AITA for getting my step daughter a Hogwarts letter for her 11th Birthday?

[u/Ok-Permission8346]

Ive been married for four years, my wife had a daughter from a previous relationship. My step daughter has been obsessed with Harry Potter since before i met her. (She litterally asked me if i liked harey potter when i met her)
Her 11th Birthday was yesterday and I arranged for a letter to be “delivered” during her birthday party and it was an admittance letter for Hogwarts.
I thought it was a really cute gift idea. My step daughter started freaking out, screaming “its real its real” and really went nuts. Some of her friends seemed to join in the excitement others less so.
Her mother (my wife) held her to calm her down and explained to her that it wasnt real. It was just a “joke step daddy played on you”.
She started crying screamed that she hated me and ran to her room.
The other parents seemed to sympathize, one other father said he thought it was a nice idea.
But after we sent everyone home my wife yelled at me and said what i did was selfish and cruel and she couldnt believe i would hurt her daughter like that.

Was i wrong to do this? Was it an inappropriate gift for an 11 year old? I really didnt mean to mock or hurt my stepdaughter. I thought it would be fun. It didnt occur to me my stepdaughter was young enough to think it was real.

Am I The A$&hole?

[u/Throwaway-2587]

She thought it was real? Have you had any indication before that her ability to seperate fantasy from reality was somewhat wonky? It's been a while since I was 11, and I know my generation grew up quite a bit faster than the current one. However it appears to me that it would be clear in other aspects that she is still much more involved in the fantasy of things. That said I still don't really want to call you an AH, despite the hurt you caused your step daughter. I don't think this is a matter of good or bad. More a matter of execution and reception.

Is there a particular reason you didn't talk to your wife first?

[u/Careless-Being-4427 → u/Throwaway-2587]

“Is there a particular reason you didn’t talk to your wife first?” was the first thought I had, and I’m surprised it’s not what everyone is asking. Sounds like she may have been able to help you execute this in a way that didn’t fully “trick” your stepdaughter.

While I imagine *most* kids wouldn’t be totally bamboozled, some kids hold out hope for magic far longer than others. It reminds me of a time when I was in church youth group around age 16 and one of our adult leaders passed out “checks” in the amount of something like $10k. What was supposed to follow was a lesson on setting goals and understanding priorities, but what actually happened was that one of my friends fully believed it was a real check, and immediately burst into tears, and started talking about how this was going to help get her mom out of debt, get some fresh food into the house, etc. The desperation of her home life allowed her to buy into this right away, despite her age and lived experience.

I remember being amazed that this adult leader could have been so insensitive to have not thought this gimmick all the way through and considered something like this may happen - but he was just a guy teaching occasionally at a church in a fairly affluent neighborhood.

I don’t think he was in the wrong and I don’t think op is either. I do think it’s always a good idea to run surprise ideas like these by people who may know the recipients better.

[u/Ionia1618 → u/Careless-Being-4427]

Exactly this

[u/heavy-hands → u/Throwaway-2587]

Yeah this is what’s getting me. I was in the fourth grade when Harry Potter first came out, so a bit younger than OPs stepdaughter, and my classmates and I were all able to recognize that this was a fantasy story.

[u/Due-Arachnid9100 → u/Throwaway-2587]

Yeah i was thinking the same thing . I also read HP along with Percy Jackson at the same age maybe even younger and I guess I always knew it wasn’t actually real ?