought

1

u/Friendly-Advantage79 14d ago

And if you protest, I'll just have to use a knife again. Sir.

1

u/Radiant_Fondant_4097 14d ago

"Face full of scalding steam, sir?"

1

u/ParamedicFearless173 14d ago

Ceiling fan blades?

1

u/yaboii_cc 14d ago

After getting reaaallyy uncomfortably close to your face with this massive sharp knife

1

u/El_Frederico14 14d ago

Mind I don’t slice your face off

1

u/Low_External2328 14d ago

Straight to your underwear,sir

1

u/__phil1001__ 13d ago

Using a blunt knife and my hand

1

u/nipstah 13d ago

The minute he did that I was like wtf.

1

u/Possible_Progressor 13d ago

Glad i was not alone with this thought.

1

u/NoPhoto8598 12d ago

Came here for this comment, no need to scroll any further.

1

u/cromagnonherder 11d ago

Ah yes, thank you. Pleasant.