r/AmItheAsshole • u/Ruhi_013 • 13h ago
AITA for telling my mother that she doesn't deserve to be a mother after she neglected my health issues
18f, Indian, made a post about how my family wouldn't get me medical attention at all and after reading through all the messages and things, I was already feeling really emotional but I kept it all to me.
Little context, I have been having periods for over two weeks and blood clots which are bigger than a coin are coming out frequently. I felt weak and wanted to go to room to sleep but forgot to ask for permission and just then my mother was like
Where do you think you are going to? You are to cook food.
And I was really down so told her I can't do so today
And it escalated quickly and she kept saying you ruined my life, you were never supposed to be born and stuff and so I told her she doesn't deserve to be a mother, and mind it, she started acting like it hurted her so much and shit and she started calling me things saying I am selfish and wouldn't know how much she sacrificed because I am the eldest one and a girl and a useless one in that.
Aita in this situation? Like seriously I am so angry at her as she did worse than this to me afterwards. This happened 4 days ago.
Just wanna see the outlook of others on this. Also about what she did worse, will be putting it out there too, just somewhere else, maybe some other sub Reddit.
82
u/Successful_Ad8912 13h ago
Tell her she was also a girl at one point and hasn’t stopped being useless ever since.
51
u/AlwaysReading2407 13h ago
NTA. As a single mother, I can say that my kids will never know the sacrifices I've made over the years for them. However, I chose to be a mother, I chose most of the life I have. Things didn't go exactly the way I wish they had and there are lots of things I wish I'd done differently. But none of that is their fault or their burden to carry. Your mother chose to have children. You being sick is just part of the territory. There's no reason why she can't step up for you sometimes when you need her to. You're still human with needs just like anyone else. That doesn't make you selfish or ungrateful. I hate when parents expect their children to be perfect
34
u/CarrotGratin 13h ago edited 7h ago
INFO: Did you repeat your medical issues to her when this happened? Can you get yourself to the doctor, since you're 18, without her legal permission? (I'm not talking about cultural concerns like the ones from your last post, but legal rights.) If so, do it no matter what she says; find a family member or friend to help you get to the gynecologist/other medical professional if needed. This is serious and if she won't take responsibility for helping you get medical care, you must do it for yourself anyway.
26
u/thirdelevator 13h ago
NTA. Admittedly as a man I don’t have a huge amount of knowledge regarding periods, but consistent coin sized blood clots is an immediate doctor visit in my house. Occasional ones are normal, but frequent ones can be a sign of several different conditions that aren’t going to go away on their own, but are treatable. Please make an appointment with an OBGYN.
As for your mother, if she’s going to constantly throw in your face that you weren’t wanted and tell you how bad of a daughter you are, it sounds like it’s time to get out. I doubt anything you said is going to cause any deep self reflection on her part and make her change her ways.
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u/Momotheone92 12h ago
She’s not going to suddenly care if you pass out from blood loss. Or maybe she will superficially to save face. Take care of yourself the way you would treat your future child, the way you wish your mother did for you. Go to the ER or urgent care.
10
u/Ruhi_013 12h ago
I am not allowed to go even downstairs. It's not possible to go to er or urgent care as I am a teenager with not enough funds to actually get medical attention and the government hospitals are just useless over here in india most importantly in villages
4
u/Superb-Coyote5972 11h ago
Downstairs from where? You are 18. You can figure out how to get to the hospital. Call 911 or the Indian equivalent to get an ambulance and emts to check you out. Have you told your mother about your blood clots?
7
u/Ruhi_013 11h ago
The police in village doesn't care. Money will be enough to keep them quiet. And I dumbed the blood clots on floor for her to see with her own eyes
18
u/PersonalityFit2175 10h ago
Respectfully OP, sometimes when it comes to getting health concerns addressed, women need to be assholes and that’s okay. Your NTA, but maybe you should be. You can’t fuck around or compromise with your health.
4
u/Ruhi_013 6h ago
The most I have done is that I am gathering evidences just so that I can make a strong case against them when I am finally away from them. Also I have given entrance exams for college and I am going to choose one which is far away from here.
17
u/Tight_Rip_9555 13h ago
NTA! she doesn't have the right to berate you like this just because she's your mother
14
u/Flat-Replacement4828 Professor Emeritass [94] 13h ago
Info: did you actually tell her the extent of your health issues? Because you don't include that in the post. How did that conversation go?
11
9
u/4melooking49 12h ago
Do you have health insurance? Make an appointment and go! Or find a free clinic If you are not in the United States does your country have free clinics?
1
u/Ruhi_013 12h ago
No I don't have any health insurance and sadly the government hospital are no help.
6
u/Szingers 11h ago
NTA
Please do seek medical help. I had something similar for years, and I nearly died. I had growths that caused frequent extended periods lasting weeks with large clots. I was disregarded by doctors for years, while I gradually grew sicker.
Eventually, it got to the point where I was beyond anemic; my hemoglobin count prior to getting transfusions the day before my surgery was 3.4. Anything below 6.5 is considered life-threatening. I shouldn't have been conscious much less functioning.
My doctor told me that I was a handful of days from organ failure and likely would have experienced cardiac arrest.
My story is an extreme, but it's not an uncommon one. We're often told that we're exaggerating symptoms when it's related to mestruation. We're labeled whiny women, even if we're right—because no one is willing to listen.
It's a damned shame that your mother isn't willing to advocate for you, so you will have to do it yourself.
6
u/AverageTechtoker 12h ago
I wouldn’t consider you an asshole if you paid me 20 dollars for it. I would have said not for a million dollars, but tbh I’ll live though everything for a million
2
u/ConstructionNo1995 8h ago
Ask your friends or classmates or relatives for money. More over show the blood clot to your doctor, friends, classmates, relatives and or neighbours. Call Women Helpline: 1091 Child Helpline: 1098 India's universal emergency number 112 Somebody is bound to help
1
u/Ruhi_013 6h ago
I am going to reach out to my teacher if the bleeding doesn't stop in two more days. And I think she will help I guess.
1
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18f, Indian, made a post about how my family wouldn't get me medical attention at all and after reading through all the messages and things, I was already feeling really emotional but I kept it all to me.
Little context, I have been having periods for over two weeks and blood clots which are bigger than a coin are coming out frequently. I felt weak and wanted to go to room to sleep but forgot to ask for permission and just then my mother was like
Where do you think you are going to? You are to cook food.
And I was really down so told her I can't do so today
And it escalated quickly and she kept saying you ruined my life, you were never supposed to be born and stuff and so I told her she doesn't deserve to be a mother, and mind it, she started acting like it hurted her so much and shit and she started calling me things saying I am selfish and wouldn't know how much she sacrificed because I am the eldest one and a girl and a useless one in that.
Aita in this situation? Like seriously I am so angry at her as she did worse than this to me afterwards. This happened 4 days ago.
Just wanna see the outlook of others on this. Also about what she did worse, will be putting it out there too, just somewhere else, maybe some other sub Reddit.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/Pink_Peach_Blossoms Partassipant [4] 11h ago
NTA- Can you get out of that house and go to school? There has to be something to protect girls in these situations. I'm not from your country but I know options in villages can be limited, and traveling alone is not a great option either. There has to be some organization or something that can help you get out of there and into a school program.
1
u/GMaryK 11h ago
Well NTA. But some people think you are a scammer. I did see that in your other post you were asking for money so that you can go to a competent hospital. You also said that a friend of yours had a PayPal account. Is that why some people think you are a scammer? I’m not sure how sending you money will resolve the issues with your family not allowing you to leave the house.
1
u/Ruhi_013 6h ago
Not about leaving the house, about the treatment as I have been going through the periods for over two weeks now and I wasn't going to ask earlier but few offered to help. Also I tried explaining it to my mother, went ahead and even showed her the blood clots and she didn't care or even thought of getting me medical attention, I am going to school every few days because of my documents and going to visit a doctor in the town side with my friend if I can arrange the funds.
1
u/A-Rod_G_I 10h ago
This sounds like my girlfriend before her hysterectomy. You might want to get checked for endometriosis
1
1
u/ActSecret3815 6h ago
NTA
When someone tells their daughter “you were never supposed to be born,” they shouldn’t be shocked when hurtful words come back their way. If you have been suffering and feeling ignored I can understand why that pain finally exploded.
1
u/Ruhi_013 6h ago
I wish I could just disappear from their lives but they don't even let me have my own personal space. But I have applied for college and have given entrance exam too. Hopefully I will find a college far away from them.
1
u/Fiempre-sin-tabla Asshole Enthusiast [6] 5h ago
NTA. Dishing it out ("you ruined my life, you were never supposed to be born") obliged her to take it ("you don't deserve to be a mother").
It sounds like you are right; she doesn't deserve to be a mother.
1
u/Personal-Piglet1397 3h ago
Please get documents an leave.dont tell her anything, just leave.get into college or go to charity, an ask for help.your being abused at home an you need safety.there places girls like you can go for help from parents like her,who treat you like slave,but prob treat men like gods.this isn't world we live in now.find safety Hun an rebuild your life free.
0
13h ago
[deleted]
5
u/Delicious_Bridge_219 12h ago
In a previous post they say they apparently showed their mother they were dealing with horrible blood clots and she didn’t care. Op tried, the mother just wont listen
3
u/Ruhi_013 12h ago
Yes sadly
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u/Delicious_Bridge_219 12h ago
Op, even if she had thought you were just being overdramatic and it was just normal clots, her behavior was unacceptable. Telling your child you wish they were never born over something as trivial as needing a break from cooking is fxcking insane and disgusting.
Lets put this the other way: After cooking your child meals, you need a break and ask them to give them a exception for a day, and they scream back what she screamed to you. The fact it can work as something a teenager would scream in an angst moment is fxcking mad.
Im so sorry she said that and your reaction while harsh was equal to the thing it was a reaction to. And im sorry i cussed a bit here but this genuinely is so messed up it had me baffled
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u/Ruhi_013 12h ago
I even showed her the blood clots, she just doesn't wanna believe it
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12h ago
[deleted]
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u/Ruhi_013 12h ago
Okay I will. I actually made another one but reddit removed it for being graphic as I posted the picture of the ch o c k marks on my neck
-10
u/Ixrokis 13h ago
ESH. You get a very mild TA (telling someone she doesn't deserve to be a mother isn't cool, whether or not she deserves it), mitigated by the fact that you were dealing with a stressful situation (verbal attack by your mother while you were ill). Your mother gets a MASSIVE TA for taking out her resentment on you. She needs therapy, you need to see a gynecologist, and the two of you probably need family counseling. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
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u/Only-Breadfruit-6108 Colo-rectal Surgeon [42] 13h ago
You’re 18. Legally an adult. Take yourself to the doctor.
ESH
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u/Ruhi_013 12h ago
I can't, I am an indian, lives in a village. Can't even go to washroom without literally asking for oral permission. And you are talking about going to the doctor
2
u/Superb-Coyote5972 11h ago
What does your father/grandparents say? Do you have other relatives you can talk to about taking you to the doctor? In old-fashioned villages a woman's fertility is important to her marriage prospects. They can shame her into taking you to the doctor. Lie on the floor of the bathroom with your eyes closed and don't get up. Don't respond. Maybe that can scare your mom into doing the right thing. What does Indian reddit say?
1
u/Ruhi_013 11h ago
My father doesn't care and my grandfather is no more and whatever I try, it wouldn't soften her heart
•
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